Not accepting new friends. Need to... vent? Im not angry.

firesoforion

Yeah, I feel like the more the merrier friends-wise, and don't really understand other thought processes on here or elsewhere. I haven't been particularly quick on friending people, and yet some have still unfriended me. Eh, it means that the people on and still on my friends list are the ones that I truly want there. I feel like there has been a sense of pride, recently, about having "exclusive" friends list (in general). There was so much criticism of people for having too many facebook friends (where it started), that people decided that they'd go the other way and make their friends list an exclusive club, which is way, way more pretentious than the "friend collecting." Who knows what's going on with other people, I try to ignore it and just move on (though refusing a friend request or unfriending are one of the few things that just bother me, period.).

LastMinuteMama

I saw some profiles here where I wanted to ask for their friendship, but it MUST come with a message. Message about what? About how great looking they are, fit or what am I going to tell them before I even got the chance to see what they are here for? Just looking for support, like everyone else, no big deal. Isn't this why you befriend someone here?

I have that, "send a message", because I'm curious about what we have in common or what made you wanna friend me...are you a runner, tough mudder, mom? I still have accepted requests regardless, I saw it on other profiles and thought it was a nice idea/ice breaker, if you will.

daffodilsoup

Not everyone subscribes to the "more the merrier" philosophy. There's no shortage of users on MFP - find other people to connect with.

shanolap

This another "debate" that I don't understand. Different people have different goals and purposes for this site. Why must people bad-mouth anyone who does it differently? I am not referring to the OP, she was venting. But rather than tell her not to take it personally, so many people jumped in with their comments about "those" people. They won't succeed, they're snobs, they're cliquish, they act like this is high school, they're douches. For the love of crud, people, grow up!

Agree 100%!

skinnybearlyndsay

Yeah, we all need support in this endeavor, but why does it bother you so much? You could probably find other just-as-good-if-not-better MFP pals here. It's not the end of the world and it doesn't hurt to try.

I prefer a small group of people (<100) that I am friends with on MFP. I do turn down friends requests if there is no message, no profile, no picture, our goals don't mesh, etc. I don't do it to feel more "self-important". I do it to build the best group for my personal support.

And, in a way, aren't we all being self-important in this journey? After all, isn't it about ourselves?

KarateGoddess

I don't accept very many friend requests because when I was on here before, I ended up friending a psycho and I ended up having to delete the account. This time around I am ONLY friends with the people I know aren't going to attempt to make my MFP life a living hell by talking friends into sending hate mail, and people who I've seen around who's comments and posts I like. That's it, that's all. Period. It's MY choice to decide who I want to be friends with. People don't have to like it.

How many times I gotta say sorry for that lmao

I've already told you, sorry means nothing. You must send gifts!

last time I sent you gift you mailed it back saying "No more creepy blow up dolls" I was trying to respect your wishes but if I can send gifts again mauahahahahaha:devil:

That's because I specifically told you, IN WRTITING (because that makes it official that my demands must be met) that the only acceptable gifts are edible, shiny, or battery operated! That was NONE of those things. :grumble:

Ok next blow up doll I send have a removelible "toy" better?

LMAO

Emmajool

I honestly don't think people are trying to be 'cliquish', I think people just want to be able to focus on and have time for the friends they have on MFP. This site is not just a casual site like facebook where people blog about everything and anything. For the most part, the people here are really trying and some really struggle with weight loss. It's nice to be able to actually keep up with your list of friends and be encouraging. I trim my friend list quite a bit, because I just feel like i can't keep up. If I see people who are not active, I have to cut them. I want to be a supportive friend, but I have a life outside of MFP, so I can't have super long lists of friends to chat with or i'll be on here too much.

I agree. I go onto the boards from time to time, but my friend's list consist of people I know and hang out with. We encourage one another and work out together. I hope you can find support through the boards. Hang in there.

Dtho5159

I add everyone lol

becoming_a_new_me

I accept friend requests, but only if there is a note telling me why they want to be friends. I have this as a memo on my profile, but you'd be surprised at how many requests I get without a message attached.

honeysprinkles

I didn't realize that people were so overwhelmed, not to mention so important, that they feel the need to declare they are not accepting friends.

Really... seriously??? This is a fitness website.. get over yourself.

And, OF COURSE, I will be your friend.

It was a lot easier keeping up with everyone and being supportive when I had a friends list of about 40 people. Now that I have more than 100 people on here, as awesome as all the support is, it would take me all day to keep up with everyone and comment like I used to so I get why people don't want to accept more friends. It's not personal at all.

LighteningLynn

This is all so immature. If you want to be friends....be friends - if you want to stay private....stay private. There are reasons for people to come and go in your life.....it happens to everyone all the time. The important thing is to share what and with whom we want and move on! As for me, I love having friends; they are so supportive in one way or another. So, anyone who wants to friend me--super--if you don't....that is your choice...and move on! :happy: Be happy....life is toooooo short!

UsedToBeHusky

Consider it a courtesy to you - by saying they're not accepting any new friends, they're essentially saying, "I admit that I would not be able to act as a support or motivator for you." There was a study recently that said most people can't keep track of more than like 100 'friends' .. it was a low number, that I do remember.. the point is, why would you even want to add someone if you knew they wouldn't offer you enough support?

There are something like two million members on MFP (maybe it's 200,000... I'm really terrible with numbers). Start posting in the forums frequently, sharing your ideas and views, and the friends will come to you. And they will be people that think and feel similarly to you, and will want to be active in your Steve Perry.

^^^This

KarateGoddess

This another "debate" that I don't understand. Different people have different goals and purposes for this site. Why must people bad-mouth anyone who does it differently? I am not referring to the OP, she was venting. But rather than tell her not to take it personally, so many people jumped in with their comments about "those" people. They won't succeed, they're snobs, they're cliquish, they act like this is high school, they're douches. For the love of crud, people, grow up!

Agree 100%!

I totally understand about the not wanting to friend everyone who sends a request. It's the not accepting subscribers. If you're going to blog that's what its all about. If the thought of having random people subscribe to your blog because they find your words inspiring freaks you out, don't blog!

habsfan802

I guess all this time and energy spent on a person that didn't want to be your friend or let you read there blogs sounds a bit stalkerish to me .... its there account they can do what they want ... I am here for me, to get better to get healthy I am not going to obsess over if a person wants to talk to me or not geesh move on find people that do want to encourage you and be your friend

IMYarnCraz33

I don't mind adding more ppl.... i agree the more the merrier. :happy:
I just ask for a note along with the friends request
i.e. are we doing same challenge/in same group; do we have similar interests/goals etc

and I do agree... it is a bit like high school--clique-ish.
to each their own I guess... but they're the ones missing out on new friendships.

habsfan802

I accept friend requests, but only if there is a note telling me why they want to be friends. I have this as a memo on my profile, but you'd be surprised at how many requests I get without a message attached.

I'd like to send you a request without one just to mess with you

CoryIda

LMAO!! I think we read the same blog and wanted to be friends with the same person and we both got disappointed ....

Now I want to read the blog!!!

I didn't even know people *could* disallow others to subscribe to their blog... why blog if you don't want people to read it???

That being said, I am still one of those "mean" not-adding-people-unless-they-really-really-really-really-really-need-me people.

parys1

Better to have no friends than hundreds of the sort who post 'WTG', 'Awesome burn', 'Wow, good going', 'Great job' and all the other token meaningless repetitive comments when you "burned 11 calories doing 5 minutes of "Walking the goldfish"" ;o)

I totally don't mind a 'WTG', 'Awesome burn', etc. :blushing: I just love acknowledgement and I understand some folks aren't 'wordsy' and/or are pressed for time. I try to post personal comments, but will often fall back into 'WTG' if I don't have time/inspiration.

LuckyLeprechaun

I accept friend requests, but only if there is a note telling me why they want to be friends. I have this as a memo on my profile, but you'd be surprised at how many requests I get without a message attached.

How dare you? Using MFP as you see fit? Being friends with the people you choose? I'm shocked and appalled that you would be so snobbish.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I'm just kidding, I do the exact same thing. If someone can't be bothered to type a single sentence into the box, to tell me why they are making the friend request, then I can't be bothered to hit "accept".

I'm not looking for a paragraph, just a little mention of why you wanted to click on me, so I can see what it is we have in common. Even if the message is something like "I saw your comment on the thread and it made me laugh", at least this gives me an idea that you're clicking because of a shared sense of humor. Or whatever.

WifeNMama

I'll be your friend :flowerforyou:

Up their butts with coconuts!

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Seriously though. Those poor coconuts. What'd they ever do to you?

darkrider42

I honestly don't think people are trying to be 'cliquish', I think people just want to be able to focus on and have time for the friends they have on MFP.

{Edited}

I want to be a supportive friend, but I have a life outside of MFP, so I can't have super long lists of friends to chat with or i'll be on here too much.

This. I've had to cut back on my interaction the last month or two, but I'm still* on here too much and I kinda really need to keep my job. It's not that I don't want, need or appreciate all the friends I can get...I just worry I'm not adequately ... <ahem> ... servicing the ones I already have.

twinmom430

Try not to take it personal, I know it sucks when you think you would connect with someone only to find out they don't want any more friends. I'm personally one of the people that feels the more the merrier, feel free to add me. ..but some people don't feel that way, and I can respect that. I like going through this struggle with people of all shapes, sizes and goals....that way I get perspective from all angles. With that being said, I will delete people if they don't log on for 2 weeks or more, make poor choices consistantly even when offered support. Or people that only log exercise and food diarys with no interaction. If you are my friend, I want to get to know more than just your food diary and I encourage and support as much as I can.

Contrarian

I have a private profile. I decline most friend requests. I am not a snob, nor do I think I'm incredibly awesome. My friends list is not a clique, and there are numerous people on this site with whom I am not friends, who I admire and respect. I'm shy and I'm private, and if I don't want to have a large friends list on a website, that is my business.

This is not directed at the OP, because she has made it clear that while it kind of sucks, she understands, but for those of you who are slagging the people who like to keep their friends lists small, I would suggest that you take a moment to understand that not everyone is like you. People have their own goals and their own boundaries. We are all free to use this site as we wish, and that's a wonderful thing.

People have their own reasons for doing things, and it is unfair of you to assume something negative about someone else, just because they are not doing things the way you would. Please try to remember that being judged unfairly on the basis of assumptions never feels good. I'm sure it has happened to you before. How did you like it?

Florawanda

I can understand your frustration, and that of others who have agreed with you. I'm relatively new to MFP, and remember feeling disappointed when someone whose blog I had read, and who seemed a nice person, had that on their website. But since I've been posting blogs everyday, and some of them have reached the popular page, I've had several friend requests, and accepted them all. But now I find just to keep up with the 50 or so friends I have, takes me at least a couple of hours a day or more, because I don't want just to put meaningless comments on, and I want to remember if someone has been in surgery, so can't exercise or whatever. If I can, I will look at their diaries, so I can make a sensible suggestion if one might be needed.

I'm not stuck-up,cliquey or pompous as some posters have suggested I am just because I have now put a note on my profile saying I cannot cope with any more friends at the moment! And it hurts me personally that some people have suggested I must be. It is just that I cannot afford the time to be a supportive friend to those I have already friended, and exercise and plan my food for the day, and do my job, and keep up with my real-life friends and family. I even posted a blog "I'm addicted to MFP..."

I would just love to add everyone on MFP as friends, but there just aren't enough hours in the day!

And if I do have a spare moment to come off my home page, I will go onto the message boards or my groups and am able to give some support to those asking for help there.

LighteningLynn

:flowerforyou:

MyFeistyEvolution

Not everyone subscribes to the "more the merrier" philosophy. There's no shortage of users on MFP - find other people to connect with.

This!

DiannaMoorer

I was dropped recently by someone and was kinda surprised. I log every day and sometimes make comments but not always. We even have a sport in common.

splashangel

Maybe you could ask them if they have a waiting list? Some kind of turn over policy.
I have seen that myself but didn't think much of it really. Looks like you got yourself a good support team now though. Go for your goals. And meet them. Even if you have to go it alone. Dig in and get it done. When you are a role model, accept everyone who needs a friend on their journey. Good luck to you.

darkrider42

I have a private profile. I decline most friend requests. I am not a snob, nor do I think I'm incredibly awesome. My friends list is not a clique, and there are numerous people on this site with whom I am not friends, who I admire and respect. I'm shy and I'm private, and if I don't want to have a large friends list on a website, that is my business.

This is not directed at the OP, because she has made it clear that while it kind of sucks, she understands, but for those of you who are slagging the people who like to keep their friends lists small, I would suggest that you take a moment to understand that not everyone is like you. People have their own goals and their own boundaries. We are all free to use this site as we wish, and that's a wonderful thing.

People have their own reasons for doing things, and it is unfair of you to assume something negative about someone else, just because they are not doing things the way you would. Please try to remember that being judged unfairly on the basis of assumptions never feels good. I'm sure it has happened to you before. How did you like it?

I've never agreed with anyone more. Well said.

Avalonis

I was dropped recently by someone and was kinda surprised. I log every day and sometimes make comments but not always. We even have a sport in common.

Hunt her down in real life and creep into her house. Then read all of her messages about people and see if she talked about you.

If that doesn't work, wait until she gets home then tie her up with duct tape and torture her until she tells you WHY.

I think thats the best option.