Can you handle having a CLINGY significant other?

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  • rahonda28
    rahonda28 Posts: 43
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    He is WAY TOO insecure of himself so controling you makes him feel better RUN NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN the longer you wait the worse it will be. Once he figures out he cant control you is when bad things start to happen. I hope you have a strong support system and a safe place to go. ask yourself is he stocking me is he having others watch my every move if your parents dont aprove of him really listen to the reasons why IF any of this is true get help dont do this alone
  • 2kidsandadonut
    2kidsandadonut Posts: 140 Member
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    My husband and I were like this and we have been together for 16 years now and we still do a sappy good night phrase we said every night.

    However, what may be clingy to one person may just be normal to another. I had a guy I dated that after 4 months we were on a double date with his sister and I wanted to hold his hand. The next day I asked about what his sister thought about me and he said she thought I was too clingy because I 'forced' him to hold my hand. WOW! I hung up on him and never spoke to him again. HOW'S THAT FOR CLINGY YOU SOB!!!!!
  • Tangerine302
    Tangerine302 Posts: 1,509 Member
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    I would say try to talk again. If you are as important as he thinks you are then he should listen to what you have to say. If you can't have a conversation with him now, it doesn't get any better the longer you are together. Let him know how it is making you feel. Tell him you appreciate him, but that you need a little space. Tell him that ff you don't get your space, things won't work out for sure. I don't think he would want to end it with you and he just might listen. Good luck to you!
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    noooooo way!
    Well, technically I married one. But that cutesy puppy stuff turned controlling. Be aware of that - insecurity and control issue warning signs.
  • PlunderBunneh
    PlunderBunneh Posts: 1,705 Member
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    I'm a happy participant in a co-dependent relationship. We're clingy and sappy. He needs to know where I am at all times. I use Google latitude on my phone, which we jokingly call Google Stalk, and it updates my gps location for him (and only him) throughout the day. The first time he called me to give me directions because he saw that I had taken a wrong turn was a bit creepy, but I'm used to it now. He's just the kind of person that is always imagining all of the horrible things that could have happened.
    Husband doesn't have control issues. I sure as heck do, but we have a happy thing going on here. I don't mind that he wants to know I'm safe.
    We constantly overuse the L word. And we are always touching in public. And although we do have busy days where things get too hectic, for the most part we keep conversation going on over IM all day.

    I think the biggest problem with your relationship is not his behavior, but your reaction to it. Not that it's bad, but rather that his relationship mode is obviously not meshing with yours. You function differently. If this is driving you nuts now, do you really think it will change?
  • Pams_Shadow
    Pams_Shadow Posts: 233 Member
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    I was with a guy like this for several years. Final straw was when he tried to sit on my lap because he was jealous of my niece and nephew sitting on my lap. Dropped him and never looked back. It wasn't a partnership the way a relationship should be, it was a parasitic relationship. He wasn't happy unless he was clinging to me 24/7. I felt like I couldn't breathe most of the time. He was smothering me slowly. I felt like I lost 50 pounds the day I dumped him.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,692 Member
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    Emphasis on CLINGY. I'm talking a boyfriend or girlfriend who:

    Overplay the phrase "I love you"
    Can't go an hour apart without letting you know that they miss you terribly.
    Saying you'll be together forever after 2 months.
    Wanting to talk on the phone every single night, without fail.
    HAVE to text you 24/7 (or during every waking second).
    Want to hang out every day.
    Cry (boys too!) whenever they think you're remotely upset.
    Say "Do you not love me anymore? Are you going to dump me?" during every argument.
    Make long texts/poems/notes/letters/wall posts/messages describing their infinite love for you on a daily basis.
    Can't be near you without holding/touching you in some way, shape, or form.
    etc. etc.

    Note: All of the above describe my boyfriend of 4 months. These were just the ones that came to the top of my head instantly, there's plenty more but this is the jist. I feel suffocated and I need to know-am I crazy for feeling discontent by all this affection or am I a lucky girl to have a boyfriend so sensitive and considerate? How do you guys handle this? Turn on or turn off?
    It's fine for a month or two, but IMO that kind of clinginess may be the result of an insecure person. I personally I couldn't be with someone who's insecure about themselves. Just my opinion.


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  • onequirkygirl
    onequirkygirl Posts: 303 Member
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    I'd shoot myself or them. Not sure which.
  • michelleion
    michelleion Posts: 122 Member
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    NO NO NO!!! I am an introvert to the core, and I hate when people try to smother me. That is why I am only compatible with other introverts because I need a lot of alone time, quietness and personal space. I seriously don't need to see my SO, family, or most people every day to function.

    This is also me to a tee, I have a very limited amount of time I can be sociable with others and go crazy if I'm around anybody for too long. I NEED my own time and space, and a lot of it. So someone clingy like this definitely wouldn't cut it for me!
  • BeautifulRedButterfly
    BeautifulRedButterfly Posts: 316 Member
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    I LOVED it when my fiance used to be clingy/overprotective/jealous. It showed me that he cared. I never had that happen to me before, so of course it was nice!!

    But then, after a while, it got WAYYY out of hand where he wouldnt even let me see my girlfriends because he thought there would be guys there...seriously? D: There were ALOT of other things too, but i dont wanna go into details :P

    get out of the relationship...IT WILL GET SO MUCH WORSE!!
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    I couldn't put it with it, no way.

    If they miss me after being out of the house for a couple of hours they clearly they are too dull to keep themselves entertained.

    If I'm so important to them, then they need to get some other hobbies.
  • burg1801
    burg1801 Posts: 124
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    Yeah, my significant other started out like that but she's mellowed out quite a bit. I don't mind it personally. Kinda flattering.
  • michelleion
    michelleion Posts: 122 Member
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    If they miss me after being out of the house for a couple of hours they clearly they are too dull to keep themselves entertained.

    Love this XD
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    He has codependent behaviors. Not good. I agree with the others, run, run fast and far.

    THIS!!! Codependency is no fun. And if you're putting up with it, well something's going on in you.
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,287 Member
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  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
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    I would be cleaning the blood stains off of my baseball bat for weeks. Yuck.

    Tell him to back off some. If he doesn't, then end it.
  • teagin2002
    teagin2002 Posts: 1,901 Member
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    I have been married for 4 years now and mine acts like this all combined from time to time and I will tell you it is annoying as hell!!
    He didn't act this way while we were dating, nor for the first year or two. He started this about a year ago, if he is acting this way now, then how is he going to act later on when he feels insecure because you are working out with a guy or something?
    You make your own decisions luv, and I will tell you it is very hard to put up with on the long term. Men who act this way are like children and it is difficult to look at them with love, admiration and respect. Especially when they make a big deal out of little stuff that just doesn't matter and not in a good way.

    Good luck sweetie and remember there are plenty of fish in the sea :wink:
  • CalJur
    CalJur Posts: 627 Member
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    hell to the nah.
  • theoneandonlybrookie
    theoneandonlybrookie Posts: 341 Member
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    Well, no, that sounds miserable. That's a tough situation for sure!

    If you really love him, tell him specific ways that he needs to back off. I emphasize being specific. Just saying, "Stop being so clingy" isn't enough.

    However, don't stay with anybody just because his heart will shatter if you leave him. That's a recipe for unhappiness for both of you. If you don't love the guy, don't stay with him out of pity. Let him go and find someone who will love him back.

    Good luck!
  • Secret_Agent_007
    Secret_Agent_007 Posts: 1,082
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    Gawd no! That would drive me effin insane. I'm not even a big fan of holding hands for longer than 2 mins. RUN! Use this as an excuse to get some serious cardio going.

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