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    hooking up on first date??

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    • Posts: 353 Member
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      ^^this



      HAHA yep this is dead on ^^^^^
    • Posts: 1,222 Member
      Why do multiple people keep saying that, "there's nothing wrong with it if the feeling is mutual". Yeah, we know that, if it's mutual, it's sex. If it's not, it's date rape.

      Because there is a sliding scale between someone who consents to the point of instigating and consenting even though they don't really want to.
    • Posts: 997 Member
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      Depends on how tired you are.

      lmfao
    • Posts: 673 Member
      Don't do it!
    • Posts: 1,679
      Why do multiple people keep saying that, "there's nothing wrong with it if the feeling is mutual". Yeah, we know that, if it's mutual, it's sex. If it's not, it's date rape.

      Its more about not demonizing people who don't require a long-term, committed relationship in order to have sex. Too often a guy is labeled a jerk if he's looking for something that differs from what the female wants (ie. sex over commitment). So its not an issue of finding a guy who isn't a jerk per se, its about finding a guy who you are compatible with.
    • Posts: 1,629 Member
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      Depends on how tired you are.

      I woulndt allow it lol
    • Posts: 1,111 Member
      ... Remember there are really only two men : the one who takes you seriously and wants to sleep with you and the one who doesn't take you seriously and wants to sleep with you....

      I like this.
    • Posts: 16,414 Member
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      I woulndt allow it lol

      Well, then, you're just going to have to be on top.
    • Posts: 1,111 Member
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      I think it's more the terminology - ie to sack someone is like YOU did something to them.

      Where as to say WE had sex is a different thing.

      Very astute! I like this, too.

      Does no one else say bonin'? That's my go-to word.
    • Posts: 761 Member
      I do not see not having sex on a first date as holding my Va-J as hostage or using it as a weapon to get what I want. I see it as being picky. Not any man get the right to ride this ride.

      Love how people twist words... having sex on the first date with one person does not mean you do it every time.. or in your words "let every guy ride this ride". I dont fault any woman for getting what she desires.

      I will agree to disagree. I do think people are entitled to their own opinions.

      I like to keep sex uncomplicated.. it is what it is. Sex does not equal love for me.
    • Posts: 2,132 Member
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      Very astute! I like this, too.

      Does no one else say bonin'? That's my go-to word.
      I prefer "hump".
    • Posts: 16,414 Member
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      Because there is a sliding scale between someone who consents to the point of instigating and consenting even though they don't really want to.

      Yes! I was going to post something similar, but was having a tough time putting it into words.

      But, yes, there is a sliding scale between both being on the same page and date rape.

      As I said way back in the beginning, a guy trying for sex and a guy PUSHING for sex are two different things. If he easily backs off when you say no, that's a good sign. Some of them don't.
    • Posts: 2,083 Member
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      I prefer "hump".

      Whatever happened to the term "bump uglies"?
    • Posts: 2,132 Member
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      Whatever happened to the term "bump uglies"?
      I just used that phrase in a previous post!
    • Posts: 20 Member
      I would say he's in it for the sex. But it depends on how long they have known each other. I mean, if they talk quite frequently before they met, and they were getting to know each other a lot, then yeah, the sex might be alright as long as the relationship wasn't based uprmarily on sex.


      I agree with this one. If you have sex with someone on the first date, it doesn't necessarily have to be all about sex. I tried to instill a "10 date rule" saying if they made it to 10 dates I might have sex with them. Well I was never having sex because I never let anyone get to 10 dates (turned out to be losers by 3rd date). My current boyfriend I had known him but we hadn't hung out but once. After 2 weeks of texting we finally went on a date to where he ended up staying the night....he has turned out to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me. However, my ex husband had to wait two months for a first kiss and we were only married a year before I caught him cheating on me. I think that no matter what if its the person, its the person and sleeping with them or not is not going to change it.
    • Posts: 866 Member
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      Love how people twist words... having sex on the first date with one person does not mean you do it every time.. or in your words "let every guy ride this ride". I dont fault any woman for getting what she desires.

      I will agree to disagree. I do think people are entitled to their own opinions.

      I like to keep sex uncomplicated.. it is what it is. Sex does not equal love for me.

      I agree...I think people can do what they choose. But just because a girl does not want to have sex on the first date does not mean she is doing so to get a better reward or depriving herself or holding herself hostage.

      I was defending the women that have a different opinion about sex. That those of us that choose to wait a little longer are not prudes, we actually enjoy sex, and we are not using sex to hurt others...we just choose to make sure that we are ready for it. And you are right, sex does not equal love!!

      But sex is complicated. If someone can get pregnant from sex or catch a life long disease from sex...it is complicated....so I would choose to think this decision out a little more. But again, I did admit, I am a little old fashion.
    • Posts: 761 Member
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      Apparently you've never been in a relationship with a person on her period and with a sore throat.

      LMFAO!!
    • Posts: 55
      If he tries for sex on the first date, no big deal. If he tried for anal, that's just rude. Anal should be reserved for the 3rd date.


      Agreed! Hahaha
    • Posts: 1,623 Member
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      Agree i find when you give it all up the first night what is there to look forward too. Unless he sees his life with you that fast he will move on and you got played.

      I don't get this "sex as a gift" thing. I'm not bestowing my vagina to someone as a present, complete with a card and a bow, I'm getting my own fun out of sex.
    • Posts: 239 Member
      Everyone is different, hard to say what someone is really after.


      I met this guy online, we chatted for a couple of weeks.
      When we decided to meet in person we planned it out as a 3 day event.
      Spent most of the 3 days in bed.
      Moved in together maybe 3 months later..... 9 months after that we got married.
      December was our 9 yr wedding anniversary.
    • Posts: 2,096 Member
      So what y'all are saying is that I should try to sack the chick on the first date? I don't think I could do that! Feels so cheap.

      More like frugal rather than cheap.
    • Posts: 597 Member
      My hubby and I have talked about this several times. He was a little, um, wild back in the day. I wasn't. When we met, I laid it all out on the line. Told him it wasn't going to happen and if that's all he was interested in, there were many other girls at that party, he could talk to them. 6 years later, we are married with a child, and happy. He has told me that if we had had sex that night, there wouldn't have been a relationship to follow, and that he was glad that it didn't happen because he found out that I was a girl who wasn't going to give into him and go against what I had originally told him. It made him put things into perspective.

      But, that isn't necessarily how it is for all guys/girls. Basically, you just have to figure out if that the kind of guy you want to be with or if you want to take things more slowly.
    • Posts: 1,340 Member
      Depends on how well the date went. If I still like the guy after a date. A real date. Then, yeah. I feel like sexual compatibility is JUST as important as anything else. If we hook up and I am just not feeling it, or he isnt, then it will probably not work. It may for a few months, maybe even a year. But good sex is paramount in any relationship I am going to be in. Dating is just an interview for the future. If I don't like you in the interview, you are not the right person for the job.
    • Posts: 4,404 Member
      If he tries and if he succeeds are two different issues. He controls the first, you control the second (at least in your scenario).
    • Posts: 2,083 Member
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      I don't get this "sex as a gift" thing. I'm not bestowing my vagina to someone as a present, complete with a card and a bow, I'm getting my own fun out of sex.

      This is where it begins.

      If this relationship magically holds up into marriage then you can use sex as a weapon and hold out whenever you dont' get your way. I heard this really helps in marriage and makes for a long lasting and happy one.
    • Posts: 16
      My hubby and I have talked about this several times. He was a little, um, wild back in the day. I wasn't. When we met, I laid it all out on the line. Told him it wasn't going to happen and if that's all he was interested in, there were many other girls at that party, he could talk to them. 6 years later, we are married with a child, and happy. He has told me that if we had had sex that night, there wouldn't have been a relationship to follow, and that he was glad that it didn't happen because he found out that I was a girl who wasn't going to give into him and go against what I had originally told him. It made him put things into perspective.

      But, that isn't necessarily how it is for all guys/girls. Basically, you just have to figure out if that the kind of guy you want to be with or if you want to take things more slowly.

      Good example. I was married for many years, single for quite a few, and recently married again. I think the only right answer to this question is that you have to communicate about what you both want, and be familiar with your own preconceived notions. There are a lot of insecure jealous people out there and not all of them are big enough to recognize it in themselves. Many guys will try to sleep with a woman (as well, many women will try to sleep with a man; sex is enjoyable for both parties) and if they succeed, right away start to wonder, "whoa, we just met ... if she did this so quickly with me, is she doing it this often and this quickly with other people?" Or substitute "he" there in the thought process. Generally, most people, when choosing a partner, want little pressure to move forward quickly. Even if it's just intended to be casual, studies have shown that in many brains (especially women's), sex releases chemicals that cause an emotional connection to form. Many people feel they are more "invested" in someone after sex than before. They might become more controlling or think that they know more about their partner than they do.

      If both people are aware that sex can result in pregnancy, STD or a mixup in what it means to the other person and both are prepared to deal with it, then go for it. But I don't think that any person, male or female, looking for an honest, longterm connection to another human being can reasonably expect it to start off well by having sex instantly upon meeting. I'm not saying it doesn't sometimes work out that way, but generally, it doesn't build trust and it doesn't give both parties an easy exit route should it not be what they end up wanting. That said, I also don't think arbitrary rules like, "five dates" are anything but one-sided hoops to make someone else jump through. If you're not comfortable with honestly talking about what you both want short-term and long-term, your past experiences and your prejudices, then it's probably a good idea to hold off sex until you are.
    • Posts: 5,263 Member
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      A relationship that starts by denial of sex makes sex the target, surely?

      That isn't to say that you should have sex if you don't want to, but if you want to but feel you 'shouldn't' then I'd say it is making sex the focus of the relationship.

      I'm assuming the guy tried, got knocked back and accepted it and didn't force himself upon her.

      What is wrong with that? Just because his rules are different to hers is not a reason to dismiss someone.

      What if someone thinks that people should wait til the 6th date before they can kiss. On date 2 the guy goes in for a kiss. Should he be rejected for trying?

      All good points. Also, basing any relationship on all these rules and requirements is going to set up for failure.. maybe not right away but eventually someone is going to be giving more than getting and it will get old.

      I think that's why my relationship is so great. We have no silly rules or expectations, we play things by ear and we are extremely easy going. Our realtionship is effortless..going on 8 months and not a single argument yet. :love:
    • Posts: 5,860 Member
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      More like frugal rather than cheap.

      This is one reason why I like you, Timmay!
    • Posts: 1,340 Member
      It depends on how you look at sex. For some people, sex is just sex. It isnt something to have hangups about. I am able to detatch emotions from sex. Making love is different and not at all in the same category and has higher emotional ties, but needs to be occassionally, rather than my preferred "swingin from the rafters" sex. I enjoy sex. I am a little high maintenance about sex. I like it often. I can be with a person (very carefully to prevent health issues) and not care one bit who he chooses to be with. If I am dating a man, though, I will only have sex with him and expect the same respect. When I started seeing my boyfriend, I let him know early on that I was borderline freak, I enjoy sex, a lot of it, never feel that "holding out" is acceptable, because it punishes ME. I also let him know that I am picky about WHO I have sex with. (I have only been with 5 men counting him) And he should be proud to be in that group. But we had only hung out for a couple weeks before we started having sex. We did THAT before we were actually "dating". He knows that I am a lady in the courtyard and a porn star when you shut the door. He is extremely respectful of me. We have been together for nearly 2 years now, and he is the best lover I have ever had, a really great boyfriend, and I would not change a thing about how we started.
    • Posts: 9,307 Member
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      This is where it begins.

      If this relationship magically holds up into marriage then you can use sex as a weapon and hold out whenever you dont' get your way. I heard this really helps in marriage and makes for a long lasting and happy one.

      :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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