I'm not attracted to my boyfriend but I can't leave him :-(

BlueInkDot

Sex isn't everything. A person who is always there for you is pretty hard to find. I'd rather have a partner who's my best friend than just a f*** buddy. Good luck deciding what to do.

x__abbi__x

Oh babes I am in the same boat.
Ive been with my partner only 6months though.
I dont find him physically attractive, he wears tracksuit bottoms and horrid tops (bright yellow, looks like something a cat sicked up) and he has horrible oral hygine. Hes immature (hes only 20) and hes so f**king spoilt (he gets £40 pocket money a week off his nan and dad!!)
He is also very lazy, wont look for jobs and while i'm exercising he will eat whole bars of choc in front of me (the big bars not little ones)

Ive tried to be nice and drop hints (we havent been intimate for weeks because of it and the last time we were was because he had annoyed me so much I did it to shut him up)
I have now given him a choice, he can move back home (300miles away) and carry on the way he is or he can stay here and sort it out. Hes got until end of July to change or hes out.

I suggest you talk to your OH, that way at least he will know how you feel
Good luck babes xx

Jennaannwatts

Firstly i'm sorry you feel that way. its hard really hard!! but at the end of the day you have to put yourself first and make YOU HAPPY.

You can carry on with the relationship but in time you will get agitated even more and fall apart in the worst way ever!

Honestly as hard as it will be you need to sit him down and tell him your feelings... try to remain friends.

Good luck xxx

HeidiMightyRawr

Don't put up with it just to please him. It will benefit both you and him in the long run if you do what makes you happy. It's unfair on him to deny him a chance to be with someone who really loves him, just because you're afraid.

If you're really determined to make it work, maybe you could try counselling? I mean, none of you has done anything to warrant a dislike of the other person, it just sounds like you've grown apart. If it's meant to be, counselling may help you to both open up more about the situation and repair some damage. If that doesn't help, then maybe that's a sign to just go your separate ways.

jjscholar

The only thing that I can say is that it is up to you...

This subject makes me so glad that I do not have a steady girlfriend so to speak.

This subject reminds me of a 1980's era song entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It."

vickieross

I'm curious, how old are you?

sktllmdrhmz

you should probably go in on a mortgage together, get married, and have a few kids.

LMAO

cior

If you have enough respect for him as a person, you will tell him how you feel. Plain and simple.

Jade17694

It sounds like you settled because you may have felt like you wouldn't ever have a chance to fall in love or even worse, that someone would want to fall in love w/you. I don't think it's fair to your friend and you need to just break up now vs. later. He'll be fine and fortunately, he'll be able to experience real love...not one-sided.

This.
No point stringing him along (sorry but that is how i am seeing it) break up with him, explain the way you feel and let him move on to find someone else who loves the way he looks as well his personality. (and you do the same obviously).

I may be wrong but i think you've stuck it out with him this long because he's a security blanket - as long you've got him you have someone to rely on, who'll come running, who'll give you what you want. Seems as though you fear rejection from people - as long as you have him around you haven't needed to worry right?

If you stay with him you'll end up regretting it for the rest of your life when you're married with kids. Take action before it's too late

Good luck x

Nopedotjpeg

Give him one last night of nookie, then break the news to him.

secretgirl4611

Seriously sounds a lil shallow to me, and he sounds so super sweet lots of GIRLS would want a guy like him.. if his personality rocks I say stick thru it.. I MEAN COME ON ITS "LOOKS" FOR CRYING OUT LOUD AND SERIOUSLY LOOKS ARE EASILY CHANGED EVEN WITHOUT A TON OF $$$ You can always try and get him to change style or try new looks.. Idk workout get a great sexy body or some kind of eye candy to look at...If he has hairy brows just wax em, most guys like em clean ne way... if he needs to shave get it done.. u kno really is HE THAT F-U-C-K-I-N UGLY TO YOU??!!!?? AND IF THE ANSWER TO THAT IS YES THEN I GUESS "QUIT" STRINGING HIM ALONG! Um also so hes not so freakin clingly cuz he sounds to be that type have an open relationship or sumthing. he may go for it. **** get him some more experience! Usually, that will stop a clingy guy from being so damn clingy... JUST SAYIN...

Lift_This_

you have ONE life. at the end of it, will you be happy you short changed yourself? and you short changed him by not allowing him to find someone who really will love him emotionally and physically?

WELL SAID!

Best answer thus far

_Bob_

I would say leave him so he can find someone that is more deserving of what he has to offer.

if you're not attracted to him let him know even though it will hurt him a lot. It happened to me and although I was crushed, later I was grateful and it allowed me to see her for who she was and move on.

you owe him that much, there's always someone better.

sorry if that came off as super rude, the sting of it is still a little fresh for me.

I'm sure your hurting and this is hard for you.

TourThePast

I was never initially physically attracted to him, but I've grown to love his personality and the way he is.

Have you ever been physically attracted to him? If so, try and look back to those times, and also take a step back and try and remember what it was that attracted you to him in the first place.

But if you've never been physically attracted to him, and you're now fantasising about other men... Well given human nature, and not wanting to be insulting, but it's quite possibly only a matter of time until your desires get the better of you and you either leave him for someone else, or worse that you have an affair.

Do ask yourself very seriously if that is likely, and if it is, do him a favour and let him start rebuilding his life without you.

I'm curious, how old are you?

Profile says 24.

Irrelevant though, I know both mature experienced people in their late teens and immature clueless 50 year olds.

TrophyWifeSass

Set him free. Poor guy.

Unbelievable that you are asking strangers on the interwebz.

sktllmdrhmz

Everybody keeps saying you're doing this guy a disservice...to hell with that. Don't let YOUR life be run by HIS needs.

lawmama_

Attraction is unlikely to increase with time, after it has already decreased. I guess it's time to tell him the truth.

Yes.

Just break it off now. It's not going to improve, don't lie to yourself.

MB_Positif

You've gotten some decent advice so far. I've been in your situation. I am SO glad I moved on because it allowed me to meet my husband who I am still married to almost 7 years later and still attracted to. Disregard what he says about never trusting again...my ex said the same thing and is now super happy and engaged. In all honestly I would hate to see you end up marrying him and then having to deal with the difficulties of divorce later on.

iam_thatdude

you have ONE life. at the end of it, will you be happy you short changed yourself? and you short changed him by not allowing him to find someone who really will love him emotionally and physically?

WELL SAID!

this

ryansgram

I think attraction naturally decreases with time, but that it's also easy enough to ramp the attraction levels back up again. Perhaps think about ways of spicing things up again, before throwing in the towel. If you fear you'll regret ending things, frankly you probably will. It sounds like you have a very loving, affectionate relationship. You're very lucky. If the attraction was there before (and it doesn't have to always be plain physical attraction), it can certainly be rekindled.

I agree with this.

docturtle

I was in your shoes years ago, except that I was attracted to him in the beginning...then over the course of 3 years, I became so annoyed by him, but obligated to be with him because he treated me like gold and told me he would hate me if things went awry. I found myself making excuses not to spend time with him and even tried to get him to break up with me by dropping hints that I wasn't happy, but he called me on it by saying 'If you're acting this way so I'll break up with you, it's not going to work, that will never happen.' So I finally had a talk with him and tried to break it off and he cried like a baby and begged me not to leave him and it broke my heart so I stayed. After that, he tried extra hard to please me and became even more annoying until 3 months later when he felt so much like he couldn't win, he finally said that if I wanted to break up that was fine and he wouldn't cry like a baby this time, he would let me go but he would hate me for leaving him, and he asked me if I wanted to break up and I said yes. He said he 'hated me for dragging him through the mud,' but he brought me home and asked me for a good-bye kiss, but I didn't want to kiss him anymore, so I just gave him a hug and went to cry on my Mom's shoulder. It was what I wanted, but it had become such a weight that was lifted and so much stress built up, I just had to let it out. We've both moved on and married other people and guess what, now we are friends and we just happen to live on the same street, on the same side of the road, with just 2 houses between us. He is now divorced with 2 kids, and my husband and I are married 15 years with no kids because we are happy with our dogs. My ex has a girlfriend and he's happy, and I know that if we had gotten married like he had planned, we would be divorced. If you can't take it now, I don't think it will change, so you need to make the change before it's too late. I believe "everything will be okay in the end...if it's not okay, it's not the end."

TourThePast

Set him free. Poor guy.

Unbelievable that you are asking strangers on the interwebz.

Unbelievable? Really?

Asking strangers and then blindly doing what they say, that would be dumb (but still believable LOL), but we've no reason to assume that's what she's going to go.

Being in that situation is tough, it takes a lot of courage to break someone's heart, especially if they're essentially a good person who deserves to be loved.

I think that if the OP feels that she needs to leave him, starting a thread like this will make it easier for her.

Jules2Be

you both deserve people who make your toes curl... youll regret settling and he will resent the dishonesty.

bluefox9er

Perhaps it's time for you to tell him he deserves so , so much better than you ( which, clearly he does), and let him go. Then, when you meet another guy that drops you for being too " nice", I only wish I could join him in giving you a middle finger when you go crawling back. It's a mystery to me why guys settle for any old woman.... Your boyfriend deserves more.

Pohudet

Whydont you talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you are attracted to other men but cannot leave him because you do not want to break his heart. Ask him maybe he would agree to you seeing other men occasionally but still remain his girlfriend. If he says yes, you will have the best of both words!

ZugTheMegasaurus

See the thing with women is they have a hormone in them, that switches over to the female side, they start to like women and not men anymore, but still stick around, i think that's the issue.

I am absolutely baffled as to what this statement is meant to convey...

McKayMachina

What would you want him to do if roles were reversed? Stay with you and secretly resent his situation, feeling like he is settling? Or have the guts and respect for you to part ways, allowing you both to live authentically happy lives?

I think you can tell what my vote is.

Good luck to you BOTH!

sktllmdrhmz

Why does everybody keep *****ing at the OP? This guy is so great because he's nice to her? Just sounds like a clingy, kiss-*kitten* sycophant to me.

AshCakes88

I've been contemplating about this for a while, and I feel I need a more individual response to my problem.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time. He loves me more than anything in the world, does literally everything for me, always there for me, if I have a problem he will drop everything he's doing and come see me, always helping me out and giving me money if I need it, and is always patient enough to put up with my paranoia and insecurities - he is honestly the epitome of a perfect boyfriend, and makes me feel like the happiest girl in the world.

I was never initially physically attracted to him, but I've grown to love his personality and the way he is. But recently whenever we are together, I just find him annoying, I don't want him holding me, and I feel like it's an obligation to kiss him, not a desire. And I just keep thinking about other males that I'm attracted to - which is not something a girlfriend should be doing.

I feel so bad about this, but I just can't leave him. He has never loved another girl before, and has even planned out our future together. Certain times he reminds me that if we ever broke up, he would just become a heartless cold person and could never trust another female again, because he honestly feels we should be together for the rest of our lives.

I just don't have the heart to break up with him. It would absolutely destroy him, he thinks the world of me. I love him, but I just don't feel the way one should, towards their partner. And if I'm constantly thinking about other guys. I know if we broke up, I would regret it, and become jealous if he found another girl - but I just feel like I should be with someone who I'm passionate about.

Should I just put up with him, and hope that this phase passes away?

Although you found him unattractive, what made you decide that he was worth being with?

meerkat70

See the thing with women is they have a hormone in them, that switches over to the female side, they start to like women and not men anymore, but still stick around, i think that's the issue.

I am absolutely baffled as to what this statement is meant to convey...

I presumed this was some kind of traumatic personal experience...