I'm not attracted to my boyfriend but I can't leave him :-(
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you need to do whats right for you. when someone asks you what do you want, and the first thing that pops into your head without thinking about it is probably what you want. if your not happy then change it. I was in a similar situation..and it came down to my happiness....and if your really not sure if your going to miss him or not, take a break..if your happier without him youve got your answer.
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Read everything you wrote and imagine it were him doing the writing about YOU. If he wrote this about you, would you want to stay with him?0
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So you think staying with him even though you don;t love him anymore & while your thinking of other guys is better? If you even care about him at all you should be considerate enough to be honest with him so you both can move on and stop wasting time in a relationship that where the love is not mutual. I know it's hard, but just be honest, it's better than pretending.0
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In nearly every relationship, one person loves the other a lot more...until you find the right one. Then you can't tell who loves who more because you're both so crazy about each other.
If you think its just a rough patch and you still want to be with him, stay. Everyone has hard times.
If you think you just really don't care about him enough, go. It takes a lot of thinking to decide. Once it took me 6 months of thinking to decide to leave someone.0 -
If you guys been together for a long time it could just be a phase if you're spending alot of time together. Maybe cut back on the time you guys spend together to reflect how you feel. If you still feel annoyed by him then its best to leave for him and yourself. If your only reason why you feel you can't leave him is because how he feels and has nothing to do with you not able to leave him because you love him then its also best to leave.0
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This thread merely reinforces my philosophy that nice guys finish last,0
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wow.....i thought i was the only one going through this feeling...
nice to know there are more ppl that are in my shoes....
My bf is the best bf in the world....everyone is sooo jealous of what i have, but again i keep thinking about other men, i dont know why...
and yea i would regret also if i let him go...and get jealous....
what i decided to do...is still be with him....i do think its just a phase.....even though sometimes my heart doesn't think so, there are only a few...i repeat ...a FEW good guys out there that are really genuine to their women...and if you have that....i would keep it....
when i think about the other guys......and think about pursuing a relationship with them...its too big of a gamble...my bf (and yours too) they are very very good to us...and to loose that but not gain the same somewhere else is really depressing...and i cant live knowing i lost something so precious which not every woman gets....
we are lucky we have someone like this....
i feel like you should put up with him......and hope that the phase does pass away (thats what im doing)
now if it doesnt then you need to really sit down and think about what you want to do....take gamble.....and be okay if you loose....or play safe
good luck girlie0 -
This thread merely reinforces my philosophy that nice guys finish last,
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I feel so bad about this, but I just can't leave him. He has never loved another girl before, and has even planned out our future together. Certain times he reminds me that if we ever broke up, he would just become a heartless cold person and could never trust another female again, because he honestly feels we should be together for the rest of our lives.
Er...
Emotionally manipulative/abusive isn't what I, personally, would call the "epitome of a perfect boyfriend".
The first time he ever said anything to you about how he would become a heartless person if you broke up and that you're destined to be together forever should have been a big ol' red flag to RUN.0 -
Love is a decision, NOT a feeling...you either choose to love someone or you don't. Plain & simple - we are to love for the personality and not for passion as it too will pass.
I like that statement.
I think that love is a choice that should not be based on sexual attraction because that can change and fade.
Love someone for their good qualities and base it on a solid friendship of mutual trust and morals. That is stronger than sexual attraction which is fickle. Stay true to the one that is true to you and honest.
I also think it's possible to develop attraction to someone who is your best friend even if you don't have those initial feelings.
However, in your case, I do detect a strong possessive streak in your boyfriend that isn't healthy in a relationship.
I wish you luck in your decision.0 -
Leave him so he can be happy with someone that will find him physically attractive. He sounds too sweet to be left in the dark like this. If he does find someone else please try to be happy for him and move on with your life with or without someone else.0
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Stringing him along is worse. If he is such a great guy, he deserves to find someone who feels attracted and in love with him. In the end you're being selfish because you would feel bad for hurting him, well, you're hurting him either way.
Agreed...leave before you cheat on him or hurt him. He sounds like a GREAT guy.....maybe the reason you aren't attracted
is because you have a hard time with commitment. I know this is the case with my step-sister right now. Has a wonderful guy...and she just postponed the engagement because she is freaking out and overwhelmed. She also isn't 100% attracted at time and is "annoyed" by his being nice, kind and sweet. I don't know what else to say except maybe you need some therapy.
I don't know you...but I hope that you know you do deserve someone who treats you wonderful...and I hope that you learn cherish that and don't take it for granted.0 -
I'm gonna be a ***** here.
He deserves better. Leave him so he can go find it.0 -
I've been contemplating about this for a while, and I feel I need a more individual response to my problem.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time. He loves me more than anything in the world, does literally everything for me, always there for me, if I have a problem he will drop everything he's doing and come see me, always helping me out and giving me money if I need it, and is always patient enough to put up with my paranoia and insecurities - he is honestly the epitome of a perfect boyfriend, and makes me feel like the happiest girl in the world.
I was never initially physically attracted to him, but I've grown to love his personality and the way he is. But recently whenever we are together, I just find him annoying, I don't want him holding me, and I feel like it's an obligation to kiss him, not a desire. And I just keep thinking about other males that I'm attracted to - which is not something a girlfriend should be doing.
I feel so bad about this, but I just can't leave him. He has never loved another girl before, and has even planned out our future together. Certain times he reminds me that if we ever broke up, he would just become a heartless cold person and could never trust another female again, because he honestly feels we should be together for the rest of our lives.
I just don't have the heart to break up with him. It would absolutely destroy him, he thinks the world of me. I love him, but I just don't feel the way one should, towards their partner. And if I'm constantly thinking about other guys. I know if we broke up, I would regret it, and become jealous if he found another girl - but I just feel like I should be with someone who I'm passionate about.
Should I just put up with him, and hope that this phase passes away?
That is the problem with sleeping with your BF. Bonding takes place. And you stick with it because of the bond, and not because you decided that you wanted to live the rest of your life with this person, and decided to marry. Now, if you leave, he gets badly hurt.
The problem with living together is that you are practicing a lack of commitment, in case something better comes along, and the couple ends up using each other, or maybe one of them uses the other. That is why living together is a really bad thing to do over the long run.
My question to you is: what are you looking for?
Some version of romance fiction? A bodice buster? Cheap passion? Hot sex and heartache? Or a good man who will be a good husband and a great father to your children?
If you loved your man, you would be ready for a little self-sacrifice, instead of peeking over his shoulder and trying to see if the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence. In any good marriage, desire waxes, wanes, and grows strong again. Love is not about feelings, but about commitment. You work at that, and everything else falls into place, including the desire.0 -
its because he's treating you too good, giving you everything and doing everything for you, he seems like a wet rag that needs to man up and start making you earn the right to be with him, then you would appreciate him,0
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I was thinking the same thing. Is it so rare that someone isn't a complete jerk to their SO that anyone who's slightly nice is the cream of the crop? It seems to me that there are some serious issues that need to be worked out in that relationship, regardless of whether the guy acts like a decent human being most of the time. Treating someone nicely is a prerequisite for a relationship, not a reason to stay in one.
Exactly!
no that's not true women like the mean guys, if you're nice to a girl she will cheat on you. If women don't agree with this it's because they have had other lovers.
As I said, traumatic personal experience....0 -
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All I have to contribute to this is that love goes much deeper than the physical aspect of attraction.0
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As a man myself, I will say you are not doing him any favors by being his "pity" girlfriend. Not trying to be harsh, but as an adult you need to be up front with him and move on. While there is nothing wrong with "who" or "what" you are attracted to, there is DEFINITELY something wrong with you stringing another individual along, especially when they care for you so much.
Take this advice (ANY advice for that fact) with a grain of salt, but I will promise you this: If you continue with false feelings it will eventually come out and in a worse way than you can imagine.
Think about it, would you want to be with someone when they personally don't appreciate you? Of course not.
By the way, the comment about 'you know you will regret leaving him if he found someone else' (paraphrasing), that is "None of your business!" If you let him go, he's allowed to be his own person and do whatever he wants. It sounds to me that you want to have your cake and eat it too. You are fine with him showering you with attention, paying your bills, and making you feel special. Just know from here on out, if you continue with this disguised malevolent relationship cycle then you are making a conscious decision to hurt another individual. Believe me, its not so fun when it happens to you! To add, on some level he can tell. He may not want to accept the truth, but you can feel another individual's emotion. He is aware on some level that you are not completely there.
Moral of Story: If you can do nothing else, at least give him the gift of honesty and the ability to find his own happiness. You owe him that much!0 -
He will get over you in time.its better to let him down now than later.
He will meet someone that craves the nurture that he has and is willing to give.
Be fair to both him and yourself let him rebuid his life and you yours,you cant choose who you fall in love with!!0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=np0solnL1XY
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