I'm not attracted to my boyfriend but I can't leave him :-(

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  • SpydrMnky27
    SpydrMnky27 Posts: 381 Member
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    Ya gotta let him go.
  • HollywoodDJ
    HollywoodDJ Posts: 296
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    Love is a decision, NOT a feeling...you either choose to love someone or you don't. Plain & simple - we are to love for the personality and not for passion as it too will pass.


    SO TRUE!!! Very Wise Words.....When I married my now husband I was terrified. But we had a nine month old son together and I wanted my son to have a mommy and daddy....I know...I know...not the best reasoning to get married. But I had been married before and lost my husband in a car accident so I just didn't want to get married again. I knew what my vows meant and I knew they were sacred and serious. BUT....I married my husband almost 14 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. When I made the commitment to LOVE HIM....out of that grew even more love. Today I couldn't imagine not being married to him and inlove with him. We have three beautiful and amazing boys and we are happily married. I love him more and more everyday.
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,806 Member
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  • Lord007
    Lord007 Posts: 338 Member
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    End the relationship.
    You deserve someone you're attracted to and want to be with.
    He deserves someone who is attracted to him and wants to be with him.

    To continue the relationship is you being to afraid to tell him the truth. To be in a truly satisfying relationship, you have to be honest about what you want and need.
  • ffhsanfran
    ffhsanfran Posts: 63 Member
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    Hmm. Talking and facing the music is the best. No one is perfect. On the other side of the relationship, your boyfriend might be feeling some chill, and might be over-compensating, being perfect and all. Maybe consciously maybe subconsciously.

    Pity does not fold into a long term goodness. Neither being perfect! It is not uncommon to have lived together for 6 years. And get married only to divorce in 6 months.
  • Cortnizzle
    Cortnizzle Posts: 26
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    The constantly reminding you that if you left it would destroy him is a red flag if I ever saw one! Thats a dangerous dynamic to have with someone and its not fair to you that the rest of your life is obligated to him because of his insecurities. I hate to say it but his decisions are his own and if something bad happens because you break up with him, it really isn't on your conscience. I know you would feel bad but how do you want to live? Pain heals
  • Alicia_Monique
    Alicia_Monique Posts: 338 Member
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    It's not fair to be unhappy because it makes one other person happy. I know exactly what you're going through and TRUST me, do not prolong it more than it needs to be, it will only get worse.
  • RMuske
    RMuske Posts: 271 Member
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    Being annoyed because he is nice is odd.. Being annoyed because you can't stand his quirks and who he is is completly different. I was annoyed by his qualities that had nothing to do with him being nice or not. You can't force yourself to love someone or be attracted to someone your not.
  • Newfiedan
    Newfiedan Posts: 1,517 Member
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    Men who do everything for a woman in the long run end up being resented and disrespected for it. You need to break up with him and yes it will hurt him but in the end it will make him stronger and more of a man, no one respects a door mat for a mate, so you know what needs to be done. This is not to say that he is a bad person, nor you for feeling the way you do but in the end he needs the strength to learn that being the doormat in the relationship will not serve his best interests nor yours.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
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    if he made you the happiest girl in the world, you really shouldnt care about looks. or maybe thats just me... sorry just trying to get my head around this. im attracted to my boyfriends personality, not nessisarily his looks. we still have a good relationship tho.
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    It sucks to be broken up with, but it sucks really hard to find out that the other person was only with you because they felt bad about hurting you. Just let the poor guy go.
  • ProjectTae
    ProjectTae Posts: 461 Member
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    Not to be mean, but I think you should leave him because he deserves someone who loves him unconditionally not someone who is with him because of pity, and constantly thinks about other guys, it just isn't really fair to him, and I know that you don't want to hurt him and your first love is the hardest to get over( if you even ever do), but I mean if you end up marrying him, etc. at some point you won't be able to put up with it anymore and their may be kids involved etc. at that time, it just simply isn't fair to string him along, and continue to let his feelings grow stronger for you.
  • xarla16
    xarla16 Posts: 84 Member
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    Anyone who asks people if they should stay with someone probably already knows the answer. If you have to ask, then probably not.

    I think the song Popular by Nada Surf tells it pretty well:

    "Three important rules for breaking up
    Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to
    Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
    Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
    Don't make a big production
    Don't make up an elaborate story
    This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
    If you wanna date other people say so
    Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected....."
  • wonderwomanwannaB
    wonderwomanwannaB Posts: 111
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    I needed this thread. Thank you. Very similar situation... except I've always been physically attracted to him, there are other things in his life that 3 years later I can't get over. A lot of people on here have said things that I needed to hear to get the confidence to set us both free.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
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    This thread merely reinforces my philosophy that nice guys finish last,

    Omgosh, I will take a nice guy any day!

    But to the OP, dont string him along....You need to be honest with him...because if you seriously have doubts then don't let this go on with him. If you love him so much, then seeing him as attractive shouldn't even be an issue, right? So I am not sure if I am the only who interpreted this as you are only keeping him around because he is such a perfect guy. If you love him, then how he looks to you shouldn't even matter.

    Please be honest with the way you feel about him :flowerforyou:
  • Lift_hard_eat_big
    Lift_hard_eat_big Posts: 2,278 Member
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    Enjoy your life knowing that you've settled
  • Newfiedan
    Newfiedan Posts: 1,517 Member
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    This thread merely reinforces my philosophy that nice guys finish last,

    You can be a nice guy without being a door mat of a man. The biggest problem that so called nice guys have is being a door mat for the woman in the relationship. I was one of those men once upon a time until I learned better. I am still a nice guy married to a great woman with a wonderful son. I certainly did not finish last. Just be a good person that stands up for themselves and women/ppl will respect you a lot more.
  • Micksgurl
    Micksgurl Posts: 84
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    In my opinion if he is telling you that he will do this or do that if you ever break up with each other he has some underlying issues. People change and outgrow each other and that will never change. NEVER feel obligated to stay with someone. If you have outgrown him you would be doing you and him a HUGE favor to end the relationship.
  • TheDudette
    TheDudette Posts: 174
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    This thread merely reinforces my philosophy that nice guys finish last,


    Bullcrap! My husband is the nicest guy in the world and I'm a freakin' catch.
  • TheDoctor90
    TheDoctor90 Posts: 461 Member
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    This thread merely reinforces my philosophy that nice guys finish last,


    Bullcrap! My husband is the nicest guy in the world and I'm a freakin' catch.

    I didn't say it fits everyone. Just my personal experience, and therefore I live by it.

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