My first MFP rant..

FitLink

So this post is kind of pointless, I realize, but like the title says, it's just a rant..

I'm pretty new on MFP and have been following the forums and somewhat participating in them, and understand that there are people whose opinions naturally differ from one another. Some topics, especially those that are controversial usually end up turning ugly and that's expected on a public internet forum. I understand that when you post something asking for opinions, you naturally get a variety of opinions. This I have no problem with...

What I've been having a problem with is some "friends" who've recently added me have PM'd me, trying to give me advice I didn't ask for and in a very condescending way.
First one was a message saying and I quote "What exactly are you doing on MFP? You only weigh 125, are you here for attention? Just curious."
Do I have to be dangerously overweight to want to get healthy? To want to look better? How is my profile begging for attention? Have I posted anything asking for attention? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yes I deleted this person, problem solved but nevertheless it was unexpected and annoying.

Second one was about my food diary that is (or used to be until today) open to everyone.
This morning I entered in "raw cheesecake", my own recipe. Ingredients are almonds, pecans, agave, dates, coconuts, blueberries, coconut oil and cashews, about 350 cals, full of healthy fats, vitamins and fibers.
One of my friends saw that I ate "cheesecake" and had the nerve to message me and say again I quote "Well if you're going to have cheesecake for breakfast why do you choose to share your diary with people who are actually trying to be healthy?"
1. Did I ask for your opinion?
2. Do you even know what the ingredients were for what you thought was unhealthy? Much healthier than the white bread and breakfast sausage you had this morning. Just who exactly are you to judge me?
3. Even if I had a 1000 calorie slice of regular cheesecake, how is what I eat your business? I'm logging for myself, and my diary is open for the times that I might need help or advice.

This person is also deleted but I mean who does this? Is everyone on here so healthy that my 1 slice of cheesecake that isn't even a cheesecake bother someone?

Maybe this would be more effective directed at the "friends" who are behaving badly? My diary has always been closed, even to friends, because I don't accept unsolicited advice so there is no need to make it open. None of my friends has ever given me any advice I didn't ask specifically for, but I've been unusually careful who I've friended.

I guess I have as much issue, more actually, with generalized "rants" that complain about the behavior of a small group of people, instead of dealing with those people directly. You aren't asking for advice or support so I won't offer any. I'll just comment that I don't see the point of your "rant."

FitLink

First thing you need to do is purge your friends list of people who aren't going to support you.

Smart people should be able to look at the macros of your cheescake and see if it is a decent choice or not. I say well done, I love cheesecake (insert shameless plug for the MFP Cheesecake group here) :bigsmile:

Many people on here aren't yet capable of appreciating that people have different goals to themselves, or are at different stages. Thie trick is to find people that are. Feel free to add me if you like - I'm pretty awesome

PS. I'd LOVE that cheesecake recipe if you'd care to share.

Thanks.

There's a whole cheesecake group?

tuffytuffy1

Geez, I would have deleted them right away too, who needs that!?!?! Wow.

v_snowdrop

I'm wary of adding friends for this reason. I think some people (hopefully they are a small minority, but I don't know) want to add you just to creep your diary and judge you. Anyone who does that really has too much time on their hands. It's very odd behavior, when you think about it.

NoAdditives

mmm cheesecake... I'd eat cheese cake for breakfast...

Me too. Real cheesecake. It's so delicious I can only make it once a year.

Debbe2

I applaud you for being on MFP! I certainly plan to be when I'm at 125 :happy:
This is your gig so cut and prune your friends list til it's comfortable, manageable and helpful!

JeanineGiorgi

I agree with everyone here. Ditch the critics. They obviously have issues!! MFP is all about empowerment to yourself not for someone else to control you. Life is all about enjoying not going without but simply using commonsense & making sure when you have a treat you make it work into your lifestyle with alternate healthy choices around it & a little bit more exercise. Your cheesecake recipe looks awesome & on top of that so quick to put together. Hope you dont mind if I share it with a friend of mine!!

Cheers
Jeanien Giorgi (:

raiderrodney

There are a lot of good peeps on here but as with any forum there are some asshats too. Don't let it discourage you from adding new friends...you can always kick the crappy ones

JaySpice

Wow! People are hella rude....also...would you mind sharing that cheesecake recipe? It sounds de-damn-licious.

cutethang1

Good person to good person, glad you deleted them...they dont matter! PS- Cheesecake= happy= long term goals since you dont deprive yourself. I added you if you would like to connect!

FitLink

I don't even have a lot of friends on here yet. I guess I just got all the bad ones :noway:

Here is the recipe:
Crust:
1/2 cup pecans
1/4 cup almonds
1/4 cup shredded coconut unsweetened
1 tablespoon cacao or carob powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 dates
1 tablespoon agave

Put everything except for agave in a food processor and blend until everything is mixed well.
Add agave, blend until it turns into a sticky paste.
Press the paste onto the bottom of a springform pan.

Filling:
2 cups blueberries. If frozen make sure it's at room tem.
1 cup cashews, ground
7 tablespoon melted coconut oil
1/4 cup agave
1 tablespoon lemon juice

Blend everything. Pour onto the crust. Chill or freeze until the filling is hard.

Just added you, replacing the bad eggs with the awesome ones :flowerforyou:

Is there a way to bookmark this receipe? I absolutely love to try it when I get home later

I believe you just did.

izzydino

First thing you need to do is purge your friends list of people who aren't going to support you.

Smart people should be able to look at the macros of your cheescake and see if it is a decent choice or not. I say well done, I love cheesecake (insert shameless plug for the MFP Cheesecake group here) :bigsmile:

Many people on here aren't yet capable of appreciating that people have different goals to themselves, or are at different stages. Thie trick is to find people that are. Feel free to add me if you like - I'm pretty awesome

PS. I'd LOVE that cheesecake recipe if you'd care to share.

Thanks.

I don't even have a lot of friends on here yet. I guess I just got all the bad ones :noway:

Here is the recipe:
Crust:
1/2 cup pecans
1/4 cup almonds
1/4 cup shredded coconut unsweetened
1 tablespoon cacao or carob powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 dates
1 tablespoon agave

Put everything except for agave in a food processor and blend until everything is mixed well.
Add agave, blend until it turns into a sticky paste.
Press the paste onto the bottom of a springform pan.

Filling:
2 cups blueberries. If frozen make sure it's at room tem.
1 cup cashews, ground
7 tablespoon melted coconut oil
1/4 cup agave
1 tablespoon lemon juice

Blend everything. Pour onto the crust. Chill or freeze until the filling is hard.

Just added you, replacing the bad eggs with the awesome ones :flowerforyou:

Get rid of the idiots! It's a lifestyle change nit a diet! As long as the calories fit who cares! And your recipe looks good:) Grest:) awesome:)

juliekat1955

To the original post, not everyone on here is judgemental. You eat whatever your heart desires, it's your business and your life! You have done the best thing you could do in this situation, you deleted the people that you needed to. Keep going, you will no doubt find many more positive friends on here than negative.
Good luck

FitLink

I'm wary of adding friends for this reason. I think some people (hopefully they are a small minority, but I don't know) want to add you just to creep your diary and judge you. Anyone who does that really has too much time on their hands. It's very odd behavior, when you think about it.

It's odd even if you don't think about it. Why would anyone care what someone else eats? What possible reason is there to look unless someone asks for advice? Even then, unless they ask about a diary entry specifically I seldom look. It's odd and it's creepy...

sdrichardson713

Um I'm going to add you, and I'd like that cheesecake recipe too please

skinimin

So this post is kind of pointless, I realize, but like the title says, it's just a rant..

I'm pretty new on MFP and have been following the forums and somewhat participating in them, and understand that there are people whose opinions naturally differ from one another. Some topics, especially those that are controversial usually end up turning ugly and that's expected on a public internet forum. I understand that when you post something asking for opinions, you naturally get a variety of opinions. This I have no problem with...

What I've been having a problem with is some "friends" who've recently added me have PM'd me, trying to give me advice I didn't ask for and in a very condescending way.
First one was a message saying and I quote "What exactly are you doing on MFP? You only weigh 125, are you here for attention? Just curious."
Do I have to be dangerously overweight to want to get healthy? To want to look better? How is my profile begging for attention? Have I posted anything asking for attention? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yes I deleted this person, problem solved but nevertheless it was unexpected and annoying.

Second one was about my food diary that is (or used to be until today) open to everyone.
This morning I entered in "raw cheesecake", my own recipe. Ingredients are almonds, pecans, agave, dates, coconuts, blueberries, coconut oil and cashews, about 350 cals, full of healthy fats, vitamins and fibers.
One of my friends saw that I ate "cheesecake" and had the nerve to message me and say again I quote "Well if you're going to have cheesecake for breakfast why do you choose to share your diary with people who are actually trying to be healthy?"
1. Did I ask for your opinion?
2. Do you even know what the ingredients were for what you thought was unhealthy? Much healthier than the white bread and breakfast sausage you had this morning. Just who exactly are you to judge me?
3. Even if I had a 1000 calorie slice of regular cheesecake, how is what I eat your business? I'm logging for myself, and my diary is open for the times that I might need help or advice.

This person is also deleted but I mean who does this? Is everyone on here so healthy that my 1 slice of cheesecake that isn't even a cheesecake bother someone?

That sucks that happened to you. There are a lot of people with attitude on MFP, there are a lot of nice people too though! Kind of like life.

izzydino

First thing you need to do is purge your friends list of people who aren't going to support you.

Smart people should be able to look at the macros of your cheescake and see if it is a decent choice or not. I say well done, I love cheesecake (insert shameless plug for the MFP Cheesecake group here) :bigsmile:

Many people on here aren't yet capable of appreciating that people have different goals to themselves, or are at different stages. Thie trick is to find people that are. Feel free to add me if you like - I'm pretty awesome

PS. I'd LOVE that cheesecake recipe if you'd care to share.

Thanks.

I don't even have a lot of friends on here yet. I guess I just got all the bad ones :noway:

Here is the recipe:
Crust:
1/2 cup pecans
1/4 cup almonds
1/4 cup shredded coconut unsweetened
1 tablespoon cacao or carob powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 dates
1 tablespoon agave

Put everything except for agave in a food processor and blend until everything is mixed well.
Add agave, blend until it turns into a sticky paste.
Press the paste onto the bottom of a springform pan.

Filling:
2 cups blueberries. If frozen make sure it's at room tem.
1 cup cashews, ground
7 tablespoon melted coconut oil
1/4 cup agave
1 tablespoon lemon juice

Blend everything. Pour onto the crust. Chill or freeze until the filling is hard.

Just added you, replacing the bad eggs with the awesome ones :flowerforyou:

Get rid of the idiots! It's a lifestyle change nit a diet! As long as the calories fit who cares! And your recipe looks good:) Grest:) awesome:)

amagus

Glad you are not giving up on MFP all together. It is a fitness site which has nothing to do with weight. I plan to be a memebr no matter what I weigh. I don't share my diary either because it is enough that I use it as a tool to monitor what I eat and make adjustments where needed. I do not need others second guessing me.

Thanks for the recipe.

TrailRunner61

You don't need 'friends' who aren't here to support you! Cheesecake, traditionally, would probably not be a healthy choice, even though yours was. BUT, how are we going to maintain our weight if we don't eat some of our favorite foods? This is a lifestyle where you make room in you diary for 'foods we shouldn't have' so we aren't on a DIET and feel deprived. Anyone who cuts certain foods out entirely will gain their weight back as soon as they are off their 'diet'!
We all have parties, picnics and holidays to deal with diet-wise. How do you just NOT eat anything? You eat in moderation!
You're doing fine. Ignore and/or delete those so-called friends, even you haven't already. There are plenty of others on here who will.
<hugs>

Cwilliams8676

First thing you need to do is purge your friends list of people who aren't going to support you.

Smart people should be able to look at the macros of your cheescake and see if it is a decent choice or not. I say well done, I love cheesecake (insert shameless plug for the MFP Cheesecake group here) :bigsmile:

Many people on here aren't yet capable of appreciating that people have different goals to themselves, or are at different stages. Thie trick is to find people that are. Feel free to add me if you like - I'm pretty awesome

PS. I'd LOVE that cheesecake recipe if you'd care to share.

Thanks.

agreed 100 percent

rucaenel

I am glad you called folks out on this. I almost didn't read this; I don't like to put negativity into my thought diet. There is enough of that everywhere. Especially between my little girls -UGH.

However, I am glad you are going forward and sticking in there and I am also thrilled to see such an overwhelming response of support from folks that have responded to your note. Cheers to all of those that can keep to the spirit of support encouragement!

*PS I love cheese cake and I am not a sweet person (mostly grease and salt)....

Have a great day and lets all filter out the hostile 'Negs'. No point at being mad a moss on a tree; just look at a different tree and breath in the fresh air!

Best to you all!!!

:flowerforyou:

rucaenel

I second that 'Cheese Cake for Breakfast'.. All in favor!

BTW I love reading everyone's diary; I get so many great ideas. I also see what I can get away with; incorporating 'real' foods is really a case for moderation. We are in the process of living and being healthy; it is just finding our balance and being in 'fun' land!

ALSO, changing up carb/low carb I believe helps your system understand you ARE NOT starving so BODY don't conserve just BE and use all calories.
:drinker:

zacksnana

Bump!! Awesome recipe! Thank you and sorry about the jerks!! Maybe we should have Cheesecake breakfast day and everyone eat it and log it in their open diaries on the same day so the jerk's head will explode from indignation!!!

You rock! Keep the recipes coming!!

FlittyGetsFit

I've been lucky to have nothing but support here, I rarely get comments on my diary anyway. That may change today, I'm having a greasy take-away doner kebab for dinner. :laugh:

hallie_b

I totally get this rant!!!!
When I first joined MFP in 2010 I was logging my food in a diary only friends could read. I noticed a lot of posts about "eating back calories" I had some questions, because naturally, not being a fitness and nutrtion expert, I always thought I should lower my calories not increase if I want to lose weight. So I commented something about having trouble reaching my calorie goal I wasn't sure I could do that plus eat what I exercised, what are others eating? and so on. Someone asked if they could see my diary and said they could help me so, I friended them.
Well she took the opportunity to point out one bad meal that ended up being the reason I didn't hit my calorie goal for that day (the reason for the incomplete meal was because of a family emergency) and started telling me if I didn't eat more she would have to delete me blah blah blah. I felt so bad about myself and I was only trying to do better nutrition-wise because I didn't know any better. Wow, that was helpful, glad I friended you. I managed, on my own to get to my calorie goal turns out I just needed some time to adjust to eating more than what I had been when I had a really hectic schedule. I also impulsively delete my old account because of her.
Point is that most of us know we don't have to be hypercritical in sharing tips and advice, that's why it'sbothersometo us, especially if we are from a "do unto others" mentality.
Also annoying, people who like to end mean or rude paragraphs with "just sayin' , just curious, just kidding etc create fire escapes for themselves so somehow if you are offened or hurt by their words you don't have the right to be, they were only saying it out of curiosity.

meggawatt

Saving to read the recipe (sounds awesome) for later.

Good luck with your "friends" glad you deleted them. Sorry to hear you were subjected to such judgement recently.

Angelabec

I'm partly bumping this for the recipe, but also to say that either I totally lucked out with the friends that I have as no one has ever criticized my diary (I might have had 'well, tomorrow's another day' or something similar, no worse) or somehow you just managed to find the few idiots that there are. I hope you find some more supportive people, and with you all the best with achieving your goals :flowerforyou:

khagador

First thing you need to do is purge your friends list of people who aren't going to support you.

Smart people should be able to look at the macros of your cheescake and see if it is a decent choice or not. I say well done, I love cheesecake (insert shameless plug for the MFP Cheesecake group here) :bigsmile:

Many people on here aren't yet capable of appreciating that people have different goals to themselves, or are at different stages. Thie trick is to find people that are. Feel free to add me if you like - I'm pretty awesome

PS. I'd LOVE that cheesecake recipe if you'd care to share.

Thanks.

I don't even have a lot of friends on here yet. I guess I just got all the bad ones :noway:

Here is the recipe:
Crust:
1/2 cup pecans
1/4 cup almonds
1/4 cup shredded coconut unsweetened
1 tablespoon cacao or carob powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 dates
1 tablespoon agave

Put everything except for agave in a food processor and blend until everything is mixed well.
Add agave, blend until it turns into a sticky paste.
Press the paste onto the bottom of a springform pan.

Filling:
2 cups blueberries. If frozen make sure it's at room tem.
1 cup cashews, ground
7 tablespoon melted coconut oil
1/4 cup agave
1 tablespoon lemon juice

Blend everything. Pour onto the crust. Chill or freeze until the filling is hard.

Just added you, replacing the bad eggs with the awesome ones :flowerforyou:

Thank you for posting this! I'm loving that the recipe is already vegan and I don't have to replace anything. Sounds delicious! There's a large number of people on here who don't care what you eat, they're just here to support you in what you choose, whether that is to lose weight, gain weight, eat more whole foods, cut out the junk foods, or just track macros. Once you find those people, you'll love it here. I'm still waiting for more active friends who actually comment.

kelichik32

Haha, I relate to this so much! Once someone messaged me "Have fun being fat forever, since you drink wine!" They got the instant delete.

ETA: Thanks for the cheesecake recipe!

These are the same people who eat 600 kcal a day and wonder why they aren't loosing weight.....

nomayo

First, I'm bumping this thread because of the recipe. Thanks a lot for sharing, I will try it very soon. Second, I'm sorry you have to deal with these kind of persons. I haven't had any bad experiences here on MFP, thank God, but I do have people like that in my life, people that it is their way and there is no other way when it comes to fitness. Because I don't run and go to a gym it means (in their minds) that I will never lose weight and get healthy. Workout at home? No, that is not acceptable in their book. So the 10 pounds I lost already (5 before joining MFP), those where only water? Or maybe air from my lungs? So don't listen to those persons, and delete them is the smartest thing to do.