Is this jealousy or intuition?

SmexAppeal
SmexAppeal Posts: 858 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I am dating this guy. We've been dating on and off for about 3 months, roughly 10 dates. We have been off for the past month, but are back on currently. We went out yesterday and he informed me that he is taking his ex (who happens to be a stripper, who he had a threesome with) out to dinner for her birthday on Friday. Am I just jealous, or is my intuition kicking in here? Maybe I'm jealous just because her profession. If she were an accountant, would I be feeling the same?
I told him straight up, as long as you aren't giving her birthday sex. BUT instead of telling me I have nothing to worry about, he says "We can't. She's not coming to my house." Am I over thinking that statement? Are guys just that stupid that that is the first thing that came into his head?
And finally... how can I talk to him about this concerning me without sounding whiny, jealous or complaining. I don't want to care if he hangs out with an ex. I just feel very concerned about the situation. And I would like to address it to him without attacking him.
Please help me ... :ohwell:
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Replies

  • daisyhougan
    daisyhougan Posts: 52
    I'd feel worried too, both about taking his ex out to dinner and his comment. Maybe he just meant it to be flippant but really? In your sitaution, I hope I'd revisit the conversation and say, "Well, is that the only reason you're not having sex with her?" Ugh. Good luck.
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    If sleeping around bothers you, I'd find a companion who isn't going to sleep around.
    -wtk
  • portalm
    portalm Posts: 201 Member
    Surely the most stupid answer he could instantly think of! LOL

    You are worried because he may restart a relationship with this girl if all "Goes well".

    You arent "With" him, you are dating talking to him about this, and stating that you are anything but ok with him going out with this girl will make him want to drop you. (Most likely)

    Doesnt make it right. But perhaps if you have been intimate with him, you need to make him realize that, having a physical relationship with her would end whatever it is that you guys have. (Stick to this if it happens)
  • placeboaddiction
    placeboaddiction Posts: 451 Member
    If sleeping around bothers you, I'd find a companion who isn't going to sleep around.
    -wtk
    logic_high_five.png?w=500
  • antizoni1
    antizoni1 Posts: 334
    I think its time to move on
  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
    "We can't. She's not coming to my house."

    Dry sense of humor?
  • Sugar_Junkie
    Sugar_Junkie Posts: 366 Member
    Ok girl first of all-- he seems like an *kitten* but I cant say much cus my bf is sarcastic like that. BUT-- unless they are childhood friends that grew up together and lived beside each other then I would be concerned. What business does he have taking her out for her bday?? They dont sound like exs to me. If it were a group of folks maybe but just the two of them i dont think so. This isnt you just being jealous, sounds to me like during your month break he found time to rekindle a old flame
  • NamibianRose
    NamibianRose Posts: 151 Member
    Personally, I'd probably move on and find someone else to date. Someone who told me he 'can't' sleep with his ex because she won't be going to his house doesn't sound like someone I'd be interested in.
  • FuneralDiner
    FuneralDiner Posts: 438 Member
    My jealousy knows no bounds!

    I'd have a major major problem with this. MAJOR. And that's an understatement really. It could be completely innocent but in the back of my mind I'd still be thinking "stripper... dinner.... ex...... stripper....."

    I mean WHY would you take an ex to dinner for her birthday ESPECIALLY when you're dating someone else? Makes absolutely no sense to me. Are they pretty close friendship wise? Have they known eachother for a long time?

    It sounds very fishy to me. Talk to him about it because it'll just eat away at you. :(
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
    You wrote....Are guys just that stupid?

    Move on Move on Move on and don't look back. Get out while you still have some dignity.
  • Im_NotPerfect
    Im_NotPerfect Posts: 2,181 Member
    I thnk it's intuition. The fact that she's an ex and he's taking her out to dinner. And then that statement? Umm....no. Did you guys agree to be monogomus? Sounds like it's still pretty casual at this point.
  • BeingWiser
    BeingWiser Posts: 65
    If it bothers you....TALK to him NOW. If you don't it will get worse because what you allow him to do now he will always do. Later in your relationship your all mad for the same things you told him didn't both you.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    Sounds like your on again off again is his casual sex. Maybe you should talk to him and make sure you guys are on the same page.
  • stephlake
    stephlake Posts: 105 Member
    He was honest with you, and didnt hide it. THAT is at least something.
  • pinthin87
    pinthin87 Posts: 296 Member
    Surely the most stupid answer he could instantly think of! LOL

    You are worried because he may restart a relationship with this girl if all "Goes well".

    You arent "With" him, you are dating talking to him about this, and stating that you are anything but ok with him going out with this girl will make him want to drop you. (Most likely)

    Doesnt make it right. But perhaps if you have been intimate with him, you need to make him realize that, having a physical relationship with her would end whatever it is that you guys have. (Stick to this if it happens)

    This^^

    Sorry hun...and men say that we are complicated!
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    Obviously, he doesn't think you and he are exclusive, and he's still involved with his "ex" enough to take her out to dinner for her birthday (who does that if they don't still have some connection?).

    I'd definitely consider moving on or at the very least, bringing up the dreaded "where are we in our relationship?" question.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    you're just being jealous.
  • ChrisRS87
    ChrisRS87 Posts: 781 Member
    I would say it's jealousy. 10 dates and off for a month over 3 months of dating? Sounds awfully casual to me, even if you are intimate.

    Women date multiple men at the same time before getting serious with one, maybe he's doing the same, but one of those other women is his ex.
  • gwduker
    gwduker Posts: 293
    As a guy who has been divorced twice and had two long term relationships, I NEVER took an ex out after we were through. The only ex I maintain any kind of relationship with is my first wife soley because she is the mother of my daughter, but do we do dates? No. My point being, I think this guys wants to get back with her, hence YOUR on and off again dating. Set the rules, stick to them, or move on....
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
    Eh, could go either way, we don't know the guy enough to make an informed decision, but you do.

    We're dudes, we say stupid stuff, and the fact that she's a stripper means nothing, really it doesn't - I have several friends who have been and they're no more prone to sleeping around than an accountant would be... so he could be on the up-and-up.

    ...Or he could be a cheating douche. I think only you can tell that.
  • portalm
    portalm Posts: 201 Member
    The fact of the matter guys is they are "Dating" they arent in a relationship!

    He has the right to do what he wants, and he decided that telling her was a good thing. A sign that he is not a liar.

    He may be a nice guy, (WHEN they start a relationship)

    All the ppl saying "Move on" may be correct, but you will never know.

    Perhaps his answer was truthful. Sounds kind of like a block head to me.
  • HMD7703
    HMD7703 Posts: 761 Member
    Easy women (and men) come in all professions. Just saying. Stripper / Accountant - matters not.
  • SmexAppeal
    SmexAppeal Posts: 858 Member
    If sleeping around bothers you, I'd find a companion who isn't going to sleep around.
    -wtk
    He hasn't been sleeping around. It just weirds me out that he is taking his ex out for her birthday.
  • babigurl86
    babigurl86 Posts: 129 Member
    I think its time to move on
    agreed.

    dont say anything,if you do, you'll feel silly and regret it.

    he could be telling you to get a reaction,but that's not important because either way,his made his intentions towards you clear, just move on.

    when people show you who they are ,believe them.
  • sullykat
    sullykat Posts: 461 Member
    3 months is a long enough time to decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone exclusively. I would be skeptical of this guy too. If it is making you uncomfortable, I would say good bye. I don't see why he has to take his ex out for her birthday. Talking to an ex is one thing, taking them out for their birthday is another. Were you invited out with them? I don't know… I wouldn't like this very much.
  • AzhureSnow
    AzhureSnow Posts: 289 Member
    It sounds like he doesn't see you guys as exclusive, maybe? I mean, birthday dinner isn't a big deal, but I see a "one-on-one" dinner as a "date", and if the person he is actively dating isn't comfortable with him taking his ex on a date, he should respect that. When my husband and I were in pre-marriage counseling, our pastor said something really smart: "If you're about to do something, and your spouse doesn't like it, it doesn't matter if you think it's right or wrong... what matters is that your spouse doesn't want you to do it and out of respect and love... you shouldn't do it". I know you guys aren't married, but the principle is the same. If he's concerned and caring for the person he's dating, and his actions would upset her, then he shouldn't take those actions. You need to bring it up. You'll just boil over with upset and "i wonder if..." if you don't. If it were me, I'd sit him down at dinner or something and say, "I know we're not super serious, but I would really like to know where we stand before you take your ex out next week.... do I have any reason to worry? Are we headed down the path of an exclusive relationship? I just feel a little unsure, and it would mean a lot if you could reassure me that I have nothing to worry about". If he gets pissed after that... dump him.
  • kaned_ferret
    kaned_ferret Posts: 618 Member
    Leave. Walk away. Do not bother wasting your time, caring, dignity or anything else on this.
  • jealous_loser
    jealous_loser Posts: 395
    Sounds like your on again off again is his casual sex. Maybe you should talk to him and make sure you guys are on the same page.

    This is kinda my thought too. Maybe he isn't sure what your relationship is? If you do not have a formal "we are only sleeping with each other" talk, how is he supposed to know? You say you guys are on and off and it has only been 3 months. Do you want it to get serious?
  • SmexAppeal
    SmexAppeal Posts: 858 Member
    Easy women (and men) come in all professions. Just saying. Stripper / Accountant - matters not.
    This is very true. That's why I stated would I feel the same if she were an accountant. Do I have a natural prejudice?
  • AprilRenewed
    AprilRenewed Posts: 691 Member
    Well, it doesn't sound as though you two are very close or intimate. If that's true, then I should think you shouldn't be too upset by it. Have you two decided to be monogamous? If you have, then I'd have an issue. If you haven't, then...try not to. I probably still would, but if you haven't decided to just make it the two of you yet, then you have no reason to be.

    If you've decided to only date and see each other, then I'd have a huge issue because there are very clear lines that I draw in such circumstances. Thank goodness my husband has the same lines! Basically, if you've decided it's serious enough to just be the two of you, then neither of you should even put yourselves into a tempting situation, a situation that could lead to, "Well, we had a few drinks, and before I knew it...one thing led to another..."

    This would certainly qualify as that.

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