Is this jealousy or intuition?
Replies
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Relationships are like investing.
If I put money into an investment that looks like it's going south, I don't put more money into it. I take what I have left and get the hell out and find a more worthwhile investment.
Let garbage lay with garbage.0 -
Why would he take his EX out to dinner for her birthday?? he should be taking YOU out to dinner..I would ditch his *kitten* and get yourself a nice man0
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I am still friends with almost all of my Ex Girlfriends. My wife knows this and is ok with it because I am an honest and nice guy. Those relationships did not work out as such, but we are still friends. Of course, I would never take one of them to dinner, but I think that if you are just dating it is really not that big of a deal. Plus if something were to happen, you just learned everything you need to know and can move on. It is just whether you can be ok with it happening or not, if not then you may as well move on. If you can, maybe you can go along too. Sounds like it might be fun.0
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Wow I love you comment..... why do we allow someone to treat us this way. When you see the signs...MOVE ON... You are a beautiful woman that deserves someone that would say... I am not sleeping with her becuase we are together and I care about you. MOVE ON....NEXT!0
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Okay this MAY BE just me.
but when It comes to dating guys, after that many dates.
my logic is that if he really wants to be with me and try to build a relationship...
He we be with ME. only me.
if he wants to date around and possibly sleep with other women....its not worth my time.
(again maybe just me but I dont date just to go on dates)
Girl you deserve someone who will be commited to you.
and from the sound of it... he just doesnt look like that guy.0 -
Let him go. It is too early not to be able to trust someone. Don't waste your time. Dating is an interview process. He failed. Tell him you will keep his application on flie for 90 days.
Best advice ever... lol0 -
Of course you have a prejudice...she's a stripper and he's a guy!
I'm not even trying to be rude here, but MOST men would be incapable of being friends with a women whom they've slept with that are strippers (lol...in my limited experience). It sounds like you have a different idea of what the relationship is than he does. Maybe you need to chat about that. :flowerforyou:
I always wonder why women put up with things while dating that they wouldn't like in a man long-term, unless you're not interested in long-term?0 -
Do you date other people?0
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If you have had the exclusive talk and he still made the comment (we can't because she isn't coming over to my house :noway: ) Move on.
In my experience, if any one is still in that much contact with an ex...it isn't completely over. :flowerforyou:0 -
From your description of your relationship it sounds like you two are just casually dating. Meaning you are each free to do what you want with whomever you want. If you desire a committed monogomous relationship you should discuss this with him and come to an agreement. If you have not clearly stated your requirements then shame on you.0
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If you are the kind of girl who has no problem with exes or other girls in general I would chalk it up to intuition.
I don't have a problem with exes or flirty girls with my husband but there is always that rare occasion/person( maybe 2 people in the 15 years since we've been together) that I just don't trust, intuition. One I was spot on to not trust! The other he works with and I think she knows, I'll cut a b***h, haha j/k. I don't talk to him about it because I trust HIM and there is really little he can do about it so I don't want him to feel uncomfortable at work or like I am keeping my eyes on the situation (even though I am haha). I just figure if she goes too far he'll stop it and not say anything to me or I'll catch it and put her in her place.0 -
You deserve better. 21 lbs lost, right? Take your smoking hot body out and find a guy who isn't a d-bag. There's a guy out there who will treat you right. This isn't him.0
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Ok, this is probably going to sound very cynical. First...are you sure that you are in a relationship that allows for jealousy? Ten dates with a month off? How can you be sure he did not have sex with someone else during that time? And did you discuss that this relationship would be exclusive? If not, then in his mind it may not be.
To take this further...I know men can be a bit dense, however, this man is not showing much respect to you in the way he handled it. Or perhaps he is using it as a chance to draw his own lines and they don't seem to be along the lines you are drawing.
It does not matter that she is a stripper who had a threesome with him and his ex, or simply someone he works with...his comment was just wrong.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Instead spend your energy on deciding if this man is someone who will give you what you deserve...someone who will support you and RESPECT you as you deserve.0 -
I am a big "go with your gut" kind of girl.
It sounds like your gut is telling you that you don't like several things here - his continued involvement with his ex, the fact that his ex is a stripper and that he's been forthcoming about his sexual history with her, that he didn't give you any comfort when you were cool and said dinner was fine but you're not fine with them having sex.
If ya don't like it, be scarce. Not mean, but don't pursue. If you want to have a casual date with him here or there and regard him as nothing serious, you're allowed, but stay in control.
Or just dismiss him altogether. No matter what, listen to your radar. You're a smart girl!0 -
Sounds to me like you 2 are in a non-committed relationship and he is being perfectly honest with you.
Perhaps you feel that you are more serious than he does, but 10 dates over 3 months isn't the sort of number where you should be getting so clingy. I don't even know how you can get to being "on and off" over a 3 month period; that stage of dating is mostly on and off anyway.
It sounds to me like he was trying to drop the hint that you guys aren't in an exclusive relationship.
Maybe it will go that way, maybe it won't. It's up to you to decide how you feel about that. I'm guessing 'not good'.0 -
Not cool. He should at least invite you.
^ This......Threesome #2 with the stripper.....0 -
Hmmmm... the one question the OP continues to avoid is the elephant in the room...
Did you guys agree to be EXCLUSIVE???
I don't think he sees it that way, but I think the OP does. This is a HUGE problem because there are feelings there within a potentially (because we don't know for sure) "undefined" relationship which brings with it unrealistic expectations from the one who has the feelings. It's not a good place for either person to be.0 -
Is his name Sean, coz this sounds awfully familiar. I thought we were "dating" - he was just fooling around. No fun when the 2 involved aren't even on the same playing field.
Good luck to you!0 -
So far every answer I have heard here sounds like these two are married already. They are dating people!
10 dates. REALLY?
Moving towards a commitment! REALLY?
How the hell can you truly know who someone is before a couple of years of watching their patterns?
That's why this country has an incredible divorce rate. No one is willing to take the time to honestly get to know someone. Everyone wants to stuff there capture in to a personal mold of what they want!
it's sad!0 -
They are an ex for a reason... I would move on.0
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Why is it that as soon as people start dating they gain Hooks! What's wrong with someone maintaining a healthy sexual relationship with others when not actually being "in wedlock". Haven't you ever heard the old proverb?
Biblically speaking, there is a lot wrong with premarital sex, but I wont get into that here. Most women replying on here have enough respect for themselves and their bodies that they wont allow men to use them and lose them.0 -
Why is it that as soon as people start dating they gain Hooks! What's wrong with someone maintaining a healthy sexual relationship with others when not actually being "in wedlock". Haven't you ever heard the old proverb?
Biblically speaking, there is a lot wrong with premarital sex, but I wont get into that here. Most women replying on here have enough respect for themselves and their bodies that they wont allow men to use them and lose them.
That's why I stated if you are having sex with him (IDK) meaning I don't know (personal choice) but if you are hopefully it's safe sex!0 -
My jealousy knows no bounds!
I'd have a major major problem with this. MAJOR. And that's an understatement really. It could be completely innocent but in the back of my mind I'd still be thinking "stripper... dinner.... ex...... stripper....."
I mean WHY would you take an ex to dinner for her birthday ESPECIALLY when you're dating someone else? Makes absolutely no sense to me. Are they pretty close friendship wise? Have they known eachother for a long time?
It sounds very fishy to me. Talk to him about it because it'll just eat away at you.
This.0 -
So far every answer I have heard here sounds like these two are married already. They are dating people!
10 dates. REALLY?
Moving towards a commitment! REALLY?
How the hell can you truly know who someone is before a couple of years of watching their patterns?
That's why this country has an incredible divorce rate. No one is willing to take the time to honestly get to know someone. Everyone wants to stuff there capture in to a personal mold of what they want!
it's sad!
It's sad that you are being serious.
I think both men and women would have a problem being in a casual relationship for two years before officially dating.0 -
WOAH!! OP - do NOT listen to these women telling you to run!
First off, you guys are casual.... think about that for a minute. It doesn't matter who he is taking to dinner because you guys are not in an exclusive relationship. On the flip side, if you want an exclusive relationship, tell him. Be honest. Guys do not like mind games. Uncomfortable with him taking out the ex (stripper that likes 3somes - SCORE!)? Tell him! You cannot expect someone to act like they are exclusive if you two have not made that mutual agreement. Totally unfair.
Xoxo0 -
The thing that stuck out most to me is that "you were off for a month." Ding ding that doesn't sound normal and neither does on and off dates for 3-4 months. He's not wanting anything committal. Sounds like he's just having fun. Someone to want him while he dilly-dallies around. I'm not trying to be rude to him or you. I think you need someone who will actually want to be with you and not take 4 months of dates and talk about taking an ex out. To me, that is an instant red flag.
*btw when I say committal, I don't mean talk about marriage and settling down. I mean focusing on you actually becoming a couple and not taking you on "dates" for several months while still taking his ex out for dinner.
I'd tell him he needs to *kitten* or get off the pot.0 -
If sleeping around bothers you, I'd find a companion who isn't going to sleep around.
-wtk
This.0 -
I would like to clarify somethings.
1) The first time we dated was for about two months. I, after two months asked him to meet my son. He was not ready. I took this as him not wanting to be serious. HOWEVER, when I broke it off I did break his heart. He did really care for me, he just wasn't ready to meet my son. He did contact me weeks later and tell me he would like to take me and my son to the park. But I was dating this other guy... sooo I did hurt him, and he did want something serious.
2) We both dated while we were off. I dated a guy I've known for a very long time and we got physical together. He on the other hand dated, but nothing phsyical. I know this because the first time we were intimate when we started dating again, he whispered in my ear that he hadn't been with anyone since me. No reason to sprout lies, since he has always been honest.
3) It's not that I don't trust him. We have talked about where we would like this relationship to go. We just aren't "there" yet. He's been honest enough to say he's cheated before (on this chick that's he taking to dinner!!) because she cheated on him. I've been cheated on... so I think that all plays into how I feel.
So having said that... does it change any opinions.
I think I'm just going to call him and talk to him. Unfortunately we don't have the opportunity to meet up before Friday when he takes the ex to dinner. I appreciate all the opinions and advice. No clue yet where to go from here. But I know I deserve a good man. Based on how the conversation goes, I know I will be able to figure it out!0 -
Perhaps he was just trying to make you feel better by pointing out that it was not physically possible (or at least not convenient) for them to have sex. He might have thought that this would be even more reassuring than him just telling you that they wouldn't have sex.
Also, I don't see why her occupation matters (or why you felt the need to mention they've had threesomes in the past). I'm a statistician, and at times in my life have been at least as slutty as most people assume strippers are.
It sounds as if you *are* uncomfortable with him hanging out with his ex--you should talk to him about this, but make it about you, and your feelings, not his behavior.0 -
oh i'd dump him , all night long while their out having fun , you'll be wondering what the hell their up to ...... i dont care if your just dating , who wants sloppy seconds !!!0
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