Is this jealousy or intuition?
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Why is he seeing girls? You are dating. End of story.
Only not exactly. There's no established relationship now.0 -
So I am dating this guy. We've been dating on and off for about 3 months, roughly 10 dates. We have been off for the past month, but are back on currently. We went out yesterday and he informed me that he is taking his ex (who happens to be a stripper, who he had a threesome with) out to dinner for her birthday on Friday. Am I just jealous, or is my intuition kicking in here? Maybe I'm jealous just because her profession. If she were an accountant, would I be feeling the same?
I told him straight up, as long as you aren't giving her birthday sex. BUT instead of telling me I have nothing to worry about, he says "We can't. She's not coming to my house." Am I over thinking that statement? Are guys just that stupid that that is the first thing that came into his head?
And finally... how can I talk to him about this concerning me without sounding whiny, jealous or complaining. I don't want to care if he hangs out with an ex. I just feel very concerned about the situation. And I would like to address it to him without attacking him.
Please help me ... :ohwell:
It depends how serious the relationship is. Are you guys exclusive to each other? If so does he know that or are you just assuming he knows? Its hard to tell where the relationship stands since you stated you're on and off again. If it is he doesn't need to be around his ex, I've seen to many times people who have stayed friends with their ex end up sleeping with their ex again. Its familiar territory and easy to do for many so best to find someone who has cut ties with their ex. You also have all right to be jealous of a stripper since just by their job title it already gives an insight on what value they put on sexuality so you are not over stepping with being jealous of this. If you two are not exclusive then you have no say.0 -
Bang bang.
great song by Dispatch....Ever heard it?
IDK. I'll have to check it out later.0 -
My question is WHY are YOU willing to settle for someone like that? I want a guy who only wants me. I'm no willing to be anyone's 2nd choice.
Move on and find someone who deserves you.0 -
This is blatant disrespect to you as a woman and his companion! Not only that but it is starting off right from the beginning of this relationship? Hell to the NOOOOOOO! You deserve better & please cut your losses. You are worth way more than this dude is investing period.0
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Ask him after the date, his face will tell the answer. It's not a bad thing until he does it.0
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I think you two have a budding relationship. Stick with it and let it bloom.
Are these FMF or MFM three-somes?0 -
Are you two mutually monogamous? Have you heard him say that he isn't going to see anyone else? Does he call you his girlfriend?
If the answer to any of the above is 'no', then what he does when you aren't together really isn't any of your business.
By telling you that he is going out on another date he is telling you that he NOT seeing only you and apparently has no plans to see only you.
If you are looking for a mutually exclusive relationship, then you two are looking for totally different things and you need to move on.
Be sure the THANK HIM for being honest & up-front and not stringing you along.
Most guys would have just juggled both chicks and it would have most likely ended badly.0 -
You made your bed with her in it already so I guess you have to lay in it.0
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Thanks! Just be sure to take it. You deserve better. ;PLet him go. It is too early not to be able to trust someone. Don't waste your time. Dating is an interview process. He failed. Tell him you will keep his application on flie for 90 days.
Best advice ever... lol0 -
This has nothing to do with neither jealousy nor intuition. He obviously doesn't think too much of what you two have if he's being that blatant. You two are not in a solidified relationship, correct? But I'm going to assume that you're having sex, right? You're not a priority to him or he wouldn't be going OR making those statements, plain and simple. At least he's being honest, but you need to reevaluate, or even primarily evaluate what your role is. If what he's obviously offering isn't up to your standards, ditch him. You get whatever you settle for and it seems that you're settling for less right now. This is who he is. Time to move on, or accept the terms because it's not going to get better.0
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I am not sure why anyone would take out there "ex" on their birthday. I personally would not want to be a in a relationship like that.0
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If it makes you uncomfortable, then you need tobring it up to him. Even if the two of you are just casually dating, you have a right to know if he is seeing other people...especially for health reasons, if sex is invloved!
I made this mistake once...was dating a guy and really liked him, then when I had developed feelings for him, I found out he was still "seeing" his ex too and she was a jealous type who attacked me one day...(He was seeing other women too, as I learned.)
Not only did it take a long time to get over the trauma of her attacking me, but he really broke my heart...and this all could have been avoided had we had THE CONVERSATION long before.
A fox gets old because it is wise and learns from experience...
Good luck! Protect yourself!0 -
Am I the only one that doesn't feel that all breakups have to be ugly things in which the people never talk to each other again? I've remained friends with people I've dated before, and if the opportunity/reason came up to take one of them to a birthday dinner or something, I wouldn't necessarily have turned it down. It doesn't mean we're not "over" each other (in fact, one of the guys I dated still drops by to chat when he's in town, and we both have our own families now), it just means dating each other didn't work out and that we made better friends than significant others.
Without any more information on your not-really-boyfriend's relationship with his ex, for all any of us knows, it's the same way with them. If you don't know, talk to him about it. You said he's been honest with you, so be honest with him. Let him know that it seems like you two aren't on quite the same page with regard to how serious you two are, and that you're not comfortable with him going on what seems like a "date", because you feel the relationship is a little more serious. Consider your original question, too - would you feel the same if she were an accountant or some other profession? Actually try to answer that question. Otherwise, it just sounds like insecurity, and you're trying to rationalize that it's intuition.
That said, if it's a casual thing, and that's what you both want, then you don't really have any grounds for determining what or who he wants to do besides you. If you both agree that it's more serious and you're exclusive, then him doing things you don't feel comfortable with may become a problem.0 -
This is why you don't give it up to people right away! This right here. Women wouldn't have a problem moving on from something like this if they were just dating and not haveing sex. Too many feelings!0
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This is why you don't give it up to people right away! This right here. Women wouldn't have a problem moving on from something like this if they were just dating and not haveing sex. Too many feelings!
I disagree. Sex, for women, can be purely physical too. Women need to not get carried away and know what they're getting into before they drop trou. I've been in pure sex situations and the break has been clean and some of us are still good friends because I knew what it was before getting into it.0 -
Definitely do not have sex with him. You have a right to be concerned. I would move on if I were you. You can do much better and there are much better guys out there than this.0
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I'll be the stranger that tells you the truth. :flowerforyou:
That's on you, not him. If you're in an "on/off relationship", you're not in a relationship. From what you wrote, at best, you're friends who occassionally sleep together for periods of times. At worst, *kitten* buddies. And that's only bad because you don't seem to be aware of the status quo and he does.
People who say stuff as a joke tend to mean it. It's not intuition, it's common sense. Jealousy shouldn't really come into it since their is no real exclusivity involved.0 -
I would like to clarify somethings.
1) The first time we dated was for about two months. I, after two months asked him to meet my son. He was not ready. I took this as him not wanting to be serious. HOWEVER, when I broke it off I did break his heart. He did really care for me, he just wasn't ready to meet my son. He did contact me weeks later and tell me he would like to take me and my son to the park. But I was dating this other guy... sooo I did hurt him, and he did want something serious.
2) We both dated while we were off. I dated a guy I've known for a very long time and we got physical together. He on the other hand dated, but nothing phsyical. I know this because the first time we were intimate when we started dating again, he whispered in my ear that he hadn't been with anyone since me. No reason to sprout lies, since he has always been honest.
3) It's not that I don't trust him. We have talked about where we would like this relationship to go. We just aren't "there" yet. He's been honest enough to say he's cheated before (on this chick that's he taking to dinner!!) because she cheated on him. I've been cheated on... so I think that all plays into how I feel.
So having said that... does it change any opinions.
I think I'm just going to call him and talk to him. Unfortunately we don't have the opportunity to meet up before Friday when he takes the ex to dinner. I appreciate all the opinions and advice. No clue yet where to go from here. But I know I deserve a good man. Based on how the conversation goes, I know I will be able to figure it out!
Well, I don't understand why you are getting upset with him when YOU had sex with someone else and he didn't. Guys have feelings too. if you guys haven't gotten to the 'committed' part yet...then who cares if he is going out with his ex??0 -
This has nothing to do with neither jealousy nor intuition. He obviously doesn't think too much of what you two have if he's being that blatant. You two are not in a solidified relationship, correct? But I'm going to assume that you're having sex, right? You're not a priority to him or he wouldn't be going OR making those statements, plain and simple. At least he's being honest, but you need to reevaluate, or even primarily evaluate what your role is. If what he's obviously offering isn't up to your standards, ditch him. You get whatever you settle for and it seems that you're settling for less right now. This is who he is. Time to move on, or accept the terms because it's not going to get better.
Exactly. Don't go in like a girl guessing, go in like a woman who knows what she wants and asks for it.0 -
I'll be the stranger that tells you the truth. :flowerforyou:
That's on you, not him. If you're in an "on/off relationship", you're not in a relationship. From what you wrote, at best, you're friends who occassionally sleep together for periods of times. At worst, *kitten* buddies. And that's only bad because you don't seem to be aware of the status quo and he does.
People who say stuff as a joke tend to mean it. It's not intuition, it's common sense. Jealousy shouldn't really come into it since their is no real exclusivity involved.
Exactly what I said, but wrapped in a neat little bow. I like your style :flowerforyou:0 -
Am I the only one that doesn't feel that all breakups have to be ugly things in which the people never talk to each other again? I've remained friends with people I've dated before, and if the opportunity/reason came up to take one of them to a birthday dinner or something, I wouldn't necessarily have turned it down. It doesn't mean we're not "over" each other (in fact, one of the guys I dated still drops by to chat when he's in town, and we both have our own families now), it just means dating each other didn't work out and that we made better friends than significant others.
^^^ OMG!!! A sane person ... Glad someone thinks like me
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When I was still out there dating, girls had 3 dates to give it up or they were taken out of my rotation.This is why you don't give it up to people right away! This right here. Women wouldn't have a problem moving on from something like this if they were just dating and not haveing sex. Too many feelings!
Anything past 3 dates meant they were just using me for free food.0 -
When I was still out there dating, girls had 3 dates to give it up or they were taken out of my rotation.This is why you don't give it up to people right away! This right here. Women wouldn't have a problem moving on from something like this if they were just dating and not haveing sex. Too many feelings!
Anything past 3 dates meant they were just using me for free food.
My ex-boyfriend said this. LOL!0 -
When I was still out there dating, girls had 3 dates to give it up or they were taken out of my rotation.This is why you don't give it up to people right away! This right here. Women wouldn't have a problem moving on from something like this if they were just dating and not haveing sex. Too many feelings!
Anything past 3 dates meant they were just using me for free food.
My ex-boyfriend said this. LOL!
He was a smart man.0 -
When I was still out there dating, girls had 3 dates to give it up or they were taken out of my rotation.This is why you don't give it up to people right away! This right here. Women wouldn't have a problem moving on from something like this if they were just dating and not haveing sex. Too many feelings!
Anything past 3 dates meant they were just using me for free food.
Wow, makes me glad I'm not out there anymore. Ftr, I pay for things too, so I'm not just getting free food.0 -
When I was still out there dating, girls had 3 dates to give it up or they were taken out of my rotation.This is why you don't give it up to people right away! This right here. Women wouldn't have a problem moving on from something like this if they were just dating and not haveing sex. Too many feelings!
Anything past 3 dates meant they were just using me for free food.
My ex-boyfriend said this. LOL!
He was a smart man.
He was a control freak! And now he's alone!0 -
It's neither jealousy or intuition. It's a big red flag telling you this dude is a loser!
You have a son; be careful of the messages he is receiving about how to treat women.
I don't care what year it is - wait until you get married to have sex!
When you are older and wiser, you will start to get things in the Bible that you never got before.
You will look back on your life and realize that if you only listened to God's Word instead of man, your life would have been a whole lot better.
(Let the bashing begin - I'm out of here!)0 -
Ok girl first of all-- he seems like an *kitten* but I cant say much cus my bf is sarcastic like that. BUT-- unless they are childhood friends that grew up together and lived beside each other then I would be concerned. What business does he have taking her out for her bday?? They dont sound like exs to me. If it were a group of folks maybe but just the two of them i dont think so. This isnt you just being jealous, sounds to me like during your month break he found time to rekindle a old flame
Actually, if you read the story, I'd be more concerned if there were other people going to eat with them.0 -
Right on.It's neither jealousy or intuition. It's a big red flag telling you this dude is a loser!
You have a son; be careful of the messages he is receiving about how to treat women.
I don't care what year it is - wait until you get married to have sex!
When you are older and wiser, you will start to get things in the Bible that you never got before.
You will look back on your life and realize that if you only listened to God's Word instead of man, your life would have been a whole lot better.
(Let the bashing begin - I'm out of here!)0
This discussion has been closed.
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