Is this jealousy or intuition?

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Replies

  • shamr0ck
    shamr0ck Posts: 296 Member
    You are not in a serious relationship, it doesn't sound like you're exclusive, so what he does on his own time is his business. If you're worried about it and want to elevate the relationship, talk to him. If he doesn't want exclusivity and you don't want to play the field, then you have the option to seek company elsewhere.

    He didn't have to tell you he was taking her out, so there is that.
  • Katbaran
    Katbaran Posts: 605 Member
    "We can't. She's not coming to my house."

    Dry sense of humor?

    That's along the lines of what I thought, too. As in: "We can't. She's not coming to MY house." Like there is no way I'm taking her home with me.

    Just a thought. You know him better than we do.
  • mslack01
    mslack01 Posts: 823 Member
    "We can't. She's not coming to my house."

    Dry sense of humor?


    ^^^^This maybe?
  • Maude_Lewbowski
    Maude_Lewbowski Posts: 395 Member
    So, if she was an accountant who was part of the threesome you wouldn't be jealous? I don't get your logic here.

    I would be suspicious of several things you mentioned and I would also move on. This post is a minefield of red flags.

    Don't you think you deserve better than this? Surely you do.
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
    Personally, I'd probably move on and find someone else to date. Someone who told me he 'can't' sleep with his ex because she won't be going to his house doesn't sound like someone I'd be interested in.

    This is what I'm thinking too.
  • knighthood77
    knighthood77 Posts: 47
    Not cool. He should at least invite you.
  • mikeyrp
    mikeyrp Posts: 1,616 Member
    It doesn't seem like you are in a position where anything you do will be 'right'.

    If you want a serious relationship with the guy you have to tell him that. Tell him if he want to sleep with her he should have the guts to split up with you first - and f he doesn't then you have to trust him.
  • Diary_Queen
    Diary_Queen Posts: 1,314 Member
    On again off again through the course of three months seems like more of an upfront sign before the whole conversation about the ex. I have only re-dated a person after being 'off' two times in my life. Both times were mistakes. They were the same person with a new shiny lie to 'get me back'.

    It does sound like a casual thing that you're putting constraints on. If you haven't discussed exclusivity, then he's free to do as he pleases. Not that he SHOULD... not that it's right... not that it will be a good choice, but he's a free guy until there's a monogamous committment made between the two of you. MADE not, just 'oh i think we're being monogamous now cause he's not doing anyone else'.

    If you want to say something to him, print this screen and hand it to him. Don't argue. Don't yell. Don't storm off... sit, talk quietly and calmly and then make the appropriate decision from there. If he's not willing to talk about it openly and honestly, then he's not willing to have a relationship.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    Move on...pretty simple!
    Hey I hear you're single now...call me.
    FR sent....lol
  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
    When someone tries to tell you something about them.. listen! It seems that you two are looking for different things. If he was into you and wanting to make what you have a real relationship, he wouldn't be taking his ex out to dinner and saying that they can't have sex because of logistics. I would cut your ties with him and move on. Who knows, maybe that will make him see what he's lost with you. Then if he starts to pursue you again, you could tell him why you moved on and what you need.
  • anorangie
    anorangie Posts: 975 Member
    Am I just jealous, or is my intuition kicking in here?

    intuition
  • ChrisRS87
    ChrisRS87 Posts: 781 Member
    Easy women (and men) come in all professions. Just saying. Stripper / Accountant - matters not.

    Which public accounting firm should I be applying to? I haven't worked with one of these yet.

    If she were an accountant moonlighting as a stripper would that make her the easiest woman ever?
  • josiereside
    josiereside Posts: 720 Member
    If you are looking for a relationship with this guy, just turn around now and run away fast... if you are okay with him taking ex's out to dinner and who knows what else, then fine.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    You two have only been dating a few months - this is not long enough to have anything invested in the relationship. If you're not comfortable with him taking his ex (regardless of her profession and their sexual conduct) out for a birthday dinner, then you need to date someone who doesn't do those things.
  • LelliAmi
    LelliAmi Posts: 327 Member
    Intuition. Hands down. If he was really done with her, he wouldn't be taking her out for one, and that answer he gave you was a TOTAL red flag if I've ever seen one. It's probably best to make sure you're doing your own thing that night. Go out with some friends to keep your mind away from what he may or may not be doing with his ex, and ignore the hell out of him if he calls you. Honestly, it's better just not to try having a relationship with a guy like that, but if you reeeaally like him then you need to make it hard for him.
  • grrrlface
    grrrlface Posts: 1,204 Member
    Hmm... If a guy I was dating was going out for a meal with his ex I would take it that he's just not that into me and move on.
  • _CowgirlUp_
    _CowgirlUp_ Posts: 585 Member
    He's not dating you, he's having sex with you. And probably her too and who knows who else. I'd show him the door immediately and never look back. You deserve someone that's into you and he sounds wishy washy and taking an ex on a date doesn't make her an ex anymore...it's a date. "Are guys really that stupid?" I don't want to call you stupid but trust your gut and know that this arrangement is for his benefit solely. You're being played girl. Self respect...that's what it's about. Move on and find a decent man.
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,238 Member
    Not cool. He should at least invite you.

    :angry: beat me to it
  • tabik30
    tabik30 Posts: 443
    CUT YOUR LOSSES!!! Misery and heartache lies ahead!
  • MizSaz
    MizSaz Posts: 445 Member
    3 months of casual on and off dating doesn't scream 'committed relationship' to me. I think he's given you as much honesty as he should be expected to with your relationship being where it is.
  • avasano
    avasano Posts: 487 Member
    Let him go. It is too early not to be able to trust someone. Don't waste your time. Dating is an interview process. He failed. Tell him you will keep his application on flie for 90 days.
  • MtnKat
    MtnKat Posts: 714
    *RED FLAG* *RED FLAG* *RED FLAG*

    Get rid of him. Sounds like he still has feelings for his ex. An ex is an ex....you can still be friends and not go out on dinner dates. He has not moved on yet.

    Don't wait for 10 years, 2 kids, a mortgage and a car payment before you realize what a jerk he really is.
  • Squiggs67
    Squiggs67 Posts: 178
    Ok, 10 dates over 3 months...is he really worth it? Go with your gut, it's probably your instinct screaming at you to run far, far away!!
  • Vincentsz
    Vincentsz Posts: 407 Member
    Why is it that as soon as people start dating they gain Hooks! What's wrong with someone maintaining a healthy sexual relationship with others when not actually being "in wedlock". Haven't you ever heard the old proverb?" If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours, if not it never was!" Why do people get so jealous while casually dating? That's insecurity! If you truly want to find your soul-mate it will take more than 10 dates and it's hard to "lock" someone in before a couple years of getting to know them! Relax, if he is bangin' her so be it. If you are having sex with him (IDK) but as long as YOU are having safe sex it shouldn't matter. See where it goes. See if he's serious. If it's real, if he's "the one" only TIME will tell.

    Relax! There are plenty of fish in the sea.If you pressure anyone too much you will appear insecure and clingy, no one likes that.
  • AprilRenewed
    AprilRenewed Posts: 691 Member
    3 months of casual on and off dating doesn't scream 'committed relationship' to me. I think he's given you as much honesty as he should be expected to with your relationship being where it is.

    This is basically what I said, only much more succinctly. :)

    My husband and I were talking love and marriage by the second date. By 3 months, we had been living together for 2 months already. So this situation would NOT have been okay.

    But if you were off for the past month...and now you're suddenly back on...I don't see this as a big deal. That doesn't mean I wouldn't be jealous, but still.
  • Amryfal
    Amryfal Posts: 225
    Sounds like your on again off again is his casual sex. Maybe you should talk to him and make sure you guys are on the same page.

    This. He's not acting like someone who has a serious interest in you as relationship material. And I may get flamed for saying it, but there's nothing wrong with his attitude. In my experience, on-off generally means not committed. It's a mismatch of expectations.

    It sucks hard, but I've been there. It's better to say thanks but no thanks in a dignified manner and walk away than to get wrapped up in this guy who obviously isn't going to give you what you need, and get hurt later :(
  • portalm
    portalm Posts: 201 Member
    CUT YOUR LOSSES!!! Misery and heartache lies ahead!

    How do you figure? He is telling the honest truth about taking an ex out? Seems like a liar to me surely....
  • BVannillie
    BVannillie Posts: 140
    You're not answering any questions about if you two are in a proper relationship, which makes me assume you aren't. If that's true, you can't really get jealous because he's not actually committed to you. I feel like you've been on enough 'dates' to know if you want to be together, and it doesn't seem like he wants to. I say move on. At the very least you should ask him where you stand.
  • lrichardson2360
    lrichardson2360 Posts: 225 Member
    It's been my experience that most guys are very literal and we as women tend to read into what they say too much. When he says that "He can't," it may not necessarily mean that he wants to and can't. That may have just been the first thought that came to his head instead of reassuring you that he wouldn't because he wants to be with you. IMO, most guys don't think about what a woman will think when they spout out an answer. If he's never given you a reason to distrust him before, you may need to give him the benefit of the doubt.

    That begin said, I would be lying if I said I wouldn't be threatened by an ex whose a stripper, LOL. I don't have enough confidence in myself to not be threatened. Good luck! :ohwell:
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
    3 months and you're already having these feelings. Is he really worth it to you?

    He obviously does not want to commit and I'm willing to bet money that he has slept with her within the past month (while you guys were on/off) I would not continue to see him.

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