Why do people not allow the "under 1200" friend requests

CoderGal · August 2012

I have a number of friends who hover around the 1200 mark and frequently under, they are trying to get it consistently up but it's a daily fight, I do have trouble when I add someone and they are eating 1,000 of junk food so if they can't or don't want to improve that then sadly we part ways. It isn't truly the number of calories but the quality of those calories.

Also, are you going to criticize those who don't accept fad dieters, I don't, since I believe this is a lifestyle change and hence fad diets are not on my radar. I do pm folks under 1200 before accepting and get to know their story a bit before adding them as i accepted a group of girls and they were all in that 800 a day and whining that they only got 600 calories of exercise in, so they were knowingly (yes I asked) providing their bodies with 200 in nutrition, can't do that as I have a couple of girls that are finally up to 1200 a day and I didn't need that chatter in my newsfeed.

There are a million reasons why folks that have been here awhile don't accept under 1200 but if you pm'd them and explained why you wanted to be their friend they might make an exception. As in perhaps you want help eating a bit more or improving your choices.

At this point I have 70 friends to keep up with and so I have contemplated posting that i am not accepting friends requests at this time, however, I probably wouldn't since i would get a bunch of damn hatemail. If you take supporting your friends seriously you have to limit the list some way and so oftentimes folks just pick something to cut down on the requests. Support can become a full time job otherwise and many of us have very full lives already.

If someone explains they would definitely get a friend accept from me if we can help eachother in some way or have something in common and aren't just sitting there as another name to sift through and you will definitely get hatemail if you put that message up haha. You will also get tons of excited friend requests with messages along the lines of yay someone else who is trying to eat healthy and lose.

Sweety, I understand that you might not have much in common with those other members, but consider this please...

I see posts from those that choose to eat that way, I actually want to get into the position soon so I can help them too. Small things like adding a little natural peanut butter or adding some walnuts to their yogurt, encouraging them to make healthier choices.

We look at dairies for ideas, omy the wonderful ideas I have gotten from my friend who is helping me the most, but so many of those discriminating against them also close their diaries to friends only... they don't share helpful ideas.

Why not offer help? Those that choose to eat low calorie, they need help too.. I'd say they need support to improve their eating and exercise lifestyle as much as anyone else, as much or more so than I do.

I think most of us do

Except for the people who get to snippy and cranky and don't want help...Then I usually delete that person because we are not helpful for eachother. Like I would delete you because you're ignorant with your assumptions that people aren't supportive or helpful. You obviously haven't read the rest of the boards or this thread. That must be why I just got 6 friend requests this morning because of my replies on this thread...Some people must think we're helpful :P

I have a number of friends who hover around the 1200 mark and frequently under, they are trying to get it consistently up but it's a daily fight, I do have trouble when I add someone and they are eating 1,000 of junk food so if they can't or don't want to improve that then sadly we part ways. It isn't truly the number of calories but the quality of those calories.

Also, are you going to criticize those who don't accept fad dieters, I don't, since I believe this is a lifestyle change and hence fad diets are not on my radar. I do pm folks under 1200 before accepting and get to know their story a bit before adding them as i accepted a group of girls and they were all in that 800 a day and whining that they only got 600 calories of exercise in, so they were knowingly (yes I asked) providing their bodies with 200 in nutrition, can't do that as I have a couple of girls that are finally up to 1200 a day and I didn't need that chatter in my newsfeed.

There are a million reasons why folks that have been here awhile don't accept under 1200 but if you pm'd them and explained why you wanted to be their friend they might make an exception. As in perhaps you want help eating a bit more or improving your choices.

At this point I have 70 friends to keep up with and so I have contemplated posting that i am not accepting friends requests at this time, however, I probably wouldn't since i would get a bunch of damn hatemail. If you take supporting your friends seriously you have to limit the list some way and so oftentimes folks just pick something to cut down on the requests. Support can become a full time job otherwise and many of us have very full lives already.

If someone explains they would definitely get a friend accept from me if we can help eachother in some way or have something in common and aren't just sitting there as another name to sift through and you will definitely get hatemail if you put that message up haha. You will also get tons of excited friend requests with messages along the lines of yay someone else who is trying to eat healthy and lose.

Sweety, I understand that you might not have much in common with those other members, but consider this please...

I see posts from those that choose to eat that way, I actually want to get into the position soon so I can help them too. Small things like adding a little natural peanut butter or adding some walnuts to their yogurt, encouraging them to make healthier choices.

We look at dairies for ideas, omy the wonderful ideas I have gotten from my friend who is helping me the most, but so many of those discriminating against them also close their diaries to friends only... they don't share helpful ideas.

Why not offer help? Those that choose to eat low calorie, they need help too.. I'd say they need support to improve their eating and exercise lifestyle as much as anyone else, as much or more so than I do.

I think most of us do

Except for the people who get to snippy and cranky and don't want help...Then I usually delete that person because we are not helpful for eachother. Like I would delete you because you're ignorant with your assumptions that people aren't supportive or helpful. You obviously haven't read the rest of the boards or this thread. That must be why I just got 6 friend requests this morning because of my replies on this thread...Some people must think we're helpful :P

I don't know. This is supposed to be a support group for people who are trying to lose any amount of weight or even for those that might be trying to gain weight.

I don't get very many responses to my posts or friend requests because when I created my account I decided to give myself a user name that would motivate me. At the time of creating my account I didn't know there was this whole community of people I would be chatting with. I thought it was just an app to log exercise and food. Plus, when I reach my goal weight I plan to stay on here because I want to maintain. Maybe I will be shunned at that point. LOL

You won't be shunned if you're maintaining via healthy methods.

opuntia · August 2012

Oh my... is this a post about choosing your friends?

Seriously... you are telling/judging/critiquing a person's choice of friends?

Oh my.

I am almost speechless. Is it not their choice who their friends are? For whatever reason, who is to question that?

I think most people are challenging/critiquing the underlying assumptions behind the choice, rather than the person's right to be selective with friendships. These underlying assumptions have become evident in this thread.

For instance, I could make a decision not to friend any black people, because I'd had an experience of having two black friends in the past and they both said mean things about white people. I would of course be totally within my rights to make such a decision. However, if I publicly announced that I don't friend black people, I would be a fool to assume no one would question that. And if I then gave the reason I've just given, I'd be a fool to assume no one would critique my reasoning!

ahlani · August 2012

Truly, pick and choose your friends as you see fit when seeking members that will support and help you to your goal of a healthier lifestyle.

Plain and simple.

Ones that publicly discriminate against members with your own medical situations or disease, take it as a warning that you don't want them in your friend circles.

Leeanne1974 · August 2012

Right, I am sure I will have a few people jumping down my throat here...
Not everyone who eats less than 1200 a day has an eating disorder for crying out loud. I have been dieting for 7 and a half months, I have lost 2 stone and 7.5lbs in that time. That isn't a great deal I know....
I tried 1200, upped to 1300, have had some days 1500 and I was constantly stalling. I was literally putting on 4lb losing 1lb, losing 3 then putting on 2 etc. I have PCOS and it does make things harder.
This week however I have been at around 900-1100 cals. Been doing a little bit of walking and eating lots of fruit and veg and salad. I have started losing again. I haven't lost and put on this week for the first time in 2 months. I have lost. It isn't about starving myself, it is about finding the correct calorie amount that seems to have spurred my weight loss back on track.
I am friends with someone who is on a liquid diet, 600 cals a day on here. She hasn't got an eating disorder either. She is doing something that is working for her and will be introducing foods back into her diet in a controlled way once she has lost a chunk of weight.
I'm 38 years old and believe me, I have tried every diet / eating plan / healthy eating programme on the planet almost.
I am now losing again and it does feel good. I'm not starving myself, just actually finally listening to my body and eating good food when it tells me it is hungry.

CoderGal · August 2012

I just read this and I love it: You can lead a human to education, you can not make him think.

Those are the friends I let go of.

haha love it.

Another personal experience that popped up is I had a under-eating friend who started harassing the rest of my friends list because they eat without my knowledge...I had to delete them when a few friends deleted me and I asked them why. I'm quite wary of people now. But I still tend to add those if someone messages me about the reason I have that message up if they're alright with my choice even if the messages start off in a hateful manner. Once explained a lot of people come to a understanding. It seems there are still quite a few under-eating folk who have brains left but you figure out the unstable ones that don't take a moment to think that could potentially attack your friends awfully quick when that message is up.

opuntia · August 2012

Another personal experience that popped up is I had a under-eating friend who started harassing the rest of my friends list because they eat without my knowledge...I had to delete them when a few friends deleted me and I asked them why. I'm quite wary of people now.

To be fair though, someone can be a harassing friend regardless of how much they're eating. I've never come across any statistics to suggest that harassment is more common in people who eat under 1200 calories per day!

A piece of personal experience pops up for me too. I had a friend on another site who started harassing me and my other friends. She was overweight and American. I told her that I was not happy with the way she was behaving, and then I deleted her. However (odd though this may seem) it's never occurred to me since then to be wary of all overweight Americans!

CoderGal · August 2012

Right, I am sure I will have a few people jumping down my throat here...
Not everyone who eats less than 1200 a day has an eating disorder for crying out loud. I have been dieting for 7 and a half months, I have lost 2 stone and 7.5lbs in that time. That isn't a great deal I know....
I tried 1200, upped to 1300, have had some days 1500 and I was constantly stalling. I was literally putting on 4lb losing 1lb, losing 3 then putting on 2 etc. I have PCOS and it does make things harder.
This week however I have been at around 900-1100 cals. Been doing a little bit of walking and eating lots of fruit and veg and salad. I have started losing again. I haven't lost and put on this week for the first time in 2 months. I have lost. It isn't about starving myself, it is about finding the correct calorie amount that seems to have spurred my weight loss back on track.
I am friends with someone who is on a liquid diet, 600 cals a day on here. She hasn't got an eating disorder either. She is doing something that is working for her and will be introducing foods back into her diet in a controlled way once she has lost a chunk of weight.
I'm 38 years old and believe me, I have tried every diet / eating plan / healthy eating programme on the planet almost.
I am now losing again and it does feel good. I'm not starving myself, just actually finally listening to my body and eating good food when it tells me it is hungry.

Hopefully nobody jumps down your throat.

You're probably experiencing what you are because calorie restriction tends to not be effective for pcos individuals. You should get managing pcos for dummies, it may give you some information that can help and also mentions that you shouldn't restrict below 1500 unless supervised by a doctor. It also suggest you shouldn't follow diets you can't follow for life.

http://books.google.ca/books?id=Dad4YTHYgPYC&pg=PT305&lpg=PT305&dq=PCOS+low+calorie+diet&source=bl&ots=JimJ_nozAH&sig=OV-IAsuF3H3lMUAXVRq_8k1FxTI&sa=X&ei=EqovUMblLPGK0QGN6YDoCA&ved=0CEQQ6AEwBw#v=onepage&q=PCOS low calorie diet&f=false

That's some of the PCOS book, search for Ten Rules for spotting a bad diet.

Also it seems exercise does more good then large calorie restrictions according to this pcos site: http://www.pcosnutrition.com/index.php?pID=29

Another pcos website suggests that calorie restriction can cause gains http://pcosinfo.com/low-calorie-diet/ (and this is what happened to a friend of mine who has pcos, she's no longer on such a large calorie restriction and it took a while but now she's losing).

This other pcos site contains a study showing that calorie restriction in pcos patience causes weight gain:
http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/news108.html#sec2

There's also other books that suggest you don't need to restrict calories to lose weight:
http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/pcos-book-res.html

If you spend some time on youtube there's a few people that are controling their disorder with diet, but not calorie restrictions. When I was trying to help my friend out we found that the best diet is one low in processed carbs (but you can still eat carbs) and high in protein. Don't quote me on that tho because I haven't read the books and I'm just going by what several randoms on youtube said but figured I'd share incase you want to look into it, it may help :flowerforyou:

PerfectAndi · August 2012

Some people eat low-cal for a reason. I have a history of EDNOS and BED and I find that if I allow myself to much I binge but also if I allow myself to little I binge too. I find that 750 is a good netting range. Sometime I eat 1200+, sometimes I eat less. Depending on how much I exercise.

wyze · August 2012

I honestly fail to see why people care that someone you dont know, have never met, probably will never meet, won't add you as a friend? I am not saying this to be rude, but i just dont understand why it is an issue for most people. People screen potential friends based on common interests thats all it is. If you dont fit the bill, move on. Its that simple, atleast in my mind.

jayliospecky · August 2012

Right, I am sure I will have a few people jumping down my throat here...
Not everyone who eats less than 1200 a day has an eating disorder for crying out loud. I have been dieting for 7 and a half months, I have lost 2 stone and 7.5lbs in that time. That isn't a great deal I know....
I tried 1200, upped to 1300, have had some days 1500 and I was constantly stalling. I was literally putting on 4lb losing 1lb, losing 3 then putting on 2 etc. I have PCOS and it does make things harder.
This week however I have been at around 900-1100 cals. Been doing a little bit of walking and eating lots of fruit and veg and salad. I have started losing again. I haven't lost and put on this week for the first time in 2 months. I have lost. It isn't about starving myself, it is about finding the correct calorie amount that seems to have spurred my weight loss back on track.
I am friends with someone who is on a liquid diet, 600 cals a day on here. She hasn't got an eating disorder either. She is doing something that is working for her and will be introducing foods back into her diet in a controlled way once she has lost a chunk of weight.
I'm 38 years old and believe me, I have tried every diet / eating plan / healthy eating programme on the planet almost.
I am now losing again and it does feel good. I'm not starving myself, just actually finally listening to my body and eating good food when it tells me it is hungry.

Hopefully nobody jumps down your throat.

You're probably experiencing what you are because calorie restriction tends to not be effective for pcos individuals. You should get managing pcos for dummies, it may give you some information that can help and also mentions that you shouldn't restrict below 1500 unless supervised by a doctor. It also suggest you shouldn't follow diets you can't follow for life.

http://books.google.ca/books?id=Dad4YTHYgPYC&pg=PT305&lpg=PT305&dq=PCOS+low+calorie+diet&source=bl&ots=JimJ_nozAH&sig=OV-IAsuF3H3lMUAXVRq_8k1FxTI&sa=X&ei=EqovUMblLPGK0QGN6YDoCA&ved=0CEQQ6AEwBw#v=onepage&q=PCOS low calorie diet&f=false

That's some of the PCOS book, search for Ten Rules for spotting a bad diet.

Also it seems exercise does more good then large calorie restrictions according to this pcos site: http://www.pcosnutrition.com/index.php?pID=29

Another pcos website suggests that calorie restriction can cause gains http://pcosinfo.com/low-calorie-diet/ (and this is what happened to a friend of mine who has pcos, she's no longer on such a large calorie restriction and it took a while but now she's losing).

This other pcos site contains a study showing that calorie restriction in pcos patience causes weight gain:
http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/news108.html#sec2

There's also other books that suggest you don't need to restrict calories to lose weight:
http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/pcos-book-res.html

If you spend some time on youtube there's a few people that are controling their disorder with diet, but not calorie restrictions. When I was trying to help my friend out we found that the best diet is one low in processed carbs (but you can still eat carbs) and high in protein. Don't quote me on that tho because I haven't read the books and I'm just going by what several randoms on youtube said but figured I'd share incase you want to look into it, it may help :flowerforyou:

CoderGal: Hope you don't mind, I am borrowing your post to show a friend with PCOS who is struggling. Lots of links I'd like to look up later. Thanks!

HazelCaz · August 2012

I eat right at the 1200 calorie mark and would challenge anyone to read my food journal and find any fault with it. I eat great sized meals with a variety of fruit and veggies, chicken and fish, and 1 lean meat per week. Not all people who eat at this level are starving themselves.
People can choose whoever they want as friends. I haven't run across anyone who is limiting their choices in this way.

CoderGal · August 2012

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/494091-i-just-don-t-care-anymore
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/709987-how-wrong-i-was-600-days-of-mfp-lotsa-pics
Something to go through *cough*

toaster6 · August 2012

@toaster6

I have no clue. But it irks me that someone would assume I have an eating disorder because I eat less than 1200 calories a day. I'm overweight so I feel like it should be obvious I haven't got an eating disorder because if I do, I'm doing it wrong.

Clearly you don't know very much about eating disorders. ANYONE of ANY WEIGHT can suffer from an eating disorder--not just those considered "too skinny". Those of us with EDs come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. An eating disorder has very LITTLE to do with how much you weigh.

I'm in recovery from an eating disorder, and while I don't have a post on my profile saying that I won't accept requests from people who eat <1200 cal a day, I generally will not friend them back or seek them out. I don't care what they are doing with their lives, but seeing those low low numbers (1000, 800, 400(!!!)) is really triggering for me and leaves me thinking "maybe I need to be eating 800 calories too," which sends me into a spiral of eating disorder behaviors. I haven't been permitted to count calories and diet for a long time now, and last time I tried to count calories, I became VERY obsessive to the point where I would try to net 0 calories a day, but I'm in a healthier place, and along with a nutritionist and therapist, I am trying this again. Seeing people with really low goals triggers that desire in me and I'm not here for that. I'm here to try to lose weight in a healthy, safe, and supportive environment, and posts and profiles with those low low goals are toxic and dangerous for me. If it works for you, that's fantastic, but I can't get into that mindset.

I'm not going to call someone out in a forum or tell them what they are doing is sick or unhealthy (even if I think it is), because their choices are none of my business. I will, however, refuse their friend requests or decide not to read their posts because I can. It says it on the top of the page, my friends list and profile are my "home" on MFP. I'm allowed to make and maintain a home that makes me feel safe--and I'm not going to put my own health and sanity in jeopardy in order to save someone's feelings from being hurt by my refusal to click the "add friend" button.

I know quite well about eating disorders as my father has issues with anorexia and one of my best friends was anorexic/ bulimic. I was referring specifically to myself and not making a broad general statement. I'm sorry if that's how you read it. I don't really care if someone here wants to be my friend really as I already have a nice support network. If someone wants to be my friend that's great, if not, that's great too. I'm not taking issue with someone not wanting to be my friend, I'm taking an issue with people assuming I have an eating disorder because I don't eat as much as others.

opuntia · August 2012

I honestly fail to see why people care that someone you dont know, have never met, probably will never meet, won't add you as a friend?

I can't speak for everyone, but personally, I don't care about whether strangers add me as a friend. However, I do care about false and harmful stereotypes being perpetrated about everyone who eats less than 1200. In the same way that I care about false and harmful stereotypes being perpetrated about any group of people, regardless of whether I am part of that group or not. It breeds ignorance and fear and prejudice.

Mellie289 · August 2012

Oh my... is this a post about choosing your friends?

Seriously... you are telling/judging/critiquing a person's choice of friends?

Oh my.

I am almost speechless. Is it not their choice who their friends are? For whatever reason, who is to question that?

I can see the original post is asking "why", out of curiosity, I would suppose... but, the thread has lead to a bit of bashing of personal choice.

For motivation and support it is quite understandable that your "friends" would be on the same path as you. And hopefully, within that you get a good mix to motivate you to your goals, whatever they may be. With all that said, here are the forums that are open to everyone so we can get a wonderful mix of people that can brighten our day, give us a laugh (when you don't take it personally), pump us up, and open our world to such variety.

^Beautifully put and exactly what I was thinking.

I want friends who have similar motivation and goals as me, and who might be following a similar path to get there (not starving themselves, eating healthy food, regular exercise). I love friends who have new things to teach me.

Once I'm friends with someone, I will delete them if I see constant inactivity for logging, daily excuses for not doing exercise, and eating junk food all the time but keeping the calorie count below goal. I don't want to look into diaries and see all processed foods that I'm trying to avoid. It doesn't help me to see that crap, and I am here first and foremost for ME, not to support a bunch of strangers on their journey. I have tons of support to give, but everyone of us here has to put ourselves first, especially if we are still working to get to a healthy weight.

I've even deleted one male MFP friend who just seemed to be on a mission to collect up as many female friends as possible. I'm not here to be on someone's friends list just to stroke his ego online to soothe his insecurities. People need to surround themselves with the friends that are going to support their goals. It's nice that some of you have the time and inclination to support other people beyond that - I don't.

I just don't understand the judging of others for wanting to limit their friends list to people who share a similar approach to MFP and why anybody cares that someone doesn't want to be friends with them because they eat under 1200 calories a day. Not everyone has to like or support everyone else and be their friends. Surely there are thousands of other MFP users to choose from for friends.

cuarrech · August 2012

I've gone from 212lb back up to 220lb eating what I have been for the past month (my diary is public). I have had a few binge days, and I eat some treats, but averaged out my calorie intake was normal to slightly low for my height. I've tried various tweaks in the past, high fat, low fat, high protein, low protein, high carb, low carb and various combinations thereof. It doesn't seem to matter. I'm very jealous that people can eat anything from 1400-2500kcal and still lose, but it seems I just cannot. I think I will have to transition to a very low calorie diet in order to lose, and then try to inch calories and exercise up when I am nearing goal and hope I can tweak and nudge my metabolism to eat a more normal amount to maintain. So, I can understand someone needing to eat less temporarily and I would feel sad to be dumped as a friend because, for reasons unknown to me, I cannot eat a normal amount of food and lose weight. I would not remove anyone who ate little, but I might if they promoted it for others or had unhealthy thought patterns they expressed. So it's not about the calories for me, but about the person.

CoderGal · August 2012

Right, I am sure I will have a few people jumping down my throat here...
Not everyone who eats less than 1200 a day has an eating disorder for crying out loud. I have been dieting for 7 and a half months, I have lost 2 stone and 7.5lbs in that time. That isn't a great deal I know....
I tried 1200, upped to 1300, have had some days 1500 and I was constantly stalling. I was literally putting on 4lb losing 1lb, losing 3 then putting on 2 etc. I have PCOS and it does make things harder.
This week however I have been at around 900-1100 cals. Been doing a little bit of walking and eating lots of fruit and veg and salad. I have started losing again. I haven't lost and put on this week for the first time in 2 months. I have lost. It isn't about starving myself, it is about finding the correct calorie amount that seems to have spurred my weight loss back on track.
I am friends with someone who is on a liquid diet, 600 cals a day on here. She hasn't got an eating disorder either. She is doing something that is working for her and will be introducing foods back into her diet in a controlled way once she has lost a chunk of weight.
I'm 38 years old and believe me, I have tried every diet / eating plan / healthy eating programme on the planet almost.
I am now losing again and it does feel good. I'm not starving myself, just actually finally listening to my body and eating good food when it tells me it is hungry.

Hopefully nobody jumps down your throat.

You're probably experiencing what you are because calorie restriction tends to not be effective for pcos individuals. You should get managing pcos for dummies, it may give you some information that can help and also mentions that you shouldn't restrict below 1500 unless supervised by a doctor. It also suggest you shouldn't follow diets you can't follow for life.

http://books.google.ca/books?id=Dad4YTHYgPYC&pg=PT305&lpg=PT305&dq=PCOS+low+calorie+diet&source=bl&ots=JimJ_nozAH&sig=OV-IAsuF3H3lMUAXVRq_8k1FxTI&sa=X&ei=EqovUMblLPGK0QGN6YDoCA&ved=0CEQQ6AEwBw#v=onepage&q=PCOS low calorie diet&f=false

That's some of the PCOS book, search for Ten Rules for spotting a bad diet.

Also it seems exercise does more good then large calorie restrictions according to this pcos site: http://www.pcosnutrition.com/index.php?pID=29

Another pcos website suggests that calorie restriction can cause gains http://pcosinfo.com/low-calorie-diet/ (and this is what happened to a friend of mine who has pcos, she's no longer on such a large calorie restriction and it took a while but now she's losing).

This other pcos site contains a study showing that calorie restriction in pcos patience causes weight gain:
http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/news108.html#sec2

There's also other books that suggest you don't need to restrict calories to lose weight:
http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/pcos-book-res.html

If you spend some time on youtube there's a few people that are controling their disorder with diet, but not calorie restrictions. When I was trying to help my friend out we found that the best diet is one low in processed carbs (but you can still eat carbs) and high in protein. Don't quote me on that tho because I haven't read the books and I'm just going by what several randoms on youtube said but figured I'd share incase you want to look into it, it may help :flowerforyou:

CoderGal: Hope you don't mind, I am borrowing your post to show a friend with PCOS who is struggling. Lots of links I'd like to look up later. Thanks!

No problem, there are way to many people with pcos and thyroid problems and the masses are hardly eating to lose weight and sharing that with eachother. It's one of those things that is half understandable though since it really doesn't work well for them and if you had it you'd probably go straight to the same boat. That's why I don't mind arguing with those people. They're not being completely stupid about it and they're understandably scared since they are using a form of logic but that logic doesn't work. I know because I argued a few pounds off my friend when I convinced her to start eating more on her visit a while ago haha.

CoderGal · August 2012

I've gone from 212lb back up to 220lb eating what I have been for the past month (my diary is public). I have had a few binge days, and I eat some treats, but averaged out my calorie intake was normal to slightly low for my height. I've tried various tweaks in the past, high fat, low fat, high protein, low protein, high carb, low carb and various combinations thereof. It doesn't seem to matter. I'm very jealous that people can eat anything from 1400-2500kcal and still lose, but it seems I just cannot. I think I will have to transition to a very low calorie diet in order to lose, and then try to inch calories and exercise up when I am nearing goal and hope I can tweak and nudge my metabolism to eat a more normal amount to maintain. So, I can understand someone needing to eat less temporarily and I would feel sad to be dumped as a friend because, for reasons unknown to me, I cannot eat a normal amount of food and lose weight. I would not remove anyone who ate little, but I might if they promoted it for others or had unhealthy thought patterns they expressed. So it's not about the calories for me, but about the person.

I was going to suggest getting your thyroid checked but since your goal is 600 that probably has something to do with it. It's very common to gain on very little when eating very little for an extended period. You should read the 2 threads I posted on the last page for the girl who was eating little and thinking she had to eat that little to lose and is now the same weight tons thinner and eats like a monster and looks like a barbie.

danne32339 · August 2012

I would hate to think that I missed out on having a good friend just because I judged them by the amount of calories they consume.
I had gastric sleeve surgery in June and my doctor has me on a 1200 calorie a day plan. I try to follow it as closely as possible but right now I don't always make it to 1200. I am here because I would like to make friends and get healthier.
Good luck to all. :flowerforyou:

cuarrech · August 2012

I was going to suggest getting your thyroid checked but since your goal is 600 that probably has something to do with it. It's very common to gain on very little when eating very little for an extended period. You should read the 2 threads I posted on the last page for the girl who was eating little and thinking she had to eat that little to lose and is now the same weight tons thinner and eats like a monster and looks like a barbie.

The adjustment to 600 calorie goal was yesterday. I've been eating mostly what I have for the past month since January (my diary has not been consistently kept since then, though), with different macros, different levels of allowed treatage, etc.. trying to find the "magic" diet that would allow me to eat normal weight-loss calories and still lose. I've added and removed various types of exercise. went from 235 to 220 from January to May, and I haven't been able to permanently or significantly go down from there since on 1400-2000kcal. I'll look into your previous post.

Why do people not allow the "under 1200" friend requests

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