Body Envy /rant

mfpcopine

Thanks. Being aware of the problems in society does help but sometimes I fall into the trap anyway. I'm a stupid bi-otch that way sometimes. :

Wasn't suggesting that discussing the larger societal issues would make it all go away. But it's important to take a broader perspective. It's not just you and there is a reason.

aprus5542

I would be more concered that you are watching k-pop.

LOL

funkycamper

It's especially ridiculous because it's culturally induced. Not that we women shouldn't push back, but it's difficult to completely cast off cultural norms in a culture in which you still lack power. A lot of women don't think about it, or don't care, which is even sadder.

I've been reading this thread in fascination because I never realized so many women were so envious of others for such superficial reasons. I think it's quite sad. Even when I was young, I don't recall comparing myself to others. We all have different builds, strengths, weaknesses, etc. I just always wanted to be my best self.

But I wasn't going to type a response until I read this. I have to say "What the heck?????"

Really? You lack power? The only way you can lack power is to give your power away. The only way you can be wrapped up in ridiculous cultural norms that don't make any sense is if you allow those norms to get under your skin and effect you. If other women don't think about it or don't care, who cares? You are the only person you can control.

Good grief. I grew up in a time when Help Wanted ads were still listed separately as Men Only and Women Only. When there was no sexual harassment laws and I had to quit a job in high school because the boss pinched my butt every chance he got and there was no recourse but to quit. I was routinely paid 25-35% less than guys doing the same job I did. And there was no legal recourse, no ability to sue, nothing. Zip. It was the way it was.

Yes, we still live in a society with patriarchal tendencies but women have much more power than they have had at any time in history. By allowing yourself to envy other women, you're buying into patriarchal standards by judging yourself by what you think men prefer. And it's just a bunch of hooey.

I realize I've been lucky to be married to a man who thinks I'm hot and sexy whether I'm 130# or 230# or anywhere in-between. As long as I'm happy, he's happy. And I routinely point out beautiful women to him because there are women that leave me awe-struck with their beauty. I'm not jealous nor am I threatened by a beautiful woman. I simply appreciate beauty when I see it.

Only by grabbing and utilizing our own power, forging our own road and not buckling under to meaningless societal pressures, and by uplifting other women whether it be for their beauty or for their achievements or their wisdom or whatever, will women achieve equal power in this country. Quit whining and do it.

Oh, last comment, envy is never a good thing. You should never be motivated by envying others as that is motivation based from a negative and it usually creates negative emotions within us. Instead, be inspired. Inspiration is positive energy and more likely to yield positive results.

Rant over.

Becca_007

sigh.... the sad truth about modern society and media influence

exactly!:noway:

lamilli09

You may want to try practicing NOT comparing yourself to others.

Sorry to say, but there will ALWAYS be someone hotter than you.

^^ I am a self-proclaimed body-envy monger... but this ^^^ is the truth for everyone, minus maybe ten or twenty people in the world

BinaryPulsar

It's especially ridiculous because it's culturally induced. Not that we women shouldn't push back, but it's difficult to completely cast off cultural norms in a culture in which you still lack power. A lot of women don't think about it, or don't care, which is even sadder.

I've been reading this thread in fascination because I never realized so many women were so envious of others for such superficial reasons. I think it's quite sad. Even when I was young, I don't recall comparing myself to others. We all have different builds, strengths, weaknesses, etc. I just always wanted to be my best self.

But I wasn't going to type a response until I read this. I have to say "What the heck?????"

Really? You lack power? The only way you can lack power is to give your power away. The only way you can be wrapped up in ridiculous cultural norms that don't make any sense is if you allow those norms to get under your skin and effect you. If other women don't think about it or don't care, who cares? You are the only person you can control.

Good grief. I grew up in a time when Help Wanted ads were still listed separately as Men Only and Women Only. When there was no sexual harassment laws and I had to quit a job in high school because the boss pinched my butt every chance he got and there was no recourse but to quit. I was routinely paid 25-35% less than guys doing the same job I did. And there was no legal recourse, no ability to sue, nothing. Zip. It was the way it was.

Yes, we still live in a society with patriarchal tendencies but women have much more power than they have had at any time in history. By allowing yourself to envy other women, you're buying into patriarchal standards by judging yourself by what you think men prefer. And it's just a bunch of hooey.

I realize I've been lucky to be married to a man who thinks I'm hot and sexy whether I'm 130# or 230# or anywhere in-between. As long as I'm happy, he's happy. And I routinely point out beautiful women to him because there are women that leave me awe-struck with their beauty. I'm not jealous nor am I threatened by a beautiful woman. I simply appreciate beauty when I see it.

Only by grabbing and utilizing our own power, forging our own road and not buckling under to meaningless societal pressures, and by uplifting other women whether it be for their beauty or for their achievements or their wisdom or whatever, will women achieve equal power in this country. Quit whining and do it.

Oh, last comment, envy is never a good thing. You should never be motivated by envying others as that is motivation based from a negative and it usually creates negative emotions within us. Instead, be inspired. Inspiration is positive energy and more likely to yield positive results.

Rant over.

I love this!!! We have the bodies we have and all we can do is love the one we have. We love our bodies by treating our bodies with respect, by taking care of ourselves. That's how I think about it. I don't compare myself to other women. I think women are beautiful. I only think about what is possible for my body, what can my body do, what is healthy for me. I enjoy my body. Certainly I have been through difficult things in my life (as a child having my power taken away by my abusive stepfather), but I am a grown woman now and I reclaim the power I now have.

Envy is a good thing to look at and try to turn around because it can lead to problems all around. It's ok to feel it, no need to deny your emotions, but working it out and learning to leave it behind is a good thing.

This quote above is just so wonderful, I don't really have anything more to add.

shardown

Grass is greener? Korea has the highest volume of clients for plastic surgery in asia (percentage wise)
You never will look like a korean woman, you're not korean, even if it is just bodyshape, people are built differently and koren girls have got very slim natural builds, hows about going for a blonde bombshell instead? A porcelin ice queen? A roman goddess?
Comparing yourself in such a way could become quite destructive, when you hit your goal weight, you will look fabulous, don't throw all that effort and hard work away for an unrealistic goal.

(this is from personal experience, I wanted to look like belle from beauty and the beast when I was younger, at a size 2 I still thought I looked fat cos I wasn't as skinny as her, yes she was a cartoon character and yes I knew that, but it didn't kind of sink in)

Ice queen? Isn't that another term for being a cold-hearted *****? I may be misinterpreting you. Although I kinda see what you're saying. I guess I'll just never visit Asia. Because even if I hit my goal weight, I'd look like a mammoth next to the locals. >.<

I used to pray that I would hit puberty and turn into an Asian so I would be super thin and pretty forever. Obviously I never got my wish. Instead I hit puberty, gained a bunch of weight and am still struggling with it today. So I never got to be a pretty girl and have no self confidence and never feel good enough.

As an Asian with big hips and big b**bs, I get what you're saying.

My younger sisters are willowy and tall. I'm short and stumpy. When everyone asks (and they always do) why I'm the way I am, I tell them I got the brains in the family!

Embrace your body!

shardown

It's especially ridiculous because it's culturally induced. Not that we women shouldn't push back, but it's difficult to completely cast off cultural norms in a culture in which you still lack power. A lot of women don't think about it, or don't care, which is even sadder.

I've been reading this thread in fascination because I never realized so many women were so envious of others for such superficial reasons. I think it's quite sad. Even when I was young, I don't recall comparing myself to others. We all have different builds, strengths, weaknesses, etc. I just always wanted to be my best self.

But I wasn't going to type a response until I read this. I have to say "What the heck?????"

Really? You lack power? The only way you can lack power is to give your power away. The only way you can be wrapped up in ridiculous cultural norms that don't make any sense is if you allow those norms to get under your skin and effect you. If other women don't think about it or don't care, who cares? You are the only person you can control.

Good grief. I grew up in a time when Help Wanted ads were still listed separately as Men Only and Women Only. When there was no sexual harassment laws and I had to quit a job in high school because the boss pinched my butt every chance he got and there was no recourse but to quit. I was routinely paid 25-35% less than guys doing the same job I did. And there was no legal recourse, no ability to sue, nothing. Zip. It was the way it was.

Yes, we still live in a society with patriarchal tendencies but women have much more power than they have had at any time in history. By allowing yourself to envy other women, you're buying into patriarchal standards by judging yourself by what you think men prefer. And it's just a bunch of hooey.

I realize I've been lucky to be married to a man who thinks I'm hot and sexy whether I'm 130# or 230# or anywhere in-between. As long as I'm happy, he's happy. And I routinely point out beautiful women to him because there are women that leave me awe-struck with their beauty. I'm not jealous nor am I threatened by a beautiful woman. I simply appreciate beauty when I see it.

Only by grabbing and utilizing our own power, forging our own road and not buckling under to meaningless societal pressures, and by uplifting other women whether it be for their beauty or for their achievements or their wisdom or whatever, will women achieve equal power in this country. Quit whining and do it.

Oh, last comment, envy is never a good thing. You should never be motivated by envying others as that is motivation based from a negative and it usually creates negative emotions within us. Instead, be inspired. Inspiration is positive energy and more likely to yield positive results.

Rant over.

LOVE IT!!

skinimin

I could never be as thin as some of the girls that I see. I do not have my own preferred body type. I like the willowy look and that is just not something I can physically become. I am wide enough across the hips that those small sizes actually fit between my hipbones when I hold them up to me, so I know I could never where them.

Yeah. I just want to never be seen as thick or fat in any way, shape or form. My mother always talked about how she used to be so skinny and I never got to be that. I don't even know what I'd look like thin but I can guarantee that it'll probably be better than I do now. I want to be able to pull something off the rack and know that it'll look good on me without having to try it on first. But with my bust and hips, that'll never happen.

You will never be able to pull something off the rack and know that it will look good without trying it on. I'm going to just come out and say that I have a pretty slammin' body, I'm tall, I'm slim and I have a small bone structure/frame and I have never been able to pick anything up and say "this will definitely look good on me". Every piece of clothing is cut differently and uses different fabrics, you have to embrace your body type and learn to dress in a way that accentuates it and not just pick out whatever is supposed to be fashionable. Dressing for your body type without copying the magazines is called having style, and it's way cooler than the latest pair of jeans.

LorinaLynn

You will never be able to pull something off the rack and know that it will look good without trying it on. I'm going to just come out and say that I have a pretty slammin' body, I'm tall, I'm slim and I have a small bone structure/frame and I have never been able to pick anything up and say "this will definitely look good on me". Every piece of clothing is cut differently and uses different fabrics, you have to embrace your body type and learn to dress in a way that accentuates it and not just pick out whatever is supposed to be fashionable. Dressing for your body type without copying the magazines is called having style, and it's way cooler than the latest pair of jeans.

Totally agree. I can't for the life of me figure out how anyone buys clothes online without trying them on. When I buy jeans, I take the size I think I am, and the next size up and down into the dressing room with me. Sometimes I could try on every single size there is and NONE of them fit my body properly. Heck, there's been times that the size smaller was looser on me than the next size up, because there's so little consistency in sizing. I'll buy what fits and flatters, no matter what the tag says.

MAYBE for something like a stretchy t-shirt, I could buy it without trying it on. Maybe. But anything that's the slightest bit tailored and fitted needs to be tried on. Even if I'm buying two items in the same style and size but a different color or wash, I'll try them both on.

Arrabindi

The first step is always admitting you have a problem! My mom has always compared herself to others and commented on it - yes, in front of a little, insecure girl. Now that I'm older and a lot stronger I can see how wrong it is and that it's not good for anything. I've been fighting that way of thinking for a while now, and it is possible!

jenneal89

ive already told you what you need to do to accomplish a hot body.. one is attitude and believing in yourself the other is maintaining your weight and toning and shaping!!! it's very much ahievable but you need to stop wishing you was like someone else because your not your you so you need to deal with it and stop been so negative

And what if after all that, I'm still not hot? What if I'm just destined for mediocrity? I'm only 32 pounds away from my goal and I'm not too impressed. Those last 32 pounds are gonna have to have a miracle with them to make me bikini ready. Sorry, I'm having a down day. I swear I'm happier most of the time. >.<

You will be hot. You might not be a size 00 but still super hot. If you tone your body it will look amazing no matter what size you are. That's what she's trying to tell you and you CAN do it.

I have body envy but every time I find myself comparing myself to someone skinnier I just think of how proud I am for the weight that I've lost and remind myself that I'm still working on it.

lenniebus

lol

LCgymnast

Can relate. The world these days makes it seem that women have to be a size 0-2 to be considered "in shape". That's so not true or possible. Average women range from anywhere between a size 6-10. That's what's average. It took me a long time to realize this that just because I don't look like someone else doesn't mean I'm not getting anywhere. Be confident in yourself, you've accomplished so much. Losing 78lbs so far. That's incredible. Be proud of yourself and keep pushing towards your goals. Be your own unique self and not like what's suppose to be portrayed on tv.....it's all fake anyway.

Erisad

You will never be able to pull something off the rack and know that it will look good without trying it on. I'm going to just come out and say that I have a pretty slammin' body, I'm tall, I'm slim and I have a small bone structure/frame and I have never been able to pick anything up and say "this will definitely look good on me". Every piece of clothing is cut differently and uses different fabrics, you have to embrace your body type and learn to dress in a way that accentuates it and not just pick out whatever is supposed to be fashionable. Dressing for your body type without copying the magazines is called having style, and it's way cooler than the latest pair of jeans.

Totally agree. I can't for the life of me figure out how anyone buys clothes online without trying them on. When I buy jeans, I take the size I think I am, and the next size up and down into the dressing room with me. Sometimes I could try on every single size there is and NONE of them fit my body properly. Heck, there's been times that the size smaller was looser on me than the next size up, because there's so little consistency in sizing. I'll buy what fits and flatters, no matter what the tag says.

MAYBE for something like a stretchy t-shirt, I could buy it without trying it on. Maybe. But anything that's the slightest bit tailored and fitted needs to be tried on. Even if I'm buying two items in the same style and size but a different color or wash, I'll try them both on.

Sometimes I see that people who buy clothes without trying them on end up buying things that don't fit. I almost try things on just to get me out of buying them. "Oh it doesn't look good on me, back to the rack with yoooou!" I feel that the fitting room saves me money in a way. So I should still be grateful for having to try things on. :laugh:

Erisad

ive already told you what you need to do to accomplish a hot body.. one is attitude and believing in yourself the other is maintaining your weight and toning and shaping!!! it's very much ahievable but you need to stop wishing you was like someone else because your not your you so you need to deal with it and stop been so negative

And what if after all that, I'm still not hot? What if I'm just destined for mediocrity? I'm only 32 pounds away from my goal and I'm not too impressed. Those last 32 pounds are gonna have to have a miracle with them to make me bikini ready. Sorry, I'm having a down day. I swear I'm happier most of the time. >.<

You will be hot. You might not be a size 00 but still super hot. If you tone your body it will look amazing no matter what size you are. That's what she's trying to tell you and you CAN do it.

I have body envy but every time I find myself comparing myself to someone skinnier I just think of how proud I am for the weight that I've lost and remind myself that I'm still working on it.

This is what I'm slowly realizing. I'm just scared a bit because I have never been in shape so I have no idea what I'll look like. It's kinda exciting and scary at the same time. I'm trying to set goals for myself so I keep motivated. I wanna hit 170 by 2013. I'm at 182.8 at the moment so I got 16 weeks to make my goal. If I lose 1 pound a week, I'll definitely be in good shape. Yaaaay.

HealthyBodySickMind

Body envy is a huge problem, but it is something that can be changed to your advantage, molded into a positive. You can look at and appreciate other bodies, distance yourself from them and appreciate them like works of art. Every time you see a woman and think, "I wish I looked like that," change it too, "she is a beautiful woman," and leave it at that, or better yet, add, "and so am I." There is beauty in so many shapes/looks. Obviously, no one woman can be them all.

One thing I love love love love is seeing women who are not only comfortable in their own skin, but embrace and love their bodies with utter abandon. Have you ever been to a burlesque show? Now there is some body confidence.

FireFae

It's especially ridiculous because it's culturally induced. Not that we women shouldn't push back, but it's difficult to completely cast off cultural norms in a culture in which you still lack power. A lot of women don't think about it, or don't care, which is even sadder.

I've been reading this thread in fascination because I never realized so many women were so envious of others for such superficial reasons. I think it's quite sad. Even when I was young, I don't recall comparing myself to others. We all have different builds, strengths, weaknesses, etc. I just always wanted to be my best self.

But I wasn't going to type a response until I read this. I have to say "What the heck?????"

Really? You lack power? The only way you can lack power is to give your power away. The only way you can be wrapped up in ridiculous cultural norms that don't make any sense is if you allow those norms to get under your skin and effect you. If other women don't think about it or don't care, who cares? You are the only person you can control.

Good grief. I grew up in a time when Help Wanted ads were still listed separately as Men Only and Women Only. When there was no sexual harassment laws and I had to quit a job in high school because the boss pinched my butt every chance he got and there was no recourse but to quit. I was routinely paid 25-35% less than guys doing the same job I did. And there was no legal recourse, no ability to sue, nothing. Zip. It was the way it was.

Yes, we still live in a society with patriarchal tendencies but women have much more power than they have had at any time in history. By allowing yourself to envy other women, you're buying into patriarchal standards by judging yourself by what you think men prefer. And it's just a bunch of hooey.

I realize I've been lucky to be married to a man who thinks I'm hot and sexy whether I'm 130# or 230# or anywhere in-between. As long as I'm happy, he's happy. And I routinely point out beautiful women to him because there are women that leave me awe-struck with their beauty. I'm not jealous nor am I threatened by a beautiful woman. I simply appreciate beauty when I see it.

Only by grabbing and utilizing our own power, forging our own road and not buckling under to meaningless societal pressures, and by uplifting other women whether it be for their beauty or for their achievements or their wisdom or whatever, will women achieve equal power in this country. Quit whining and do it.

Oh, last comment, envy is never a good thing. You should never be motivated by envying others as that is motivation based from a negative and it usually creates negative emotions within us. Instead, be inspired. Inspiration is positive energy and more likely to yield positive results.

Rant over.

I absolutely LOVE this!

Erisad

It's especially ridiculous because it's culturally induced. Not that we women shouldn't push back, but it's difficult to completely cast off cultural norms in a culture in which you still lack power. A lot of women don't think about it, or don't care, which is even sadder.

I've been reading this thread in fascination because I never realized so many women were so envious of others for such superficial reasons. I think it's quite sad. Even when I was young, I don't recall comparing myself to others. We all have different builds, strengths, weaknesses, etc. I just always wanted to be my best self.

But I wasn't going to type a response until I read this. I have to say "What the heck?????"

Really? You lack power? The only way you can lack power is to give your power away. The only way you can be wrapped up in ridiculous cultural norms that don't make any sense is if you allow those norms to get under your skin and effect you. If other women don't think about it or don't care, who cares? You are the only person you can control.

Good grief. I grew up in a time when Help Wanted ads were still listed separately as Men Only and Women Only. When there was no sexual harassment laws and I had to quit a job in high school because the boss pinched my butt every chance he got and there was no recourse but to quit. I was routinely paid 25-35% less than guys doing the same job I did. And there was no legal recourse, no ability to sue, nothing. Zip. It was the way it was.

Yes, we still live in a society with patriarchal tendencies but women have much more power than they have had at any time in history. By allowing yourself to envy other women, you're buying into patriarchal standards by judging yourself by what you think men prefer. And it's just a bunch of hooey.

I realize I've been lucky to be married to a man who thinks I'm hot and sexy whether I'm 130# or 230# or anywhere in-between. As long as I'm happy, he's happy. And I routinely point out beautiful women to him because there are women that leave me awe-struck with their beauty. I'm not jealous nor am I threatened by a beautiful woman. I simply appreciate beauty when I see it.

Only by grabbing and utilizing our own power, forging our own road and not buckling under to meaningless societal pressures, and by uplifting other women whether it be for their beauty or for their achievements or their wisdom or whatever, will women achieve equal power in this country. Quit whining and do it.

Oh, last comment, envy is never a good thing. You should never be motivated by envying others as that is motivation based from a negative and it usually creates negative emotions within us. Instead, be inspired. Inspiration is positive energy and more likely to yield positive results.

Rant over.

I absolutely LOVE this!

So do I. Thank you for sharing your story and wisdom.

vim_n_vigor

you can still be like them.. all you need to do is once you've hit your goal weight.. change your training to maintaining it and shaping and toning.. you can do it babe

I don't think with my Germanic build I can become thin and perfect like the Korean women.

Ironically, there are Korean women saying they can't be as perfect as you. You will always look like you, not like someone that is built completely different from you.