Body Envy /rant

daffodilsoup

sigh.... the sad truth about modern society and media influence

Indeed. It's not always K-pop singers I find myself envying, it's Sofia Vergara, Christina Hendricks, Julienne Hough, pretty much anybody famous. Must be nice to have a staff dedicated to make yourself beautiful every day. :P

Bingo...they don't just work hard for their bodies, they spend tons to get their bodies. Minor alterations, personal trainers, someone cooking them 3 meals a day, designer wardrobe, makeup artists. You too would look like a million bucks if you had a million bucks to spend!

Tell that to Oprah.

Erisad

Girl, I know how you feel. It sucks. Yesterday I was doing a charity walk in Boston. Afterwards, I went for a walk down Newbury Street, Boston’s poshest street. It’s where all the rich and fabulous people shop. They have places like the Armani store and Vera Wang etc. Virtually every woman I saw was not only rail thin, but if she was carrying bags from Armani, Guess etc. I can only assume she was wealthy and living a fabulous life as well. It was like a triple whammy of envy.

I was wearing sweats, a t-shirt with weasels on it, glasses, messy hair, sweaty, $2 in my pocket and dreading going back to work today.

But you know what? I was walking down that street, with $2 in my pocket, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt because I’d just raised $1K+ for an animal shelter. As I walked, I was carrying in my arms my pet baby ferret, Iggy. Every 10th or so person on Newbury stopped and asked about him. People kept taking his photo, asking me to let them pose with him. One of the uber-posh shops employee’s saw me from the door and called me in to his shop and then called the staff over to take photos with Iggy. It was like having the paparazzi after him lol

So even though I was fat, badly dressed, broke, and dreading going to work, I still had a really good time. I might not be thin and fabulous but I do things for charity and have a rock star of a pet who needs me and makes me happy. In the end, I think my ferret got more attention on Newbury yesterday than all those skinny chicks put together.

What a good story. Cheers to the ferret!

Erisad

Also, I try and to find ways that I can compare myself to others where I come out on top. I hate to say it, but I have some stick thin friends...I just tell myself, well at least I have a butt and huge boobs...which guys love! LOL...it may seem shallow, but it helps me!

That's what my skinny friends tell me. I only have C cups but they would love to have my boobs. Not too big, not too small, I got Goldilocks tits, just riiiight. :P

jlear001

So I never got to be a pretty girl and have no self confidence and never feel good enough.

I know how that feels. But allow me to give you some advice. You have to learn to love yourself for who you are on the inside. Because you just might find that after you lose the weight, you still won't like yourself. For me that has been the hardest thing. Try to stay positive and look at what you have accomplished. You are on the right track. Everyday you are getting stronger. And while you will never have the build of a korean woman you can become your best. I want long thin legs but I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm 5'3" and my legs will always be stubby no matter how much I lose. And you know what? Thats ok because these stubby legs can run for miles and I love that!:happy:

Aquarian

I compare myself to others achievement-wise, and I get envious. So I can relate. Bodies don't really matter to me, but when I see someone who doing better than me in their career, I have to consciously tell myself that I am just fine, before I can accept them. On the plus side, it makes me work that much harder. I don't think I can change how competitive I often get, but as I have gained self-esteem, I have found that envy doesn't take over anymore. I am now able to find positive ways to channelize that envy (through work, usually).

By the way, if your profile picture is yours, then I have to say that your jealousy is wasted. You are quite beautiful!

honeysprinkles

I can understand where you're coming from, you're definitely not alone. However, I've promised myself to work hard until I get the body that I've always wanted. That means different things for everyone, for some that means getting visible abs, being able to run a marathon, wear a size 8 or whatever! For me, being younger, I want to be slim. I've never been athletic so my goals aren't athletic ones, but I've also never had a flat stomach so I'm going to work until I get it! My thought process is that I've already worked too hard to settle or to not feel 100% confident with my body!

The only potential problem with this way of thinking is that some people will never be satisfied or confident with their bodies, but that's a mental issue more than a physical one. The most important part, and sometimes the hardest part, is realizing that you have to work for the best version of yourself and be realistic. You can look to those girls in the videos as inspiration if it's helpful, but most of us don't even have the genetics to be that small and that's okay. It's not even just weight, it's bone structure and height that come into play too.

I feel like I'm rambling a bit now, so I'll just end here! good luck!

Becoming_A_Butterfly

I completely agree that there is a dysfunctional cultural push for women to value themselves based on appearance only. But we are not helpless to resist it and fight it.

I am so much more than my weight, my body shape, my looks in general. I have knowledge, skills, achievements, talents. Why discount all of that just to lament about not looking like some shallow Hollywood version of what a dumbed-down society tells me I should look like? Why should any woman do that to herself?

As long as women don't examine their self-perceptions and attitudes, they will keep buying into and perpetuating a harmful attitude. Basing your self-worth on your appearance is hard to unlearn, but it can be done.

Erisad

I compare myself to others achievement-wise, and I get envious. So I can relate. Bodies don't really matter to me, but when I see someone who doing better than me in their career, I have to consciously tell myself that I am just fine, before I can accept them. On the plus side, it makes me work that much harder. I don't think I can change how competitive I often get, but as I have gained self-esteem, I have found that envy doesn't take over anymore. I am now able to find positive ways to channelize that envy (through work, usually).

By the way, if your profile picture is yours, then I have to say that your jealousy is wasted. You are quite beautiful!

Yeeeeah. I get jealous of my bf for actually using his degree for his job. But then again he had to go back to school and get a second degree. And he's 5 years older so he has had more time to work on his. So I'm hoping I have a real job by the time I'm 28. :P

That is my photo on a good day, lol. Although that one's a couple months old, I have lost about 15 pounds since then. I just haven't had a good photo to replace it with yet. :P

vanillarama

Well I'm sorry, I am very wary of "professionals." They just want me to get on pills and never get better so I keep coming back and giving them my money. Either that or they ask me "Why haven't you killed yourself? Have you thought about it this week? How did you plan on doing it?" Psychologists are sadistic *kitten* that thrive off the pain of others. I've been "studied" by then since before I could talk, I want nothing to do with them now. This is something I have to do for myself. I'll feel better once I hit my goals, not just in weight loss either. Professional and personal goals.

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I read this woman's comment and got a little aggravated. You don't need special help...do we all need special help too if we're the same way as you. Not EVERYTHING is some professional's responsibility. You are strong and you can do this and you don't need a professional to make you feel like scum for a while so you can feel better and stop envying everybody else...

I still agreed with what the one guy said about how envy can be a good thing...a healthy thing. It can lead you to know there are better things for you and go for them. It's only bad (and yes, it's bad in our cases) when we're looking and almost hating these people for having the bodies they do and wondering if we'll ever be good enough like they are.
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I believe it's something work on and not something just go get medication and counseling for. I totally beg to differ from your comment and found it extremely offensive, @vanilla.
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mbelt, I wish you the best of luck and really hope we get to chat sometime....we can work through this without some drugs or counseling. I'm sorry, I'm already seeing a psychiatrist for an actual chemical imbalance and I don't need to see one for anything else. I'm already seeing a psychologist about bipolar disorder and don't believe that my weight loss and "body envy" is the responsibility of anyone like that.
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It's our bodies and we have the power....if we need to figure out how to feel better, it's not necessary something some "professional "can fix. Sometimes, people have to do it the hard way and mbelt....we WILL!

I don't see any reason to be offended by this, I said nothing about going and getting medicated. I was merely suggesting that the issues here are far beyond the scope of an internet forum. I stand by that, and I apologize if it came off any other way. I know how professionals can be, and what they can try to prescribe you to treat symptoms in lieu of dealing with the root cause(s). But that's what I also feel is happening here (and I'm just reading an internet forum! I could be just plain wrong too!) - that weight loss is not the ultimate issue, but self-esteem issues that aren't going to go anywhere when the pounds come off.

vanillarama

However, I do not think that it is fair for people to tell me to take my opinions elsewhere, as I would hope this is a place where we can discuss our opinions. Should it only be if I completely agree with the OP or the following posters that I should be able to contribute to the thread? I would think that as long as I am not being abusive and remaining on topic, that my opinions would be welcome.

In the spirit of remaining on topic, then- I wouldn't say that every woman with body issues should go to a psychiatrist. In fact, I don't even think I mentioned a psychiatrist, I mentioned discussing options with a GP. However, when someone claims that they feel as if they are nothing without their boyfriend, and that they feel as if they're treated like a freak, then I worry.

Of course I want the OP to love herself, and see the beauty in herself, all on her own. Sorry, mbelt, it's hard to address you and the other posters without making you sound like I'm talking about you as if you aren't here- I don't mean to do that... and I hope that you can see that comparisons with others will always leave you wanting instead of appreciating what you are and have. Some of the language you used left me a bit worried. I only posted what I did out of concern. Maybe the language I used made it seem otherwise, and I apologize for that.

Erisad

It's okay, i most likely have blown your response out of proportion. I tend to do that. Sorry. I know you were only trying to help but any mention of "seeking professional help" tends to trigger panic in me. They're so mean to me. I'm feeling better now that I got the rant out and stuff, if that helps. I usually need one good rant and cry to make me get over it for a while and get back to work. :P

anemoneprose

mbelt: if you can, get some kind of post-BA diploma or masters in the next few years, and/or internship, if it makes sense for your field, while the opportunity costs are still low (before you might start thinking about family/kids, make too much money in the job you hate to quit, get aged out, lose energy, etc). a BA is what a highschool diploma used to be, unfortunately.

something practical that you can live with (ie not in a humanities dept).

it is worth the debt, imo, to spend your life doing something you can at least tolerate.

Erisad

mbelt: if you can, get some kind of post-BA diploma or masters in the next few years, and/or internship, if it makes sense for your field, while the opportunity costs are still low (before you might start thinking about family/kids, make too much money in the job you hate to quit, get aged out, lose energy, etc). a BA is what a highschool diploma used to be, unfortunately.

something practical that you can live with (ie not in a humanities dept).

it is worth the debt, imo, to spend your life doing something you can at least tolerate.

I can't do it. I can't afford any more debt right now. I can't even afford a car at the moment. I have a bachelor's in Professional writing because I was duped into thinking that the professional world needed grammatically trained people. I suck at math, science and anything practical so I would flunk out of a degree that I can actually use. So I'm just hoping my husband is successful enough (He's a paralegal, thinking about becoming a lawyer) so I can stay in the warehouse (if I don't get laid off) and hope that we'll be okay. The economy sucks so if I got another degree, it wouldn't be any use.

vanillarama

It's okay, i most likely have blown your response out of proportion. I tend to do that. Sorry. I know you were only trying to help but any mention of "seeking professional help" tends to trigger panic in me. They're so mean to me. I'm feeling better now that I got the rant out and stuff, if that helps. I usually need one good rant and cry to make me get over it for a while and get back to work. :P

It is a shame that so often the people who are supposed to help can be a trigger for the very things people would want to work through

If you're feeling better- then awesome! I think that's what everyone here would like to hear

anemoneprose

mbelt: if you can, get some kind of post-BA diploma or masters in the next few years, and/or internship, if it makes sense for your field, while the opportunity costs are still low (before you might start thinking about family/kids, make too much money in the job you hate to quit, get aged out, lose energy, etc). a BA is what a highschool diploma used to be, unfortunately.

something practical that you can live with (ie not in a humanities dept).

it is worth the debt, imo, to spend your life doing something you can at least tolerate.

I can't do it. I can't afford any more debt right now. I can't even afford a car at the moment. I have a bachelor's in Professional writing because I was duped into thinking that the professional world needed grammatically trained people. I suck at math, science and anything practical so I would flunk out of a degree that I can actually use. So I'm just hoping my husband is successful enough (He's a paralegal, thinking about becoming a lawyer) so I can stay in the warehouse (if I don't get laid off) and hope that we'll be okay. The economy sucks so if I got another degree, it wouldn't be any use.

Lol, that's a lie I fell for as well (did comms).

I understand where you're coming from. If at some point you found yourself in a situation that supported further education, though, you could think about instructional design/educational technologies/e-learning (designing/planning training materials). There's money in it, and it's not a million miles away from your degree.

This could be supported by a lateral move at your current place of employment, if you could swing it - towards eg document processing, developing/formatting training materials, training of any kind.

Usability is another area at least tangentially related to your education.

Wishing you luck.

edit: lots of the courses in the areas I mentioned are available on a distance or part-time basis, through continuing ed departments at universities and colleges. Graduate schools offer these too (also via distance, & PT).

Erisad

Lol, that's a lie I fell for as well (did comms).

I understand where you're coming from. If at some point you found yourself in a situation that supported further education, though, you could think about instructional design/educational technologies/e-learning (designing/planning training materials). There's money in it, and it's not a million miles away from your degree.

This could be supported by a lateral move at your current place of employment, if you could swing it - towards eg document processing, developing/formatting training materials, training of any kind.

Usability is another area at least tangentially related to your education.

Wishing you luck.

edit: lots of the courses in the areas I mentioned are available on a distance or part-time basis, through continuing ed departments at universities and colleges. Graduate schools offer these too (also via distance, & PT).

I kinda applied for some of those jobs and they wanted more experience. I don't know if they have degrees specific to training stuff. I also applied for underwriting jobs but they also wanted more experience. My work funds degrees in engineering and health insurance, there's a third one but I forget what it was. I'd have to be working there for 3 years though I think. I got 2 years and 9 months to go! That is if they don't lay me off. I'd probably go for the health insurance to help with underwriting or something. Right now I'm saving up for a car so I can learn to drive and move out and live with my boyfriend. After which I'll figure something out. I don't know. Grad school is too expensive for me I'm afraid. I could go back for a 2 year quick associates in something useful. I don't know. *sigh*

penrbrown

You might not want to compare yourself to other ethnic groups.

Anyway. I try to pick body role models that are realistic, as opposed to looking at women who are shorter and thinner boned then I am and thinking: That's what I want to look like.

Instead I try to find women who share my height and general bone structure. For awhile my model was Tyra Banks (she is the same height as I am!) but even when I weighed the same amount she claimed to I STILL looked bigger then her. That drove me crazy. So I need a new model... and in the end I chose me as my new model.

Skinny me from five years ago that is.

fteale

Sometimes. Not that much in real life as most people I see on a day to day basis are either fatter than me, or just as saggy post-children. The people I envy are those who have had children but don't have the stretchmarks or loose skin I have.

anemoneprose

Lol, that's a lie I fell for as well (did comms).

I understand where you're coming from. If at some point you found yourself in a situation that supported further education, though, you could think about instructional design/educational technologies/e-learning (designing/planning training materials). There's money in it, and it's not a million miles away from your degree.

This could be supported by a lateral move at your current place of employment, if you could swing it - towards eg document processing, developing/formatting training materials, training of any kind.

Usability is another area at least tangentially related to your education.

Wishing you luck.

edit: lots of the courses in the areas I mentioned are available on a distance or part-time basis, through continuing ed departments at universities and colleges. Graduate schools offer these too (also via distance, & PT).

I kinda applied for some of those jobs and they wanted more experience. I don't know if they have degrees specific to training stuff. I also applied for underwriting jobs but they also wanted more experience. My work funds degrees in engineering and health insurance, there's a third one but I forget what it was. I'd have to be working there for 3 years though I think. I got 2 years and 9 months to go! That is if they don't lay me off. I'd probably go for the health insurance to help with underwriting or something. Right now I'm saving up for a car so I can learn to drive and move out and live with my boyfriend. After which I'll figure something out. I don't know. Grad school is too expensive for me I'm afraid. I could go back for a 2 year quick associates in something useful. I don't know. *sigh*

Don't want to beat you over the head with advice, but can't help offering a bit more... if you can fake loving the **** out of your **** job now - being a keener, playing politics, making yourself indispensable, etc - it will be easier to get opportunities to train others from where you are. Which would help, obviously. And will, of course, take time.

Working up/sideways from within, towards a goal like that - "I want to become a trainer" - might make things slightly more bearable, too.

Done with advice giving now!

Erisad

You might not want to compare yourself to other ethnic groups.

Anyway. I try to pick body role models that are realistic, as opposed to looking at women who are shorter and thinner boned then I am and thinking: That's what I want to look like.

Instead I try to find women who share my height and general bone structure. For awhile my model was Tyra Banks (she is the same height as I am!) but even when I weighed the same amount she claimed to I STILL looked bigger then her. That drove me crazy. So I need a new model... and in the end I chose me as my new model.

Skinny me from five years ago that is.

I dunno, when I think of people that I wanna look like I automatically think of people from other ethnic groups. Maybe because they're exotic looking because they look different from me? I don't know. I don't have a post-pubescent skinny me to refer to so I have no idea what I'll look like. So as far as a realistic role model goes...I have no idea. Mybodygallery does help a little bit though.