Black Team Challenge Week Six!!!!!

Girlmom282109

Wow. I read through all the posts and got all teary.

I too have a Bi polar/Manic Depressive mother.

zippy111

Love to you all....whoda thunk one could feel so close to a "bunch of strangers on the internet" as my husband likes to call us?

This is exactly how I feel.about all of you....or as my ds14 and dh say...."are you talking to your wubby friends again?"....with kindness of course . You are all great writers...I feel inadequate to put my stories in words. Lori - I can't relate personally to the brady bunch but my mother-in-law lost her husband 39 years ago this past weekend. Bleeding ulcer..something today you would take a pill for and not die from. DH was 8 years old with 1 older brother and 2 younger siblings. Mom told me that she never thought of re-marrying...that she knew no one could ever love her children as much as she did. She raised those four kids all on her own. She is my hero. I'm sure Lori, when your DH is deployed as mine, I don't know how single parents do it.

Tanya - Marla - Tammy - Thank you for sharing your stories.

I was a spoiled brat of four older brothers and loved every moment of it.

Have a great night everyone!:flowerforyou:

72lori

Wow. I read through all the posts and got all teary.

I too have a Bi polar/Manic Depressive mother.

Isn't it amazing how close you feel to others when you know their story?

My step kids mother (and her sister and mother) is also manic depressive. I thank my lucky stars often that we were able to have them come live with us. There situation was not dreadful, but it's definately better now. We didn't force the subject, the were handed over to us. 7 and 9 years old. Can't imagine as a mother doing it.

Because of the history of step son's mother, there are issues there that need dealt with. I started him in counseling when DH was deployed last time, it ended at psychiatrist saying meds were recommended. That was last June. DH had a hard time coming to terms with it. The word psychiatrist is rough for him. I left it up to DH. Nothing happened. I finally told him we weren't doing him any favors by not helping him. With HS next year and DH deploying again, I finally got DH to agree to revisit the issues. We had an appointment yesterday, got an Rx filled today. Scary as poop putting a 14 year old on an anti depressant.

Marla- it is hard to love somebody else's kids like your own. I won't tell you it's exactly the same. I will tell you I love them, I would (and do) anything for them. They are good kids, they never say, "Your not my mother". Yes, sometimes they do bug the junk outta me, but so do mine.

I know with DH and DS I'm overly sensitive. I'm protective of my kids. I swore when I got divorced that I would never put a man before my kids. I guess I want to make sure I don't ever do that.

All in all, our situation works. I am thankful for that.

Girlmom282109

Isn't it amazing how close you feel to others when you know their story?

My step kids mother (and her sister and mother) is also manic depressive. I thank my lucky stars often that we were able to have them come live with us. There situation was not dreadful, but it's definately better now. We didn't force the subject, the were handed over to us. 7 and 9 years old. Can't imagine as a mother doing it.

Marla- it is hard to love somebody else's kids like your own. I won't tell you it's exactly the same. I will tell you I love them, I would (and do) anything for them. They are good kids, they never say, "Your not my mother". Yes, sometimes they do bug the junk outta me, but so do mine.

I have step brothers who while growing up always told my dad that "he was not their father" but he WAS the only father figure they had. Their father lived about 30 minutes away and wanted nothing to do with them. Now that they are grown when the younger of the two got married had my dad there and not his own. I always heard growing up "you ask, he's your dad!" I also got a lot of greif because my dad didn't want to be the bad one with them even though he was. (I am daddy's little girl NOW) I never really had a relationship with my mom growing up. We are on again off again now as most of you know.

My grandmother was a single mom with all of her kids after my grandfather died. She went on 1 date with a gentleman (as she used to tell me) but she knew it wouldn't work out because he was not my grandfather so, she brought along her 2 youngest kids. HAHA

arewethereyet

Wow. I read through all the posts and got all teary.

I too have a Bi polar/Manic Depressive mother.

Me too Sam!

arewethereyet

Someday I will share the sordid details of my past. For today, I will say that all the nasty stuff that happened to me between 9 and 15 helped to make me the person I am today.

There were ppl who believed in me, fed me or let me take a shower at their home.

There was even a girl who saved her milk jugs and collected them from neighbors, and left 20 full of water on our front porch once!

I had my 13 yr old BFF save all her babysitting money and buy gifts for me, my brother and mother and leave them on the front porch Christmas morning! I knew they were from her but the card said "Santa!" She never admitted to doing it.

We had a church come in and clean our home, fix our fridge and stove, fix toilet, pay all the utilites so the electric and water got turned back on........and then fill the fridge with food!

A priest came to the house and MADE my mom go to the hospital...........and even though we lived in deplorable conditions, instead of calling HRS and having us removed, he saw my mom was just ill and needed help. He paid the mortgage back 2 months.

There was the young couple who bought gifts for each of us and put up a tree in our living room...........

All of this showed me the goodness of humanity! I would not be able to do the job I do today without this in my life. I walk into homes that no one else would, and see the person and their pain.........not the dog poop on the floor!

richardsrm

Wow, I don't have words.............I guess we all have a past.........painful......happy........seems as I get older (58) it gets easier. Still scared for my sons they have lots of time and like you say "it happens"

Lori, i work with teens who have MH issues. Meds can make a big difference in your sons life if he is on the right one. Keep in touch with the Dr. , make sure he takes them as directed........feeling normal can be pretty scarry at first. Nurture and love means a ton , he is lucky to have you. Glad your husband agreed to get him help.........too many kids don't realize their is help out there and give up.

Jeannie, your post reminds us that those donations really do make a difference. Sometimes I wonder as they pass the basket. Glad you shared......... I have tears in my eyes ...........THanks to all of you for sharing. Hugs , Richie

arewethereyet

Wow, I don't have words.............I guess we all have a past.........painful......happy........seems as I get older (58) it gets easier. Still scared for my sons they have lots of time and like you say "it happens"

Lori, i work with teens who have MH issues. Meds can make a big difference in your sons life if he is on the right one. Keep in touch with the Dr. , make sure he takes them as directed........feeling normal can be pretty scarry at first. Nurture and love means a ton , he is lucky to have you. Glad your husband agreed to get him help.........too many kids don't realize their is help out there and give up.

Jeannie, your post reminds us that those donations really do make a difference. Sometimes I wonder as they pass the basket. Glad you shared......... I have tears in my eyes ...........THanks to all of you for sharing. Hugs , Richie

Thanks RIchard! Of course your GRRR got lost in the stories!

Sorry you didnt lose this week, but the good news is you prob will lose well next week! Keep up the good work and you WILL lose!:drinker:

familygirl37167

Hey evryone I know I have nott posted lately been trying to spend lots of time with the family..

But I am proud to say that I did 40 miles today 38 on the bike and 2 miles running. I burned 1621 calories today...

I am so proud of myself..Took my son to the heart dr to check on his valve that is messed up and his extra heart beats..All is good nothing has changed since 6 months ago..which is good new...we then took him to spaghetti factory for lunch....me and his split a meal with a salad and we even got wheat pasta. We did eat the bread and we did eat the ranch dressing and we did eat the spamoni ice cream.. and then we stopped for cheesecake...

I then ate one egg and one piece of wheat toast before my second workout and a snickers marathon bar after my workout...I am pretty proud of myself for burning so many calories...I am not logging my food for the simple fact I dont know exactly how much I ate..I am good for today I think...

Well off to weigh my food for the morning...Hope everyone had a great weigh in..

Will log tomorrow, my new day off is sat to spend with my babies I am so excited!!!!

3babybeans

Geeze a loo, ladies! Miss a little miss a lot!

*GROUPHUG*

SatelliteCrush80

Wow...just wow. I got to read some of these earlier, but couldn't respond while I was at work.

We're already a very close group, but I feel so much closer to everyone now that we're sharing our stories, so here's mine. I was raised solely by my mom -my dad was not a part of my life by his own choice. It was just she and I until I was almost 9, when my sister was born. Being a single parent, my mom couldn't always give us the best of everything but we never went without the necessities. She too, had to depend on the kindness of others at times -whether it be monetary, a friend making sure we had a ride home from wherever, etc...but no matter what we didn't have, there was love and good humor no matter what. My mom was, and still is, the one my other friends also call "Mom." Our house was the one other kids would come to when they just couldn't take it at home. I love that woman. I can't imagine how hard it must have been raising two kids alone, working two jobs and barely making ends meet. The best thing she taught us was never to let growing up poor and in a single parent home be an excuse for why we can't do something. I think we listened, because come next Spring, she will be going to her third college graduation.

I can't always do as much as I would want, but I do what I can when I can to pay it forward for all those people who helped us along the way.

3babybeans

Wow...just wow. I got to read some of these earlier, but couldn't respond while I was at work.

We're already a very close group, but I feel so much closer to everyone now that we're sharing our stories, so here's mine. I was raised solely by my mom -my dad was not a part of my life by his own choice. It was just she and I until I was almost 9, when my sister was born. Being a single parent, my mom couldn't always give us the best of everything but we never went without the necessities. She too, had to depend on the kindness of others at times -whether it be monetary, a friend making sure we had a ride home from wherever, etc...but no matter what we didn't have, there was love and good humor no matter what. My mom was, and still is, the one my other friends also call "Mom." Our house was the one other kids would come to when they just couldn't take it at home. I love that woman. I can't imagine how hard it must have been raising two kids alone, working two jobs and barely making ends meet. The best thing she taught us was never to let growing up poor and in a single parent home be an excuse for why we can't do something. I think we listened, because come next Spring, she will be going to her third college graduation.

I can't always do as much as I would want, but I do what I can when I can to pay it forward for all those people who helped us along the way.

I bet she is just 15 different types of proud of her baby girl. :smooched: What a wonderful woman she sounds like. *hugs*

72lori

I really have enjoyed getting to know you all better. Thanks for sharing.

I hold out hope that one day we can meet. I have dreams of winning the lottery and flying us all to some tropical paradise to show off our bikini bods. OK, so I don't play the lottery, but I can dream anyway. If I played and if I won, I would do it!

Funny, I never dream about winning the lottery and what all I would do with the money, I instantly start thinking of what I would want to give others.

3babybeans

I feel like a spoiled brat with my "story". Only child raised by young parents (mom had just turned 21 & dad was 22 when I was born). I'm the reason mom & dad got married. :ohwell: They just celebrated their 28th anniveersary so I guess something went right. We never had a lot, but I never went hungry or un-clothed. My dad is a genius at making something out of nothing. He would bring home dressers and bedframes that he found on the side of the road or put out for trash and make them into beautiful functioning pieces of furniture. I had a happy childhood with minimal drama & trauma. I am blessed 50 times over. Like Lori, I've spent my adult life trying to build the life that I had for my children. I pray every day that I can do just that.

loreeb18

I feel like a spoiled brat with my "story".

Me too. We weren't rich by any means but I always had the necessesities and some extras. My parents fought, but just regular stressed out parent kinda fighting, nothing out of the ordinary.

Harley already has more than I did. (We lived in a trailer with a leaky roof for example.) But I think we're doing a pretty good job of not letting her grow up as a brat. I remember when I went to college the one year, I was psyched because I had cable and internet, in our room on top of that! while my 2 roommates complained because there were 3 of us in the room.

BTW, I had my 20 week sonogram Monday and it's a boy! Cooper Davis Pauloski



At this appointment I was up 3 pounds. I'm supposed to gain about 1 pound/week so that's good. I'm gonna do my first black-team re-weigh-in the week before Cooper is born so the week after he's born, I'll be down at least 7 or 8 pounds without any diet or excercise. :bigsmile: I've never had the highest loss for a weigh-in, so for once I will. *he, he*

retrobaby

WOW...just amazing. I have been reading your stories and I'm just in awe of your past. I have been in the mental health feild for 10 years and I am always touched by families who are effected by mental illness. :flowerforyou:

Marla64

Hello my friends-- I am so moved by all these stories. Thank you all so much for showing us your hearts and souls.

What an amazing group we have here-- it boggles the mind. Like Lori, I'd love for us all to meet one day. A middle of the country "family reunion." Wow-- "Dreeeam when you're feeling bluuuuue, dreeeeam, that's the thing to dooooooooo, things really are never as bad as they seeeeem, so dreeeeeam, DREEEEAM, dreeeeam!!!!!!!!"

There, I serenaded you.

Loreeb, you are shameless-- plotting to be the biggest loser post-partum. Tsk tsk!!!

Heading to work-- typing one of the "Chopped" interviews after one of the chefs gets chopped. Easy stuff, usually--

Later, cats.

mumsanutter

Morning from the UK,

Thank you all for sharing your stories. It makes the group seem more 'real' for me so thank you.

I didn't exercise yesterday, but as I just about managed to eat my daily calories that was probably a good thing :huh: . I had a house full of extra children from 8am till 9.30pm yesterday, and I found it really hard to find a spare 5 minutes to go to the bathroom, let alone 30+ to exercise. I know that today is going to be manic as well but will walk the children to the shops, and when the little one sleeps I will try to go the bike.

Hope everyone has a great thursday

Nonibug

Good morning! I just read all the stories and I am so moved by them I actually entertained the idea for a minute of sharing mine. But, as always happens when I need to talk about my childhood, the old fears and feelings of shame and inadequacy seep in.

I was born into all forms of extreme, severe abuse. My real father was a married man that my mom used to babysit for and had an affair with, so I never met him or knew him. In fact, didnt even know he existed until I was about 12 yrs old. I always thought that my stepfather WAS my real father. My mother married him after dating him for about 2 mos before I was 2 yrs old. So all memories of my "Dad" are of my stepfather. Even to this day he is my Dad. But Mom meeting and marrying him was the start of a life filled with abuse that came to be an everyday "normal" thing for me and my sisters. I am the oldest of 4 girls.

My stepfather was an alcoholic. He was mean, abusive, and manipulative in every form and sense of the words. I grew up always having to protect my Mom, my sisters and myself from him. I would sit up all night on school nights with him many nights while he was drinking so that my mom and sisters could sleep safely. I dont regret that, I wanted them safe at all costs, but by doing that I subjected myself to his abuse and took the brunt of it.

I couldnt make friends growing up. I was to embarrassed and ashamed to let anyone get close enough to me to find out what was going on inside my home. No one could ever come to the house because they would see the house trashed from his latest drunken "fit". And he would "flirt" and make nasty, inappropriate comments to my friends. Neighbors had heard the commotion in the house many times and would call the police, hell I would sneak out many times and call the police. But back then things were way different and my mother could stand at the door all bloody and crying with the house DESTROYED in the background and us kids all crying and scared, and the police would ask her if everything was ok there. She would always say yes, everything is fine. And they always left. They had to. Couldnt do anything without my mother willing to make a complaint. She never complained. Eventually the neighbors feared him to much to call the police. He always had ways of "retaliating" against them for calling it in.

I ran away from home at least 15 times after I turned about 10 yrs old. I told everyone I came in contact with what was going on in the home. No one did anything. Finally, I told a teacher. It took about 3 years of so-called family counseling and in and out of courts and my mom denying that there was a problem before the courts finally removed ME from the home. That was not how that was supposed to go. They were supposed to take HIM away. All that served to do in my mind was leave my little sisters and my mom in danger. Naturally, he turned the brunt of the abuse onto my little sisters, one at a time. They started messing up in school, turning to drugs, running away, etc. I had been placed in and out of foster home on top of foster home during those 3 yrs until finally at 14 I was sent to live with my grandparents. I finished high school, got a job while attending college, and one by one ended up with "custody" of my little sisters. I took care of them until they were old enough to go on their own way with this loser b/f or that...and they each ended up pregnant and married into abusive relationships at young ages.

To this day, I am not close to my little sisters anymore. We talk, but its strained and "phoney" as I like to call it. Just making nice-nice. I have the same relationship with my parents today. I love them all, but have grown to realize through many years of therapy that just because they are the family I was given does not make them my true family. They are my blood and thats all they are.

Ironically, my sisters still blame me. I got out of that house at 14, which in turn left them to endure horrible things. I tried to have them removed too, but they all feared my father so they would never speak up against him. It was out of my hands. Today one sisters is badly addicted to pain killers and lives her life in a depression and a fog, another sister is an alcoholic thats puts men before her 2 daughters, and the youngest sister has deep mental problems and is seriously out of touch with reality. None of them got past the 10th grade in high school or did anything with their lives. I have raised all their kids at one point or another. Its very sad. They are the same 3 little sisters that I sacrificed myself for and would have laid down my life to protect. It took me a long time to stop wondering why after all I did to protect them, they ended up enduring the same abuse that I was "taking" to protect them. My father played us all like a fine-tuned fiddle.

My mother is still with him to this day. She still puts him above all else. He has quit drinking and has gotten old and walks with a cane these days. He seems to be the perfect father, husband and grandfather these days. And for all intents and purposes he is. He has apologized for what he put us all through in his "younger, drinking days" and I have accepted his apology. But you have no idea how hard it is to look at this sweet, old man and NOT see the monster we grew up with.

Marla64

Roni-- wow. Just wow.

You're an amazing success story, and I just adore you.

That must have been so hard to share all that. I'm so proud of you.

arewethereyet

{{{{{{{{{{{{Roni}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
(ps, do not read these lives right after applying your makeup, like I did:brokenheart: )

We are the strong, couragous women we are today because of all the bad stuff in our childhood. It took years of therapy to forgive my mother, and she is dead now 22 years. She always loved me........so that helped a LOT......let's just say my credit score is perfect and the lights have never been close to being cut off.

Of course my kids are spoiled brats so not sure if I shoulda taken up the bottle when they were babies so they would turn out more like me:laugh:

tamelab

Good morning team...I read through every post and I must say wow. I am inspired by every one of you and I appreciate you opening up your hearts. You have turned into wonderful people because of or in spite of your upbringing and that makes you special.

I am taking my youngest son to the circus tonight since I got discount tickets. It is sad, but my 16-year-old son doesn't want to go. My hubby can't sit up for too long without his knee hurting so it will just be the two of us. I think I will take my son's friend since he has never been to the circus. It should be a fun evening. Hope you all have a wonderful day.

richardsrm

wow ........Ronnie..........you sure had a lot of baggage. Like you I have learned to stay away from the toxic people from my past........miss them sometimes and try to remember the good times.........but these days can only take care of me and make a better life for myself and my own family. Thankyou for sharing. Richie

72lori

Ronnie. I bet it was very hard to share that, I'm proud of you for opening up. I am also proud of you for being the wonderful person you are today. You have overcome so very much. Hold your head high and know how special you are. (Hugs.)

ksproston

Wow. What stories. Thank you all for being comfortable enough to share them.

3babybeans

Oh, Roni! *BIGHUGS* I wish I was there to hug you. You are a wonderful woman.

Nonibug

Roni-- wow. Just wow.

You're an amazing success story, and I just adore you.

That must have been so hard to share all that. I'm so proud of you.

Thank you Marla:flowerforyou: It was EXTREMELY hard to just share that little bit. I spent the rest of the morning kind of in a dazed fog trying to get it all back out of my head. The elliptical helped

Nonibug

{{{{{{{{{{{{Roni}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
(ps, do not read these lives right after applying your makeup, like I did:brokenheart: )

We are the strong, couragous women we are today because of all the bad stuff in our childhood. It took years of therapy to forgive my mother, and she is dead now 22 years. She always loved me........so that helped a LOT......let's just say my credit score is perfect and the lights have never been close to being cut off.

Of course my kids are spoiled brats so not sure if I shoulda taken up the bottle when they were babies so they would turn out more like me:laugh:

Jeannie-- Yep, I agree with you. It took years of therapy for me to stop blaming my mother for not getting us kids out of that situation (and that shes stayed with him all these years). But then I started seeing my mother as a victim, and it changed the way I felt about that. I still cant ever imagine letting my kids live in circumstances like that for any reason, but people deal with things in different ways and I feel that she probably felt she had no choices then?

Wow, even as I type this Im conflicted about what Im saying. I feel like Im defending the choices she made then and it just feels wrong to me to say it.

P.S. My kids are spoiled brats, too.:laugh:

Nonibug

wow ........Ronnie..........you sure had a lot of baggage. Like you I have learned to stay away from the toxic people from my past........miss them sometimes and try to remember the good times.........but these days can only take care of me and make a better life for myself and my own family. Thankyou for sharing. Richie

That's exactly what I do Richie. They all live 300 miles away from me and although I go there about 4 times a years or so, its very minimal time spent with them. It's what I have to do for me. I love them, they are my family. But I can only handle small doses at a time in order to keep my life in order.

Nonibug

Thank you Lori, Kait and Sara