Why don't women pay for dates?

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  • FitCowgirl8
    FitCowgirl8 Posts: 175 Member
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    Do men really still take your coat and open the doors? I mean AFTER first dates??? I have been missing out if so.

    Mine does....I haven't met a country man yet that doesn't treat his girl that way.
  • drchimpanzee
    drchimpanzee Posts: 892 Member
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    Do men really still take your coat and open the doors? I mean AFTER first dates??? I have been missing out if so.

    uhh, yeah. that's called basic etiquette

    Seriiiiiiiously? We have it slammed home at every turn how the sexes are equal then when it comes to romance all of a sudden men are expected to treat a woman like she's totally helpless, broke, dumb, and completely incapable of even the most basic tasks? Let's ditch the ancient garbage and be real. Most of the "basic etiquette" a guy is supposed to have is just fake nonsense we're trained on. Look a little deeper ladies. You'll do better.
  • MM_1982
    MM_1982 Posts: 374
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    I hate to say it, but a lot comes down to who's the "prettier" one in the relationship. I know I could date some women and they'll pay for every meal, drink, and movie ticket when we go out. Unfortunately, the woman I want to date expect me to pay for almost everything.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    If someone asks ME out, I assume they will pay. If I ask THEM out, I would pay. Simples.

    This. If I ask, I'll gladly pay. Or, I'll cook.
  • tpow1196
    tpow1196 Posts: 51 Member
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    If someone asks ME out, I assume they will pay. If I ask THEM out, I would pay. Simples.

    That is proper etiquette, especially for first dates.

    At some point, within the first two or three, BOTH parties should have paid, or offered too.
  • allisonlane61
    allisonlane61 Posts: 187 Member
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    Quote from your profile:

    "- I use this site for fitness primarily so please do not add me for reasons outside of fitness"

    I suppose in some bizarre way, having multiple wives is fitness related, but wondering why Western women don't pay on dates (which is a misconception) deviates from your stated philosophy.

    Oh, and my guess on why it's not traditional for the Western woman to pay, or her family, is because we're not buying a spouse :)
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
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    I'm not just talking about dates. If I buy a friend a coffee, I at least expect some hand stuff. It's called manners people.

    hmmm, apparently my expectations for my friends are too low...I'm doing it wrong.

    :wink:
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    I always pay if I ask her out. Not sure why but I don't mind iether.
    Don't mind is she would pay tho :D

    Kinda being a gentlemen also I guess. Take her coat , Stand up is she stands up or comes back , open the door for her ,those kind of things.

    so, chivalry isn't dead after all. Very nice.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    Quote from your profile:

    "- I use this site for fitness primarily so please do not add me for reasons outside of fitness"

    I suppose in some bizarre way, having multiple wives is fitness related, but wondering why Western women don't pay on dates (which is a misconception) deviates from your stated philosophy.

    Oh, and my guess on why it's not traditional for the Western woman to pay, or her family, is because we're not buying a spouse :)

    Yeah so when men pay on dates, I guess they are buying wives eh?
  • SwimFan1981
    SwimFan1981 Posts: 1,430 Member
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    In before the lock....
  • allisonlane61
    allisonlane61 Posts: 187 Member
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    Fair enough. In the West, it wasn't ever a part of our culture for the woman's family to pay any portion of the tab, or, historically, for the women. Since the feminist movement (and I am not disagreeing or agreeing with the movement), women have become somewhat more independent.

    Personally, if a guy asks me out, I expect him to pay on the first date. In my tradition, I will leave the tip. If he is absolutely dead set against me even leaving a tip, he moves up into the "what a charming, chivalrous man" category. If we go on another date, I insist on paying--but I make good money and can afford to. If a woman makes not very good money, and the man wants to go to a five-star $$$ restaurant, he should pay.

    I don't mind the 50/50 alternate pay method. If my regular dating partner makes one heck of a lot more money than I do, hopefully it'll evolve to where he pays more in a proportionate way. I once dated an out-of-work lawyer with very fancy taste. He wanted to live like he still had a six figure income. I let him pay bills on occasions, and I paid the bills many times. I eventually dumped him because he was a loser, not because I was making more than him.

    So, your statement of women not paying in the West, at least for Americans (and I have noticed my girlfriends pretty much handle dating the way I do), is flawed. "Back in the day," for sure, the way you stated is the way it was. Post-1960's, that has changed. I will also state, though, I prefer not to date a man who makes substantially less than I do--but not really because of economic reasons, unless, of course, he is a grossly underpaid physicist, professor, mathematician, "insert any other sexy intellectual field here."

    :)
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    For the same reason that it is usually assumed that a woman will take on her husband's last name when they get married. You can pick your reason--tradition, sexism, display of power, chivalry, etc.

    My husband and I always split the bill dating and now have a joint bank account. We don't really follow gender roles, we just divide up chores and responsibilities based on who hates what the most.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Eh? They do.

    When I was dating (which admittedly is a long *kitten* time ago now...) one of my prospective lovers even took me to Rome for the weekend.

    She was freakin' loaded though.
  • SteveJWatson
    SteveJWatson Posts: 1,225 Member
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    Its been a long time since I went on a date.

    I open doors for anybody, male or female because thats basic good manners.

    But, I would be kind of bemused in this day and age if there was any expectation other than that the bill be spilt, either that or she pay next time if it was a regular thing. I wouldn't want to go out with a woman that wasn't independent enough to pay half the bill anyway.

    Edited to add: Nice troll though, OP...:bigsmile:
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Hi taunto.
  • Reza151
    Reza151 Posts: 517 Member
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    Psh, I believe that if we women want equal rights, we have to tone down the chivalry a bit (since chivalry is about placing women on a pedestal). I always offer to go dutch/pay for myself on a date. Unless he's treating me for my birthday or some other special occasion.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
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    i'm kinda sad this thread isn't about escort services. thought it was going to be more interesting than just picking up the check...
    ditto on the 'what I thought it was going to be about'
  • EmilyJackCO
    EmilyJackCO Posts: 621 Member
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    What is this date thing of which you speak???
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
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    But, I would be kind of bemused in this day and age if there was any expectation other than that the bill be spilt, either that or she pay next time if it was a regular thing. I wouldn't want to go out with a woman that wasn't independent enough to pay half the bill anyway.

    Edited to add: Nice troll though, OP...:bigsmile:

    last time I dated, I was 18/19. in college- NO MONEY!! the guy I was dating was 27 (my husband now) and an engineer with a good job. and no college loans (his parents footed the bill)
    He paid for everything. A chick can only pay if she has money.

    But, if I was 30, had a job, then yes, I'd pay. I'd d some of the 'asking/taking out/buying the tickets, etc.
  • SteveJWatson
    SteveJWatson Posts: 1,225 Member
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    But, I would be kind of bemused in this day and age if there was any expectation other than that the bill be spilt, either that or she pay next time if it was a regular thing. I wouldn't want to go out with a woman that wasn't independent enough to pay half the bill anyway.

    Edited to add: Nice troll though, OP...:bigsmile:

    last time I dated, I was 18/19. in college- NO MONEY!! the guy I was dating was 27 (my husband now) and an engineer with a good job. and no college loans (his parents footed the bill)
    He paid for everything. A chick can only pay if she has money.

    But, if I was 30, had a job, then yes, I'd pay. I'd d some of the 'asking/taking out/buying the tickets, etc.

    Last time I dated I was in my 20s and in college - but then we both had no money......Walks on the beach are nice (and free)....

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