Why the need to bring people down who are in shape?

MB_Positif

I think regardless of the body type, it's the attitude that the poster projects. Humility goes a long way. I posted mine recently with a very positive response because I didn't try preaching to anyone about my way being better than another with the exception of saying that you need to make changes you can stick with. Just tell your story, tell your girlfriend's story. Keep it simple and I think the response will be better.

Please explain where I preached?

If you notice on this thread and various others people have actually remarked how calmly me and Yo respond to people and their insults.

On my thread I simply said this is her results after training with me for 4.5 months in my training style and now I have an attitude?

Yours didn't get any negative comments because for reasons I've already described.

It's all threads that show muscular women. All have negative comments on them, and comments of "eww" or "not attractive"

You just post all the time, so it only seems like it's you. Go search other muscle threads and you'll see that it's not only you.

So its OK to insult muscular women but not any other type, is that what you are saying?

Wow. Just wow.

Slow down there I wasn't saying you have preached, I was speaking more in terms of the threads that end up with negative response in general usually comes from the poster giving off the vibe that their way is better. Really all it comes down to is that it is nearly impossible to get the general population to perceive what we are trying to say through words on a page, especially on a forum because we type quickly without thinking through all that we are saying. In my opinion, when you say that Yo had such amazing results in 4 1/2 months I think that people perceive it as you saying, "I am awesome, my girlfriend is awesome and you should all do it this way and if you can't do it this fast you suck." There are SO many people on here with LOW self esteem that feel beaten down because of how long it is taking them to see results, regardless of what they are hoping to look like. This is why they respond negatively because they perceive that you are trying to make them feel inferior.

For me personally, I am impressed by the results that you and Yo are able to show in a short amount of time. My current goals (once I am cleared to exercise again post surgery) are to continue to lower my body fat percentage and build more muscle. I want definition, but probably not as much as Yo, but that's my goal and I think it will be awesome when I get there and if I post my success pictures and someone doesn't like them, that's too bad for them.

Matt_Wild

Thank you for clarifying :drinker:

You know the funny thing, if you knew me face to face, I have low self esteem. You wouldn't believe it but I was mentally bullied by my ex fiancee for about 5 years. However I've never lost sight of the manners and respect I was given to me by my parents.

People are too quick to judge around here based on stereotypes (ps this isn't about you mate).

dad106

it's all threads that show muscular women. All have negative comments on them, and comments of "eww" or "not attractive"

You just post all the time, so it only seems like it's you. Go search other muscle threads and you'll see that it's not only you.

So its OK to insult muscular women but not any other type, is that what you are saying?

Wow. Just wow.

No, I'm not saying that at all.

I'm saying that it's not only YOUR thread that gets insults. It's ALL threads about muscular/overweight/skinny women that get insults.

You only see it on your threads because that's what you want to see, and thus argue about.

Matt_Wild

No, I'm not saying that at all.

I'm saying that it's not only YOUR thread that gets insults. It's ALL threads about muscular/overweight/skinny women that get insults.

You only see it on your threads because that's what you want to see, and thus argue about.

Show me ONE on the success threads. I've already asked this earlier on. Show me one insult. Please.

I've already been thro the first page, I can't see any.

Why?

MB_Positif

Thank you for clarifying :drinker:

You know the funny thing, if you knew me face to face, I have low self esteem. You wouldn't believe it but I was mentally bullied by my ex fiancee for about 5 years. However I've never lost sight of the manners and respect I was given to me by my parents.

People are too quick to judge around here based on stereotypes (ps this isn't about you mate).

I just had your thread from yesterday pop up on the right side of my screen and I noticed that there was very little negativity in that thread (really only maybe one or two people saying she looked amazing but not what they aspired towards). Anyhow, I think your OP on that one was simply stated, thus keeping away negative response.

DebbieLyn63

Regardless of opinions about opinions (which I think is a circular, never-ending debate in internet world), Matt, I think you and Yo are awesome. Hard work and dedication of any kind are to be commended, admired, and aspired to, whether or not people want the same results. I'm still fat enough that my main goal is just losing weight and gaining strength, so I don't really have specific body aspirations at this point, but if I can develop the work ethic that you and so many other people on my FL have towards fitness then however I end up looking, I'm guessing I'll be happy with it. Good on ya bro! :drinker: :drinker:

This is just it fella - everyone has different goals, I don't expect or need anyone to have the same as our wants/goals/needs. Thank you for posting.

But the simple fact my thread is the ONLY one I could see with negative comments on it of ANY kind is very telling for people feeling the need to state their preference.

Mods - could I PLEASE have clarification of what is acceptable?

Matt- apparently the success thread that I created DID have many negative remarks from people who were very cruel to some whose bodies were not up to par for their taste. The remarks were so hurtful that not only was the thread locked, but taken down completely until the mods could go thru and sanitize many of the comments.
I no longer have the fit, muscular body I had 20 years ago. Several years in a wheelchair, unable to walk and move like I had before, resulted in the pounds creeping up over the years.
I have worked very hard over the past 6 months to lose 38 pounds. I am still around 40 pounds to goal, no I'm no super model, and at almost 50, my body won't look fantastic even when I do reach goal. But do I deserve to have open criticism about my body, and insults and attacks because someone else thinks that I am not losing weight "the right way"?

For many of us on here, for various reasons, we are not able to to go to the gym every day and lift heavy to get a body that looks like Yo's. Or perhaps that is not our goal to even reach that point, even if we could.

But should her body be held up as the standard by which we should all judge ourselves?

I created a SUCCESS thread, asking for SUCCESS stories from people who need to eat at a lower calorie level, for whatever reason, so that they could share their story and experience with others who may be in a similar situation. You felt the need to come into that thread and post Yo's pictures, to show what a great body she has, due to her diet and exercise regimen, which CLEARLY does not fall into the parameters of the thread title.

WHY did you feel the need to do this?

Do you not see that by doing so, you have told the rest of us that were posting on the thread, that we clearly were not GOOD ENOUGH, and OUR SUCCESS didn't matter, because we clearly do not measure up to YOUR standard of beauty?

You earlier asked this question-
"INFACT show me ONE exampe of anyone other than those in shape that gets this. ONE example.
Edited by Matt_Wild on Tue 03/12/13 07:19 AM "

MY THREAD was one such example! The insults about particular women's bodies, mine included, were apparently quite brutal.

Why would ANYONE go on a SUCCESS thread and insult someone else's SUCCESS?

Immediately after this, you created the success thread of your own, with Yo's calorie level in the title. WHY was that necessary, if not simply to bash the women that cannot lose weight at that level?

I do not condone ANYONE insulting someone's body. As you can read, I have clearly stated that I do not feel it is proper for someone to tell you that your gf is not attractive.

But I also do not like what YOU did, in your part to turn MY SUCCESS thread into the hatefest that it became.

I have never disrespected you or Yo. I have never gone into any of your threads about Yo's success, and said, or implied, that what you were doing was wrong.

I don't understand why you felt the need to do it in MY thread.

Respect goes both way. You can't expect to receive it, if you do not give it.

andyisandy

probably already been said but people like to bring people down. I get brought down for my weight and I have other friends on here in great shape who get the same treatment too. I don't know why, it the like the old saying misery loves company

SavvyGurl0528

The only thing I want to add to this circular, never ending debate is, please, please, please do not take others disrespect as a reason to stop giving advice and assisting those of us who really need you. We are the ones who will seek you out or follow your posts because we see that you are able to give us the support and information that we need.

Both you and Yo are AMAZING! I am excited about her progress and love seeing it. I'm not sure I will ever get there, but one can only dream, lol!

Thanks for putting up with the bad to help those of us that really appreciate you!

NovemberJune

For some reason when a pic of a lean/ripped/whatever woman is posted, people assume that the poster is saying "Hey YOU should aspire to this." Even though you never said that in your post. I also think the third person presentation adds to that like someone else said but I'm sure Yo would get a few comments like that if she posted it herself. I don't get it either honestly.

BTW, you both look great. I know you work hard for that success.

Matt_Wild

For many of us on here, for various reasons, we are not able to to go to the gym every day and lift heavy to get a body that looks like Yo's. Or perhaps that is not our goal to even reach that point, even if we could.

Agreed, I've never said it is nor it should be everyone's goal, nor cup of tea.

But should her body be held up as the standard by which we should all judge ourselves?

Everyone should choose what they want, not anyone, including their partners preference. Just yours.

I created a SUCCESS thread, asking for SUCCESS stories from people who need to eat at a lower calorie level, for whatever reason, so that they could share their story and experience with others who may be in a similar situation. You felt the need to come into that thread and post Yo's pictures, to show what a great body she has, due to her diet and exercise regimen, which CLEARLY does not fall into the parameters of the thread title.

WHY did you feel the need to do this?

To say that one does not have to go to 1200 calories to lose weight. No more, no less. Sure it is not for everyone but when you have a blanket statement that having an extremely low number of calories for everyone is normal, is not. The images were used as proof of this.

Do you not see that by doing so, you have told the rest of us that were posting on the thread, that we clearly were not GOOD ENOUGH, and OUR SUCCESS didn't matter, because we clearly do not measure up to YOUR standard of beauty?

No, I did not say that in any way shape or form. You've plucked that out of the air. As above, 1200 calories is not a normal diet for everyone to go to. If you feel that posting that and saying you can eat more is something to do with beauty then you've got your own issues at hand there in terms of esteem.

You earlier asked this question-
"INFACT show me ONE exampe of anyone other than those in shape that gets this. ONE example.
Edited by Matt_Wild on Tue 03/12/13 07:19 AM "

MY THREAD was one such example! The insults about particular women's bodies, mine included, were apparently quite brutal.

I haven't seen it when there was there was the comments so I can't claim to know what was said. However any body shaming is out of order. I agree!

Why would ANYONE go on a SUCCESS thread and insult someone else's SUCCESS?

Agreed.

Immediately after this, you created the success thread of your own, with Yo's calorie level in the title. WHY was that necessary, if not simply to bash the women that cannot lose weight at that level?

Frankly? Just poor timing.

I do not condone ANYONE insulting someone's body. As you can read, I have clearly stated that I do not feel it is proper for someone to tell you that your gf is not attractive.

I''m glad.

But I also do not like what YOU did, in your part to turn MY SUCCESS thread into the hatefest that it became.

I can't be blamed for anything other than my post saying you can eat more and lose weight. No more.

I have never disrespected you or Yo. I have never gone into any of your threads about Yo's success, and said, or implied, that what you were doing was wrong.

I don't understand why you felt the need to do it in MY thread.

You haven't but I have not disrespected YOU. You are not your thread. You are not comments on thread about calorie amounts. All I had said is 1200 is not normal for every woman to diet on. A young 20 something who has a little weight to lose does not need to be on so little food. People forget that short term fat loss against long term bone/body health.

There is one thing talking about methods of weight loss, there is a complete different perspective when it turns to personal insults about how one looks, unless you claim discussing dieting methods is the same as insulting someone?

Respect goes both way. You can't expect to receive it, if you do not give it.

Well, I'd agreed, but I haven't been disrespectful.

SRH7

Until I joined MFP I didn't realise that people with fit bodies were as much a target for body shaming as overweight people.

We all have body types we prefer but nothing is sexier than someone who is comfortable in their own skin and has confidence in themselves.

I see people like Matt and his girlfriend who have worked damn hard to get their bodies and ooze confidence. I also see people on MFP who have dropped from 500lbs to 300lbs and still have a long way to go... but have worked damn hard to get to where they are and also have amazing body confidence.

Each and every person who has changed their body in some way - from Matt to those moving from morbidly obese to obese - inspire me as they all show, quite clearly, that it is possible to change your body.

Haters will be haters and if it wasn't body shape they were shaming people for it would be something else (bet they are a joy to be around in real life!). The best thing you can do is put them on ignore and save your time and energy for people whose opinions actually count.

Matt_Wild

Only if said fat poeple are posing sexily on a couch in bikinis and heals and asking people to observe all their hard work. Then yes you can clearly state that you admire their hard work thus far, but fat people are not attractive to you and you feel she/he should continue to loose more weight

Perhaps you would have gotten more positive responses if you were not trying to flaunt her? Instead of a couch spread in a bikini in heels maybe an sports bra and boyshorts standing up would have been more approriate?

So now you are drawing issue with the way the photos were taken not how she looks? So its not that she's in shape, but its the fact she is in a bikini on a couch? Not for the fact it shows off her entire physique and what she has achieved? Laughable.

Do you think I act as some kind of excessively possessive fiancee and tell her what to do? If you knew Yo, you'd know she can more than handle herself.

BflSaberfan

No, I'm not saying that at all.

I'm saying that it's not only YOUR thread that gets insults. It's ALL threads about muscular/overweight/skinny women that get insults.

You only see it on your threads because that's what you want to see, and thus argue about.

Show me ONE on the success threads. I've already asked this earlier on. Show me one insult. Please.

I've already been thro the first page, I can't see any.

Why?

I just went through your thread and only saw 1 or 2 comments of people saying "congrats but its not for me" while I find those comments insensitive, I wouldn't say it was insulting. Were the bad comments deleted?

On the other hand, this post comes across as "only people in shape are being picked on" When in reality out in public overweight people are constantly being put down, snickered at, laughed at etc. Its life, people suck, the sooner we get tougher skin and suck it up the better because their behavior and nastiness is not something we can control - only our response to it.

You and your girlfriend did an awesome job by the way.

Matt_Wild

No response? You posted at 1.57pm and ask at 2.01pm no response? Wow.

probably already been said but people like to bring people down. I get brought down for my weight and I have other friends on here in great shape who get the same treatment too. I don't know why, it the like the old saying misery loves company

Very true.

The only thing I want to add to this circular, never ending debate is, please, please, please do not take others disrespect as a reason to stop giving advice and assisting those of us who really need you. We are the ones who will seek you out or follow your posts because we see that you are able to give us the support and information that we need.

Both you and Yo are AMAZING! I am excited about her progress and love seeing it. I'm not sure I will ever get there, but one can only dream, lol!

Thanks for putting up with the bad to help those of us that really appreciate you!

Thank you. I'll try not but its disheartening when all I'm trying to do is breed positivity and I get hate. As I've said I've literally had dozens of messages asking for help, and about 30 friend requests. This happens each update I've given. I try to help everyone who messages me and fr free. But for some reason there are some who need to cast body hate. I can't stand this.

For some reason when a pic of a lean/ripped/whatever woman is posted, people assume that the poster is saying "Hey YOU should aspire to this." Even though you never said that in your post. I also think the third person presentation adds to that like someone else said but I'm sure Yo would get a few comments like that if she posted it herself. I don't get it either honestly.

BTW, you both look great. I know you work hard for that success.

Exactly, agreed.

Until I joined MFP I didn't realise that people with fit bodies were as much a target for body shaming as overweight people.

We all have body types we prefer but nothing is sexier than someone who is comfortable in their own skin and has confidence in themselves.

I see people like Matt and his girlfriend who have worked damn hard to get their bodies and ooze confidence. I also see people on MFP who have dropped from 500lbs to 300lbs and still have a long way to go... but have worked damn hard to get to where they are and also have amazing body confidence.

Each and every person who has changed their body in some way - from Matt to those moving from morbidly obese to obese - inspire me as they all show, quite clearly, that it is possible to change your body.

Haters will be haters and if it wasn't body shape they were shaming people for it would be something else (bet they are a joy to be around in real life!). The best thing you can do is put them on ignore and save your time and energy for people whose opinions actually count.

The simple fact tho, I don't ooze with confidence, I just try my best and try to help others.

Matt_Wild

I just went through your thread and only saw 1 or 2 comments of people saying "congrats but its not for me" while I find those comments insensitive, I wouldn't say it was insulting. Were the bad comments deleted?

On the other hand, this post comes across as "only people in shape are being picked on" When in reality out in public overweight people are constantly being put down, snickered at, laughed at etc. Its life, people suck, the sooner we get tougher skin and suck it up the better because their behavior and nastiness is not something we can control - only our response to it.

You and your girlfriend did an awesome job by the way.

It isn't just one thread. Its nearly every thread someone in shape posts.

BflSaberfan

I just went through your thread and only saw 1 or 2 comments of people saying "congrats but its not for me" while I find those comments insensitive, I wouldn't say it was insulting. Were the bad comments deleted?

On the other hand, this post comes across as "only people in shape are being picked on" When in reality out in public overweight people are constantly being put down, snickered at, laughed at etc. Its life, people suck, the sooner we get tougher skin and suck it up the better because their behavior and nastiness is not something we can control - only our response to it.

You and your girlfriend did an awesome job by the way.

It isn't just one thread. Its nearly every thread someone in shape posts.

People get insulted for things all the time. I would just take the good with bad and dont get yourself down about. Do you know how many dumb blonde jokes I've heard in my lifetime? Blah I dont let it get to me.

Matt_Wild

People get insulted for things all the time. I would just take the good with bad and dont get yourself down about. Do you know how many dumb blonde jokes I've heard in my lifetime? Blah I dont let it get to me.

Do you sit down and help dozens of people get in shape whilst on the other hand get insulted for free? Not really the same thing.

It seems a majority want the help and a minority want to insult.

fastfoodietofitcutie

Keep in mind, an "in shape" persons struggle to lose 5 or 10 pounds is completely different than a person who is trying to lose 100 or 200 lbs. A lot of times I read something from an "in shape" person that says "you need to exercise 1 hour a day, 5 days a week" or "you just need to stop eating sugar," etc.. When you weigh 350 lbs, that's not easy and the "in shape" person cannot fathom why, so the "out of shape" person gets defensive. You have no idea what it's like to weigh that much or not be able to walk more than 10 minutes so sometimes the advice is useless.