another fat shaming post

baileybiddles

Whether or not it is motivating is dependent upon an individuals goals. We all came her to shed weight, therefore, your responses will pretty much resonate with motivating. However, apparently this lady who made these comments intends to stay big. But rather than her being demotivated, because she really isn't motivated in the first place, it's more likely that it is causing her to feel some measure of guilt for treating her body so badly.

I soooo agree. These people do recognise that they're treating themselves badly but just don't want to admit it. I don't know one overweight person who is genuinely happy being overweight (me included) - despite what they like to pretend to themselves and everyone else. Think of all the restrictions on your life - you can't go and play with your kids, you struggle fitting into swings and rides at the park etc, your health suffers, you set a bad example for your kids, you struggle buying shoes & clothes cos you need wider fittings or bigger sizes. For instance, I'm not particularly large (UK 14) and I hate going into a normal high street stores to buy clothes. Why? Because it is so hard to find anything that fits well or makes me look and feel good in. If I feel that then surely someone bigger than me must feel that too!

Yes society makes everyone feel a bit pressured into being smaller / fitter / prettier etc but think what we'd become if there was no pressure and everyone just let themselves go - I dread to think!! I also think that it is natural to want to look and feel your best. Yes, everyone should be treated equally regardless of their size and yes it's ok to have curves - but when the curves become tyres of fat putting pressure on all your vital organs it's just not pretty regardless what anyone says.

These people just don't want to admit to themselves that their size makes them unhappy and unhealthy because that means that they need to make the first step and do something about it, and I think without a good kick up the backside or that first heart attack (if they survive it) to bring them into reality, sadly they just won't ever admit it to themselves because it requires effort and commitment which they're not willing to give - they've let it go to the point where it's easier for them to do nothing!

In my opinion this is a selfish attitude because they either don't think or don't care about the effect their lifestyle has on their family & friends who probably worry about them on a daily basis and not to mention the huge strain on the health service with billions of taxpayers money being spent every year on weight related illnesses. Being overweight is mostly self inflicted (there are some who are overweight through medical reasons) but it is also treatable and the money spent every year on obesity could be put to better use such as vital funding for research into cancer etc which is not treatable and not self inflicted.

Sure everyone struggles, but if you don't love yourself and respect your body the way you deserve to in order to enjoy your life, nobody else is going to do it for you and I for one would rather put in the effort to make sure that I am as fit and healthy as I can be in order to enjoy my life with my sons and to ensure that I will be there for them for as long as possible and to give them the best possible start in life by setting them the example they need to make sure that they know the importance of eating healthily and looking after themselves for when I'm not here.

Sorry if i ranted but these people just make me MAD!!! All it takes is a bit of effort even if it's only a little bit at a time - at least you're taking responsibility for yourself, your health and you're future.

You basically just described who I was before I realized who I was and decided to change. Everything you've said is completely true.. Very well worded.

Ditto :flowerforyou:

Baileyhoughton and Tracieangeletti I commend both of you for being honest with yourselves and making the positive steps towards improving your health and happiness and wish you all the best on your journey. It's just a pity that so many people will never have that realisation that they could have a completely different life if they're just honest with themselves.

As JLS said "You only get one shot - so make it count, you will never have this moment again" haha

Well thank you! I appreciate the kind words. It was hard to find out that I needed to change. I've never been morbidly obese, but at my age and height I should be around 140 and I was 203. Fortunately for me I'm highly proportionate except for my tummy and I carried the weight fairly well, but I was more concerned for getting my health in order before I worried about how I looked. My blood pressure was skyrocketing and I had constant migraine headaches, plus my IBS was just destroying my life. 13 pounds and 4 inches later I already feel like a million bucks most days

Sqeekyjojo

I think being opposed to before and afters is due to a combination of things;

If your whole identity is tied up with being a certain way - big, small, strong, delicate, passive, whatever - the idea that your identity can remain the same when making fundamental changes to every par of you is going to be a huge thing. You change your coping strategies for stress, pain, rejection, sleep, interacting with others; you change what it is that you 'do' every single day. You make yourself physically and mentally uncomfortable.

The unsupportive blogger doesn't see any of that as a means to an end, to be a healthier psychologically and physically person. They just see the changes as losing their personality. Not giving you the tools to get healthier.

They might accept that healthier is better, but don't feel able to take on the huge changes that might be necessary in their lives to do the same. Rather than undergo that amount of physical and emotional discomfort, they find it easier to type a bit and click submit. It's certainly less demanding than making that last rep.

Or their ED has skewed their perceptions so much that they see any departure from the obese herd to be a rejection or attack on them and their cosy ED bubble.

So their fear of the process of weight loss and the consequences of being a healthier, more socially acceptable weight make them feel trapped. And a trapped animal, cat, rat, spider, or human, will fight with what they know how to use. In this case, psychological warfare - knocking them down for doing well.


And of course, fat people, just like any others, can be plain mean and nasty.




Personally, I find that exercise makes me happy. The result of that exercise could be that I get slimmer and if I'm happy often enough, I might find that my appearance changes.

If somebody objects to my happiness polluting their internets misery or self deception, then I'm sorry they have that life. It could change for them if they take a few risks like I have. But I don't have the same Protective layer of Bad Things as they do around them.

So I shall concentrate upon my own personal hang ups and insecurities rather than ones that just aren't my problem.

DarkSable

I love seeing people's progress pictures. If I see a celebrity in a magazine, alongside an article about how much weight she's lost, despite having had triplets only 20 minutes ago...etc, etc....then I think: "But I bet she has a personal chef, three personal trainers, £20k of surgery and airbrushing up her sleeve."

The photos here are of "real" people. Some of whom started off a lot bigger than I am now, and yet look absolutely amazing. It makes me believe that I can do it as well, instead of thinking "What's the point? I'll never be able look like that!"

There's one poster in particular (I won't name her as I don't want to embarrass her, or make myself sound like a weirdo stalker! :laugh: ), whose before and after thread I keep going back to, as she started out heavier than me and now has pretty much my dream figure. If I'm temped to snack or eat something I shouldn't, I think back to her thread and what I want to look like.

hrshygrl00

I don't see it as fat shaming at all.
I look at it as encouragement and inspiration.
Not to mention, there's nothing wrong with a person being proud of the progress they've made and showing it off,

toutmonpossible

As it's the people themselves who are posting them, I assume that their primary motivation is not shame. It would be a wholly different situation if someone else were putting up photos of the "fattie." I've always assumed the people who post wanted to document their progress, provide encouragement, as well as have a reminder so they don't backslide.

The U.S. is a country in which people can't handle negative emotions, but shame and embarrassment are emotions we all experience and many people are motivated at least in part by shame and embarrassment about what they've done to themselves or what has happened because of medication or some other reason.

If we were all completely satisfied with ourselves there would be no reason to change.

halflife1978

I've tried to get on the FA wagon, and I wholly subscribe to the tenets - you're beautiful at any size, other peoples looks are none of my business, being large doesn't mean you're incapable of controlling other things in your life, the important thing is not being thin but being healthy, it is possible to be healthy and large, etc. I believe those things wholeheartedly ... for everyone except me.

As far as before and after pictures go ... I think that all people, regardless of their size, have the right to post whatever they want to as long as it is of themselves. I don't think it's shaming if someone is happy with the change that they have made in their body. Just as I wouldn't think it would be negative if someone 105 pounds put up pictures of how she looks at 125 because she wanted to gain weight to feel better about herself (that was my story in high school). I don't think it is negative in any way.

And it is definitely NOT the person in the pictures' intent to fat shame by posting the pictures unless he/she posts it with negative/bullying/triggering commentary about OTHER people (IMO this includes "if I can do it, so can you" rhetoric along with any reference to laziness or other negative traits unfairly ascribed to people of size.)

I feel inspired by the stories of people who have decided to change their bodies and gone ahead and done it, and their before and after pictures with stories about how they made a change in their life and how it has been positive. But I feel defensive and upset when the same pictures are posted with any direct or indirect reference to me, the reader. It's not the person in the photo's business to tell the rest of us anything about ourselves. We have to decide to change our bodies if and when we are ready to and shaming is very poor motivation.

Mcgrawhaha

you know, i have attempted to lose weight over 30 different times im sure; fad diets, adkins diet, weight watchers, nutrisystem, jenny craig, starving myself, diet centers loaded full of meds... you name it, i did it! I FAILED, EACH AND EVERY TIME, I FAILED! it was only this past of september 2012, at my highest weight of 246, that i began sifting through the success stories, and seeing other peoples progress pictures, only then, did i get some wierd, super hero type of motivation that if these women can do it (and men) then so could i! to this day, losing 65 pounds in 7 months, and still going, i continue to look at the success boards each and every morning to start my day off! its a fresh push of motivation for me each day... i wake up, get my coffee, and sift through the newest before and after pictures posted... losing weight can be tough, and it can seem like a long, hopeless, and even endless road at times... UNTIL YOU SEE THAT ALL THESE PEOPLE HAVE DONE IT, AND HAVE THE PICS TO PROVE IT... then it doesnt seem so impossible! rubbish, to who ever says that before and after pictures are body shaming...

djshari

It is not shaming. It can be motivating (I know it is to me). It is to show progess and change and it doesn't always mean the before picture is "bad" and the after is "good". That comes down to the person viewing it and the labels they place on it themselves. I have seen plenty of success stories where I thought the person looked good before AND after... but I still think good for them. I don't think it is that different from say... growing out your hair and showing the progress or building something and showing the progress. There are plenty of people here that were already pretty healthy but wanted to be toned and that is their after picture and it's great.

upgetupgetup

Do they post the pics a few years later when NINETY FIVE PERCENT have gained back all weight lost ... and usually more? This is the reality. Those "after" photos are the photos of the FIRST part of the weight cycling process that CAUSES most people to gain more weight than when they started. To get OFF the WEIGHT CYCLING merry-go-round, focus on self-care and body appreciation in the body you have today. (And stop promoting your temp weight loss to encourage others to weight cycle.)

So far, it's been true that most people regain weight lost. There are lots of very discouraging stats on this. I think the idea in the quote above is, 'it's impossible to lose weight long-term, why bother, overweight people have to live with themselves somehow'.

BUT, those stats mostly refer to 'diets', and people going back to unmonitored eating. The most successful approaches to weight loss, looked at by the National Weight Control Registry & 2 studies mentioned below, are, basically, a low-gi diet + 1 hr exercise/day + calorie counting - like, counting for a lifetime. A serious life change, in other words.

Key factor, imo: calorie counting used to be really onerous. You'd have to be obsessed to do it in the old days. Those old stats don't take into account innovations like calorie counting apps, or a general increase in knowledge about nutrition. Which make sustainable change much easier.

The National Weight Control Registry (US) has research on people who've succeeded. http://www.nwcr.ws/Research/published research.htm

Two relevant longitudinal studies are The Nurses' Health Study ( http://www.channing.harvard.edu/nhs/ ) and the Health Professionals Follow Up Study ( http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/hpfs/hpfs_about.htm )

Joniboloney

Personally, when I congratulate someone on their progress, I'm not saying "wow you were fat and disgusting before and now you're skinny and pretty". I'm really saying "you've worked your *kitten* off to achieve a goal and you are doing it / have done it, excellent job". That's the difference.

I agree, and let's face it, anyone looks better thinner.

woodsy0912

Golly I would not have even started my healthy changes/ fat loss if I had not been idly browsing before and after pics on a reddit forum.

So you could say, I am all for them!

And as for gaining anything back, hell naw! I am a logger for life!

megsmom2

I don't think before and after pictures are fat shaming....except maybe to someone who is having issues of their own. I do totally agree though that we should love and value ourselves no matter what size we are. I think there is nothing sadder that someone who waits to really live"until". Until they lose weight, until they wear a certain size, until whatever. You get one life....live it NOW no matter what! I am choosing to live healthier, I am not ashamed of what I looked like a year ago, but now I am doing things differently.

Natihilator

Not shaming. Well, not fat-shaming. Fit shaming maybe?

Seriously though, if you see a B/A picture of someone's weightloss, it is because that person felt damn proud of themselves (Pride is the opposite of shame, wow!) and their achievement of developing a body they feel healthy and comfortable in - who are you to say that person is shaming their former (fatter) self? Complete bollocks.

This is an example of where the 'Fat Acceptance' movement goes too far. Let people acknowledge their own hard work and show it off.

UKMarjie

Is there a culture of fat shaming out there? Yes. Women especially are taught to value themselves based on their appearance. When trading insults in the press a woman is invariably attacked on her appearance. There are no overweight dolls and beauty is associated with being thin. I would also suggest that for women, role models are not necessarily healthy in either fitness or psychology – lots of unhealthy dieters as role models or off their head skinny women who are forgiven their lunacy because they are beautiful (eg: Nicole Richie back in the day, Naomi Campbell) or the other extreme where we celebrate the 'bravery' of normal or over weight women for appearing in public without shame (any celebrity deemed 'curvy' by the press is made to sound like she has conquered cancer for daring to walk about with her more-than-size-0 body not concealed beneath a tarp).

That being said MFP does a pretty good job of promoting itself as a 'health' site, with members actively loosing weight, maintaining it or people who are using it to focus on their dietary health. The before pics on here are a world apart from a lot of the ones out there. In the context of marketing campaigns in the media the images are often doctored (infuriating) or more of the same fat shaming crap. On here, because the community sees the posters over their journey it feels like a celebration and I find that hugely inspirational. It is one of the reasons I have had some success and continue to use the app.

UKMarjie

So far, it's been true that most people regain weight lost. There are lots of very discouraging stats on this. I think the idea in the quote above is, 'it's impossible to lose weight long-term, why bother, overweight people have to live with themselves somehow'.

BUT, those stats mostly refer to 'diets', and people going back to unmonitored eating. The most successful approaches to weight loss, looked at by the National Weight Control Registry & 2 studies mentioned below, are, basically, a low-gi diet + 1 hr exercise/day + calorie counting - like, counting for a lifetime. A serious life change, in other words.

Key factor, imo: calorie counting used to be really onerous. You'd have to be obsessed to do it in the old days. Those old stats don't take into account innovations like calorie counting apps, or a general increase in knowledge about nutrition. Which make sustainable change much easier.

The National Weight Control Registry (US) has research on people who've succeeded. http://www.nwcr.ws/Research/published research.htm

Two relevant longitudinal studies are The Nurses' Health Study ( http://www.channing.harvard.edu/nhs/ ) and the Health Professionals Follow Up Study ( http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/hpfs/hpfs_about.htm )

This is hugely interesting and motivating - the maintenance thing is THE MOST IMPORTANT element of the journey. Think logging for life sounds better than yo-yoing unhealthily.

avababy05

I don't post progress pics because I lost most of the weight I wanted to lose before I joined.( and I hate to have my picture taken).

I do find others inspirational however,sometimes I feel my goal weight should be lower based on the goals of other people of similar height and age.

But that's my problem and I'm happy for those who have encouraging pictures to share.

Masalamommy

that doesn't bother me,I view it as encouraging rather than shaming .what makes me mad is men are alot nicer to me now that I have lost weight

Pink_turnip

(my computer crashed the first time I typed this out, so hopefully it wont this time)

Do you consider progress pics and before and after shots a form of fat shaming? I read a blog post about it on tumblr where the author was a heavy woman who hates the idea that the fat version of someone is not good enough for everybody. Most of the comments that agreed were from heavier people who say we should love ourselves no matter what size we are and that getting thin is a way to keep women weak and helpless (lol at weak and helpless). Another comment stated that she stopped posting progress pics because the best progress is what you cannot see. Do you agree?

Do you think it's a form of fat shaming or do you think it's motivating?
Why do you post or dont post progress pictures?

If I've learned ANYTHING from tumblr, it's that no matter what you are talking about / looking at / thinking of, someone will be offended and say that you are wrong.
If you find it motivating, keep doing it, if you find it offensive, don't look up those images.
Yes, we all need to understand that there is nothing wrong with loving your body at any size, but that's the whole thing; Loving your body at ANY SIZE. Not loving bodies only if they are fat, or skinny, or muscular, or chubby or anything in between.
Fat shaming is not okay, but body shaming of ANY KIND is not okay.

Do this for yourself, and don't push your ideals onto anyone else. That is not okay, it makes you a jerk.

tjsoccermom

I totally find before/after pics to be motivating. Isn't a better body what we're working to achieve? Why not show it off? I'm not proud of the current state of my body but I will soon be proud of my fit body and will be glad to show it off!! Along with my better body, there are things going on with my state of mind that I can't show in pics, but my family and friends can see that I'm happier, less tired, and more confident. I was one of those that said I should love myself the way I was, but for me, that wasn't reality, I was less confident, hid in photos, and didn't feel good about myself. More power to someone that really does feel good when they are overweight, that's just not my reality. And I want to be healthy, no matter what we try to tell ourselves, our bodies are not meant to be obese. Doesn't mean we have to be stick figures, but stats don't lie...obesity leads to a great deal of health issues and I don't want those. My family deserves better. So, yes, I believe in before/after pics (unfortunately I didn't take any before!). So, keep posting them people!

MissE4410

I wouldn't say it's fat shaming....The people posting the photos are doing it for support and motivation which means THEY are not happy with their size/shape/weight so THEY choose to change.

It would be different if someone were to post photos of a "fat" person that was not themself saying "look at this person, they are fat".