Embarrassed to go jogging because of pervs.
Replies
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Running with a great dog can do wonders. Also, mayhaps consider taking some kind of self defense course, or some kind of martial arts to build your confidence.
^THIS.
Self defense classes do wonders!0 -
Exactly.... its not AMERICAN slang, so no we aren't familiar with your British slang form of "taking the piss". No we don't live in a cave, ect. We are American not British so we simply do not care about your slang terms, but Hey I guess we all learned something new about piss today. How exciting! :laugh:
"two nations divided by a common language"....
I suspect some of the replies the OP has got are also likely to be culturally determined, and therefore less useful....
It really depends on the area you can run in - but, I've run alone in nicer and really not so very nice districts in my home city, and have also never had any harrassment. Okay, so I'm not a youthful cutie, and never really was - it helps being tall. I do occasionally get filthy looks from older gentlemen, probably cos of the lycra, but feel that it's their problem: I've also been overtaken by very young men loping gazelle-like past my puffing plodding, but...well, they look too beautiful for me to get hacked off by that, I can admire them instead
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On the plus side of being noticed when out running - I've had a guy say to me, as I was labouring up a hill he was coming down, "good effort, keep it up" , and another, running a loop round our local playing fields at the same time as me but in the opposite direction, gave me a wave which sort of said, "we're in this together, eh?" - which, given how very fast he was going, and how stylish he looked, was a great compliment.
If you happen to be one of those who attracts unwelcome attention due to good looks etc - I'd say this: I doubt that going out running is actually going to attract it any more than you'd normally get....and if you normally don't get that sort of attention, you're unlikely to get any more by doing running. The benefits of doing so vastly outweigh staying in (and fresh air is better than treadmill-indoors air any day!).0 -
1 in 4? I do not believe that. If it's real then yes, the rape is by men in their family or people they know.
Or worse, 1 in 4 cry rape after having consentual sex with a man who does not call them the next day, or ever again. I know plenty of those girls, and it diminishes the real crime when it happens to real victims.
Whoever said this ^ is a ****ing *kitten*.
And being able to say that is totally strikeworthy in my opinion.
ETA: and i'm extra ****ing disappointed that it was a woman. You need to do some research, you ****ing idiot.
Agreed!0 -
Thanks so much to everyone who has posted serious/helpful replies! Much appreciated!
It has annoyed me that quite a few people seem to have found it amusing or don't see a problem with it. I think it's harassment and it creeps me out. Before saying that my embarrassment and concern is irrational or stupid, consider the fact that you don't know ANYTHING about me or my experiences...
Its harassment that someone doesnt see something from your perspective?
Interesting
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Do not bring kids or the elderly into this conversation. If you really work with rape victims you KNOW the pathology I am talking about.
I also worked with rape victims.
They include children and the eldery.0 -
Thanks so much to everyone who has posted serious/helpful replies! Much appreciated!
It has annoyed me that quite a few people seem to have found it amusing or don't see a problem with it. I think it's harassment and it creeps me out. Before saying that my embarrassment and concern is irrational or stupid, consider the fact that you don't know ANYTHING about me or my experiences...
Its harassment that someone doesnt see something from your perspective?
Interesting
No, she is saying that she is being harassed when she runs (not in this thread). You misread that.0 -
Thanks so much to everyone who has posted serious/helpful replies! Much appreciated!
It has annoyed me that quite a few people seem to have found it amusing or don't see a problem with it. I think it's harassment and it creeps me out. Before saying that my embarrassment and concern is irrational or stupid, consider the fact that you don't know ANYTHING about me or my experiences...
Its harassment that someone doesnt see something from your perspective?
Interesting
No, I'm not saying that people on here not agreeing with me is harassment.... I'm saying that old guys saying stuff from their vans is harassment.0 -
Fact. Women who walk around fearful of being raped are typically the victims of rape. The vast majority of men have no interest in raping you. A vast minority of men rape women because they are cowardly sickos who are incapable of relationships.
Stop being afraid, woman up, get strong, and dare a man to approach you via your confidence and behaviors.
I've never been raped, because I'm careful. Or maybe just lucky.
The majority of my friends however, have been. and yes, the majority. like 80 percent.
I've heard the statistic is 1 in every 4 women have been raped. However I think the majority of them were raped by friends or family rather than strangers.
still though.
Personally I highly doubt that figure is even close. Also heard that 1 in 4 children in the US goes to bed hungry, which is crap. Statistics are used every day to sell something.
Not saying its not an issue at all...just that 25% is BS (is my opinion). Do you know 25% of your friends who have been raped? Really?
Much more than 25 % of my friends have been raped.
See the above quoted post.
I have the same experience. When a friend of mine confides in me she was raped, I'm never surprised. Because far more than 1/4 of my friends have been raped. It is a very serious problem, and for children as well as adults.0 -
Here's some helpful information for those who are totally ignorant on the subject:
1 in 5 women have been raped according to the CDC. Of those, 12% were raped before age 11. 1in 4 women have been the victim of violence from a partner.
http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_factsheet-a.pdf
Here is a helpful graphic and information about the graphic. One important thing to note about this is that false rape reports are low (about 2%) and VERY VERY VERY RARELY does a false report of rape ever name the perp. Most false rapes reported are reports of stranger rapes.
http://theenlivenproject.com/the-truth-about-false-accusation/0 -
Of the rapists I personally know (and yes, I do personally know rapists), not a single one was arrested.
ETA: actually one was arrested, but then released the next day...0 -
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awwwww too pretty to run.
What an entitled thing to say. As if pretty women deserve sexual harassment and it's a "compliment"? No, dude, it's really not.
That's just your opinion.
'Cat calling' when done correctly can be quite an efficient way of getting a girls number.
You just have to be respectful about it.
For example:
"Hey toots why don't you come over here and sit on my lap!"
Can easily be
"Hey beautiful why don't you come over here and sit on my lap please!"
I really hope your not serious.0 -
Here's some helpful information for those who are totally ignorant on the subject:
1 in 5 women have been raped according to the CDC. Of those, 12% were raped before age 11. 1in 4 women have been the victim of violence from a partner.
http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_factsheet-a.pdf
Here is a helpful graphic and information about the graphic. One important thing to note about this is that false rape reports are low (about 2%) and VERY VERY VERY RARELY does a false report of rape ever name the perp. Most false rapes reported are reports of stranger rapes.
http://theenlivenproject.com/the-truth-about-false-accusation/
And these are the ones that are REPORTED. Many women don't report being raped.
And children can't.0 -
I used to know where your coming from and it was annoying as Hell. I just ignored it. I never understood why men do that? I mean has it ever worked in their favor?
Have you ever been to Florida during spring break? On a college campus? At a car show or a bike meet? To the gym? Hung out at a bar?
Yes, talking to women works . . .
talking works. Making kissy noises, grunting, commenting on "assets", telling a woman what you'd like to do to her? probably not so much.
Yep. You've never been to spring break . . .
I'm not condoning the behavior, but it clearly works.
Are you really comparing spring break to real life?0 -
I would rather have catcalls (not that I get any) than take the risk of running where no one can see if something terrible happens. I live in one of the safest areas of the UK, statistically, but a woman was stabbed walking alone with her baby shortly after we moved to the area, so I know nowhere is safe.
It took me ages to work out the best place for a run near here. Now the route I run has a constant stream of traffic and a constant stream of joggers. I leave the path to make a lap or two of the green to reach 5K, but that is very open too. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. Only downside is someone I know usually sees me at some point :laugh:0 -
Hey... they are checking you out!! Celebrate that and just keep running....
CELEBRATE that? Are you effing serious?0 -
I don't have time to read the other responses right now, but when this happens to me...
this never happens to me.
And you should be glad it doesn't.0 -
I really feel that there is something to be said for context and style when it comes to what is acceptable and what is not. And I don't think it's that hard to figure it out. I'm not of the camp that anything shouted from a car or said to a woman you don't know is ipso facto harassment.... but there certainly has been a lot shouted at me or said to me from cars that made me feel disgusting or unsafe. I would advise, at the very least gentlemen, if you are going to shout something to a beautiful woman jogging down the street that you take the following tips into account:
(1) best to keep the lewd/raunchy language out of it
(2) DO NOT SLOW YOUR CAR DOWN, stop it in front of a woman you don't know, or drive around the block to come back for a second shot. That's creepy.
(3) DO NOT expect a response. She has a vagina and you noticed. It's not like you showed up to her birthday party with a great gift. She doesn't owe you a thank you card. She doesn't even owe you recognition that you are alive.
(4) woman on street has her own life and own agenda. She may be late. She may be depressed. She may be trying to figure out how to not get evicted. Don't expect being polite to random strangers to be on her agenda.
(5) NEVER expect a woman to stop and engage with you
(6) DO NOT stare at her buttocks or boobs. Come on. Be an adult.
And I would advise women to not take every little thing as a threat. If a guy smiles as you and says you have a nice smile/pretty dress/cool hair/awesome tattooes and keeps walking, he doesn't deserve to have his head bit off or accused of sexual harassment. That's just someone being nice.0 -
Hey... they are checking you out!! Celebrate that and just keep running....
CELEBRATE that? Are you effing serious?
I certainly don't want it to seem like I'm defending obnoxious @$$hats, but what is so offensive about a guy expressing his appreciation (albeit in an admittedly rude way) for a woman's body?
Or is my opinion influenced by the fact that I've experienced more men yelled/whistled at in my lifetime than women?0 -
Here's some helpful information for those who are totally ignorant on the subject:
1 in 5 women have been raped according to the CDC. Of those, 12% were raped before age 11. 1in 4 women have been the victim of violence from a partner.
http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_factsheet-a.pdf
Here is a helpful graphic and information about the graphic. One important thing to note about this is that false rape reports are low (about 2%) and VERY VERY VERY RARELY does a false report of rape ever name the perp. Most false rapes reported are reports of stranger rapes.
http://theenlivenproject.com/the-truth-about-false-accusation/
And these are the ones that are REPORTED. Many women don't report being raped.
And children can't.
Thank you. That is a very important detail that I was hoping someone would notice. Vast majority of rapes are not reported. I found a really amazing article about how we talk about rape (and actually goes right back to what that complete moron said about women crying rape because dude didn't call her back the next day) actually contributes to women not reporting rape:
"Media attention around cases such as Kobe [Bryant] and Duke [University], where victim blaming is intense and daily, makes our work even more challenging....It can cause victims to question themselves and silence them into not telling their experiences and not seeking services."
http://prospect.org/article/what-we-talk-about-when-we-talk-about-rape-00 -
I certainly don't want it to seem like I'm defending obnoxious @$$hats, but what is so offensive about a guy expressing his appreciation (albeit in an admittedly rude way) for a woman's body?
Or is my opinion influenced by the fact that I've experienced more men yelled/whistled at in my lifetime than women?
Two things:
(1) It's the rudeness of the way it is done that contributes to what is wrong with it; and,
(2) there is inherent and social power dynamics at play between men and women...which isn't to say that it's ok for women to sexually harass men...but it is to say that the larger cultural context is different.0 -
I would rather have catcalls (not that I get any) than take the risk of running where no one can see if something terrible happens. I live in one of the safest areas of the UK, statistically, but a woman was stabbed walking alone with her baby shortly after we moved to the area, so I know nowhere is safe.
It took me ages to work out the best place for a run near here. Now the route I run has a constant stream of traffic and a constant stream of joggers. I leave the path to make a lap or two of the green to reach 5K, but that is very open too. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. Only downside is someone I know usually sees me at some point :laugh:
comments like this make me feel like i'm really privileged to live where I live. I only am concerned about my safety when I run at night, and I take my dog with me so I still don't worry. I do get comments, honks, waves, but I think my city is just so progressive that it always stays in a realm that doesn't make me uncomfortable. I have been sexually harassed on the street, but that was downtown, or by obviously insane men. Generally speaking, I feel safe. And women in my city *do* get assaulted in parks and while running, but usually only after dark. And, as I said, after dark my dog goes with me. And he LOVES kicking dudes in the nuts. He's a boxer :laugh:0 -
I'd quite like to start running outside, but I'd have to go on busy roads with other people and cars. I'm scared that people are going to take the piss. I already get honked at by pervy old men and stuff randomly while walking sometimes. Ugh, it just creeps me out and makes me angry. Unless I wake up super early and go while not many people are around I don't see a way to avoid this... help!
There is nothing pervy about someone honking a horn at you. Aside from that most people don't pay any attention to joggers so i wouldnt worry.
Wow, thanks for mansplaining. I find it pervy.
I find it's a compliment but subjective situation is subjective.
That's great for you. My subjective opinion is that men shouldn't tell women what is or isn't offensive to women.
Clearly that's your job.
No, I was only speaking for myself. Hence: "I find it pervy."
Do you understand now? No? Okay then.0 -
Just my personal opinion...
women that get cat-called 9 out of 10 times are wearing something figure showing/slim-fitting. I'm just being honest here. Males are pervs...it's the same reason if you wear a shirt with your boobs hanging out, they're gonna look, I'm guilty myself from time to time.
Clearly, she is responsible for his bad behavior. LOOK AT WHAT SHE WAS WEARING!
...Y'all know the first rule of rape culture, right?
ETA: Also, this comment is perfect for another thing I always like to point out.... women who address how sexism affects women are often called "man haters." And yet I think that we are the ones who don't hate men, because we don't say stupid **** like "men are pervs." That's sexist and unacceptable.0 -
I will not derail this thread further, but if 25% of the women you know have been forcibly raped, you should probably get to know different types of women.
Reading through this thread is 'eye opening' as to people's perceptions, however, this one caught my eye. Wow! What an incredibly ignorant statement.0 -
I will not derail this thread further, but if 25% of the women you know have been forcibly raped, you should probably get to know different types of women.
Reading through this thread is 'eye opening' as to people's perceptions, however, this one caught my eye. Wow! What an incredibly ignorant statement.
I agree! Thanks Sara!0 -
I just want to say that I have mixed feelings about the original post as well as the thread as a whole. But, the thread conversation has definitely taken a turn into more serious subject matter than the original post.0
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Do you have statistics on the number of unreported rapes? How were they derived?Here's some helpful information for those who are totally ignorant on the subject:
1 in 5 women have been raped according to the CDC. Of those, 12% were raped before age 11. 1in 4 women have been the victim of violence from a partner.
http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_factsheet-a.pdf
Here is a helpful graphic and information about the graphic. One important thing to note about this is that false rape reports are low (about 2%) and VERY VERY VERY RARELY does a false report of rape ever name the perp. Most false rapes reported are reports of stranger rapes.
http://theenlivenproject.com/the-truth-about-false-accusation/
And these are the ones that are REPORTED. Many women don't report being raped.
And children can't.0 -
If random men honking at you is going to keep you from doing it, then you don't really want to do it.I'd quite like to start running outside, but I'd have to go on busy roads with other people and cars. I'm scared that people are going to take the piss. I already get honked at by pervy old men and stuff randomly while walking sometimes. Ugh, it just creeps me out and makes me angry. Unless I wake up super early and go while not many people are around I don't see a way to avoid this... help!0 -
Do you have statistics on the number of unreported rapes? How were they derived?Here's some helpful information for those who are totally ignorant on the subject:
1 in 5 women have been raped according to the CDC. Of those, 12% were raped before age 11. 1in 4 women have been the victim of violence from a partner.
http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_factsheet-a.pdf
Here is a helpful graphic and information about the graphic. One important thing to note about this is that false rape reports are low (about 2%) and VERY VERY VERY RARELY does a false report of rape ever name the perp. Most false rapes reported are reports of stranger rapes.
http://theenlivenproject.com/the-truth-about-false-accusation/
And these are the ones that are REPORTED. Many women don't report being raped.
And children can't.
You have access to google. Look it up. Generally tho, the term "reported" means reported to the police. The CDC study may actually include rapes not reported to the police, but reported in other ways (sociological studies, perhaps.... Or perhaps from rape crisis centers or from counselors).0
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