Unsupportive....wwyd?
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He's jealous and insecure that as you lose weight, you WILL be more attractive to men who would treat you better and thats why he's not supportive, verging on verbally abusive and telling you that no one would want you.
You are worth way more than that.. You're worth a man who is secure, supportive and encouraging of you. And I'll bet there are tons of guys out there who would want you and what you have to offer, and could offer you a better, more loving relationship. I'd start taking a hard look at your relationship and you might have to make a difficult choice, but one in a good direction. No one deserves to be talked to like that, especially not the mother of his children. I'm a child of divorce and don't be afraid to leave him because you have kids. Your kids want to see you HAPPY and want a HAPPY relationship to model the ones they have later on in life after. My dad never spoke to my mom like that (they were just distant and you could tell no longer in love) but seeing her genuinely HAPPY for the last 7 years of her life was worth any anxiety that occured when they first separated and divorced. Remember, your kids want to see you HAPPY and healthy, even if that isn't with their biological dad.0 -
I'll Bet ya 5 bucks he is cheating on you and is afraid you will do the same.
He wants to keep you fat and insecure so he can continue.
Dump the idiot right now.
MY thoughts exactly! You don't need him.0 -
In case you need it spelled out again--you are in a textbook case of an abusive relationship, whether there's physical violence or not.
Here's the scary part--emotional abusers can progress to physical violence. This is why I recommend separation now, even if you want to give him a chance to reform through therapy.
THIS. Document the abuse, get yourself a lawyer, and get outta there.0 -
I can understand where you are coming from. I come from a family with no support at all....but worse, my husband thinks that me getting healthy is, "Just plain ridiculous." It is not going to stop me, just like yourself, it pushes me to work harder. He now likes to tell me that since I have lost weight that I need to get plastic surgery to make my skin not so loose and and smoother. Give me a friggen break!! Do I put up with this....yeah, that is my fault. I am working on me and in time I will regain the confidence and self-esteem that I once had. But, for now, leaving is easier said than done. Hang in there and keep moving forward. You will eventually make the right decision for yourself. Good luck!!0
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Doing what is right no matter how others act or what they say is what is important. Health is important and it is the right thing to do. Keep fighting doing the right move by watching your weight. If the people in your life do not give support just find your support base else where. Handling your fiance is up to you. You been with him 5 years and know him. A loving healthy relationship is good for children not abusive.0
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I will concede that every FREAKING relationship columnist in the known universe has pushed the "advice" that if your spouse is suddenly making the effort to look attractive, fit, young etc, it may be a sign that they are cheating or preparing to cheat. So this assumption is not unheard of, though most secure, sane people will not think infidelity on the basis of this alone.
I don't know your SO. I don't know if he is just generally an unsupportive type, or is an insecure man who has read too many articles about marriage in the Huffington Post. Either way, if you have not given him any reason to suspect you of cheating and he is flying off the handle, time to either insist on a counsellor or take some time by yourself to figure out why the heck you want to stay with a dude who sees your efforts to improve yourself as an effort to undermine him?0 -
I almost never agree with what this guy says--and I agree with this.I'll Bet ya 5 bucks he is cheating on you and is afraid you will do the same.
He wants to keep you fat and insecure so he can continue.
Dump the idiot right now.0 -
He's jealous and insecure.
Ask him if he would like to join you, a journey you two can do together. Not a competition, but a way to support each other.
If he says no, I guess just eff him.
This. If my bf acted this way, I'd be upset. Just because you are trying to improve yourself doesn't mean you have an ulterior motive. Uuuugh.
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I'd probably kick him.....really hard!!
to the curb...
nobody should ever talk to you like that. ever. my husband isn't always the MOST supportive (he likes to eat fatty foods and gets a little fussy when i say "i can't have that" or "i don't want to eat all those calories in a single meal""but he NEVER tells me i'm fat or anything degrading. he tells me he's proud of all the hard work i've put into this and yours should be equally as proud.0 -
Oh, honey--being afraid of not finding someone else is no reason to stay in abusive relationship. Do you want to set that example for your kids? It tells them that's how they should treat people, or expect to be treated. Get out. Love yourself, make a better life for you and your kids, and you WILL find someone else.Oh yuck :-(
I'm just afraid that I won't find anyone else... I don't feel attractive, at all.
He is always home or at work.. Never more than 30 mins late... :-(
The thought hurts so bad..0 -
Oh yuck :-(
I'm just afraid that I won't find anyone else... I don't feel attractive, at all.
He is always home or at work.. Never more than 30 mins late... :-(
The thought hurts so bad..
I guess his bullying efforts have worked. You're still with him. As for finding someone else? Mama always said. " It takes a very good man to be better than no man at all." Listen to mama.
It only hurts when you first rip off the bandaid.0 -
What a d!ck!!! You know there really are A LOT of lovely men out there who are honestly not a-holes... This guy doesn't respect you. You can stay, you can go... If it were me, I'd ask him to adapt or leave.0
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THIS. Pride of ownership is not love.And remember, you're a young, very attractive woman who deserves to be treated with kind words and gentle hands. Don't believe for a minute that no one else would love you, because they would, and your husband doesn't.0 -
Honestly? Life is way too short to spend it with an *kitten* who will berate you and keep you from being who you want to be.
It stops when you stop allowing it and take charge of your life.0 -
Its time for you to move on. That is in no way any kind of person that truly loves you. Regardless of the amount of kids and time invested, you do not deserve that kind of treatment!0
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If you told your spouse that you wanted to lose weight, get into better shape and they immediately got on the defensive.. Saying you are doing it to cheat/move on/ect.. And totally have zero support for you, try to do things to make you go off track.
Start blowing up at you for the tiniest things.
Example.
You forget to take chicken out for supper, immediately they start yelling saying things like you're a fat,lazy tub of lard... Stretched out and better treat him better cause no one else will ever love you.. You're ugly and everyone else can see it, why even bother..
You have been with this person for well over 5 years and have kids together... WWYD?
I could deal with the whole "you're doing it because you want to cheat on me" thing because he tried to pull that off. He was talking about his own insecurities. I told him that I was doing this for me, I NEVER do anything for myself. Everything I ever did was for him and our daughter. Trust is a HUGE thing in any relationship. He had to get on board or we weren't going to work out. He stopped. He tried pulling the "you're fat and nobody will ever love you". It didn't hurt me one bit. I knew I looked good. I knew he was doing it out of anger and jealousy. We had a nice long chat and I told him that if he kept it up we weren't going to work out and if that was what he really wanted I was okay with it. I want to be with him and I love him but he was pushing me away. That really got him thinking and he changed completely. Every situation is different. I would not for one minute let my significant other verbally abuse me. That is UNACCEPTABLE and you deserve sooo much better. Don't let you two having kids together be the only reason you are with him.0 -
You are engaged to this guy? The first time he tried that with me he would have been out the door. You have no self esteem because he is making you feel this way so you dont leave him. No one deserves to put up with this crap. Kids or not. Even though I dont know you, I know you can do so much better than this guy. Unless it gets physical, you cant find much worse in a spouse. I hope you find a solution soon :flowerforyou:0
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I tell my fiance," im a housewife. That means i have ready, unsusupicious access to both lysol AND your meals."0
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^^^^ This! I was in a marriage for 10yrs like this. Its not healthy for you or your children. Now that Ive been divorced and have found my own way the weight is coming off so much easier now. Good luck to you.DIVORCE, you don't need to be with someone like that, no matter how long u've been together and it isnt a healthy environment for kids to grow up in anyway. A person cannot say those things to a person that they are supposed to love and care about0 -
If he treats you like this now do you really think it will all stop if you get married? It will only get worse!
You do not deserve to be treated this way. If he treats you the adult this way what is he doing to the kids?
They can't make the choice to walk away and be safe. You need to get out and take them with you!
Do you really want to wait until the verbal abuse turns to physical abuse.
Get out now before you are legally tied to this neanderthal! If you don't have your own resources check in with you county services they can connect you with the local groups who help with these situations.0 -
Very sorry for you. They sound very very insecure and to be honest I don't know if this will ever change. Spme people in my family went through similar and it never really got better
Sorry I can't be more positive..0 -
KICK HIS *kitten* TO THE CURB.. Seriously. You can do so much better!! There are real men out there that will respect you. if my husband said stuff like that to me, i'd be making arrangements to live somewhere else..0
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He sounds insecure dump him.0
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Yes, one of the surest signs of a cheater is they accuse their partner of cheating because of their own guilt.
So true. I dated a guy for 5 years and I could never talk to another guy without him thinking I liked him or something. To find out later he had been cheating on me the entire time. I am so glad I never walked down the aisle with him!!
To Shayzeepoo: get out now. That is verbal abuse and no one deserves that. You deserve better and your kids deserve better. Don't worry about being by yourself. I have been single all my life and I am 38 and I am the happiest I have ever been. You don't need a guy to make you happy.0 -
We aren't married.. Engaged.
Oh, well, that makes it a hell of a lot easier.
Tell him you'll send a postcard...and then don't!0 -
I'll Bet ya 5 bucks he is cheating on you and is afraid you will do the same.
He wants to keep you fat and insecure so he can continue.
Dump the idiot right now.
This. When people start making outrageous, unfounded accusations, it is generally because they feel guilty about something they did/ are doing. As for the rest of it? What he's doing is ABUSE. Would you stay with him if he were abusing your children? Of course not. As another poster said, you don't want your children (male or female) to grow up believing it is ok for a man to treat a woman like this. If you saw your daughter being treated this way, what advice would you give her? What if your son grows up to treat his girlfriends this way? You are not doing them any favors by staying with someone who would abuse their mother-- and will likely abuse them too!0 -
Oh yuck :-(
I'm just afraid that I won't find anyone else... I don't feel attractive, at all.
He is always home or at work.. Never more than 30 mins late... :-(
The thought hurts so bad..
Whether or not you'll find someone else should be the very least of your worries. You have bigger issues to deal with right now....0 -
Run for your life!0
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Personally, I'd tell him to *kitten* off. If he can't support you and doesn't want the best for you, he doesn't deserve you. Plain and simple.0
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If you told your spouse that you wanted to lose weight, get into better shape and they immediately got on the defensive.. Saying you are doing it to cheat/move on/ect.. And totally have zero support for you, try to do things to make you go off track.
Start blowing up at you for the tiniest things. Example: You forget to take chicken out for supper, immediately they start yelling saying things like you're a fat, lazy tub of lard... Stretched out and better treat him better cause no one else will ever love you.. You're ugly and everyone else can see it, why even bother..
You have been with this person for well over 5 years and have kids together... WWYD?
Five years/two children, and this guy can't be the least bit supportive?
Ignoring him is not exactly an option here, as there are children involved. They might pick up on what he's saying and think that's a perfectly acceptable way to talk to anyone.
Not all men are such bullies.0
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