Unsupportive....wwyd?

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  • carinnaj
    carinnaj Posts: 149
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    LEAVE him!!! you are BEAUTIFUL and deserve millions times better than that. You are lucky you aren't married to him, one less thing to have to deal with (divorce). I'd recommend save up some money secretly, find a lawyer to consult with about how to go about it (leaving, taking the children, what you need to do next to get custody, etc.) and go from there. I wouldn't give him a clue of what you are planning until you at least talk to a lawyer and have some money set aside, unless you have a very good support system(family or good friends to take you in and make sure you and your children are taken care of and protected). if you want to talk more feel free to message me and I'll try to help the best I can.
  • Sandy307
    Sandy307 Posts: 70 Member
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    You deserve better and don't ever think that you can't get somebody else...you deserve someone that will treat you with love and respect....Please think very long and hard before you go through the marriage with him, it will only get worse afterwards. Get help, join a support group or something, but don't allow him to treat you this way. Does he go further than verbal abuse? In a way, verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse as there is nothing on the outside to see. Please take care of yourself and your children.
  • Shayzeepoo
    Shayzeepoo Posts: 178 Member
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    I've read everyone's comments.. I feel stupid for saying I don't want to throw everything away without trying.

    I told him to leave, he is staying at his mothers and I told him if he ever wants to come back we need several counseling sessions before even considering it. I think he feels like a complete *kitten*, I told his mom what has happened. She chewed him a new assholle.. If he decides to go through counseling then we are going to try to make things right. If he says no, then he is gone for good!
  • cmeade20
    cmeade20 Posts: 1,238 Member
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    I've read everyone's comments.. I feel stupid for saying I don't want to throw everything away without trying.

    I told him to leave, he is staying at his mothers and I told him if he ever wants to come back we need several counseling sessions before even considering it. I think he feels like a complete *kitten*, I told his mom what has happened. She chewed him a new assholle.. If he decides to go through counseling then we are going to try to make things right. If he says no, then he is gone for good!


    Good for you! Hopefully he realizes he's wrong and counseling works but if not than you deserve better!
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    I've read everyone's comments.. I feel stupid for saying I don't want to throw everything away without trying.

    I told him to leave, he is staying at his mothers and I told him if he ever wants to come back we need several counseling sessions before even considering it. I think he feels like a complete *kitten*, I told his mom what has happened. She chewed him a new assholle.. If he decides to go through counseling then we are going to try to make things right. If he says no, then he is gone for good!
    I truly hope the counseling works. You deserve so much better than what is the norm right now.
  • stfriend
    stfriend Posts: 256 Member
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    Leave, or kick his azz out. I'm thinking he has always acted this way to an extent and I do NOT put up with that. If it is a new thing I would nip in the bud pronto. I also would not allow my children to be constantly in the presence of someone who treats me that way. If he is doing this in front of the kids he is showing that a.) you are not to be respected and b.) its ok for them to do this to someone later on in life. Nope, sorry. He'd be gone. Too many good men out there.

    Sorry if you've answered to any of this already, I haven't read all replies.
  • Iceman1800
    Iceman1800 Posts: 476
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    That's not lack of support. It's spousal abuse. Violence will be the next step if you don't address it now.
  • serena569
    serena569 Posts: 427 Member
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    Honestly? I divorced him.
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
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    I've read everyone's comments.. I feel stupid for saying I don't want to throw everything away without trying.

    I told him to leave, he is staying at his mothers and I told him if he ever wants to come back we need several counseling sessions before even considering it. I think he feels like a complete *kitten*, I told his mom what has happened. She chewed him a new assholle.. If he decides to go through counseling then we are going to try to make things right. If he says no, then he is gone for good!

    It's not something to feel stupid about- the guy is verbally abusive. It 100% makes sense that your response to this behavior is to want to fix it because he's reinforced that his insecurities are your fault.

    But let's be clear. This is not a fixable situation. That type of reaction, as IceMan (and I'm sure countless others) have pointed out is abusive. It's even MORE important to end it because you have kids- if you end it now they might grow up not thinking of this acceptable behavior.
  • addaline22
    addaline22 Posts: 114
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    I would think he is the one doing all the things he is acusing you of. I would take the kids and leave.
  • addaline22
    addaline22 Posts: 114
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    and yes, ice man s right. trying will only hurt you and the kids, more
  • MadeInDR022
    MadeInDR022 Posts: 260
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    Accidently drop the frying pan on his face while he's laying down. Make sure its accidently hot. What an *kitten*!
    BUT if you want to TRY then try, but make sure HE wants to try too. Stay in separate homes, date again, or something. But do NOT allow him to talk, treat or even HINT anything negative. Drop his *kitten* as soon as it happens.
  • kuger4119
    kuger4119 Posts: 213 Member
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    I've read everyone's comments.. I feel stupid for saying I don't want to throw everything away without trying.

    I told him to leave, he is staying at his mothers and I told him if he ever wants to come back we need several counseling sessions before even considering it. I think he feels like a complete *kitten*, I told his mom what has happened. She chewed him a new assholle.. If he decides to go through counseling then we are going to try to make things right. If he says no, then he is gone for good!

    Good for you. I will say that you need to be clear with him that trust is important and that if he ever displays a lack of trust in the future, it will be the last time. I do think that you've got to give someone a second chance but there should not be a third chance! My wife is unsupportive about MFP but not in a destructive way. She gets annoyed with the fact that I am OCD about inputting calories and she isn't wild about me spending 5-6 hours a week exercising......but she doesn't try to sabotage it and she has never accused me of doing it for the wrong reasons.

    If you don't feel that he trusts you and if he even hints at jealousy as he has already, you need to get out. Even a hint. That last thing you need is to be in so deep that you feel trapped.
  • _Calvin_
    _Calvin_ Posts: 122 Member
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    We aren't married.. Engaged.




    And I think I might have to go find myself a wife :-P

    If he is like this now I would not marry him. It will only get worse.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    Run. Run away now.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    If you told your spouse that you wanted to lose weight, get into better shape and they immediately got on the defensive.. Saying you are doing it to cheat/move on/ect.. And totally have zero support for you, try to do things to make you go off track.


    Start blowing up at you for the tiniest things.

    Example.
    You forget to take chicken out for supper, immediately they start yelling saying things like you're a fat,lazy tub of lard... Stretched out and better treat him better cause no one else will ever love you.. You're ugly and everyone else can see it, why even bother..



    You have been with this person for well over 5 years and have kids together... WWYD?

    Um ... leave and take the kids. Nice thing to teach them.
  • stfriend
    stfriend Posts: 256 Member
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    I've read everyone's comments.. I feel stupid for saying I don't want to throw everything away without trying.

    I told him to leave, he is staying at his mothers and I told him if he ever wants to come back we need several counseling sessions before even considering it. I think he feels like a complete *kitten*, I told his mom what has happened. She chewed him a new assholle.. If he decides to go through counseling then we are going to try to make things right. If he says no, then he is gone for good!

    Good for you for taking control of the situation! Good luck to you!
  • phynyxfyre
    phynyxfyre Posts: 145 Member
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    I've read everyone's comments.. I feel stupid for saying I don't want to throw everything away without trying.

    I told him to leave, he is staying at his mothers and I told him if he ever wants to come back we need several counseling sessions before even considering it. I think he feels like a complete *kitten*, I told his mom what has happened. She chewed him a new assholle.. If he decides to go through counseling then we are going to try to make things right. If he says no, then he is gone for good!

    Feeling stupid is what happens when you feel like you have waited too long to do what you felt was right. Don't judge yourself like that. We aren't. Just take pride in the fact that you have done something. On average, a woman will only leave an abusive situation after seven years. Some never leave and the cycle continues with their children down the generations.

    I am so proud of you for sticking up for yourself. You are worth it! Your kids are worth it! Tell yourself what you need to hear. Do not back down. There will come a day or a night when you feel lonely and are afraid of a future alone. He will pick this time to call. He will apologize and make excuses and promise it will never happen again. He will have done some of the things he has said he would, but not all of it. If he can only come and help it will be like it was in the very beginning.... And if you let go of your principles and say yes and let him back in before he has finished all those things, it will be awesome for about two weeks. Until it isn't one day. And you will notice that you picked up right where you left off before. Only this time it will be harder to get away. That is my experience after counseling and mediation programs. And parenting classes and anger management.

    The weird thing is, the anger management just taught him better abuse strategies because he wasn't getting out of control angry. He was completely in control and using what I perceived as anger to control me. I know of women who never got out. I know women personally who finally got out, but are disabled permanently as a result of their spouse/ boyfriend. Do not let this happen to you.
  • carinnaj
    carinnaj Posts: 149
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    I've read everyone's comments.. I feel stupid for saying I don't want to throw everything away without trying.

    I told him to leave, he is staying at his mothers and I told him if he ever wants to come back we need several counseling sessions before even considering it. I think he feels like a complete *kitten*, I told his mom what has happened. She chewed him a new assholle.. If he decides to go through counseling then we are going to try to make things right. If he says no, then he is gone for good!

    good for you for standing up for yourself!! :drinker: I'm proud of you and you aren't stupid at all. Good luck with the counseling and/or moving on, hope it works out for the best for you and your kids :smile:
  • sugarplumj
    sugarplumj Posts: 107 Member
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    id let him cook his own dinner from now on...



    This. Nobody should be talking to anyone that way. He should be supportive and understanding, not maniacal.

    BUMP

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