How to tell her she's gaining weight...

Almost a month ago, I began to get myself under control. I'd lost about 115 pounds five years ago. But in recent years, I gained back about 50.

I saw that I was messing up and began to work hard. My first week in, I was telling my fiance how discouraged I was for letting myself gain what I did. In the course of the conversation, he said, "You have to admit, you let yourself go."

I was crushed. I cried the whole rest of the day. It was great for my diet, I couldn't eat a thing.

It wasn't that I didn't agree with him. I did. He spoke the truth. But it was the delivery. And it was particularly upsetting because I was in my first week in and trying so hard.

Unfortunately for him, we had IN DEPTH conversations about what happened until I felt he truly understood.

I'm of two minds about anyone delivering the message that they think their partner has gained weight. On the one hand, I know that no one could get me to lose weight except for finding the determination and resolve within myself. Period. I've been bribed and threatened, guilted and begged. All that did was build resentment and hurt me that I wasn't good enough as I was. Nothing could get me to make the move except finding the strength within.

On the other hand, I don't think it's fair to enter into a relationship as one person, then become something totally different. It's kind of like false advertising.

I don't think, though, that it's necessary to tell a woman that she's gaining. You can pretty much bet that she's accutely aware and feeling pretty crappy about it.

The first time my boyfriend mentioned I gained weight, his approach was terrible and it didn't really end well. We were in the hospital with my son, and as I was tending to him my boyfriend goes, "You should start working out."

However, since then, he very delicately acknowledges I am not the same weight as when we began dating. It's all in the approach, I think. No doubt it'll hurt her feelings, though.

She may know but she probably doesn't think you care. I would tell her and be honest. Unless you'd rather wait until 5lbs becomes 50 and you no longer find her attractive.

I also think this goes the other way if a man is gaining as well. I've told past BFs they were putting on weight and worked out with them, cooked healthier, etc etc. If you're going to address the problem you have to be willing to help out too.

By the way, an ex-boyfriend once said to me of my weight loss, "Well done! Just a few more lbs and you'll look good." I lost 170lbs the very next day - by dumping him.


Lmao

I wouldn't recommend this to anybody.

I admit, I'm tired and didn't go through all 9 pages of this thread so this most likely is a repeat.

I vote don't tell her. She knows. She sees it in the mirror, she feels it in her clothes. Hearing it from you will hurt. Try planning activities where you are moving more - go for more walks, go hiking, tour some museums, or heck, walk around the mall. When you go out for dinner, choose places that have healthier options and order them yourself. She'll get the hint and may even open up the discussion before you do. If she says "do you think I'm getting heavy/fat/chubby/whatever?" Answer with "I haven't really noticed, I think you are beautiful no matter what. But how do YOU feel?"

Good luck.

I wish my husband would have told me I looked like a michelin man instead of using suttle insults about how much I was eating or glared at me whenever i ate more than him. It's best to comeout and say it "so and so" your fat and we are going to battle this bulge together. then show "so and so" a recent picture. Hopefully "so and so" is aware of the fat creeping on and will thank you once 20lbs shrinks away! Lots of good luck to you!!!

Hm, you know, getting a camera and taking some unflattering pics while pretending to just be goofing off might not be a bad idea. Just don't rub her nose in it if she says she looks fat when she sees them. But don't disagree, either. Tell her she's still beautiful to you, but you'd love it if she would workout with you.

Wow. You're brave for even considering it. I hope you can run faster than she can throw.

DO. NOT. TELL. HER!

Invite her to workout with you, encourage her when she talks about wanting to lose, share your weight loss journey with her...but don't straight up tell her she's fat!

IMO if Im puttin in work to look good for you, I expect the same in return. I'm not saying you have to be all gung ho in the gym 5x a week, and super anal about your diet. But a little effort to maintain your figure is appreciated. Keeping yourself in physical shape is like keeping your relationship in shape. It takes work and maintenance. And in many ways keeps the spark alive. Letting yourself go is unattractive.

Completely 100 % agree with this!!!

If you tell a woman "Baby, you need to lose some weight." It wouldn't matter what you said to me afterwards, no matter if you were concerned for my health.... if you were going to reward me with a million dollars for my weight loss. You wouldn't be able to speak because i'd have broken your jaw by then.


NOW. That being typed.... there's a way to go about it. And the best way is to offer to do it with her. Offering support is the best thing ever.

WOW, overly sensitive much???

This is why men are not honest with women. SMDH

While I disagree with the previous poster saying you only date stupid women, if this has happened multiple times (your gf blaming you for her weight gain) you do seem to be dating a lot of women who don't hold themselves accountable. I would say you should focus on dating women with stronger backbones.

I'm a little confused her ladies. I'm commenting on thread about experiences about weight gain yet we keep drifting back to the blame in someway being mine, this time the implication is due to my choices of women? Can't we keep it on the subject of weight gain rather than those who I date and what I should do?!

I am not saying the blame is yours. Quite the opposite. I'm saying the blame is on the ladies here, but you can't "fix" your lady, you can only date a different type. If you want this to stop happening, date women who take responsibility for themselves. Because if you think that the type of woman who would blame someone else for her weight gain would appreciate her partner pointing it out, you're going to get your *kitten* chewed out whether you deserve it or not.

Trust me, she already knows. Telling her that *you* know isn't helping anyone.

How is it NOT helping anyone? Most people are in denial about it.

I appreciate my husband for telling me the truth, even if I don't like it at the time.

Women STOP being so damn sensitive, buck up and appreciate that you have a man that will be honest with YOU.

Seriously, "honest"? It isn't "honest" to give an opinion that wasn't asked for. It's just rude. Now, if the OP's lady was asking "Have I gained weight? Do I look fat in this?" Saying something would be honest. If you don't mind your man being a rude jerk, that's fine. But don't put down my man for having a little tact.

A man shouldn't have to be asked to state a FACT, it is NOT an opinion. How is that rude if that is your significant other?

It's not tact. I would never be with a man that is a wimp and won't speak his mind. And my husband isn't rude.

I find it hilarious that you find honesty as rudeness.

Women want everything to be sugar coated for them. Reality should sometimes smack you in the face.

You and your mate should be able to have OPEN and HONEST dialog with one another and that means being able to tell the other one that they have gained weight, don't like something particular, etc.

Grow up and stop being a sensitive baby.

I wanted to add this quote I just saw on my face book page.............it applies here with this topic.

When you lose the ability to communicate, there is no understanding. When there is no understanding, there is no appreciation for how others feel. And when that happens, start packing because the relationship is over! ~ Michael Baisden

women and their double standards, get over yourselves. I'll tell my SO if it needs to be done, this is why we are in a relationship and intimate so we can share and be honest. I feel I would be failing in my responsibilities if I didn't mention she was letting herself go, I highly doubt she would rather me go out and start checking out chicks who are more visually appealing. Of course I wouldn't tell her she was fat, there are more tactful ways to go about talking to the ones we love. the one exception of course is when she was preg and while breastfeeding but that's a pretty obvious reason. She would not hesitate to tell me if I was slipping, you can put money on that

Let me be CLEAR!!!!! We are not morons, we own mirrors, and we feel the struggle to close our pants. You telling us, is only going to make us feel worse then we already do. You want to see a change, START COOKING SOME HEALTHY MEALS, SUGGEST MORE ACTIVE OUTINGS - BUT don't be a jerk, and make her feel like you think she is disgusting. THAT is ALL SHE WILL HEAR if you tell her.