How to tell her she's gaining weight...

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  • ashlielinn
    ashlielinn Posts: 920
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    I always tell me boyfriend to tell me if I do. I work really hard at this and very rarely step on a scale (to keep me from getting obsessed in an unhealthy way). Sometimes my perceptions can be off, so I'd rather know! Of course, it's all about the way you say it.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    Let me be CLEAR!!!!! We are not morons, we own mirrors, and we feel the struggle to close our pants. You telling us, is only going to make us feel worse then we already do. You want to see a change, START COOKING SOME HEALTHY MEALS, SUGGEST MORE ACTIVE OUTINGS - BUT don't be a jerk, and make her feel like you think she is disgusting. THAT is ALL SHE WILL HEAR if you tell her.

    WHAT'S WITH THE YELLING?!?!?!?!?!
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
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    women and their double standards, get over yourselves.

    Apologies if I piss anyone off here....the above phrase "get over yourself" really struck a chord with me because my ex used to say it to me all the time when I thought I was looking good and making progress.

    Women haven't cornered the market on having double standards....why else would a man rag on his wife/GF for gaining weight and not being as attractive, all while sitting there drinking beer, eating pizza and junk, scratching his b@lls and farting? As with so many other parts of the male/female relationship, maybe it's not so much WHAT you say as HOW you say it.

    Maybe men with attitudes like YOURS are the ones that need to "get over yourselves".
  • coachblt
    coachblt Posts: 1,090
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    Sweetheart - you're getting fat.

    See...it's that easy!
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
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    wouldn't the "you're getting fat" cancel out the positive vibe sent by the word "sweetheart"?

    That's like saying "no offense" right before you say something offensive.
  • coachblt
    coachblt Posts: 1,090
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    I don't care. The temporary anger from the "you're getting fat" comment will eventually fade and then she will be stuck there with the fact that she's getting fat.
  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,797 Member
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    maybe she is pregnant :wink: , maybe she wants to gain weight, maybe she has a disease that is causing it..2 girls i went to school with both gained a TON of weight because it was a thyroid problem ( or whatever it was )..there could be any number of reasons
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Trust me, she already knows. Telling her that *you* know isn't helping anyone.

    wisdom. if you want her to be more active or to eat differently then you need to find active things to do together or take over some of the cooking or take a cooking class together. She'll probably still get the hint, but it's not quite so hurtful.
  • kristen6022
    kristen6022 Posts: 1,926 Member
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    She knows. Trust me. She may just not care at the moment. If you love her, you'll love her how every she is if she's happy. If you feel she isn't happy, be supportive and do what she needs you to do.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    She knows she is gaining weight.

    Exactly.
  • FitBunnyEm
    FitBunnyEm Posts: 320
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    Nope. I have toldy husband to tell me if he thinks I am getting chunky and he did. Sometimes people need a wake up call and if you are going to get upset because the person you married is telling you you are not the same person they fell in love with because you've put on some pounds then you have issues. There is no need to get upset when honesty is involved. My husband did. It marry a fat woman therefore I would expect him to be upset and tell me when I am putting on weight.

    Whether or not she "already knows it" if she is not doing anything about it and it clearly bothers her SO why should t something be said?
    i agree with this lady above ^^
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Sweetheart - you're getting fat.

    See...it's that easy!

    If my husband said that to me I'd probably say "yeah, I can fix that but you'll always be a stupid *kitten*." And there'd be no sex for a very. long. time . . . it's difficult to feel even remotely sexy around someone who insults your appearance.
  • thecapaccino
    thecapaccino Posts: 138
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    My husband told me! At first I told him I would put a stick up his *kitten*. Of course I knew!!

    Him being European with a german background didnt help!

    He constantly opens his mouth about weight...and I get angry and he says, "I am emotional".

    HOWEVER, when I tell him he is underweight...and this is true....he gets in a right state!

    It pisses me off...he can SAY what he wants...and he thinks when I do....then I am being "difficult".

    Sorry...may have gotten off topic...but still peed about it.

    My first real rant on here!! whoop whoop!!

    :-)
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
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    I don't care. The temporary anger from the "you're getting fat" comment will eventually fade and then she will be stuck there with the fact that she's getting fat.

    I agree that people should make every effort to stay attractive for their life partner, but she has to WANT to do it. I can't speak for her, but having some guy who THINKS he means well saying "You're fat!" would only serve to demotivate me. In my past, I was with a man like that, and I ended up eating more out of spite. I figured he was accusing me of being fat anyway, so I may as well do it.
  • datguy2011
    datguy2011 Posts: 477 Member
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    Atta girl.. .take away sex when it's your problem to begin with :)

    I haven't told any of my sig. others that they put on weight... I would if needed, but they generally dont pack on the pounds..
  • dp1228
    dp1228 Posts: 439 Member
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    I would say something.... if I ever get married I want the type of relationship where we arent afraid to say things to each other. would i know that im gaining weight? yes, of course. but if my husband is concerned about it, he has the right to tell me if it's bothering him. as long as he goes about it tactfully, and not "b**** you getting FAT" then i see no problem.
  • BPayton27
    BPayton27 Posts: 626 Member
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    I promise you she already knows. I ballooned after getting married (to be fair, so did my husband), but he never said a word. Losing weight and getting fit was my choice. I didn't do it for anyone else.

    Telling her she's gaining is only going to make her resentful and angry with you. Why not try to be supportive and encourage some activity instead? Chances are, the person pointing the finger could stand some exercise too.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Atta girl.. .take away sex when it's your problem to begin with :)

    I haven't told any of my sig. others that they put on weight... I would if needed, but they generally dont pack on the pounds..

    Because nothing gets a woman in the mood more than being told she's getting fat?
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
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    Won't go into the backstory...but i'll spark the discussion. Ladies, would you get upset at a husband/boyfriend/boo if he told you maybe you put on some lbs. Fellas have you ever said the dreaded words? would you?

    Do you not like your teeth the way they are at the moment? Is that it?

    Few handy answers for you

    1) Have I gained weight = NO
    2) Does my *kitten*, hips, waist look big in this/do these pants make my *kitten*/hips/waist look fat = NO
    3) That girl "insert name" is a real b*tch = Yes darling I agree, and whats more she dress;s like a Ho.
    4) Did you like dinner/breakfast/lunch that I just cooked for you = Yes, it was beautiful, just like your eyes darling.


    And every know and then throw in a "did you get you haior done? It looks great "

    All of the above lead to unbroken teeth and a quiet life
  • coachblt
    coachblt Posts: 1,090
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    I understand, but cutting a guy off from sex for a very long time is not just a punishment for him, but for you too.

    Women always want the truth, but then when they get the truth, don't like the results. If the guy doesn't care if she's gaining weight, he won't say anything. However, this is a thread about telling her she's gaining weight, so I say just come out and tell her that. You don't have to use the word FAT...use gaining weight so as not to hurt her feelings. God forbid should we hurt someone's feelings.

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