How to tell her she's gaining weight...

Options
1…1213151718…21

Replies

  • MrsT99
    MrsT99 Posts: 148 Member
    Options
    but I can tell he's more attracted to me now.......

    Weird.

    Any reason why that's weird? I know from his general behaviour/staring/compliments that he is more attracted to me now. I am smaller now than I was when we first met with 1lb to go.

    I'm pleased he tried to tell me tactfully and did not make me feel ugly and giant at the time though.
  • RitaSantoss
    RitaSantoss Posts: 986 Member
    Options
    If my boyfriend told me that I would be very hurt. So you better don't say anything about it.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    Options
    but I can tell he's more attracted to me now.......

    Weird.

    Any reason why that's weird? I know from his general behaviour/staring/compliments that he is more attracted to me now. I am smaller now than I was when we first met with 1lb to go.

    It's not actually weird, it was more of a sarcastic weird. Like, hmm you lost weight, got healthy and now your husband finds you even more attractive...ya don't say??
    :smile:
  • canelly
    canelly Posts: 731 Member
    Options
    I might feel hurt but I want to know!!!!! So yes you better tell me!!!! So all this ladies are saying don't tell her because she already knows....?????? Then how come they ain't doin anything to fix it??
  • AReasor
    AReasor Posts: 355 Member
    Options
    You don't say a word. I never said a word when my Hubby gained a weight while he was doing an office job. He eventually lost the weight. He never said a word when I gained weight over a year of sickness. I am almost done losing the weight. Just be supportive. It is an entirely touchy subject.
  • MrsT99
    MrsT99 Posts: 148 Member
    Options
    but I can tell he's more attracted to me now.......

    Weird.

    Any reason why that's weird? I know from his general behaviour/staring/compliments that he is more attracted to me now. I am smaller now than I was when we first met with 1lb to go.

    It's not actually weird, it was more of a sarcastic weird. Like, hmm you lost weight, got healthy and now your husband finds you even more attractive...ya don't say??
    :smile:

    Fair enough! I was a little confused.... :drinker:
  • vacherin
    vacherin Posts: 192
    Options
    So she knows she's getting fat but she's not doing anything about it? Shame on her! Put her in the stocks and throw rotten eggs at her! Seriously - what's with the fat naziism here? Did I black out and miss the bit where it became obligatory to "do something about it" if you gained weight?

    This could be because:

    - She is exhausted after work / looking after the kids / whatever it is that she does
    - She has a medical issue
    - She doesn't think it's the big deal that you think it is (either because she was too skinny to start with, or because she can live with being a few lbs overweight)
    - She DOES think it's a big deal, but feels overwhelmed by the seemingly unsurmountable task of losing the weight and doesn't know where to start
    - She doesn't like the thought of being the fat one in a gym surrounded by toned, hard bodies
    - She doesn't want losers shouting at her from passing cars as she goes running (have read many of those posts here)

    Or she could just be lazy (which wasn't a crime the last time I checked).

    Give her a break. If you MUST say something, check your motivation ("her health"? really?) and pick your words with extreme care. It is possible to be honest without being hurtful or rude.
  • valeriebpdx
    valeriebpdx Posts: 499 Member
    Options

    Because nothing gets a woman in the mood more than being told she's getting fat?

    ^^This. "Hey, you're getting fat"...then he wants to have sex later on? As if!

    Word. It's not withholding out of spite; it's that the sentiments "My partner hates my body" and "Hey, let's get naked so you can look at and touch every part of me! I have no inhibitions!" don't run concurrently in most women.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    Options
    My husband told me he was worried about my health and lack of exercise - he's always been very fit. But he never said fat, or mentioned weight at all. Just that he wanted us to be together a long time living long healthy lives.

    He never stopped telling me I was beautiful and our sex didn't suffer but I can tell he's more attracted to me now.......

    ^^^^THIS is a great way to communicate with your SO.
  • brandee1212
    brandee1212 Posts: 20 Member
    Options
    No one likes to be told that they're fat. I'll give you that much. However, the defensiveness and outright hostility in this thread boggle the mind. How can any of you, in good conscience, just expect your partner to be okay with you gaining weight and becoming overweight/obese/fatter in general? What makes you think that just because you're in a relationship, you can stop taking care of yourself and s/he'll still be sexually attracted to you? I'm not saying you're unlovable because you've gained weight, but physical attraction isn't guaranteed if you pack on 50 lbs.

    Yes, she probably knows she has gained weight. That is beside the point. The issue at hand is that she's 1.) gained enough that it's noticeable, and 2.) the weight gain bothers her partner. Should he say something? If she shows no signs of caring about her current weight, is exhibiting self-destructive behaviors that will keep her gaining, refuses to exercise, or just stops taking care of her health with regards to weight and physical activity, then absolutely he should say something!

    It's not fair to come into the relationship as one person and morph into another without so much as a care for your partner's feelings. I absolutely disagree that he should shut up and take it. Those of you who think he's out of line for wanting to even broach the topic with his SO really need to evaluate your own relationships a little more closely.
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
    Options

    I fail to understand how being HONEST is insulting??????

    No wonder the divorce rate is so high. Spouses (mostly husbands) can't even be honest with their mate because they are going to feel insulted and withold sex.

    Jesus, no wonder there is such a high incidence of cheating going on.

    So, you're saying that it's perfectly justifiable to cheat after your spouse turns you down because you were an insensitive jerk and basically called them a fatass? :noway: :explode:
  • RonnieBigGunz
    RonnieBigGunz Posts: 52
    Options

    I fail to understand how being HONEST is insulting??????

    No wonder the divorce rate is so high. Spouses (mostly husbands) can't even be honest with their mate because they are going to feel insulted and withold sex.

    Jesus, no wonder there is such a high incidence of cheating going on.

    So, you're saying that it's perfectly justifiable to cheat after your spouse turns you down because you were an insensitive jerk and basically called them a fatass? :noway: :explode:

    Talking to your spouse about weight does not make you "an insensitive jerk" or mean you are calling them a "fatass". My wife and I have open discussion about our weight. We are a team. We are both working together to achieve our goals, and honest feedback is welcomed. I always lol when women talk about witholding sex. Good luck with that. :wink:
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Options
    Those of you who think he's out of line for wanting to even broach the topic with his SO really need to evaluate your own relationships a little more closely.

    Why? Maybe they are ok in their relationships. And physical attraction and fidelity is never guaranteed. *If* you have enough foundation built with the right person, fading physical attraction will not automatically translate to infidelity. (Also, people have different priorities. I'm a lot more concerned about the mortgage and my job and my own body than whether or not my hubby has gained a few. I did get worried the one time I noticed he seemed to be gaining in an unhealthy way--but for his health.)

    No one will look the same as the people their partners married over time. I'm curious about how the people who expect (and are expected) to maintain a certain standard of attractiveness will handle this in their relationships. (I'm not judging or implying they will break up when one is less hot--I'm really curious.) (People can still have sexual attraction when their physiques change.)
  • Aleluya17
    Aleluya17 Posts: 205 Member
    Options
    I hope we don't see OP in the crime section of the paper O.o
  • geonbaeLeilee
    geonbaeLeilee Posts: 606 Member
    Options
    Oh, point out the her top lip is getting a touch hairy as well, if you want to be subtle and come right out straight and say it, just start calling her Tom Selleck, and provided she isn't a PI she should get the hint.

    BWAHAHA! LOVE this comment!
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
    Options
    I always lol when women talk about witholding sex. Good luck with that. :wink:

    And this is why I'm not in a relationship...and don't need one.
  • missymuffet459
    missymuffet459 Posts: 162
    Options
    Maybe have her pose for a picture with you? Pictures do not lie. Problem solved.
  • Linbo93
    Linbo93 Posts: 229 Member
    Options
    My fiance and I are losing weight together. Its hard work! If I got to a healthy weight and started gaining again, I would EXPECT him to say something! I don't want to fall back into a lazy pattern that puts me right back where I started!

    But, our relationship is a very candid one and this may not work for everyone! It depends on the girl and the relationship, and more importantly, the approach taken.
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
    Options
    I always lol when women talk about witholding sex. Good luck with that. :wink:

    And this is why I'm not in a relationship...and don't need one.

    I wonder if its acceptable for a man to withhold cuddles and kisses if he doesn't like what happens in a relationship?
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Options
    I always lol when women talk about witholding sex. Good luck with that. :wink:

    And this is why I'm not in a relationship...and don't need one.

    I wonder if its acceptable for a man to withhold cuddles and kisses if he doesn't like what happens in a relationship?

    I assume they do when they are mad or hurt with something their partners said. Because people don't feel like cuddling the people they are mad at in the moment usually.

Categories