How to tell her she's gaining weight...
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Obviously,she knows.
Don't tell her. There is such thing as justifiable homicide, you know.
Made me laugh!0 -
I have seen my friends get into relationships and gain quite a bit of weight. I told him I don't want to become so comfortable in our relationship that I "supersize" myself. I have asked my fiancee to tell me when I start to look bad, but I doubt I will get to that point because I am tougher on myself than he ever could be to me.
With that said, weight is a very touchy issue. If you approach it in the wrong manner, you could hurt someone's feelings. Maybe start with suggesting eating healthier together. Maybe start walking together in the evenings. Sensitivitiy is key!0 -
I got chewed out a while back for a post like this about one of my friends. Everyone was all up in arms "who made you the fat police"...."obviously she knows".....finally when she mentioned buying some bigger jeans I said "I love you, yes new jeans, but maybe a diet would be a good idea too." Her response? "THANK YOU! I was in denial until you said something." Then we brainstormed potential causes (depression, stress, bithcontrol change)....
you're the only one who knows your girl well enough to know how she'll respond, my friend, she needed blunt with a little tact maybe your girl needs a lot of tact but if she's buying new jeans like it's going out of style I'd definitely recommend saying SOMETHING, even if it's just saying "hey, why don't you do MFP with me"
I agree, I think some people dont have those close friendships or relationships with people, I know I can tell my partner and closest friends anything and be fine, If my friend asks me if she looks noce in a dress she respects me for being honest!..
My partner telling me i'm eating way too much and gaining alot lately was what i needed to hear and respect him for telling me. I don't understand women who would find it affensive? If my partner was going off me and thinknig i was gaining alot i'd rather him tell me than him walking away later on.0 -
Ideally, you would've already asked her this question somewhere towards the beginning (first year or two) of your relationship, whenever you start getting really serious. Every woman is different because we all have different personalities and different life experiences, so just because 70% of people who responded to this thread say "don't say anything", that doesn't mean that your lady would agree. And just because 30% say you have every right to speak up, doesn't mean your lady would agree. What is truly important is how SHE would want you to respond to this situation.
Now, with that being said, if you're asking this question you probably haven't had that conversation with her. And for that reason, I would say to er on the side of caution and be very careful what you choose to say, if anything. I would say the odds are she already knows she is gaining weight and you bringing it up is only going to make her feel worse. Now don't get me wrong, she COULD respond by hitting the gym and eating healthy to keep her man happy, but there is also a good chance she could respond differently, get depressed and be even less motivated to lose weight AND lose security in your relationship because she worries that you might be unhappy with her. These are just possibilities. I think your best bet is to figure out if her current weight is TRULY an issue for you. If it really is then I think you should start by trying to include her in your healthy activities. Cook her a healthy dinner. Invite her to go for a walk with you. Invite her to play tennis or go hiking or something like that. That way, she can be more active without you making her feel insecure or bad about herself. Her weight gain may go deeper than poor diet and exercise, and if that's the case, there's probably not much you can do until she learns how to address the real problem. If it becomes a huge issue for you and nothing else works and you feel like your relationship may be in jeopardy due to her weight gain, ONLY then would I speak up.
Good luck! Congrats on your own progress!
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Believe me, she knows she's gaining weight. She might not want to accept that she is, but she knows it and hearing it from you won't make it any less of a blow, but it will bring it out in the open and likely be a sigh of relief to everyone, in the end. Just say something if you feel the need to.0
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My boo told me he would like to see me lose some weight...for my health. I mean...I know it might have been primarily for my health, but sure he wanted me to look better too. And then I joined mfp. Took me a year though to get it moving in the right direction. He's still around And happy when he sees me 0
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Oh this is such a touchy subject... Let's just say this, if you love her and I mean truely in love with her, you would NOT say anything at all!!! It would be very smart of you to not say anything.....
My ex-husband called me fat almost everyday, guess what I got fatter, I didn't lose the weight...
My fiance: tells me everyday I'm not fat (although I am!!) and tells me I'm beautiful more than once a day and guess what I'm becoming more healthier and losing the weight...
JUST DON'T DO IT!0 -
with that being said, telling a female something she already knows will probably get you smacked in the face and a kick in the nads ...
That's why you should tell her in a text message!0 -
Instead of saying that she is gaining weight, tell her that you want to start exercising and ask if she wants to join you. If you start making healthier descisions, she might follow, and it is always easier to exercise with someone else.0
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Oh this is such a touchy subject... Let's just say this, if you love her and I mean truely in love with her, you would NOT say anything at all!!! It would be very smart of you to not say anything.....
My ex-husband called me fat almost everyday, guess what I got fatter, I didn't lose the weight...
My fiance: tells me everyday I'm not fat (although I am!!) and tells me I'm beautiful more than once a day and guess what I'm becoming more healthier and losing the weight...
JUST DON'T DO IT!
there's a big difference between calling someone fat all the time which is just being a jerk and telling someone "I love you, you're sexy, it would probably be good for you to lose some weight."0 -
I agree, she knows. Keep loving her and supporting her and DON'T be a nag. Maybe though,maybe, find a way very gently to say you have noticed. Get her to log her food on here if she hasn't started yet. Ask her to go on after dinner walks with you.0
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She may notice, but not think she's gaining THAT much weight. I started to pack on a cpl pounds, so I started avoiding the scale. I would have LOVED for my significant other, or anyone for that matter, to have said something, TACTFULLY, to help me avoid the 25 pounds I am now fighting to get off. It's easier to put it on then take it off, and if someone you love will help divert a catastrophe, ESPECIALLY because it affects your health, SAY something. Perspective - if they picked up smoking, and it bothered you, would you say something about that???? Just curious 0
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A woman only wants to hear how beautiful she is. Then and only then will she be happy enough to lose it on her own.
Yup Yup so true!0 -
You know, there's knowing, and then there's *knowing*.
Self image is a tricky thing.
Then there's also knowing, but not really giving the knowledge adequate importance in one's mind.
The truth is, that barring better information, we don't know how aware she is, how truthful she is with herself about the extent, or whether she deems it important enough to do something to fix it.
(Speaking from experience.)0 -
You just announce you are going on a diet get fit plan. She will want to diet/ work out with you. *I hope* Working out together can be fun!Won't go into the backstory...but i'll spark the discussion. Ladies, would you get upset at a husband/boyfriend/boo if he told you maybe you put on some lbs. Fellas have you ever said the dreaded words? would you?0 -
Oh this is such a touchy subject... Let's just say this, if you love her and I mean truely in love with her, you would NOT say anything at all!!! It would be very smart of you to not say anything.....
My ex-husband called me fat almost everyday, guess what I got fatter, I didn't lose the weight...
My fiance: tells me everyday I'm not fat (although I am!!) and tells me I'm beautiful more than once a day and guess what I'm becoming more healthier and losing the weight...
JUST DON'T DO IT!
there's a big difference between calling someone fat all the time which is just being a jerk and telling someone "I love you, you're sexy, it would probably be good for you to lose some weight."
Agreed... my ex-husband was a jerk, hence the ex.... But somebody telling me I need to do something or should do something makes me want to do the opposite.0 -
Won't go into the backstory...but i'll spark the discussion. Ladies, would you get upset at a husband/boyfriend/boo if he told you maybe you put on some lbs. Fellas have you ever said the dreaded words? would you?
My advice...DON'T SAY A WORD! More than likely she already knows. The best thing you can do for yourself and for her is figure out why you love her in the first place and focus on those points until she decides to do something about it, at which point you give her the support she needs. You can't force someone to lose weight, so it's best to just wait for the moment when she makes that decision FOR HERSELF. Now, you could maybe invite her to come workout with you sometime just to spend time together....or maybe go for a walk in the evening. Maybe the healthy activity will inspire her.0 -
Oh this is such a touchy subject... Let's just say this, if you love her and I mean truely in love with her, you would NOT say anything at all!!! It would be very smart of you to not say anything.....
My ex-husband called me fat almost everyday, guess what I got fatter, I didn't lose the weight...
My fiance: tells me everyday I'm not fat (although I am!!) and tells me I'm beautiful more than once a day and guess what I'm becoming more healthier and losing the weight...
JUST DON'T DO IT!
there's a big difference between calling someone fat all the time which is just being a jerk and telling someone "I love you, you're sexy, it would probably be good for you to lose some weight."
Agreed... my ex-husband was a jerk, hence the ex.... But somebody telling me I need to do something or should do something makes me want to do the opposite.
Your jerk ex-husband aside, it's completely your right to react to information as you see fit. And to not be surprised at the reaction which *that* can induce.0 -
I am sure she knows. Telling her will ultimately piss her off and you will get a major attitude. Maybe try encouraging her to do activities with you or go for walks.
This is the best way to approach it...she probably already knows and is probably already unhappy about it. Encourage the physical activities like this and then see if she starts conversation about things during/after these walks and go from there.
Mm, I can't agree with this. We're not idiots, encouraging her to go for a walk, to order a salad - that just hurts. My boyfriend does that because that's what he thinks is supportive. He knows I'm trying to lose weight, and his helping is telling me to order a salad when he orders a burger with extra fries, tells me I should go to the gym when he's sitting in front of a computer screen. I think leading by example is the best way, to try and encourage her through your actions. You come home from the gym and say "god I feel great!" or go "what are you cooking tomorrow night, I'm really keen to try this [insert healthy recipe]". Doing it together, regardless of the differences in your weightloss goals/the amount you have to lose, is probably your best shot. In my opinion, of course, everyone's different and reacts differently to things.0 -
Is love letting someone eat themselves to death? At some point I think there is a moral obligation to step in and let them know that what they are doing is affecting their quality of life.Oh this is such a touchy subject... Let's just say this, if you love her and I mean truely in love with her, you would NOT say anything at all!!! It would be very smart of you to not say anything.....
My ex-husband called me fat almost everyday, guess what I got fatter, I didn't lose the weight...
My fiance: tells me everyday I'm not fat (although I am!!) and tells me I'm beautiful more than once a day and guess what I'm becoming more healthier and losing the weight...
JUST DON'T DO IT!
How do you feel about your partner lying to you every day?0
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