How to tell her she's gaining weight...

My husband and I are very open about our thoughts on each others' bodies. There is nothing wrong with saying, "I've noticed you've gained a little weight.. is there something I can do to help with your fitness? I want us both to live long, happy lives together." ... it's true, it's thoughtful, and it shows a team effort.


If you say, "Baby, put down the oreos. I know your muffin top is getting Costco-big." you are likely to get served.

This - but it also depends on your relationship. How do you think she'd react? If my hubby told me, I'd be butt hurt, but as most say, I already knew. I was telling him I wanted to lose weight and I was asking him for help.

I am 42, I want to have one more child, my husband said that I need to lose weight for the child's and my health, and he's right. I know he has my health foremost in his mind.

You may be fine with the shoe being on the other foot. But if that shoe was on my foot, I'd be wondering what would be coming the next time I didn't measure up.

You're probably right. It's better to not know what's going through her head. Surprises are fun!

Oh, you deliberately missed the point. That was no fun, because that's not a surprise.

Your point and my point seem tangential at best. I never, for example, claimed that "it was as easy for most people to lose weight as their partner telling them to." And all that stuff about you was a great read, but has little to do with me in this thread. I'm all for you sharing. I just don't particularly want it projected onto my comments. Perhaps leave it at that?

People who say that if you really love her you don't care what she looks like etc are living a pipe dream. A complete and healthy relationship involves that sort of love yes, but it also includes physical attraction. If you allow that attraction to die, you are allowing the relationship to faulter. Don't you owe it to your mate to preserve your mutual relationship as best you can? And perhaps your relationship can survive the loss of the physical. Perhaps not.

Don't act like you didn't get personal with the other poster's relationships or make inferences. I'm all for dropping this discussion with you. But I'm not projecting on to your comments. I'm responding to them.

You should never tell your girl that she's gaining weight. Like everyone has said, she probably already knows. And if she does nothing about it, more than likely, she just doesn't care. It's her body, let her decide what to do with it. Now if it becomes a huge health-related concern, you tell them you're worried about their health. But a few pounds can hardly matter.

For your own piece of mind (notice I said piece) don't go there.

Don't act like you didn't get personal with the other poster's relationships or make inferences. I'm all for dropping this discussion with you. But I'm not projecting on to your comments. I'm responding to them.

I'm pretty sure I didn't make any such inferences.

Really, this is all you.

Yet, you're still responding.

For future conversations with you, I will keep all responses to you framed through quoting you verbatim and leave the paraphrasing, sarcasm, and exaggeration to you. (Probably not.)

Good idea.

To help you though, a concrete example is that I'm pretty sure I did not say that not knowing what is going through your partner's head is the way to go because surprises are fun.

No, I said surprises are fun. I didn't say that you said that. My implication is that if you bury your head in the sand to avoid knowing what your partner is thinking (or should I say make it clear that such information is unwanted), then you are apt to one day encounter a nasty surprise. That's my assessment, and I claim it as all mine!

And sure, "bury your head in the sand" has a negative connotation. That was deliberate.

OMG. Don't do it man.

Im not going to read all the comments on here so i may repeat...but i'll tell you i wish my husband would say something once in a while... instead he tells me how great i look and how skinny i look... but that's not helping me reach any goals! I have a mirror i'm far from skinny...i'm glad he accepts my body...but i need some pointers and support in losing the weight!

No, I said surprises are fun. I didn't say that you said that. My implication is that if you bury your head in the sand to avoid knowing what your partner is thinking (or should I say make it clear that such information is unwanted), then you are apt to one day encounter a nasty surprise. That's my assessment, and I claim it as all mine!

And sure, "bury your head in the sand" has a negative connotation. That was deliberate.

Thanks for explaining your clever code to me. I completely couldn't understand it and was very puzzled because you said, "You're right" and then followed your thought up. You know. An implication.

Since we are condescending to each other by telling each other things we already know, here's my clarification for you. I knew you didn't really think that I believed that you said I said that. I was illustrating for you the way you try to create rabbit holes to duck the actual issue. Since you understand burying your head in the sand, I'll rest comfortably in knowing that you can figure out for yourself that rabbit holes and the negative connotation were deliberate.

I'm going to put you on hide, because you and I have ascertained that this actual issue will never come up between the two of us as we would likely have told each other what is on our minds way before we ever got to the hot or not issue, and I don't feel good derailing the thread any further. I don't actually like arguing and debating much, and I don't want to do this with you again. But I know myself well enough to know that I will. Not my finest quality but there it is.