Fiancés family....

amberlongsine
amberlongsine Posts: 215 Member
in Chit-Chat
Advice. 


I know im young. I'll be 21 on Sunday. But is it considered self centered and unacceptable that I think my fiancés family should get over themselves about the holiday ****? His family are jahovahs witnesses. Which is fine. Im not a religious person. But If we have a winter wedding or any wedding for this matter that I can not have anything involving holidays (ornaments, candy canes, new years sparklers, valentines day hearts or cards, etc) and if I do, his family refuses to show up because it's against their religion to be anywhere involving holidays. 

Is it wrong for me to get pissed off because I can't have holiday stuff (if I wanted it... On MY DAY) due to his family being religious???

Feedback would be great. 
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Replies

  • skylark94
    skylark94 Posts: 2,036 Member
    This is something that you and your fiancee need to work out long before you start planning a wedding. Crap like this destroys relationships and compromise and respect is going to be necessary on both sides.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    You need to reconsider your marriage. Honestly.
  • katamus
    katamus Posts: 2,363 Member
    You kinda have to compromise. If not, and you have your wedding the way you want it and half the party doesn't show up.. You might as well just elope.

    That's what I want to do. Vegas. :D
  • katamus
    katamus Posts: 2,363 Member
    You need to reconsider your marriage. Honestly.

    This also.
  • Ruthe8
    Ruthe8 Posts: 423 Member
    You think they should just "get over" their religion so you can have the decorations you want? Yeah, that's self-centered and unacceptable. It's also not YOUR DAY. That just screams "selfish". It's your fiancé's day, too, and he probably wants his family around to help celebrate it.
  • taylor5877
    taylor5877 Posts: 1,792 Member
    This is where you quickly pop out a kid and hold his family hostage...
  • CincinnatiDEIFan
    CincinnatiDEIFan Posts: 188 Member
    I have been married 15 years...

    You need to talk to your fiance about it. What does he say? Does he support your ideas or his families? That is telling.

    He needs to be the one to deal with HIS family and support whatever the two of you agree on....it is YOUR and HIS day...not the families.

    :-)

    Good luck.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,644 Member
    Do you actually WANT any of things? Or are you just using it as an excuse to cause drama?
  • specialkyc
    specialkyc Posts: 384 Member
    This is something that you and your fiancee need to work out long before you start planning a wedding. Crap like this destroys relationships and compromise and respect is going to be necessary on both sides.

    ^^ This. You and your finacee need to decide what you want TOGETHER, without his family's opinion.
  • JoolieW68
    JoolieW68 Posts: 1,879 Member
    How does he feel about recognizing holidays? How he feels will go a long way towards how you and he deal with them together as a couple.

    For instance, if you want to celebrate your birthday on the day it falls, but he wants to recognize it on January 1st (which is what I think JW folks do for all birthdays), what will you do?

    What about if/when you have children? Will they be 'allowed' to celebrate holidays and their actual birth date?

    I highly recommend joint marriage counseling before you plan anything else.
  • mrs_schultz2012
    mrs_schultz2012 Posts: 395 Member
    their religion is a big part of who they are, you and your fiance will need to work together to figure something out...it's not just something they will 'get over'.


    PS...eloping is a good choice....my fiance and i are going to Vegas with our immediate family in a week and a half to get married lol :happy:
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
    Put the wedding on hold and do some serious sould searching.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Advice. 


    I know im young. I'll be 21 on Sunday. But is it considered self centered and unacceptable that I think my fiancés family should get over themselves about the holiday ****? His family are jahovahs witnesses. Which is fine. Im not a religious person. But If we have a winter wedding or any wedding for this matter that I can not have anything involving holidays (ornaments, candy canes, new years sparklers, valentines day hearts or cards, etc) and if I do, his family refuses to show up because it's against their religion to be anywhere involving holidays. 

    Is it wrong for me to get pissed off because I can't have holiday stuff (if I wanted it... On MY DAY) due to his family being religious???

    Feedback would be great. 

    You're choosing to marry into this family. I think you have to deal with it or deal with them not coming. How does your fiance feel about it?
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
    You are young, so start setting boundaries now. You and your future spouse are the only people who get to decide what/when you have a wedding. Unless someone else is paying for it, then they get some input into cost options, budget, etc. You also get to decide who to invite. If people who are invited choose not to attend, that is their decision and they are the only people responsible for that decision. Your wedding belongs to you and the groom. Everyone else should be delighted to be invited and respectful of your wedding choices. (period)
  • justann
    justann Posts: 276 Member
    Jehovah Witnesses have very strong beliefs. I certainly wouldn't want to start off a marriage basically alienating my in-laws. I would also think long and hard about marrying someone who comes from a family with such strict and differing beliefs from my own.
  • vikingchix
    vikingchix Posts: 105 Member
    I would think long and hard.....for this is only the begining.

    Are you and your new husband going to celebrate any holidays or birthdays? Later on down the raod....what if you have kids? Chirstmas, Halloween, Birthdays?

    You are young....I get it

    You NEED to talk about all of this before you actually get married. I know you may think that "we love each other" it will all work out......but realistically.....you need to think about ALL of this.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
    Advice. 


    I know im young. I'll be 21 on Sunday. But is it considered self centered and unacceptable that I think my fiancés family should get over themselves about the holiday ****? His family are jahovahs witnesses. Which is fine. Im not a religious person. But If we have a winter wedding or any wedding for this matter that I can not have anything involving holidays (ornaments, candy canes, new years sparklers, valentines day hearts or cards, etc) and if I do, his family refuses to show up because it's against their religion to be anywhere involving holidays. 

    Is it wrong for me to get pissed off because I can't have holiday stuff (if I wanted it... On MY DAY) due to his family being religious???

    Feedback would be great. 

    Correction: It is not YOUR day. It you AND your fiance's day.



    Methinks you should reconsider this whole marriage business. I think you're doin' it wrong.
  • amberlongsine
    amberlongsine Posts: 215 Member
    Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

    I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

    Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    it is true that it is your day, but it is his day, too. This is definitely something that needs to be discussed with each other in great detail. I get that you're not religious, but they are. How involved in it is he? How shattered would he be if they don't show up for the big day? Pretty important issues to discuss together.

    Also, do you want this holiday stuff at the wedding just so they won't come or is this a hard and fast thing for you?
  • Doesntplaynice82
    Doesntplaynice82 Posts: 119 Member
    I have been married and divorced twice...weddings are a serious waste of money and completely overrated. Not using "holiday" decorations is not that serious. Choose your battles wisely.

    I didn't even have fun at either of my weddings and if i do get married a 3rd time, i am eloping.
  • snoopytwins
    snoopytwins Posts: 1,759 Member
    I would think long and hard.....for this is only the begining.

    Are you and your new husband going to celebrate any holidays or birthdays? Later on down the raod....what if you have kids? Chirstmas, Halloween, Birthdays?

    You are young....I get it

    You NEED to talk about all of this before you actually get married. I know you may think that "we love each other" it will all work out......but realistically.....you need to think about ALL of this.
    I totally agree!

    Plus...it's HIS day too...just sayin'.
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    Just break up.
  • taylor5877
    taylor5877 Posts: 1,792 Member
    Only rule we had was that no Aggie gets married during football season, especially on a saturday. And if so, it is understood that any anniversay coinciding with game day celebration was either tickets to the game or a game watching party.
  • Julzanne72
    Julzanne72 Posts: 468 Member
    Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

    I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

    Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 

    Seriously?? REading this I would say he is not the guy for you! Did you not discuss religion before you got engaged, that is a HUGE deal, especially if he is a JW and you believe in celbrating all holidays and plan on having kids....honestly, you don't sound like you are ready to get married, seem a bit immature still.
  • Doesntplaynice82
    Doesntplaynice82 Posts: 119 Member
    Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

    I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

    Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 

    Um if he is a Jehovahs witness you will NEVER be celebrating the holidays together.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

    I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

    Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 

    You can't even get to the wedding date in agreement....how are you going to make this work for a lifetime? You two are both adults..decide what both of you want. Most likely his family will eventually come around. But if not...how is every holiday going to work...especially when there are children involved.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

    I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

    Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 


    again, things that the 2 of you need to discuss together BEFORE the wedding.
  • vikingchix
    vikingchix Posts: 105 Member
    I think everyone can see the writing on the wall.

    You need to open your eyes to what being married to this guy will be.
  • mrs_schultz2012
    mrs_schultz2012 Posts: 395 Member
    Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

    I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

    Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 

    this is the first time he has freaked out about Christmas stuff.....how long have you guys been together? I'm guessing not long since this kind of seems like news to you.....I would hold off on the wedding for a while and figure out who you are as individuals and if you can mesh together as a family unit or not....it's sound like not.....but i wish you all the happiness and luck!

    i wouldn't be able to not celebrate holidays either....that would be tough
  • suzieqcookie
    suzieqcookie Posts: 314 Member
    You need to reconsider your marriage. Honestly.

    ^^THIS^^

    Don't fool yourself.. you are JUST as married to your in laws as you are to you husband. I can say with absolute certainty (as can both of our marriage counselors) that his family played a part in our divorce. We don't have religious differences and actually got along slightly more than civil. But they play that big of a part in your marriage.

    and no.. you WON'T celebrate christmas. I had a customer tell me she loved my top, i said i got it for christmas, she told me she was a JW and proceeded to tell me how i was going to rot in hell. Get out now while you can.
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