Fiancés family....

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate holidays of any kind. That includes your birthday, by the way. I would highly recommend that you have a chat with your fiance. Family will be important to him and you will need to be willing to compromise for you both to be happy.

What will happen if you plan to have children? How do you and your fiance want to interact with family around the holidays? What are his religious beliefs and opinions? You had best discuss all of this before getting married. It's a very strict religion and you need to respect their right to it... and realize they likely won't be as flexible with you.

There are two MAJOR topics every couple should discuss and come to agreement on before marriage: finances and religion. If you are of differing religions, you need to work out how those religions will be exercised and how the children will be raised. Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, anyone?

I agree with the concensus here...you two need to have a SERIOUS discussion about how holidays and such will be handled in your marriage and especially with your future children. Nothing confuses children more than one parent saying holidays are fine and should be celebrated and the other saying they are evil. It sounds like you guys have enjoyed the early "I'm so in love" stage, but you haven't talked about the really serious stuff. Some couples can't even survive the daily annoyances of life even when they agree on the major stuff. It sounds like you two haven't even discussed the really big things. You need to put the wedding on hold and see a counselor together to work all this stuff out. Do NOT marry this man until you are sure you've come up with an agreement you both can live with. It may not be possible; Jehovah's Witnesses are very diehard in their faith and are pretty unrelenting about things like holidays.

Do you actually WANT any of things? Or are you just using it as an excuse to cause drama?

Yes, if you aren't actually planning on having a holiday wedding then I wouldn't be concerned about it. Even if you were still planning a holiday wedding you could incorporate colors instead of the actual symbols of the season. It is easy to get around. Check Pintrest.

Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 

You're engaged to this guy and you don't even know if he's able to celebrate holidays with you?

You're doing it wrong. This is not how a relationship should work. You need to speak to your Fiance. If he is totally cool with celebrating holidays with you and your potential children, then talk about how the wedding should go down. Does he care if his family shows? If so, you should probably respect him and them enough to leave out holiday-centric decorations. And if you don't care enough about him to do that, then he probably should not marry you.

This is something that you and your fiancee need to work out long before you start planning a wedding. Crap like this destroys relationships and compromise and respect is going to be necessary on both sides.

great advice.

You need to first, figure out how you want to spend your life and how you will want to raise your kids when that time comes. Then once you figure this out, you need to sit down with your fiance and talk to him about what he wants and his thoughts on EVERYTHING! Not just now, but thoughts for the future as well. If you can't agree on things now, then maybe the 2 of you shouldn't be together. It is your day, but it is also his day. He will want his family there as well. Maybe you can come to some kind of compromise with all of this so everyone is happy. If you and your finace come to an agreement, both of you should sit down with his family and explain your side with RESPECT. Do not get angry with them, these are their beliefs.

Also, think about it.... you are doing to them exactly what they are doing to you. Pushing YOUR beliefs into their family and trying to do this YOUR way with no respect to them. Treat their beliefs how you want them to treat yours. It will get you a lot further than alienating and being harsh and forceful to his family.

I hope you find what you are looking for and everything works out for the best. Best of Luck!

Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple.

Honestly? This sounds like you don't even care about this guy.

Just break up.

I agree. JWs are VERY strict (I have a friend whose parents are JWs and she told me a LOT of horror stories about their beliefs). If you can manage it, compromise is key, however, from a couple of your other posts, I don't really see a lot of compromise coming from your fiance, from how he blew up over holiday ornaments, and then your reaction to his reaction.

If you don't take the time to figure out what you can do as a couple, and especially how you're going to raise the kids, then it's best you DO NOT get married at this time and seriously consider if you can make the kinds of compromises that this relationship is going to require.

Do you also have to avoid days they are busy knocking on doors??

Don't get married so young. You'll straight up ruin your life. You're not the same person at 21 that you'll be at 23, 26, or 30.

Eh, depends on the person. I was 20 when we married, he was 23. We celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary on September 18th. :happy:

Did you read the post? She is not mature enough to get married.

Yes, I did read the OP's post. Did you read the post I was responding to? It wasn't the OP's.

Sorry, I thought the idea was to keep the comments relevant. But feel free to go off on your own tangent if that's what you prefer. It's not like we're trying to have a conversation here.

This is something that you and your fiancee need to work out long before you start planning a wedding. Crap like this destroys relationships and compromise and respect is going to be necessary on both sides.

2nded!

I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.

Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going

Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 

I have family that is Jehova witness and when I had a baby shower @ my church in the basement they would not come. You need to think long and hard before you marry this man. They are not going to give into. So if you want celebrate Christmas and other other holiday this may not be the relationship for you. I don't think you are ready for this marriage.

I have a few things to say about this.

First of all I got married at 20 and we also separated before our 1 year anniversary and divorced by the time I was 22. Like someone said previously you really are not the same person at age 21 that you will be at even 25 and especially not 30. There is a lot of growing up that happens in one's early 20's and it is best done alone and unmarried. I really had no effing clue what I wanted at age 20-21 and really had no effing clue until about 24 what I wanted/needed out of a relationship with a man. My ex-husband and I met when I was 18 and I was young and naive. By the time we married I was a completely different person and he realized that pretty quickly. My not being this dumb little girl that he could manipulate anymore ended things pretty quickly. Now, I'm not saying your fiance is that type of person, what I am saying is that people CHANGE, they change A LOT. There is absolutely no rush in getting married. I have been with my boyfriend for well over 3 years now and I'm for sure old enough to get married (26) but we don't plan on getting married for at least another year. What's the rush? I'll still love him in a year, and I'll still want to be with him, the difference is we will have a lot more money by then and be able to start our lives together the way it should be. With money in the bank and the ability to buy a house and pay for the majority of our wedding ourselves.

Also, my ex-best friend that I have known since age 2 and was friends with all through grade school became a jehovah's witness. They really are NUTS. She won't speak to me anymore because I'm not Jehovah's witness and to be honest we have nothing in common now, her whole life revolves around her jehovah friends. If your fiance is a jehovahs witness and you aren't I'd think LONG and hard about marrying him unless you have plans to become one too. Are his beliefs more similar to yours or his families? It really is important to have similar beliefs to the person you marry, it will cause so much conflict in the long run if you believe completely different things.

You need talk to him about religion, politics, dreams, where you see yourself in 10,20.30 years and how you plan on raising your children before you even think about getting married.

Honestly just based on the fact that you think you can't have the wedding you want because of his family tells me it probably won't last. I'd be damned if I did anything at my wedding that wasn't because I and/or my fiance wanted to do it.

ETA: Unlike what some of the other posters said, I would not "compromise" on decorations based on what my in-laws wanted. I'm sorry but this is the future husband and wife's wedding not the family wedding. They are not getting married, you are. This should be what you both want and the only person you should be compromising with is your fiance. If he agrees with the family about the decorations then you shouldn't do it, but if he agrees with you then why the hell not? If they won't come to their own son's wedding because of some decorations then they probably shouldn't come anyway.