Fiancés family....
Replies
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I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.
Your response entirely ignores the possibility that OP's Fiance might care a great deal if his family can't attend.0 -
she told me she was a JW and proceeded to tell me how i was going to rot in hell.
JW's don't believe in hell.0 -
If you think the decorations at your wedding are more important than your future inlaw's entire set of beliefs and traditions, then you are 100% not ready to be married. To anyone, not just a JW. This has nothing to do with your age. If you were 50 and feeling this way I'd say the same thing.
When you're ready to graciously compromise on the decorations, and have a serious discussion with your BF and how he wants to celebrate holidays (or not) with you and your potential future children, then you're maybe ready to get married.0 -
....you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son....
Umm...I completely disagree. You ARE marrying a family when you marry someone. HIS family becomes YOURs. You better find out how your fiance feels about you not caring about his family!
I agree you are marrying the entire family. My husbands sisters and I are not that close so my kids dont get to spend time with his family like I want them too. There is nothing we can do about it now but family is a big part of the marriage. They feel as if I took him from them...0 -
Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas.
I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around.
Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa.
this is why "adults" have those types of discussions before getting married. If you don't have the same beliefs and can't come to an agreement beforehand there is no hope for a happily ever after.0 -
Go marry a christian or a atheist.. either way you can have a xmas wedding of your winter wonderland dreams..
On a side note my sister married into a strong jewish family ( she isn't jewish ) and they have been married for over 20 years but his family and their strong beliefs has a bean a constant struggle for her and their marriage for the entire time..
I mean what will happen one day when you have kids? Think about that ..
Marrying into a no compromise religious family and trying to make it work where every one still talks to every one is like having a open sore that will never heal..0 -
Aj just YELLED at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like USE YOUR BRAIN.
And you want to marry him..........
why?
Because planning a wedding is fun? Or because he is a good match for you, long term?0 -
This is something that you and your fiancee need to work out long before you start planning a wedding. Crap like this destroys relationships and compromise and respect is going to be necessary on both sides.
2nded!
Another vote for the wisdom above. Marriage doesn't work unless it's a team effort. For that to be the case both people have to see the relationship as a whole as more important than their own desires.0 -
I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.
Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going
Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
of) so it really isn't an issue for us.0 -
Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas.
I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around.
Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa.
Have you not had this conversation about how you will celebrate holidays and how you will raise your children? You shouldn't be getting married then. These things need to be hashed out before hand not after the fact when you'll decide it is a deal breaker. I suggest you going to some pre-marital counseling and talk through some major issues.
BTW-you do marry the family when you marry someone unless they don't have a relationship with their family.0 -
You defniitely need to do some research and maybe even have a nice sit down with your future in-laws about their religion. We have friends who are JWs and they are the sweetest people you could ever meet (and the wife is as big of a smart-*kitten* as my Hubs) but they do have a lot of restrictions. And you sure as hell need to figure out where your future husband stands with all of this. Does he still follow most of the JW concepts or does he want to raise your children believe in Santa, and the Easter Bunny and trick-or-treating? And if you disagree, the two of you either need to find a compromise or realize it's not going to work. You can't hope he'll change or any of that BS. This isn't about a wedding, it's about a marriage and your future together.
By the way, I had a winter wedding and I didn't use any candy canes or things like that in my decorations. The place we had the ceremony and reception however was lightly decorated for Christmas (a couple lighted trees, poinsettias and nutcrackers - subtle).0 -
Lol ok you have fun with that.I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.
Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going
Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
of) so it really isn't an issue for us.0 -
This. Boom.You think they should just "get over" their religion so you can have the decorations you want? Yeah, that's self-centered and unacceptable. It's also not YOUR DAY. That just screams "selfish". It's your fiancé's day, too, and he probably wants his family around to help celebrate it.0 -
Even though you are not religious, you should at least make an effort to familiarize yourself with the observances of the religion. When you marry someone, you also marry their family, so you better make sure that you have a full understanding of what will be expected by his parents. If he was Jewish you wouldn't serve pork at the wedding...I feel this deserves a lot more thought on your part.0
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Aj just YELLED at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like USE YOUR BRAIN.
This is one of the funniest statements I have ever read on the MFP forums0 -
Lol ok you have fun with that.I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.
Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going
Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
Right? I hope neither of you ever get into a prediciment where you might NEED family for some assistance, either financially or emotionally or anything, because crazy as it sounds, family is always there, well, until you're not.... then, good luck on your own.0 -
Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas.
I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around.
Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa.
You are about to get married and you haven't talked about this?? My prediction....you will marry young & divorce young. SMH! Don't do it!!0 -
Lol ok you have fun with that.I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.
Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going
Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
Will do
We've been together for six years, rock solid I might add,
and I look forward to many more years.0 -
Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas.
I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around.
Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa.
Wow.
Are you 21 or 12?
Did you know his family was Jehovah's Witnesses when you met him...and if so, did you know exactly what you were getting yourself into? AT ALL?0 -
I mean truthfully, it doesn't even sound like you know him or his family. if you've been together for a while, if you've met his family a few times, if you have been together through ONE Christmas, you would have been prepared for all this. how could you possibly not know what a JW entails if this is your FIANCE? not your boyfriend, not a fling, your FIANCE. it's an entirely different religion. what you're asking is similar to asking someone of muslim or islamic to just forget who they are. this is how they were raised.0
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I think you're being a chilish brat. Who would want a Christmas themed wedding?? Or any kind of holiday theme for that matter. Grow up, or don't get married.0
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Lol ok you have fun with that.I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.
Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going
Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
Will do
We've been together for six years, rock solid I might add,
and I look forward to many more years.
since you were 13? So, you've only been with each other? Live together, etc.?
ETA: I do wish you the best of luck, but questions to bring up since you are19....0 -
Sorry, I thought the idea was to keep the comments relevant. But feel free to go off on your own tangent if that's what you prefer. It's not like we're trying to have a conversation here.
Did you read the post? She is not mature enough to get married.Don't get married so young. You'll straight up ruin your life. You're not the same person at 21 that you'll be at 23, 26, or 30.
Eh, depends on the person. I was 20 when we married, he was 23. We celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary on September 18th. :happy:
Yes, I did read the OP's post. Did you read the post I was responding to? It wasn't the OP's.
Ah yes. Bertha B Betternyou, how HAVE you been dear?
*giggles* Happy 25th anniversary!
In my case, I met him at 18, and thought we would get married one day. Seven years later, had to grab all of my belongings and run screaming because I was sick of being called awful names by a suicidal drunk pillhead. People have a lot of sentimental thoughts about marriage, but it's really just a way for the government to get involved in your life and tell you how things will go if you split up. It's just a ring and a piece of paper. I can buy rings and pieces of paper all day with my BF. We might make fun things out of the paper, additionally. Lots of room for activities there.0 -
This should have been discussed before you said you'd marry him.. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa.0 -
Your wedding is about YOU and your FIANCE. Yes you have every right to get mad bc its YOUR wedding...If they dont like something you are doing then its not your problem. (My exhusband's mother tried to control everything we did and it really pissed me off...they werent religious at all tho) I say its your wedding...do it how you want to!0
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Lol ok you have fun with that.I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.
Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going
Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
Will do
We've been together for six years, rock solid I might add,
and I look forward to many more years.
since you were 13? So, you've only been with each other? Live together, etc.?
Lived together for over a year and engaged for two.
And yes only been with each other.0 -
Lol ok you have fun with that.I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.
Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going
Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
Will do
We've been together for six years, rock solid I might add,
and I look forward to many more years.
You've been "rock solid" since you were 13...?0 -
It's her fiancé who said no to the ornaments. You think HE doesn't get a say in his own wedding??Your wedding is about YOU and your FIANCE. Yes you have every right to get mad bc its YOUR wedding...If they dont like something you are doing then its not your problem. (My exhusband's mother tried to control everything we did and it really pissed me off...they werent religious at all tho) I say its your wedding...do it how you want to!0 -
Lol ok you have fun with that.I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
you take into account his opinion.
Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going
Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
Will do
We've been together for six years, rock solid I might add,
and I look forward to many more years.
You've been "rock solid" since you were 13...?
I love it how people feel the need to demonstrate how rock solid they are and how great their relationship is. Just a pissing contest.0 -
You need to reconsider your marriage. Honestly.
^^^^
THIS0
This discussion has been closed.
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