Fiancés family....

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  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    You defniitely need to do some research and maybe even have a nice sit down with your future in-laws about their religion. We have friends who are JWs and they are the sweetest people you could ever meet (and the wife is as big of a smart-*kitten* as my Hubs) but they do have a lot of restrictions. And you sure as hell need to figure out where your future husband stands with all of this. Does he still follow most of the JW concepts or does he want to raise your children believe in Santa, and the Easter Bunny and trick-or-treating? And if you disagree, the two of you either need to find a compromise or realize it's not going to work. You can't hope he'll change or any of that BS. This isn't about a wedding, it's about a marriage and your future together.

    By the way, I had a winter wedding and I didn't use any candy canes or things like that in my decorations. The place we had the ceremony and reception however was lightly decorated for Christmas (a couple lighted trees, poinsettias and nutcrackers - subtle).
  • Ruthe8
    Ruthe8 Posts: 423 Member
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    I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
    if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
    as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
    you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
    oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
    and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
    him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
    holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
    you take into account his opinion.

    Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going

    Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
    to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
    That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
    that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
    That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
    found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
    of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
    Lol ok you have fun with that.
  • peuglow
    peuglow Posts: 684 Member
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    You think they should just "get over" their religion so you can have the decorations you want? Yeah, that's self-centered and unacceptable. It's also not YOUR DAY. That just screams "selfish". It's your fiancé's day, too, and he probably wants his family around to help celebrate it.
    This. Boom.
  • linz1125
    linz1125 Posts: 441 Member
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    Even though you are not religious, you should at least make an effort to familiarize yourself with the observances of the religion. When you marry someone, you also marry their family, so you better make sure that you have a full understanding of what will be expected by his parents. If he was Jewish you wouldn't serve pork at the wedding...I feel this deserves a lot more thought on your part.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    Aj just YELLED at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like USE YOUR BRAIN.

    This is one of the funniest statements I have ever read on the MFP forums
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
    if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
    as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
    you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
    oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
    and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
    him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
    holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
    you take into account his opinion.

    Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going

    Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
    to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
    That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
    that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
    That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
    found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
    of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
    Lol ok you have fun with that.


    Right? I hope neither of you ever get into a prediciment where you might NEED family for some assistance, either financially or emotionally or anything, because crazy as it sounds, family is always there, well, until you're not.... then, good luck on your own.
  • luvJOJO
    luvJOJO Posts: 1,881 Member
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    Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

    I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

    Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 

    You are about to get married and you haven't talked about this?? My prediction....you will marry young & divorce young. SMH! Don't do it!!
  • ajohn252
    ajohn252 Posts: 158
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    I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
    if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
    as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
    you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
    oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
    and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
    him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
    holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
    you take into account his opinion.

    Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going

    Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
    to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
    That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
    that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
    That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
    found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
    of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
    Lol ok you have fun with that.

    Will do :)
    We've been together for six years, rock solid I might add,
    and I look forward to many more years.
  • TubbsMcGee
    TubbsMcGee Posts: 1,058 Member
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    Ok. Because Aj just yelled at me for showing him ornament name cards and was like " what's ornaments used for amber?" I was like... Christmas? And then he's like use your brain. My family will not come if there are ornaments or anything involving Christmas. 

    I'm like what the **** dude!!! You wanted a wedding in the winter. This is what's gonna be around. 

    Then I mentioned I wanted to do the wedding around Christmas (his family shouldn't have a problem with that... But if course they will...) because I want to see the Christmas tree lighting in Leavenworth. He's like you can go by yourself. Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 

    Wow.

    Are you 21 or 12?
    Did you know his family was Jehovah's Witnesses when you met him...and if so, did you know exactly what you were getting yourself into? AT ALL?
  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
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    I mean truthfully, it doesn't even sound like you know him or his family. if you've been together for a while, if you've met his family a few times, if you have been together through ONE Christmas, you would have been prepared for all this. how could you possibly not know what a JW entails if this is your FIANCE? not your boyfriend, not a fling, your FIANCE. it's an entirely different religion. what you're asking is similar to asking someone of muslim or islamic to just forget who they are. this is how they were raised.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    I think you're being a chilish brat. Who would want a Christmas themed wedding?? Or any kind of holiday theme for that matter. Grow up, or don't get married.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    Options
    I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
    if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
    as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
    you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
    oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
    and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
    him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
    holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
    you take into account his opinion.

    Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going

    Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
    to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
    That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
    that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
    That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
    found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
    of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
    Lol ok you have fun with that.

    Will do :)
    We've been together for six years, rock solid I might add,
    and I look forward to many more years.

    since you were 13? So, you've only been with each other? Live together, etc.?

    ETA: I do wish you the best of luck, but questions to bring up since you are19....
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    Don't get married so young. You'll straight up ruin your life. You're not the same person at 21 that you'll be at 23, 26, or 30.

    Eh, depends on the person. I was 20 when we married, he was 23. We celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary on September 18th. :happy:
    Did you read the post? She is not mature enough to get married.

    Yes, I did read the OP's post. Did you read the post I was responding to? It wasn't the OP's.
    Sorry, I thought the idea was to keep the comments relevant. But feel free to go off on your own tangent if that's what you prefer. It's not like we're trying to have a conversation here.

    Ah yes. Bertha B Betternyou, how HAVE you been dear?

    *giggles* Happy 25th anniversary!

    In my case, I met him at 18, and thought we would get married one day. Seven years later, had to grab all of my belongings and run screaming because I was sick of being called awful names by a suicidal drunk pillhead. People have a lot of sentimental thoughts about marriage, but it's really just a way for the government to get involved in your life and tell you how things will go if you split up. It's just a ring and a piece of paper. I can buy rings and pieces of paper all day with my BF. We might make fun things out of the paper, additionally. Lots of room for activities there.
  • MrsLVF
    MrsLVF Posts: 787 Member
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    . Hmmm does this mean we won't celebrate Christmas either??? Because if not, im not getting married to him. Plain and simple. I need a supportive husband and father to my kids who will celebrate holidays and not make them feel like **** because they believe in Santa. 
    This should have been discussed before you said you'd marry him.
  • BreakingUpWithObesity2013
    BreakingUpWithObesity2013 Posts: 276 Member
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    Your wedding is about YOU and your FIANCE. Yes you have every right to get mad bc its YOUR wedding...If they dont like something you are doing then its not your problem. (My exhusband's mother tried to control everything we did and it really pissed me off...they werent religious at all tho) I say its your wedding...do it how you want to!
  • ajohn252
    ajohn252 Posts: 158
    Options
    I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
    if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
    as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
    you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
    oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
    and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
    him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
    holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
    you take into account his opinion.

    Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going

    Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
    to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
    That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
    that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
    That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
    found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
    of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
    Lol ok you have fun with that.

    Will do :)
    We've been together for six years, rock solid I might add,
    and I look forward to many more years.

    since you were 13? So, you've only been with each other? Live together, etc.?

    Lived together for over a year and engaged for two.

    And yes only been with each other.
  • TubbsMcGee
    TubbsMcGee Posts: 1,058 Member
    Options
    I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
    if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
    as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
    you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
    oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
    and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
    him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
    holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
    you take into account his opinion.

    Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going

    Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
    to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
    That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
    that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
    That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
    found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
    of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
    Lol ok you have fun with that.

    Will do :)
    We've been together for six years, rock solid I might add,
    and I look forward to many more years.

    You've been "rock solid" since you were 13...?
  • Ruthe8
    Ruthe8 Posts: 423 Member
    Options
    Your wedding is about YOU and your FIANCE. Yes you have every right to get mad bc its YOUR wedding...If they dont like something you are doing then its not your problem. (My exhusband's mother tried to control everything we did and it really pissed me off...they werent religious at all tho) I say its your wedding...do it how you want to!
    It's her fiancé who said no to the ornaments. You think HE doesn't get a say in his own wedding??
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    Options
    I'm young and engaged as well and I would be angry
    if that was my situation. It's your wedding, and as much
    as weddings are about family you aren't marrying them,
    you are marrying their son. I am totally not family
    oriented in the least so I personally would just do what I wanted
    and if they care about their son's happiness they will support
    him. That being said if he also isn't into the whole idea of
    holiday themes that's another story and then I think you'll have
    you take into account his opinion.

    Ohhh please post back here in five years about how well your marriage is going

    Marriage can be as much about family as you want it
    to be and if you're not into it you don't have to deal with it.
    That probably sounds harsh and I don't mean it to come off
    that way but that's just my AND my fiancée's way of thinking.
    That definitely won't work for everyone but I'm lucky to have
    found someone who shares my family values (or lack there
    of) so it really isn't an issue for us.
    Lol ok you have fun with that.

    Will do :)
    We've been together for six years, rock solid I might add,
    and I look forward to many more years.

    You've been "rock solid" since you were 13...?

    I love it how people feel the need to demonstrate how rock solid they are and how great their relationship is. Just a pissing contest.
  • Mandykinz2008
    Mandykinz2008 Posts: 292 Member
    Options
    You need to reconsider your marriage. Honestly.

    ^^^^
    THIS
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