Is it rude to go to a restaurant and not eat?
Replies
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You're losing weight and becoming healthy for you.
Who CARES if you looked rude/weird to other people?
To order food you do not want nor are hungry for is wasteful.
To pretend to be hungry for someone else-- more bizarre.0 -
People saying it WAS rude seem to care far too much what others in the restaurant would have been thinking of them.
Nobody else gives a **** if you order or not. You're not that important to them. Carry on with your own business.0 -
why would you go out to eat if you aren't hungry?
that's like going to a hooker and not wanting to get a beej.
I assume you missed the part where it was his daughters birthday and SHE wanted to go out to the restaurant, it's not like it was his idea to go just so he can not order food.
If it was just him and his wife, and it was his idea, then yeah...kinda stupid. But if he's taken his kid out for a birthday dinner after having a late lunch and movie popcorn...not weird at all.
To the OP: Not ordering a food when going to a restaurant for your family is not rude. You went there for your daughter. Your wife not ordering something just because you weren't ordering anything is just petty and the response of 2 yr old. Order some coffee or water or whatever you want to drink, enjoy the company of those with you and move on.
It's not weird nor is it rude. You're not hungry, don't order food. I would think eating for the sake of eating is what got a lot of people on this site to begin with. I would also think it's those types of habits we're trying to break. I say if you can sit through an entire meal at a restaurant and NOT eat anything...more power to you.
Here's the ironic part of this: Had the OP said, "My daughter's birthday is coming up and she wants to go for a late lunch, then to a movie, and then to dinner and I know I won't be hungry at dinner and I don't want to go over my calories, what should I do?" Then there would have been a few dozen responses saying, "If you're not hungry, then don't order anything, just let them know you're not hungry but you want to be there for them and then order a drink and focus on your daughter."
:laugh: Definitely!0 -
Well...I can really see all sides of this. First, I am a wife. Second, I used to wait tables. Third, I am on a mission to not overeat...but can also always eat.
So...as the wife, I would have been disappointed b/c I love Hibachi food. She felt like she shouldn't order either because you weren't ordering. She would have been embarrassed to be the "piggy" ordering food when you didn't having just had the same late lunch and snacks as you.
As the waitstaff, I would have been like, why the hell are these people taking up my space if they're not going to eat. I have to essentially take care of 4 people, but will only get paid to take care of 2. Granted there are not "small" things to order from the Hibachi grill, but you and your wife could have shared a big sushi roll or something. And maybe each have one of the salads they give you or a seaweed salad. OR you could have just gone all out and had this as your early dinner and just had light snacks later in the evening. OR you could have just eaten half. Hibachi food reheats quite well.
As the person who doesn't want to overeat, see above ordering scenarios.
Honestly, I can guarantee you never would of thought of this had your wife not mentioned it. Overall who cares about what the server thinks of you. That said, it struck a nerve with your wife because she probably really wanted to order something but didn't want to look like a pig.
I agree with everything this person said. I'm also a wife and had been a waitress.
Your behaviour was considered rude because:
1) Your not ordering made your wife feel like a piggy if she did, so now she is disappointed that she doesn't get to enjoy some hibachi. Ordering something small is an option, or to share, depends on how the wife feels. My husband rarely eats as much as I do at a Japanese restaurant and orders next to nothing, every time, I am tempted to up and leave because I am made to feel like a pig.
2) You are taking up space and getting in the way of earning potentials for the restaurant/waitress. I hope you ordered something other than water/tea to drink. I also hope you tipped your waitress well for taking care of you and your wife even though you two didn't eat.
3) Here's the big one: People, throughout centuries, eat to celebrate, eat to bond, etc. Any happy and/or important event is marked by eating and drinking. Your non-participation in the eating is equated with non-celebrating in your wife's eyes, despite you having been a devoted father that day to your daughter. Your non-eating betrayed all your efforts that day. I do wonder how your daughter felt when her parents didn't eat (join in for further celebrations) with her that evening. If I was the daughter seeing my parents didn't eat, I would have thought I made a bad choice of restaurant that didn't please everyone and I was being very selfish. Children are always eager to please.
Yes, it was ill-mannered for your wife to be texting at the dinner table. But I think she needed to get it off her chest right away, otherwise she'd be brooding and fuming throughout dinner and that's not something she wanted the kids to see and ruin their evening. And she didn't want to discuss it out loud at the table either, or pull you aside to discuss, that would also ruin the kids' evening.
I am willing to bet that your wife is upset mostly because of reason #3. Mothers tend to place their children at the top. She wanted you to continue to celebrate with your daughter by joining in to eat, whether you're hungry or not, and not to make her feel awkward.0 -
LMAO! You're gonna count up the votes and go to her on this
Don't do it! you'll be in the dog house!!!!
Anyway, you're not rude for not wishing to eat (unless you were on your own).
Next time pull the "I don't feel so good, can I have a water" approach, you get free sympathy too!
Going to a restaurant with a group and not eating is like going to the library and ignoring the books, or going to the cinema and listening to your MP3 player!! Society doesn't expect or like it
Tell your wife you were wrong and you love her and move on dude
(And buy her some flowers, it's worth the points)0 -
They are a business, and if you are sitting in a chair and not eating, you are costing them money. So it's not a nice thing to do to the restaurant. If you are in a big group it is not as bad, but with only three people and two adults not eating, that's kind of rude.
Oh please. And what if there are many, many empty chairs available in the restaurant?
I understand this argument ONLY if the restaurant is packed with little available seating but if there is tons of open space you aren't stealing business from the restaurant.
Why should anyone be exempted from the celebration just because they aren't hungry?0 -
Simple answer...NO.0
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Depends on how its done. How's that for a decisive answer? LOL!
Handled in the way that you described it was not rude. Doing it in a way that draws undo attention to yourself is rude. No need to announce special diet or whatever regime you are doing. Rudeness is making others around you feel uncomfortable.
Which brings me to my second point, going to war over it and firing off text was VERY rude. Noone that was witnessing the icy glares and the furious texting would have felt at ease at that meal.
Just to be safe, next time order tea or coffee and nurse it for the evening.0 -
You should man up and apologize to your wife and daughter and offer to take them out for another birthday dinner.0
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When the waitress came around to take our orders, the I told her that I wasn't going to eat, the kids ordered, and then my wife, giving me a dirty look, said she wasn't going to eat either. As we were sitting on opposite sides of the kids, several texts later, I found out that my wife thought that I was being incredibly rude, and that it "made people uncomfortable" if I went out to eat and didn't order.
She meant that you made HER feel uncomfortable about wanting to eat again so soon when you obviously were exercising more restraint than she was and she ended up following your lead (not ordering) so she wouldn't seem like a pig... and was probably resentful about it because she really wanted to order something.
Personally, I'd never go to a restaurant without ordering something but that could even just be some tea or coffee. I also don't have kids twisting my arm about when/where to eat though so it's a different situation.0 -
Not rude at all...I do it all the time. I'll just have a pop, I'm there for the company, not the food.0
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They are a business, and if you are sitting in a chair and not eating, you are costing them money. So it's not a nice thing to do to the restaurant. If you are in a big group it is not as bad, but with only three people and two adults not eating, that's kind of rude.
Oh please. And what if there are many, many empty chairs available in the restaurant?
I understand this argument ONLY if the restaurant is packed with little available seating but if there is tons of open space you aren't stealing business from the restaurant.
Why should anyone be exempted from the celebration just because they aren't hungry?
Lol, you haven't worked in a restaurant, have you.0 -
I do think it's a little weird to go to a restaurant and not even get something small. Even if it means ordering something and just taking like one bite, then boxing it.0
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I think the people who are saying it's rude are completely ridiculous. What are you supposed to do? Sit and wait in the car until everyone is done eating? Come on. It was a social event, for your daughter. Why should you force yourself to eat or buy something you don't want? You did this for her and that's what is important, not whether strangers in a restaurant think you're "rude" for not placing an unwanted order.
I still stand by my original statement that context matters, but I agree with this poster.
Some of the logic behind why its rude its completely neurotic. Because she didn't want to look like a pig?!? Geez, get over it! If she was hungry then she should have eaten. What in the world would it have proven to not eat?
Some of you guys need to find out what rude really is. Not ordering some food solely for looks and his wife's image is definitely not rude.0 -
They are a business, and if you are sitting in a chair and not eating, you are costing them money. So it's not a nice thing to do to the restaurant. If you are in a big group it is not as bad, but with only three people and two adults not eating, that's kind of rude.
Oh please. And what if there are many, many empty chairs available in the restaurant?
I understand this argument ONLY if the restaurant is packed with little available seating but if there is tons of open space you aren't stealing business from the restaurant.
Why should anyone be exempted from the celebration just because they aren't hungry?
Lol, you haven't worked in a restaurant, have you.
No, but I've been to many restaurants where 50% of the joint is empty. I've also never met a waitress who was rude to me because I wasn't ordering. Sorry but I'm not going to miss out on visiting with family and friends because my one order is going to break the entire restaurant in two.0 -
They are a business, and if you are sitting in a chair and not eating, you are costing them money. So it's not a nice thing to do to the restaurant. If you are in a big group it is not as bad, but with only three people and two adults not eating, that's kind of rude.
Oh please. And what if there are many, many empty chairs available in the restaurant?
I understand this argument ONLY if the restaurant is packed with little available seating but if there is tons of open space you aren't stealing business from the restaurant.
Why should anyone be exempted from the celebration just because they aren't hungry?
Lol, you haven't worked in a restaurant, have you.
So, if four people come in and sit at a table for four (tables for three are rare) and three of them eat, but one doesn't, that one person is costing the restaurant money? What restaurant forces a table of three to sit with some random stranger just to use up a chair???0 -
Well...I can really see all sides of this. First, I am a wife. Second, I used to wait tables. Third, I am on a mission to not overeat...but can also always eat.
So...as the wife, I would have been disappointed b/c I love Hibachi food. She felt like she shouldn't order either because you weren't ordering. She would have been embarrassed to be the "piggy" ordering food when you didn't having just had the same late lunch and snacks as you.
As the waitstaff, I would have been like, why the hell are these people taking up my space if they're not going to eat. I have to essentially take care of 4 people, but will only get paid to take care of 2. Granted there are not "small" things to order from the Hibachi grill, but you and your wife could have shared a big sushi roll or something. And maybe each have one of the salads they give you or a seaweed salad. OR you could have just gone all out and had this as your early dinner and just had light snacks later in the evening. OR you could have just eaten half. Hibachi food reheats quite well.
As the person who doesn't want to overeat, see above ordering scenarios.
Honestly, I can guarantee you never would of thought of this had your wife not mentioned it. Overall who cares about what the server thinks of you. That said, it struck a nerve with your wife because she probably really wanted to order something but didn't want to look like a pig.
I agree with everything this person said. I'm also a wife and had been a waitress.
Your behaviour was considered rude because:
1) Your not ordering made your wife feel like a piggy if she did, so now she is disappointed that she doesn't get to enjoy some hibachi. Ordering something small is an option, or to share, depends on how the wife feels. My husband rarely eats as much as I do at a Japanese restaurant and orders next to nothing, every time, I am tempted to up and leave because I am made to feel like a pig.
2) You are taking up space and getting in the way of earning potentials for the restaurant/waitress. I hope you ordered something other than water/tea to drink. I also hope you tipped your waitress well for taking care of you and your wife even though you two didn't eat.
3) Here's the big one: People, throughout centuries, eat to celebrate, eat to bond, etc. Any happy and/or important event is marked by eating and drinking. Your non-participation in the eating is equated with non-celebrating in your wife's eyes, despite you having been a devoted father that day to your daughter. Your non-eating betrayed all your efforts that day. I do wonder how your daughter felt when her parents didn't eat (join in for further celebrations) with her that evening. If I was the daughter seeing my parents didn't eat, I would have thought I made a bad choice of restaurant that didn't please everyone and I was being very selfish. Children are always eager to please.
Yes, it was ill-mannered for your wife to be texting at the dinner table. But I think she needed to get it off her chest right away, otherwise she'd be brooding and fuming throughout dinner and that's not something she wanted the kids to see and ruin their evening. And she didn't want to discuss it out loud at the table either, or pull you aside to discuss, that would also ruin the kids' evening.
I am willing to bet that your wife is upset mostly because of reason #3. Mothers tend to place their children at the top. She wanted you to continue to celebrate with your daughter by joining in to eat, whether you're hungry or not, and not to make her feel awkward.
Everyone should just stop replying, because this comment wins.0 -
They are a business, and if you are sitting in a chair and not eating, you are costing them money. So it's not a nice thing to do to the restaurant. If you are in a big group it is not as bad, but with only three people and two adults not eating, that's kind of rude.
Oh please. And what if there are many, many empty chairs available in the restaurant?
I understand this argument ONLY if the restaurant is packed with little available seating but if there is tons of open space you aren't stealing business from the restaurant.
Why should anyone be exempted from the celebration just because they aren't hungry?
Lol, you haven't worked in a restaurant, have you.
So, if four people come in and sit at a table for four (tables for three are rare) and three of them eat, but one doesn't, that one person is costing the restaurant money? What restaurant forces a table of three to sit with some random stranger just to use up a chair???
It wasn't one It was two... and kids generally cost less. Lol, many restaurants WON'T say something, because they want good feedback. It's the servers who make $2 off of tips for the hour/hour and a half that two kids ate there that get upset.
Your comment sounds like you're not even understand the argument many people are making, or understand how restaurants work o_O0 -
They are a business, and if you are sitting in a chair and not eating, you are costing them money. So it's not a nice thing to do to the restaurant. If you are in a big group it is not as bad, but with only three people and two adults not eating, that's kind of rude.
Oh please. And what if there are many, many empty chairs available in the restaurant?
I understand this argument ONLY if the restaurant is packed with little available seating but if there is tons of open space you aren't stealing business from the restaurant.
Why should anyone be exempted from the celebration just because they aren't hungry?
Lol, you haven't worked in a restaurant, have you.
So, if four people come in and sit at a table for four (tables for three are rare) and three of them eat, but one doesn't, that one person is costing the restaurant money? What restaurant forces a table of three to sit with some random stranger just to use up a chair???
Stop speaking logic! That one chair is costing the restaurant SO MUCH MONEY! And the waitress? She would NEVER have to come to the table if that one person was ordering. *rolls eyes* Stop being ridiculous.0 -
I go to restaurants with friends and family all of the time and don't eat, for various reasons. The most common being I'm not hungry. I don't think it's rude as long as others at the table are eating. If I am out with friends and I don't order I always still tip the server even though I don't have a bill as I only drink water.
I thought it was very rude of your wife to get all mad about it though.0 -
They are a business, and if you are sitting in a chair and not eating, you are costing them money. So it's not a nice thing to do to the restaurant. If you are in a big group it is not as bad, but with only three people and two adults not eating, that's kind of rude.
Oh please. And what if there are many, many empty chairs available in the restaurant?
I understand this argument ONLY if the restaurant is packed with little available seating but if there is tons of open space you aren't stealing business from the restaurant.
Why should anyone be exempted from the celebration just because they aren't hungry?
Lol, you haven't worked in a restaurant, have you.
So, if four people come in and sit at a table for four (tables for three are rare) and three of them eat, but one doesn't, that one person is costing the restaurant money? What restaurant forces a table of three to sit with some random stranger just to use up a chair???
It wasn't one It was two... and kids generally cost less. Lol, many restaurants WON'T say something, because they want good feedback. It's the servers who make $2 off of tips for the hour/hour and a half that two kids ate there that get upset.
Your comment sounds like you're not even understand the argument many people are making, or understand how restaurants work o_O
You're right. It's not like I was ever a waitress or bartender or as if my best friend has worked in the food industry for the past 16 years or as if my boyfriend ever worked as an actual restaurant manager or anything.
What do I know?0 -
So, if four people come in and sit at a table for four (tables for three are rare) and three of them eat, but one doesn't, that one person is costing the restaurant money? What restaurant forces a table of three to sit with some random stranger just to use up a chair???
Stop speaking logic! That one chair is costing the restaurant SO MUCH MONEY! And the waitress? She would NEVER have to come to the table if that one person was ordering. *rolls eyes* Stop being ridiculous.
I know. I often forget where I am.0 -
No way it's not rude. I have gone out with my friends sometimes and not eaten. It's not like no one ate. The kids ate. The thing is though, when I do it, I tip the server as if I ate. There is no need to stiff the staff when you take up space that could be used by a paying customer.0
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They are a business, and if you are sitting in a chair and not eating, you are costing them money. So it's not a nice thing to do to the restaurant. If you are in a big group it is not as bad, but with only three people and two adults not eating, that's kind of rude.
Oh please. And what if there are many, many empty chairs available in the restaurant?
I understand this argument ONLY if the restaurant is packed with little available seating but if there is tons of open space you aren't stealing business from the restaurant.
Why should anyone be exempted from the celebration just because they aren't hungry?
Lol, you haven't worked in a restaurant, have you.
So, if four people come in and sit at a table for four (tables for three are rare) and three of them eat, but one doesn't, that one person is costing the restaurant money? What restaurant forces a table of three to sit with some random stranger just to use up a chair???
Stop speaking logic! That one chair is costing the restaurant SO MUCH MONEY! And the waitress? She would NEVER have to come to the table if that one person was ordering. *rolls eyes* Stop being ridiculous.
Are you guys serious? You're making an argument that doesn't make sense. No one's saying the ****ing chair costs money. Servers make their money off of tips--tips that are determined by amount of food ordered AND quality of service. If a server is rude to you, by all means don't tip. However, if you order NOTHING, do you leave a tip?
They're not costing the restaurant managers, owners, etc., money... they are costing the servers who do the majority of the work in the place money because they make their money off of tips. Where are you missing the translation here?
You people are the horror stories.0 -
They are a business, and if you are sitting in a chair and not eating, you are costing them money. So it's not a nice thing to do to the restaurant. If you are in a big group it is not as bad, but with only three people and two adults not eating, that's kind of rude.
Oh please. And what if there are many, many empty chairs available in the restaurant?
I understand this argument ONLY if the restaurant is packed with little available seating but if there is tons of open space you aren't stealing business from the restaurant.
Why should anyone be exempted from the celebration just because they aren't hungry?
Lol, you haven't worked in a restaurant, have you.
So, if four people come in and sit at a table for four (tables for three are rare) and three of them eat, but one doesn't, that one person is costing the restaurant money? What restaurant forces a table of three to sit with some random stranger just to use up a chair???
Stop speaking logic! That one chair is costing the restaurant SO MUCH MONEY! And the waitress? She would NEVER have to come to the table if that one person was ordering. *rolls eyes* Stop being ridiculous.
Are you guys serious? You're making an argument that doesn't make sense. No one's saying the ****ing chair costs money. Servers make their money off of tips--tips that are determined by amount of food ordered AND quality of service. If a server is rude to you, by all means don't tip. However, if you order NOTHING, do you leave a tip?
They're not costing the restaurant managers, owners, etc., money... they are costing the servers who do the majority of the work in the place money because they make their money off of tips money. Where are you missing the translation here?
You people are the horror stories.
So ... you're saying the server would get a bigger tip if three people came in and all ordered than if four people came in and only three ordered?
Gotcha.0 -
They are a business, and if you are sitting in a chair and not eating, you are costing them money. So it's not a nice thing to do to the restaurant. If you are in a big group it is not as bad, but with only three people and two adults not eating, that's kind of rude.
Oh please. And what if there are many, many empty chairs available in the restaurant?
I understand this argument ONLY if the restaurant is packed with little available seating but if there is tons of open space you aren't stealing business from the restaurant.
Why should anyone be exempted from the celebration just because they aren't hungry?
Lol, you haven't worked in a restaurant, have you.
So, if four people come in and sit at a table for four (tables for three are rare) and three of them eat, but one doesn't, that one person is costing the restaurant money? What restaurant forces a table of three to sit with some random stranger just to use up a chair???
Stop speaking logic! That one chair is costing the restaurant SO MUCH MONEY! And the waitress? She would NEVER have to come to the table if that one person was ordering. *rolls eyes* Stop being ridiculous.
Are you guys serious? You're making an argument that doesn't make sense. No one's saying the ****ing chair costs money. Servers make their money off of tips--tips that are determined by amount of food ordered AND quality of service. If a server is rude to you, by all means don't tip. However, if you order NOTHING, do you leave a tip?
They're not costing the restaurant managers, owners, etc., money... they are costing the servers who do the majority of the work in the place money because they make their money off of tips money. Where are you missing the translation here?
You people are the horror stories.
Wait. If there was no one in that chair in the first place the waitresses tips would be no different because the chair would be empty... so how are we a horror story? You lack all logic.
Furthermore, where I live no one tips waitresses. Tipping doesn't exist here so your argument is moot to me anyway. Our servers are paid enough that they don't need tipping to survive ($13-14 an hour).
Now, with tipping removed from the equation is it STILL rude to fill that empty chair with a person who is there to enjoy the company of their family and friends? Hm?0 -
I don't know about not going to a restaurant and not eating is rude or not, but fighting on your daughter's birthday and texting at the table in front of everyone is EXTREMELY rude. Your daughter probably realized what you two were doing and that probably ruined the day for her. You really ought to apologize to her and make up for ruining what should've been a fun experience.0
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You shouldn't be made to feel like you had to eat if you weren't hungry. The fact that your wife didn't order any food for herself doesn't make her any less rude than you -- using her logic -- and kind of spiteful if you ask me. I digress...
I've been in that situation before, and I usually just order a drink and offer to share a plate with someone who actually is hungry - or I explain to the server that I'm not that hungry, and ask if they can recommend a small plate (appetizer, soup, or an off-menu item), they often offer to bring me something small a la carte.0 -
If my husband wasn't hungry, he wouldn't have even gone. I would have personally just ordered a drink... or asked my husband to split something. It's not that big of a deal, but I think it's worse to send angry texts back and forth.0
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I didn't read all the responses so maybe this has been addressed...why didn't your wife order anything?? I don't get why she felt she shouldn't eat also. That's pretty weird. Overall I don't think you were rude, but I would have ordered a drink or something small to nibble on.0
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