Is it okay her boyfriend pushed her in anger?
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Pushing is better than punching.
Pushing can evolve into punching.
or humping0 -
I was just wondering,my friend was telling me that her boyfriend has a terrible temper and the other day when they were arguing, he pushed her really hard, she said she was coming towards him and that was his reaction. She was then sitting down and they were still arguing, he then came towards her and pushed her head.
I personally don't think that's normal and wouldn't accept that behaviour but she seems to think that she provoked him and it was her fault. Meanwhile, their fight was about an ex girlfriend who sent him a package and now lives in the same country which he didn't mention to his girlfriend.
This all seems very strange to me, what do you think?
my brother and his wife both work in law enforcement and it is never ok for a man or woman to push anyone even their partner that is considered domestic abuse and one or the other could wind up in jail. my ex husband pushed me around and then he started actually hitting me when that happened i woke up and realize dif he does that to me he will do that to my daughter and that will happen over my dead body and i left his sorry *kitten* 23 years ago. my daughter is now a happy and healthy 24 year old wife and mother of a beautiful 3 year old girl herself and i couldnt be more proud of her. your friend needs to eake up and get out of the relationsship if not for the fact that he is just pushing her out of anger but the ex girlfriend is living in same area and failed to mention to her? sounds suspicious to me like he is like my ex in wanting his cake and eat it to0 -
Not OK in any way. It is NEVER ok for a man to push, hit, slap, or anything like that to a women, ever. It does not matter what she says or does. That is the way I was raised and the way I am raising my son. I am also making sure my daughters know that so if they ever do have a boyfriend/husband who treats them like that, at any time, they know to get the hell out immediately and never go back.0
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and for anyone that thinks its ok... I'd like to see what you would say when you have a huge man come at you with a closed fist to the head, then tell me its ok.0
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Sore subject for me... I was in an abusive relationship for several years, so my obvious answer will be NO its not ok.
I, too, was in one when i was much younger and i got to say, the times i would get hit were unprovoked or bec he wasn't getting what he wanted in bed. THAT IS ABUSE. having an argument and pushing your gf so she gets out of your face, is not.0 -
ABSOLUTELY NOT! PROVOKED OR NOT! And I'm ashamed that another person justified it on this thread. Whether verbally or physically, It doesn't justify someone abusing someone else. My ex-husband did that to me once - at our son's little league ballpark. We were in an argument & he literally came off the baseball field in the middle of a game, backed me into a corner, shoved me & threw a drink on me. There were several witnesses and becuase this happened at a community park, the league directors had no choice but to call the police & file a report - even though I didn't want to. The police came & he was escorted out of the park & suspended from coaching for an entire season. I had SEVERAL people that came to me & offered to be a witness in my case if I pressed charges. I'm just very thankful neither one of my kids saw their dad do this.
And for the record, he had NEVER been physically abusive to me... we were at the height of going thru our divorce & tensions were running very high between us. But that still didn't justify his behavior for what he did.
And this goes either way - I've seen plenty of women shove their men as well!
I like what you have to say here, and i would consider your case abusive because he did it in public. That really shows how little self control he must have had and that seems as though that could escalate much further. But I also believe that pushing someone is completely different than hitting them.
It's abusive because it's abusive, regardless of whether it was in public or not.
It's hard enough for women in abusive situations to get out of the mindset of 'oh he was just mad, I pissed him off, he didn't mean it, it won't happen again' without putting clauses in there "well, it was in private and no one saw, so it wasn't that bad".0 -
If she was coming at him aggressively then he had the right to push her.
No. If she was coming at him with a weapon, or he was in fear for his life or health...maybe. If he just pushed her in anger, its assault and battery. She should get away from him.
So it's not assault if she pushes him?
Not trying to single you out, personally, but it's ridiculous that a woman get smack a man but if the man pushes her back to get her off, he's the one who gets in trouble.
I agree. Woman take advantage of this too much too. IMO when women try to fight like a man they deserve a push, maybe even a smack in the head!
I women talk about this all the time that they can get away with it cause they are women. I am sorry, I dont give a fig who you are. Come at me aggressively I will knock you out. If a woman comes at a man as an aggressor, she better be prepared to take the consequences. What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
Now the second push - not ok. But to be honest I do NOT buy the hug BS at all.......... while in an argument the LAST thing I want is ANYONE touching me!0 -
They should talk about there arguments. I mean i try my best not to argue with my gf because i love her and i dont think we have ever had a serious argument. I don't agree that he should of pushed her but i don't know how bad the argument was.0
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and for anyone that thinks its ok... I'd like to see what you would say when you have a huge man come at you with a closed fist to the head, then tell me its ok.
I don't think anyone would say that that's ok. The thing people are saying is that if a woman comes at a man first, why shouldn't he be able to defend himself? Obviously if you're in an argument and some dude punches you in the face without reason, that's not cool. But if you punch him in the face, then why can't he shove you? (general you, not specific you).
The OP said that the girl came at the guy aggressively, so he shoved her. I don't see an issue with that.
I do see an issue with smacking her in the head while they were sitting down.0 -
NO.
Not okay.
That happened to me and I ignored it and it was a mistake.
Runnnn, woman. Tell her to run.0 -
It is NEVER okay for a man to push a women unless she is coming at him with a knife and his life is in danger. If he is pushing her now, then whats next, a slap on the face, or a punch in the stomach. Your friend needs to be careful no matter what the fight is about. It doesn't matter if they are arguing or what, its never okay for anyone to push anyone in a relationship. take it from me and other women on this thread who been abused by men. The relationship is unhealthy and it needs to end before it gets worse.0
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If she was coming at him aggressively then he had the right to push her.
No. If she was coming at him with a weapon, or he was in fear for his life or health...maybe. If he just pushed her in anger, its assault and battery. She should get away from him.
So it's not assault if she pushes him?
Not trying to single you out, personally, but it's ridiculous that a woman get smack a man but if the man pushes her back to get her off, he's the one who gets in trouble.
I agree. Woman take advantage of this too much too. IMO when women try to fight like a man they deserve a push, maybe even a smack in the head!
I women talk about this all the time that they can get away with it cause they are women. I am sorry, I dont give a fig who you are. Come at me aggressively I will knock you out. If a woman comes at a man as an aggressor, she better be prepared to take the consequences. What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
Now the second push - not ok. But to be honest I do NOT buy the hug BS at all.......... while in an argument the LAST thing I want is ANYONE touching me!
exactly my point.0 -
If she was coming at him aggressively then he had the right to push her.
ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDING ME?!?!?
*smh* NO NO NO NO.. absolutly not in any way shape or form. This is NOT acceptable in any way..
So what is a man to do when a woman is coming at him aggressively?
Apparently you have never watched Dr Phil
He always says it is never ever ever ever ok and it is completely unacceptable for a man to put his hands on a woman. The reason being is the matchup is unfair. Men are generally bigger, stronger, tougher, etc. I dont think a man should sit and take it. I know there are women out there that try to push buttons or hit their men. I think the man should remove himself from the situation. Just like a woman should if a man is hitting her. It is never acceptable for anyone...man or woman...to put their hands on their parnter(unless it is in a good way of course) 
Not only that but if there are children in the mix all you are doing is showing them it is acceptable behavior. 0 -
Not OK in any way. It is NEVER ok for a man to push, hit, slap, or anything like that to a women, ever. It does not matter what she says or does. That is the way I was raised and the way I am raising my son. I am also making sure my daughters know that so if they ever do have a boyfriend/husband who treats them like that, at any time, they know to get the hell out immediately and never go back.
*stands and claps*
This.0 -
I like what you have to say here, and i would consider your case abusive because he did it in public. That really shows how little self control he must have had and that seems as though that could escalate much further. But I also believe that pushing someone is completely different than hitting them.
While a shove might now be as serious as hitting someone, in abusive situations there is usually an escalation of violence. It starts out with minor things like a shove of a slap then progresses. I am not saying every incident of shoving turns to that but I am saying that many of those serious abusive relationships start out like this. Dismissing things like being shoved, slapped, etc. as being not the same as being beaten builds the mentality that it is ok. It is not, whether in public or at home, it is not.
As for this case, we have one person's version of events. But just looking at it face value -
If she was going after him aggressively, legally he has the right to use as much for is necessary to protect himself. A shove is a pretty reasonable defense to someone coming at you.
If she really was going in for a hug, that's a different story.
As for the second shove - not ok at all.
Eta- that applies to both male and female. It isn't acceptable for either to push/hit/whatever the other party0 -
NO...but no one should be placing their hands on each other in ANGER---problem solved.0
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Regardless of what happened with the first push, she couldn't have been attacking him if they were sitting down, and that's when he pushed her head. Plus the girlfriend has apparently mentioned that this guy has a temper problem in general. This is an abusive relationship in the making, if it's not fully there already. The fact she is even questioning whether or not it's okay makes me think that HE is the one who convinced HER that it was all her fault, hence the confusion over what is acceptable. I was in that situation for a long time. I wish I had gotten out of it back when I still myself, when I had the clarity of mind to question whether or not his behavior was acceptable. But after being blamed over and over again, I came to believe it was ALWAYS my fault...that he just had "issues" and I'd be a good girlfriend to stand by him and not give up on him or us. I was so brainwashed that I kept him around even after I had to call the cops because he tried to literally KILL me! Thank God I got out of that before it was too late. But my point is, the longer she stays in this, the worse it will get, the harder it will be for her to leave, and the more she will accept the blame on herself. Right now, the fact she's even questioning it, means she has a chance to get out before she gets completely sucked in.
As a friend what you should do is talk to her about this and do your best to get her to see what is going on. Weigh the pros and cons of the relationship. Ask why she would want to stay in those situations. My best friend did this with me. Unfortunately, I ignored her and the situation got worse. Eventually she told me, "I can't watch you destroy yourself anymore. When you're ready to get out of this, call me and I will be there in a second because I will always be your friend and I will always care about you. But I can't just sit back and watch this, and I can't help someone who won't help herself." We didn't speak for several months. Yes, I was angry. But the second I called her, she was there for me, and once I "woke up" I realized that she had been right the entire time.
A few years later, I had to do the same thing to a friend of mine who was in an abusive relationship and also an alcoholic. I wanted to be there for her but had to step back after 2 years of hell...I told her the same thing my friend told me, and for over a year I hoped she would call me one day saying she was leaving him. But she hated me after that and yes it hurt to lose a friend, but you can't help someone who refuses to help themselves. She died from health issues caused by alcohol abuse another year later, still in that same situation. Kills me that she never got out of the situation, never recovered from her disease, that we'll never reconcile...but I don't regret my decision. If I hadn't done that, I would have been enabling her with my acceptance (even if I verbally disagreed with her) and THAT I don't think I could have forgiven myself for.0 -
Sore subject for me... I was in an abusive relationship for several years, so my obvious answer will be NO its not ok.
I, too, was in one when i was much younger and i got to say, the times i would get hit were unprovoked or bec he wasn't getting what he wanted in bed. THAT IS ABUSE. having an argument and pushing your gf so she gets out of your face, is not.
I see your point. I am so sorry....I couldn't imagine. Good to know you had the strength to get out of it. So many women don't! It took my sister 20 yrs to finally get the courage to get out of hers.0 -
ABSOLUTELY NOT! PROVOKED OR NOT! And I'm ashamed that another person justified it on this thread. Whether verbally or physically, It doesn't justify someone abusing someone else. My ex-husband did that to me once - at our son's little league ballpark. We were in an argument & he literally came off the baseball field in the middle of a game, backed me into a corner, shoved me & threw a drink on me. There were several witnesses and becuase this happened at a community park, the league directors had no choice but to call the police & file a report - even though I didn't want to. The police came & he was escorted out of the park & suspended from coaching for an entire season. I had SEVERAL people that came to me & offered to be a witness in my case if I pressed charges. I'm just very thankful neither one of my kids saw their dad do this.
And for the record, he had NEVER been physically abusive to me... we were at the height of going thru our divorce & tensions were running very high between us. But that still didn't justify his behavior for what he did.
And this goes either way - I've seen plenty of women shove their men as well!
I like what you have to say here, and i would consider your case abusive because he did it in public. That really shows how little self control he must have had and that seems as though that could escalate much further. But I also believe that pushing someone is completely different than hitting them.
It's abusive because it's abusive, regardless of whether it was in public or not.
It's hard enough for women in abusive situations to get out of the mindset of 'oh he was just mad, I pissed him off, he didn't mean it, it won't happen again' without putting clauses in there "well, it was in private and no one saw, so it wasn't that bad".
I either didnt explain myself well or you misunderstood. It seemed to me, from her story, that he was unprovoked. I'm not saying abuse is ok behind closed doors i was just making a point that he already lacked the self control. My ex from many years back was perfect prince charming to me in public but once we were alone he morphed to a ****head, so therefore, ofcourse i do not believe its ok behind closed doors. I never blamed myself i just always believed he was actually going to change, luckily it only took me like 2-3 months to leave him, but he kept on calling me for almost a year after that..
There are different forms of abuse, and I really believe that physical abuse should be considered such if it is unprovoked, or, for example, if the guy is pissed because you wont touch his ****.
In the heat of the moment, in an argument, a push is not such a big deal. In the heat of the moment, in the arguement, a closed fist knock out punch, well run while you can.
i hope i made my opinions a little more clear.0 -
My first marriage had elements of this and , definitely NO it is not okay and there would be NO justifying it.
People, men and women can settle emotional disputes without touching, hitting, punching, etc.
I would encourage them both to seek help. First her, because she's in over her emotional head and frightened, and him, because he doesn't know how to deal with her, or his ex....or his negative emotions.
I hope they find peace...0
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