When a Guy Says I Want a Woman That Takes Care of Her Body
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speaking of double standards. how about the 6'0" height requirement that some women have?
I can relate to that one. I'm 5'10" and my wife is 6'1". She told me she used to have a height restriction, wanting to date men who were taller than her. But the pool of eligible bachelors being somewhat restricted at that height, she made a conscious effort to drop it from her requirements. Lucky me!0 -
It means you'll go to the gym with me.
Good answer0 -
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I like a guy that takes pride in working out to be and stay healthy, I'm typically not attracted to guys that are overweight and don't make an effort to be healthy, but I won't always turn a guy down solely on physical looks, I will try and get to know someone before I completely say "Yeah, okay, no this isn't what I am looking for".
Take this exact statement. Flip it around and pretend it's a man talking about you. That's going to be your answer.
I have a female friend that told me something interesting recently. I have the same problem you have basically. I work out six days a week and eat right but at the end of the day I'm still what most women apparently think is fat (I've had maybe a total three replies to my online dating profile in four months). I asked my friend, "What the hell do women have against bigger guys? I thought women were supposed to be accepting and not as shallow as men." She said it wasn't always about size or looks, though realistically for some it is, but the implication of what it means to be fat/unhealthy. That being, "if you don't love yourself enough to take care of yourself to a reasonable degree then how can you love someone else?"
That made sense to me to some degree even though it sucks. At 235lbs I've thought about mentioning something on my online dating profile about wanting someone who works out or is active. Not because I think I deserve a fitness model but because I want someone that's not lazy. I'm looking for someone to grow old with not grow fat with (I've done that before. Not doing it again). For me "takes care of herself" = "Doesn't spend 5 hours a night on the couch eating junk food."
I guess the key is finding a way to show that even though you're overweight that you're not lazy. That's no easy task on a dating site where, let's face it, everyone is at their most shallow and just looks at the pictures anyways.0 -
They have preferences, and that's all.
I went on a date once with someone who said the same thing and on our date he told me how other girls would spend hours on the date talking about their weight losses and how fat they used to be and showing pictures and that he was scared and put off. That's just not a conversation opener and can really creep guys out.
Try sending a message without listing your weight problems and what you are doing to change them. It can make them think you have low self esteem and feel you may not be good enough for them. You're going through a whole message to try to convince them how much you are now taking care of your body.
Ditch the convo opener and try something else.
FYI, CONGRATS on the loss.0 -
" I want a woman that takes care of her body." The first thing I think about is that he wants someone that's physically fit. Am I right? Or is he specifically meaning hygienically or both?
I would translate this as someone who wants someone who's "in shape" or a healthy weight based on "takes care of her body" as the body's what he's focusing on. If a guy just wanted someone who was physically fit they'd probably say something like "active" I'd take hygenic as a given.I would contact some of them that I thought were attractive...I'm typically not attracted to guys that are overweight...It kind of discourages me when I see guys that say this kind of stuff and won't give you a chance because you are overweight and on the track to changing it.
I think basically both you and the guys you are contacting both want the same thing someone who's already at healthy weight as that's what you find initially physically attractive, you said you contact the guys you find attractive and you're not really into overweight guys, neither party is giving the other a chance based on personality.
BTW your loss so far is awesome, but you have to give the overweight guys a chance if it bothers you guys who are after a certain type of body shape won't give you a chance because you're currently classed as overweight too x0 -
Personally I think they are saying they don't want someone overweight.0
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In response to this post...when I first met my boyfriend he was not interested in seeing me seriousy because I was physically heavier than the kind of woman he is typically attracted to. We still hung out and spent time together and he saw that over the course of a couple of months, that I was dedicated to eating right and getting my body tight. Not only that, we established a really strong connection. His whole thing was I take care of myself and want to look good, so I expect the same out of the person I am dating. It's not that any man who says this is shallow, it simply boils down to what men find attractive. If a fit attractive man asked me to be fit and take care of my body, then it's simply "I take care of myself and want to find someone who shares that drive and goal". That's it. Don't read into it. If men don't give you the time of day because you aren't "attractive" or "skinny" enough....forget 'em cause girl when they see where you end up they'll be begging for your attention and you'll be all the stronger and better for it!0
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guys dont want to know about your weight loss journey... thats why you dont get replies...
Maybe not, but if on a dating site I have to tell them about myself that's what I do, and that includes what I've done to change who I am. If someone doesn't want to know about me and my accomplishments then they are not someone I want to be with in the long run. Seems to me that you'd want to know about someone and things that they've done when getting to know someone, unless of course you are just looking for a hook up or something similar.
Didn't read all 3 pages of replies, but over my various times of dating at different ages, I have found many different attitudes from men, as well as female friends who were looking for men.
In the 20s, it is mostly about looks and sexual compatibility. And partying, of course.
In the 30s, some of them have realized that they want a long term relationship, and there's more to it than looks. But still sexual compatibility is important.
Some 30s are still into looks, so they date or marry the fit, hot chicks, and have affairs with the not-so-fit and hot ones.
By the 40s, the shallow marriages have broken up, they are now graying, balding, and a little flabby, and they don't worry so much about looks as they do compatibility in all areas.
Of course, you will find some 40s+ that still have the mindset of 20 yr olds. You will find these men on dating websites and in bars.
One commonality among many men and women both is, they all want to date someone better looking than they are. I once introduced 2 friends that were both divorced, around the same age, weight, and looks. They both declined a second date and were offended that I would set them up with someone so far beneath them.
As far as guys taking your 'weight loss journey' into consideration. You are asking someone to go out with you, with the expectation that you will be thinner and more fit in a few months. Since the majority of overweight people consider themselves to be 'dieting' and the majority of dieters end up quitting and gaining back their weight, then it sounds unrealistic to expect a guy to trust that you will be the exception to the rule.
When you reach your goals, you will not be the same person physically or emotionally that you are today. You may have entirely different goals in the type of man you want. You will attract different types of men than you do today.
My suggestion is to wait on looking for a guy until you reach your goals. That doesn't mean that you can't meet someone along the way that you are compatible with, but stay off of the dating sites.
If Mr Wonderful is so wonderful, he doesn't have to find dates on a dating site. You will meet him in a gym, or a grocery store, or at work, or from a friend, etc.
Or perhaps on a weight loss site where he is having the same struggles and successes that you are.
***Disclaimer- I do not imply that ALL men or women are shallow, or will cheat on their trophy wives or husbands, so no need to flame.0 -
Means not fat, not ugly, adequately shorn, and often naked.0
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If i said that it would mean a lady who takes pride in herself in the way she dresses and presents herself. For me weight is not an issues as long as the lady is making attempts at improving her well being.
Actually I prefer a woman with some curves and a personality.
Does that help? LMAO0 -
Ohhh this is a good one. I actually asked my guy friend about this the other day because there was a thread on here last week close to the same topic.
He said it means a guy is just looking for a hot body to hook up with. Makes sense. That said, I don't think ALL guys who say that are *kitten*. I just think maybe looks are higher on their priority list. Personally, when I had a profile, I marked myself as "about average" because I didn't want to attract the types that only care about how thin I am.
There's a few posts on here about only wanting the finished product. Are any of us really a finished product? That would imply that you are perfect, no? I'd argue that whether you are talking about fitness, success, love, life, etc. etc. etc. the day you think you are finished is the day you stop progressing.
I'm a work in progress and I will be that way until the day I die.0 -
LMAO! When a thread has a problem with this answer then there's no hope for the difficult questions!
Its code and means "not fat". That's it, nothing more. Think opposite of "BBW" or "curvy". Good lord, makes me wonder how some people manage to dress themselves in the morning . . .0 -
Online dating is complicated. Sometimes they mean what they say, and sometimes it's hidden code meaning something else.
I had had that statement in my profile, "I want a woman that takes care of herself, eats healthy, and exercises a few days a week". And, that's exactly what I mean. I like to do things. I like surfing, hiking, biking, running, going to the gym, and I want someone that wants to do those things with me. I also want to do challenges, like mud runs and other things. I don't want a couch potato, necessarily. I don't like lazy and I don't like sloppy and I don't like piggy with food. It just grosses me out. Sorry, but I need to let potential dats know my preferences. If a woman wants to sit around and eat a bag of doritos followed by a huge bowl of ice cream every evening, we are going to have problems.0 -
Why is it shallow to want someone who takes care of him or her self? I, for one, wouldn't want to date someone who smells like BO and can't walk up the stairs. I wouldn't be attracted to them, nor would we be able to do anything active together. It seems reasonable to me. Wanting someone attractive to *you* doesn't mean they have to be perfectly hot.0
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Why is it shallow to want someone who takes care of him or her self? I, for one, wouldn't want to date someone who smells like BO and can't walk up the stairs. I wouldn't be attracted to them, nor would we be able to do anything active together. It seems reasonable to me. Wanting someone attractive to *you* doesn't mean they have to be perfectly hot.
Oh, but SDH, BO is SO HOT! J/k.
I think there needs to be a section on hygiene. Something like, "how many days a week do you shower." If it's less than 7, we have a problem.
Manners are important, too. There's no bigger turnoff than a guy who doesn't have any. Just sayin'0 -
guys dont want to know about your weight loss journey... thats why you dont get replies...
Maybe not, but if on a dating site I have to tell them about myself that's what I do, and that includes what I've done to change who I am. If someone doesn't want to know about me and my accomplishments then they are not someone I want to be with in the long run. Seems to me that you'd want to know about someone and things that they've done when getting to know someone, unless of course you are just looking for a hook up or something similar.
don't talk about that subject. to a lot of guys, especially the ones that have never had to lose more than 5-10lbs at any point in their lives, telling them you lost a lot of weight is not going to mean the same to them that it means to you. to them it means, "she was fat and she will be fat again". no reason to bring up the topic until you really start getting to know somebody.
^^ Great response!0 -
I HATE HATE HATE!!!! that "curvy" means "fat." I have always been curvy, I will always be curvy. I have been as small as a size 3 and as large as a size 12 and was curvy all the way. It's called "I have hips and boobs"!!!!!LMAO! When a thread has a problem with this answer then there's no hope for the difficult questions!
Its code and means "not fat". That's it, nothing more. Think opposite of "BBW" or "curvy". Good lord, makes me wonder how some people manage to dress themselves in the morning . . .
/rant
Anyway, as far as talking to a guy about your weight loss efforts, it's not pre-first-date conversation. Sorry. Once you know each other well and are moving to the next stage, sure. But not in a first contact message.0 -
They are shallow men who just want one thing from a woman. That simple.
That's a ridiculous generalization.f course i like hot women, but the body to me isn't that important.
My friend on the other hand all he talks about is body, he doesn't care about what the face looks like. I am a face person.
So being into bodies is shallow but being into faces is not shallow.
It's more the attitude aspect. If a women takes care of her self, has the self determination to work out each week and takes pride in her appearance that is a sexy attitude IMO. thats the sort of person I would want to spend my time with.
If you're an active guy and love to work out 4-5 times a week it's unlikely you are going to be compatible with someone who would rather sit in all day and eat junk food on the coach. If that makes me shallow then so be it, IDGAF.
This.0 -
If i were to say i want a girl who "takes care of herself", that means I want a girl who cares for her body and what she puts in it. Someone who wont eat fast food 5 times a week, doesn't smoke, or do drugs....occasional drinker is ok, but binge drinker is not. Dont need someone who is "hot", looks aren't that important.....could find a girl who looked like Mila Kunis, but if she was a drunken druggie, I wouldnt give her the time of day0
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