Children throwing tantrums in stores! What??
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This absolutely works! lolMy daughter threw ONE fit. That's it. One. I don't remember what it was for. But, she threw herself of the floor kicking and screaming. I then threw myself down kicking and screaming. Made a real scene. She was 3. She looked at me like I was nuts...... so did most of the store....... I stood up, looked at her and told her it looked just as stupid when she did it, and if she EVER embarrassed me like that again in public, she would get a spanking. Never did it again.
I used to do it with my daughter. I think it shocked her mostly.0 -
Is it not possible that if you physically punish your child for bad behavior, they may not know later on when they are being spousally abused that itmis not ok. Or will they rationalise it as "I did something bad, I deserve this?"
(Yes, my spelling sucks) Please don't spank me!
Charlie, that's not how it works. Domestic violence is not just physical abuse. It is mental and emotional abuse as well. It is a conditioning that causes the victim to think that it is okay. It's possible that people who are abused as children will grow up to be victims of spousal abuse. But spanking and physical abuse are not the same thing.
I agree with this. But, sometimes, a spanking to escalate to domestic violence. "Sometimes".0 -
I haven't read through all the comments so this may have been touched on. Now a days you can't judge a book by its cover. That child may have been autistic. Being there are different forms his may cause him to behave like he did. I have a good friend whose child is autistic and when he was younger he threw 'tantrums' in public. She eventually would limit his trips out because of the stares and comments she would get. Never judge. you don't know what people are dealing with.0
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It's amazing how much judgement I passed before I had my son.....
So true and it's amazing how much judgement I passed before I gained weight. I always wondered why ppl didn't just go outside and run 10 miles a day and just stop eating so much already. That's because my dainty little body could probably run 10 miles a day back then and probably required much less fuel and had no food addictions. Boy did I learn my lesson.
Kinda got off the topic there but I'm done. ;-)0 -
Not being a parent doesn't mean someone is precluded from having an intelligent, informed opinion and child-rearing. I've never bought the argument that anyone who doesn't have kids "just doesn't know" and couldn't possibly add to the discussion about parenting.
And those of us with kids surely aren't immune from being judgmental about how others parent their kids. Sometimes, as a working parent, all I can grasp is the feeling of superiority knowing I'm doing it better than "that guy over there." It's a weak ploy to comfort my insecurities and failings as a parent.
When I see someone in public doing what I consider a terrible job as a parent, sometimes (on a clear day when I've had enough rest, enough food, and enough coffee), I stop and consider that he or she is doing the best he/she can, and realize that judging someone's character and/or how they parent based on one incident is myopic and serves no purpose other than to selfishly feel superior.
Not often enough, though.
Thank you for the comments in your first paragraph. Non parents rarely get such understanding.0 -
If I or one of my sisters would throw a tantrum, my Mom would just (pretend to) walk away.
Our tantrum would be over instantaneously.
Also, our standard punishment was being locked in the hallway for a couple of hours. Our hallway was literally four walls, two doors, a ceiling and a floor, so you would get bored of it pretty soon and would be on your best behaviour afterwards.0 -
Is it not possible that if you physically punish your child for bad behavior, they may not know later on when they are being spousally abused that itmis not ok. Or will they rationalise it as "I did something bad, I deserve this?"
(Yes, my spelling sucks) Please don't spank me!
Charlie, that's not how it works. Domestic violence is not just physical abuse. It is mental and emotional abuse as well. It is a conditioning that causes the victim to think that it is okay. It's possible that people who are abused as children will grow up to be victims of spousal abuse. But spanking and physical abuse are not the same thing.
I agree with this. But, sometimes, a spanking to escalate to domestic violence. "Sometimes".
A simple spanking done by a caring, loving parent doesn't escalate to domestic violence. You're talking about out and out child abuse. I realize a lot of people don't see a distinction, but there most certainly is one. A huge one.0 -
Hitting is only okay between two consenting adults who have agreed in advance upon a safeword.
well played sir, well played indeed
And don't forget that safeword!!!0 -
WOW, a lot of you people are pretty harsh and nasty about this. I agree that parents letting kids get away with throwing tantrums in public (really at home too) is ridiculous. But all of you people telling the OP to not have kids, or that she'll be "an amazing mother" and being sarcastic, smart a$$es about it is just as bad. This is coming from a single dad of an 8 year old son. There have been a few times where he tried to throw tantrums but it was squashed right then and there. I can probably count on one hand the number of tantrums he's thrown in his entire life. Never spanked or hit him, just never acknowledged the tantrum and it stopped after he got bored with it then I walked to him about it and took things away from him. And guess what? He's not some wierd kid that was negatively impacted because I stopped him from throwing tantrums or acting out.
Your kid can want to throw tantrums all they want but if you let it go on or give it any kind of attention then they will continue to happen. All of the people that say "kids will just do that" and are satisfied with that are part of the issue with this country and world. They are happy letting things go on no matter if it's right, bothers anyone else, or teaches the kid anything worthwile. They let it happen because it is easy for them. By letting the kids get away with it tells them that it is ok to do.
It's just like a kid touching a stove. If they touch it a hundred times and it's cold, then they think it's ok and will continue to do it. If it's hot one time, they learn never to do it again.
People need to be parents and quit saying "that's what they do." I'm 28 and never had my parents spank or belt me or anything like that. Anytime my brother, sister, or I got out of line we heard about it. Guess what?? That stuff stopped pretty quick.
OP, i completely agree with you that it is nuts the dad let the kid's tantrum continue like it did. People need to be parents and quit trying to be their kids' best friend. My parents worked more on being parents than my friend, and I respect them more for that and they are some of my best friends for it.
^^^^^So on point and totally agree with this! My children now 22 and 15 when smaller knew that mum or dad wouldn't have tolearated this beheviour.0 -
I think it's funny when people don't know the difference between a spanking and a beating. I can only surmise that you were beaten and your parents called it spanking.There are far more inventive ways of correcting behaviour. You have to be pretty unoriginal to need to resort to spanking.
You have to be pretty unoriginal to not be able to accept and admit that your way is not the only and absolute right way.
When it comes to beating children, I'll stick with my unoriginal thinking that it's the last (only?) resort of the ... well you get the idea.
You would be wrong.
But if you can't undermine the argument, certainly, try to undermine the person making it instead.
Spanking is a mild form of violence. It's that simple. You are lying to yourself if you believe otherwise.
If you do it, you are sending your child a message that violence is acceptable under some circumstances. But more importantly, you are trying to use what is a pretty inefficient means of correcting behaviour when there are many more effective ways of doing so.
But whatever. Spank your child, and hope for the best.
I don't have to hope. I was spanked. I'm 36 and turned out pretty great. My child is 18 and in college and pretty great. And not violent. Neither am I.
Your argument is ridiculous just based solely on the number of people who have been spanked as children who did NOT grow up to be violent or accepting of violence.
I don't care if you don't spank your children. It's your business. But what I did with my (now adult child who I raised quite successfully) is not yours. The only judging in this thread is those who don't spank against those who do or did. I don't see anyone saying you have to spank. Only people saying it's not OK without any other argument than those children are going to grow up and be abused or commit acts of violence.
The statistics are against you.
I think you are confusing my posts with someone else's. I'm not making the argument you seem to believe that I am. And even if I were, your proof by example is spurious at best.
I'm saying there are more effective means of correcting behaviour, and means which do not convey an acceptance of violence.
And I certainly have a greater respect for those who are able to figure that out.0 -
I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)... I believe spankings are appropriate when kids are doing dangerous things... such as... oh, I don't know, playing with an electrical socket... or playing with the oven..... particularally after repeated attempts to redirect, distract, telling them no firmly, and even putting them on their "naughty spot" (yes, I have watched HOURS of Super Nanny).... My LO would constantly play with power strips... I spanked her (more like tapped her firmly on the bum) and she hasn't done it again... even though I went through all of the above attempted resolutions. I was not angry nor frustrated. She cried for a minute, got hugs and kisses... she knows I love her and she hasn't played with it since... In my opinion, a firm tap on the butt is much more desirable than being electricuted or severely burned.0 -
Time have changed and we cannot discipline our children like we need to without the fear of having Child Protection called on us for child abuse. I have three kids and it is extremely difficult to take them out in public sometimes. The best option for my kids (two of which have special needs) is to walk away and let them calm down because if I stand there and pay attention to their fit that is giving them exactly what they want....attention! Sometimes it would be nice if others would help out instead of being judgemental about the situation. We are doing the best we can and others have no clue if there are extenuating circumstances to the fit.0
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Let me say first off I DON'T believe in hitting children. In my opinion spanking does not work and is totally unnecessary.
When my kids acted the fool in a store or other public place, I would walk away. Never out of my line of sight, but they didn't know that. For example, if we were in the grocery store and a tantrum started, I would start walking up or down the aisle. That usually did the trick! they'd stop hollering and scurry after me. The few times that did not work, I picked them up and we left the store.
When kids are throwing tantrums, it's best not to give them attention for it. If I was the dad in your example, there is no way I would have tolerated him screaming for 45 minutes. I would have left the store and taken him home.
For the most part to avoid tantrums with little ones, you need to be preemptive. Make sure they are well-rested, well-fed, and hydrated before you take them out. If you take hungry, tired, thirsty kids out shopping you are guaranteed a cranky time. Also bring a bag of things to occupy them: books, small toys, small snacks, paper, crayons, etc.
You are so right about being well rested, fed, and hydrated. I can get cranky as an adult if I'm not all 3 of these when I am rushing around and my mom was actually really good about bringing fun stuff for us to do and eat, etc when we needed it. I totally forgot about her doing that until just now, but I actually will do the same right before I take my husband shopping. If I sense he's getting cranky I suggest we stop and get a small snack and something to drink and he's 1000X happier. Lol, my mom taught me something very valuable! I'll have to thank her the next time I see her!
Love both0 -
Is it not possible that if you physically punish your child for bad behavior, they may not know later on when they are being spousally abused that itmis not ok. Or will they rationalise it as "I did something bad, I deserve this?"
(Yes, my spelling sucks) Please don't spank me!
Charlie, that's not how it works. Domestic violence is not just physical abuse. It is mental and emotional abuse as well. It is a conditioning that causes the victim to think that it is okay. It's possible that people who are abused as children will grow up to be victims of spousal abuse. But spanking and physical abuse are not the same thing.
I agree with this. But, sometimes, a spanking to escalate to domestic violence. "Sometimes".
Then, it ceases being a spanking.0 -
I see there are some people here in favor of spanking their children. If there is anyone here that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children, please step forward. I know they have to exist, but I have never met a person under 75 that has a college degree and thinks it is ok to spank children.
I have a B.Sc. from a Teir 1 school (so not some backwoods community college)...
Um. Excuse me? A community college education isn't good enough?0 -
My mom would just give me the look AND I KNEW TO STFU!
The look was kind of like an icy death stare and she would hold it for a bit until you noticed. Sent chills down your spine!0 -
This is exactly what is wrong with the world today. Parents are afraid of their kids and therefore the kids run the household. I mean look at the first few idiots in this thread saying that it's normal behavior for a 4 year old and basically that the dad shouldn't have whipped the little sh1t head. I know I didn't act like that with my dad when I was 4 or we would have went to the bathroom and me got my *kitten* busted. My dad only ever had to whip me about 3 times and I knew how act like a human being afterwards instead of an untrained monkey.
This!
^^^ Also this!!!0 -
All of us are here because there is something in our life we have difficulty controlling and we're looking for help.
Controlling your emotions is a learned skill. 4 year olds don't have that skill and lots of grown-ups don't have that skill.
Maybe this guy was in the store shopping with his ranting 4 year old cause his wife was at home recovering from delivering their second child.
Maybe this kid is feeling left out cause the baby has come.
Maybe this kid was promised that if he was good his parents would buy him a special toy...but his dad lost his job and now Dad can't keep his word and the boy feels hurt and betrayed.
Maybe hurting a kid to "teach him a lesson" teaches him that the way you solve a problem is to hurt someone.
And, then they grow up to be a parent who believes that the way to teach their kid a lesson is to hurt them (cause a child doesn't make a distinction between spanking and hitting...cause to a child those are both hurting.)
I hope everytime I stuff my face in public people don't look at me and say: What can't she control herself?
And, I must say: All of my friends who have never had children are perfect parents.
Now that we have a child, you know what I do when I see a parent under pressure and a child out of control, I let them ahead of me in line, I help them carry their bags out, I give them a sympathetic smile and mouth "I've been there."
Have a happy holiday.0 -
forgot to hit the quote button <_> oh well lolI couldn't agree more with this!0
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Kids screaming in restaurants actually kind of bugs me, most people go out to eat to enjoy a nice meal without hearing screaming children, if you can't keep them under control don't go out or get a sitter.
THIS!!!!! I do NOT want to hear YOUR screaming misbehaving child when I am out on a date with my husband. Don't you want to spend time alone with YOUR husband? Get a sitter! Have a date night. Dinner for two is cheaper than dinner for two plus kiddos. And they won't eat all their food anyway and it is wasteful. Please, PLEASE leave your kid with a sitter!
I am fine with kids in restaurants if they are well behaved. But the minute a kid stands up in THEIR booth and leans over the back of the booth and into my personal space and the parent does nothing about it... oh. It's on. I sat in a restaurant a week ago and watched two little girls bounce in their booth and lean over the back into another diner's personal space. The other diner had to get up, ask the parents to please stop their children from leaning over and bouncing around the booth. And the parent did nothing. I felt so horrible for the diner
and the parents comment? "Kids will be kids. If you don't like it, go somewhere else." (I'm an eavesdropper) Absolutely frustrating.
Theres a few restaurants who've plainly said in a notice on their entrance door something along the lines of "customers with crying babies will be asked to leave". The restaurants have a huge list of "offended" people who try to tell them off but at the same time, they have lots of business because people know that you can eat peacefully there.
Once again, I feel for the parents, I really do. However, you do NOT have a right to ruin my time just because your child decided to be disruptive...0
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