Fiancé accused me of cheating :/

The idea that men and women can be "just friends" is silly and immature.

No the idea they cant is silly and immature. Just because two people have different physiological parts does not preclude them from friendship. Utterly ridiculous statement.

No male "friend" of mine wasn't waiting for the chance to take things further. Just speaking from my own experience. If you have a female friend who you would never ever get something going with if given the opportunity and yet you feel the desire to spend time with nonetheless, and you are not gay, then more power to you. Unfortunately that has not been my experience, I am just being honest for this girls sake because she may be encouraging the fiancés insecurities with behavior she hasn't yet learned is detrimental to his trust, and her safety.

Totally agree.

I find that offensive. First, I do not subscribe to the idea that all people have to view members of the opposite sex (or whatever sex they are normally attracted to) as potential sexual partners. This is an idea that many believe because it has been repeated over and over again by pop psychologists and because it fits with their world view. It doesn't have good scientific support. Second, you suggest that those who don't agree with your are not being honest. That's a serious over-generalization. Robin actually put it appropriately - "Not all people are the same." I don't think she's a perv, or you are, I just think that people differ -- and the original poster obviously doesn't view all men as potential bed partners. Nor do I. If her partner doesn't understand that and trust her, they do need help.

Except the fact it is the driving foce behind the actions of every mammal species.

This content has been removed.

Understand, too, that marriage will change the nature of all your friendships with guys. It has to, as they have to move down one or more notches to make room for your hubby to be now being #1.
So you, and everyone in your life, will be adjusting, and so will your hubby and everyone in his life.
Knowing all this, I think, might help you get some perspective on the situation

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

He should already have been #1 long before you get married, but that doesn't mean your friendships have to change because they are totally different things. Why does loving someone change your friendships whether they are with men or women.

What does your heart tell you? If you know nothing's going on, then tell him that. If he's that insecure-dump him. Trust me-these red flag behaviors become worse over time, and you won't or don't want to "fix them" in 5 years (or in my case 30) down the road. A little advice I wish I'd been told.

Just go ahead and do the trainer.....tell bf you never once thought of it until
HE PUT THE NOTION IN YOUR HEAD :smokin:

Relationship is like building a house.. It takes time to build a perfect house. That goes for the relationship as well. Don't just "dump him". Couples need to work on making that "perfect" relationship. That's IF you want this relationship to work...

Maybe find a different trainer. Is there a female trainer? That may help..
Do you talk about your day training with your trainer to your fiancee? Maybe make it a minimum conversation about it.

Good luck.

My husband of 18 years took up a friendship with a neighbor this past year. She is a bit nuts and has a history of abuse. I "allowed" the relationship and would ask about it every so often. He would reassure me that nothing was going on between them. And I believed him even after he got a text from her husband asking about what was going on between my husband and his wife. Long story short... he ended up having sex with her.

While relationships between opposite sexes are possible, they can definately lead to something... value your relationship between you and your fiance, then you will keep it sacred and not do anything to harm it. Your fiance needs to be reassured of this.

Sorry to hear. Would be great for both of you to sit down with a mediator/counsellor to ensure you're both communicating effectively and understanding one another's feelings and concerns (it will cause more problems longterm if you let this fester). Then you can make a plan to work on the issues underlying those feelings. There will always be things both you and he can do to solidify the relationship. Relationships take a lot of work. Imagine if we never took a car to a mechanic? It would break down pretty fast. So sounds like it's time for you guys to have a little tune up and oil change.

Good luck!

x

I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though

If he's already this insecure, it wont ease off after you say I do. Trust me. You really need to evaluate the situation. Hope counceling helps. If not... well. Fingers crossed for you!

^^ I think this is sound. Counseling would be the best option right now, I think, but keep an eye out. If he is consistently insecure and possessive, it might not be a safe situation for you. That type of behavior is a red flag to me.

Obviously he feels threatened by your trainer, I would suggest getting a female trainer and get him involved as well as work on communication, counselling would also work.

I considered this, but I feel like it would be catering to his insecurities, not to mention giving up a good trainer and friend

No, I would not give up my trainer and like you said it would be catering to his insecurities. I say be firm and if he knows you love him he should not have a problem with your trainer or the way you dress or anything for that matter... By firm I mean express to him how it bothers you that he does not trust you enough and evaluate the situation... If I were you I would try and help him threw it but I would not change myself to ease his insecurity, in the long run it will just escalate... If when he met you did not have a problem with friends, the way you dressed or who you talked to he should not have one now... Best of luck to you...

It boils down to who is more important to you: your fiancee or your trainer.

GIVE UP THE F#CKING TRAINER! CHANGE GYMS!

Doing this will reassure your finance that he is the most important man in your life. It will not escalate his insecurity - the people who think this are idiots, really. Your willingness to reassure your man and let him know that you take his feelings seriously will help him to have more confidence and belief in your commitment to him, not the other way around.

HEY! Are you going to take the advice of someone who has been married for nearly 20 years or someone with no life experience? Either you want a marriage built on EARNED TRUST or you want to have the "right" to flirt.

Your choice. But if you don't take your fiance seriously I hope he sees the red flags and calls off the marriage. He deserves someone who respects and is considerate of him.

Accusations can often come because of something a partner is getting away with, or has done. In other words, if he has done wrong it's perfectly sensible for him to assume you have and are. You need to sit down and talk, if his insecurities come from his own past behavior it might be a good time to reconsider your lifelong commitment.

Ok. Hi all.

I normally don't post things that are this serious or personal but I don't really have anywhere else to bounce this around.

My partner accused me of cheating on him. With my trainer.

My trainer and I are friends and nothing more. We don't see each other outside of the gym and he is also (happily!) coupled. We share quite a few non fitness related hobbies and will often spend some time chatting about them in the gym.

Part of me wants to feel bad for my fiancé because if he honestly thinks I've cheated he must be hurting a lot.

But mostly I'm just really insulted and very angry that he doesn't believe that I respect the commitment I made by saying 'Yes' when he proposed.

Has anyone else had a similar experience/ can give a girl some advice?

I don't put out personal relationship infomration on the internet, but I will speak from some experience here:

Your personal trainer is someone you pay to help you.
Your fiance is your life partner.
One is hella more expendable than the other.

Relationships need trust and sometimes showing your partner they mean more to you than someone you pay to help you out is building that trust. And sometimes it's letting your partner have way too much control over your life. Only you know where this falls on the spectrum. If the tables were turned, if your partner was, oh let's say, taking guitar lessons from a hot chick and spending time with her and loving it and you were uncomfortable with that, what would you want him to do? get a new teacher? make you hang out with her? Just stop talking about her? Yell at you and call you jealous? Dump you???

Accusations can often come because of something a partner is getting away with, or has done. In other words, if he has done wrong it's perfectly sensible for him to assume you have and are. You need to sit down and talk, if his insecurities come from his own past behavior it might be a good time to reconsider your lifelong commitment.

and sometimes people are insecure because they have been cheated on. I would NOT turn this into accusing him of something! Geez!

-I still don't agree with giving up my trainer. It's a matter if principle. I would never try to tell my partner who he could or could not spend his time with, unless that person was in some way dangerous or similar. I expect to be treated the same. I respect the opinions and advice of those who say otherwise, but do not agree

I agree. You shouldn't have to give up anyone or anything, especially things or people who were a part of your life before he was. In most cases, your friends will be your friends forever and through everything. This guy, sadly, might not; I'd hate to see you push away all of your friends to make him happy, and then have him find something else to accuse you of. You could easily give up the trainer to prove to your fiance that there's nothing going on, but he could make the same accusation and expect the same response with everyone he doesn't want you to spend time with. I wasn't sure where you stood on this when I wrote my post, but I think what you said is very wise. It's not fair to either of you to be denied contact with the outside world - and he's screwing himself, honestly, because he's upset you, and because he's trying to take away one of the outlets you have for BEING YOU. Point out to him (if you haven't already) that you wouldn't - and presumably don't - treat him this way when he talks to other women or goes out with his friends, or wears certain outfits or cologne or whatever. Sorry you're going through all that.