Fiancé accused me of cheating :/

I am surprised by the replies on here that people suggest you dump your trainer - that sets a weird precedent that surely you don't want to take into a lifelong relationship!

When I got married I promised myself and my husband my attitude towards him spending time with other women (he does art and a lot of the time his models are naked) wouldn't change - I don't have a problem with it because I trust him.

For me to insist it stopped because I was feeling jealous or insecure would be really petty.

Perhaps it is possible for you and your partner to have a training session (or 5) together with your trainer so he can see for himself that there isn't anything going on?
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You nailed it. You made the choice to trust him - full stop. Good for you!

I've been getting my coffee from the same lady for two years. I would consider her a friend.

Maybe I'm just generous with the word "friend" I would call quite a few people on MFP "friends"
I have to say I've never really seen that as a negative thing.

And yet you are the one who started this thread

Has your fiancé met your trainer? Maybe invite him to one of your sessions and then he can see for himself that you are just friends

This sounds like a great idea

I love all the posts saying "guys and girls can't just be friends" - this isn't a friendship, it's a professional relationship of client and trainer.

If she gives up the PT, does that mean she can only see female doctors, dentists, hairdressers, wedding planners, accountants, solicitors, mortgage advisors? etc etc etc etc

The PT isn't the issue - his insecurity is. Giving up the PT is putting a bandage on a much bigger problem that needs sorting out.

Maybe do the PT sessions less frequently

They're not frequent according to her. He occasionally works with her to adjust her program, and most of the time she is lifting with her fiance alongside her. It's basically a decision of not being able to work out at that gym without her fiance with her, because the PT works there. That is an unacceptable situation

As a counselor, the insecurity and him being concerned about what you wear, going out, etc. are all red flags for a controlling relationship. I also speak as someone who was in one of those relationships and I ignored the red flags and things went south fast. I will add I only put up with behavior for 3 months before he got the boot. I am not saying this is the case for you but this all something to consider.

This. What happened to me too, except it went on for two years and he was harrassing me after I left, till I was forced to move far away giving up pretty much everything in the pursuit of physical safety.

My instinct is to run.

If he can't handle these things now, he obviously thinks you're easy. That you cannot be trusted to travel anywhere without having to have casual sex with random dudes. That you can't even get healthy without wanting something from men in return. Like a prostitute, only not having high enough standards to expect to get paid.


How do you think he's going to be in ten years from now? It'll be the same or worse, you'll have to account for why you took seven minutes more to get back from the store, why you looked at the face of the police officer; he'll be furious the guy selling you coffee told you to have a nice day, as that has to mean you're having sex with him in exchange for a triple caramel Grande. You'll be accused if you speak to your kids' school teacher, if you brush your hair or wash your clothes.


One day you'll realise that there is nothing you can say or do that will ever convince him that you haven't been sleeping around throughout your entire relationship - don't be surprised if he doesn't accept any children you have could be his. And forget about his caring for them so you can leave the house without them - you might get with that mystery man again. And then you'll be accused of doing it whilst you've got the kids with you.




By then, you won't care anymore. And if you've already been found guilty ten thousand times, it's not such a tough leap to the 10,001st time being the one where you actually do get involved with someone else.

Hey. I'm not sure if this was said already but I think that if he has met this guy a few times its highly possible that he believes that either a) there is enough chemistry between the both of you that there is a problem or will be a problem in the very near future or b) that he got the feeling that regardless of the trainer's relationship status and your current beliefs regarding where you and the trainer stand (I know this is kind of convoluted but go with me here) that your trainer has designs on you.

Either way this is a real concern, and I don't necessarily think its insecurity. A lot of the time when someone feels like something is up even though they may pick the wrong "thing" something else fishy along those lines may be going on.

Although you say that you have no intentions towards this guy your trainer may be thinking along a completely different line, and your boyfriend can tell.

This guy is obviously serious about you, but you need to sit down and figure out where he is getting these vibes from so you can pinpoint what you should be able to do to work through this.

I've been in a relationship with the same guy for 8 years and we are still going strong, the primary reason is that we try to keep or communication open. So try to keep an open mind and pinpoint where this is coming from.

next thing you know he will want to take away your right to own firearms.......

Maybe.. He is accusing you of cheating because he has a guilty conscious...

From my POV; there's very few instances whereby a male and female can be good friends without there being some kind of interest beyond friendship from one party or the other. Being concerned/jealous could be an entirely rational reaction if you guys have argued or anything at all recently, though flat accusing you of cheating is a little extreme.

Just this guy's perspective.

Sorry to hear. Would be great for both of you to sit down with a mediator/counsellor to ensure you're both communicating effectively and understanding one another's feelings and concerns (it will cause more problems longterm if you let this fester). Then you can make a plan to work on the issues underlying those feelings. There will always be things both you and he can do to solidify the relationship. Relationships take a lot of work. Imagine if we never took a car to a mechanic? It would break down pretty fast. So sounds like it's time for you guys to have a little tune up and oil change.

Good luck!

x

I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though

I agree, it might be time to try counseling and get to the root of these problems before they spiral further out of control.

I married a man like that. I just gets worse. Look into the behavior patterns of an abuser and see if it fits.

Maybe.. He is accusing you of cheating because he has a guilty conscious...

I have to say I agree with this as a possibility.. I had someone accuse me of cheating and it turned out he was dating numerous other women....I hope this is not what is happening and he is insecure,.,,,:(

My approach to these things is to think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed, and go from there. In this case, how would you feel if your fiance was working out with a cute female trainer? (Although you seem like a confident and level-headed chick, so this probably wouldn't bother you much. ) But it can be a good starting point before you have a conversation with him.

After reading through this thread some common sense>>>> many of you said dump him or he will be like this.. which can be true but until you look at his position and how one would feel if he did as well with a female trainer how this whole situation plays out..

I am not saying he is right or wrong but with the limited information that was posted it is hard to truly make a sound secure judgement and without looking from all angles to have people say dump him, and leave him or break it off, if she does truly love him that this is something to be worked on with a counselor, then after seeking out professional assistance then she can make an informed decision.....not one based on one piece of the pie....