This site should not be about weight loss bullies !

I'm a nut for engaging in this, but I just can't help but point out the part in bold.

This poster doesn't even know what kind of diet the OP is on, but he feels she should be supported in her choice.

HCG is illegal in the U.S. because it's very dangerous. You eat only 500 calories a day and inject yourself with hormones. Since it's banned in the United States she's likely getting prescription medicine from overseas. And not from any reputable company either.

Still support her choice?

THIS is the best possible example to illustrate how "You're doing great! Whatever you choose to do is right for you!" is a bad and downright dangerous stance to take. You're "supporting" people into doing themselves harm.

WTG!

*slow clap*

bullying present participle of bul·ly
Verb
Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants

I don't think a stranger on the internet can FORCE you to do anything. Bullying is such an overused term here.

Weird, since "cyber bullying" is actually a real concept and a huge problem.

I agree that cyber bullying is a real problem. Cyber bullying is not saying " I don't think HCG is a good diet for you, since it can ruin your health." If someone made a hate website, sent you nasty messages, called you names, and made your real life miserable, THAT would be cyber bullying. This is a forum, people will disagree and voice their opinions.


Also, has anyone noticed that the people advocating normal, healthy diets have reached their goals, whereas people who advocate HCG, juicing, etc have not? Just something to think about.

I do not even know what HCG is. I do not think that was the point either. People can express their concerns and suggestions in a healthy way. I have seen name calling and belittleing on this site and that is simply unacceptable.

I'm a nut for engaging in this, but I just can't help but point out the part in bold.

This poster doesn't even know what kind of diet the OP is on, but he feels she should be supported in her choice.

HCG is illegal in the U.S. because it's very dangerous. You eat only 500 calories a day and inject yourself with hormones. Since it's banned in the United States she's likely getting prescription medicine from overseas. And not from any reputable company either.

Still support her choice?

THIS is the best possible example to illustrate how "You're doing great! Whatever you choose to do is right for you!" is a bad and downright dangerous stance to take. You're "supporting" people into doing themselves harm.

WTG!

I agree that HCG programs are dangerous (I tried one years ago, when it was new, and ended up pretty sick). But there are ways to tell people that without being rude to them. Telling the truth out of concern for them is always going to be better than giving the correct information while ripping a strip off of them.

You came for support and got a dog poop story instead. Not exactly bullying but about what to expect trying to get support on the internet. As far as Hcg being dangerous, so is overeating. Your goal should be to eat right and change your lifestyle to eating right. This is very hard to achieve, there are people that dieted "right" and have regained. I think you can find great support on the internet, but you are going to get the rude people. You are also going to get people that disagree with you. The nice thing about the internet tho is while its easy to be rude here, its also easy to ignore the negativity.

Yup. Just like page 1.

People try to answer this topic as thoroughly as possible, giving multiple reasons for why things might be the way they are, get ignored, and then try and diffuse the tension with an obviously "not bullying" joke... and that got considered negative.

Yup. After things get heated, no one reaches a conclusion, someone posts a heartwarming tale about a DOG, and that's considered negative.

The dog poop story was the best thing in this entire thread Hands down.

This content has been removed.

Maybe this post would be more appropriate in the Introductions section.

And maybe the message boards in general are just too hard for some people.

^This.

It makes my blood boil every time I see the word "bully" thrown around on here, because 90% of the time, no one is being bullied.

i just want to chime in here and make an observation which i feel is a common trait amongst the folks being called bullies.

take a look at the ticker for the member who posted the above quote. she has lost 134 lbs. she knows what she's doing. alot of the so-called bullies on here have similar success stories. the reason they comment on the bad information on these forums (and don't kid yourself, there is a lot of bad information being passed off as true) is because they've been down these roads before. they've learned what works, what doesn't, and what is harmful. they want to make the learning curve easier and faster for those who are new to this.

i don't know her at all. she's not on my friend's list. i've seen her around the forums. but she is indicative of the sort of people who are providing real help here (as well as humor), only to be called meanies and bullies for it. to be honest, it would be comical if there wasn't a small segment of overly sensitive folks who have made it their task on MFP to stalk members like her, looking for things to report to the mods to try and get these people banned. that is no different in my mind that going down to your local public library and burning all of the books that you disagree with. when you do that, you remove information from your universe. as these folks get banned from here, the same thing happens. then this site will become nothing but a giant marketplace for people selling green coffee beans or raspberry ketones or meal replacement shakes to unsuspecting newbies.

now i don't really know if anybody is stalking her, but there have been some knowledgeable folks banned here in the past couple of weeks, whose absence is already having an negative impact around here. so the next time one of you is tempted to get angry and cry, "Bully!", take a minute to look at the person's profile and see if it's somebody who has succeeded in this long "journey" already. odds are they have and they know exactly what it's like to be in your shoes. odds are also that they are really trying to help, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. maybe, just maybe, if you ask them for clarification, you'll discover that somebody like that is EXACTLY who you want on your side.

This ^^^

I'll add you!

Not to say it's okay that people attacked you (because I'm the Queen of "You Better Not Let Me See You Bullying Anyone or So Help Me!"), BUT MFP is just like any other website or gathering place. You're going to have people who are really nice and people who suck at life. I think expecting to not encounter rude people on a fitness site is "misguided". I say this because when it comes to losing weight, A LOT of people are unhappy with themselves to the point that they hate themselves. Unfortunately, these same people want others to hurt as much as they do. In any setting you'll encounter these people but with a site like this, it's going to naturally be more prevalent.

With that said, I suggest you ignore them. Whenever someone attacks you delete them as a friend, block the user if they aren't a friend, and think before you post. Those three things can make life a lot easier here.

Good luck

Unfortunatly there are bullies everywhere we turn, but I think the majority of people I've found here are supportive and understanding.

I also have learned though experience, with in family circles, that written comments that are meant to be funny or clever can very easliy be mis-understood because you can't hear tone or inflection on a written comment. My family and I have started adding comments like (sacastic) (joke) (empathy) after a comment to clarify.

I also think that it's ok to question or comment back. "That was rude" "don't be mean" "bully" etc. We may find that what somone else considered cute and clever may have sounded rude and hurtful in print. By commenting they have a chance to clarify or apologize. It may also make them think twice about what they type and who it's to.

I hope you don't let the bullies discourage you.

I've been here a couple of years now and frankly I've yet to see any bullying.

Yeah, there've been some rude posts, but most of what seems to be perceived as rude or bullying is simply people who are bluntlysaying that they think what is being done is a waste of time, or downright dangerous and the recipient just doesn't want to hear 'the truth'.

I've seen a fair number of responses to things that I read as perfectly reasonable attacking the poster because the OP didn't like what they heard.

Really, we're all adults on here. If you don't like what you hear, ignore it or put them on ignore. If you don't want to hear people disagreeing with you, don't post. If you think someone is bullying you, don't respond and report them to a moderator.

People really need to grow up and act like the adults they're supposed to be. The world is not a happy happy joy joy place, so stop expecting sites like this one to be any different than the world at large. In fact, expect it to be worse since it is the internet, and a community such as this is not just a microcosm of the world, but a specific 'fitness' site. Like every other focused group, you're going to have extremists. Sure, listen, but you don't have to do what they want.

Sheesh.

I'm more tired of the whining about bullies than I am at the rudeness, that more often than not comes from the complete lack of inflection in our posts.

Just insulate yourself from the negativity. The bottom line is it doesn't mean *kitten*. Find the support you need and ignore the BS. Good luck. The site is useful and there are a**holes everywhere.

When it's all said and done I'm here to be surrounded with positive people who are here to support each other. Again I am not advocating any diet it was an example and I wont be apologizing to anyone for trying something once. Do I do things differently now yes cause I've learned. But the fact that that's all some of you focused on and not my message about being positive and helping each other is sad. However for those of you who truly took the time to read what I said and see that it was nothing more then me expressing my feelings about an experience I had (which I can do just like you all) , thank you. You have all been on forums and seen people made fun of , mean comments , and a group attacking someone's choice. I just don't like that and if that means I'm unrealistic that a bunch of over weight people can join together to support each other in a positive way then I guess I am. There are people everyday who feel that because their smaller they should tell me how to lose weight , on this site i experience rudness, mean comments, nasty emails with very vulgar language and things I wont even mention. I dont want that. the true spirit of this site is to encourage each other and that's what I'm here to do. Some people may not like the way I "stated " things or the words that I used but I wont apologize just like I wouldn't ask you to. Thank you for all of your post, concerns, lessons, and witty comments. I have learned that surrounding yourself with positive people is about picking those who are worth your time and throwing back the rest. People need different things to prosper and I'll just find people who fit my needs.

Have a great day guys ! God Bless!

Translation = You win, I lose. I'm taking my toys and going home now. Somebody, call my unicorn STAT....where are my rosy shades? That sun is shining so brightly I can barely see for all the shiny, reflective, happy people nearby. *prances off on the path of positivity*

Okay, I'm curious: Does anyone consider the above reply to be unnecessary and snarky in the context in which it was posted, or is this one the "helpful but misunderstood" posts that everyone's talking about? Maybe it's an example of "tough love"? Or is it "good humor"?

(Repeated my reply as forgot to hit quote button!)


Exactly.
How is the posted response simply disagreeing or refusing to back this bad diet?

There is bullying on here and moreso there is a mob mentality.
As soon as a few people, especially very active ones on here, start denying the bullying and justifying it the ones who originally agreed with the OP go quiet so as not to have the crosshairs aimed at them. Just like high school. Not a lot changes in mentality between high school and adulthood for some people, especially bullied and those who love their cliques.

Also with regards to old timers who don't like what they see as silly questions by newbies, well the site doesn't belong to them, they don't make the rules, and they should either be helpful or say nothing.

It's possible to disagree without being condescending, hurtful or spiteful.
And no need to hound someone on their threads or on PMs.

I can be very blunt at times, and that's bad.
It's something I'm working on.
On the plus side it means I'm able to stand up to people no problem.
Some people take things to heart, especially people who may be overweight due to comfort eating and a lack of self confidence.
And a lot of the responses on here are not going to help.


Politely tell people why something they're considering is unhealthy, or not a long te solution.
Hopefully many people will do that. As part of agreeing with the group most will then change their mind and agree to fit in with the group. Remember, they've received the hard sell over the net as to why the unhealthy choice is going to work for them. It will take time to deprogram that.


Comments like:
"How can you think that's good for you what are you stupid?!"

Are not helpful. That's not just disagreeing. If you can't see that you need help.

Anyone who asks to be someone's friend on here just to ***** to them about their diaries needs to get a life.

Use the report button, on threads and PMs.
If enough people keep complaining about the same idiots hopefully the site moderators will do something about them.
And if they get warned and don't change their approach they should be banned.
No matter how long they've been on here.

Sad to say that bullies abound in cyberspace. Hah, check out any eBay chat board, or if you really want an eye opener, check out any crime/trial chat boards. Those folks are just plain vicious!

I've not seen a lot of bullying on MFP. Maybe I'm just not going where the bullies are, and that's fine. I've no intention of seeking them out. I 'have' seen a lot of caring, compassion, good advice, and "Way to Go's!"

I've also seen some food diaries that have made me go "Whoa!" I remember one guy in particular who put away 8 eggs, half a pound of bacon, 4 slices of buttered toast, 2 cups of fried potatoes, and 2 Danish pastries....for breakfast. I was truly amazed and I 'had' to take a look at his profile. Turns out he's a championship weightlifter and a regular marathon man and it's how he makes his living, along with being a personal trainer. And did I mention he is HOT? Oh yeah. I'm sure my head would swivel like Linda Blair's did in "The Exorcist" if I passed him on the street.

I've seen the low calorie diaries as well. Mine would definitely be in that category. However, I am a retired PA (Physician's Assistant) and although my caloric intake may be low, what I eat is healthy. I am also not above stuffing down a slice or two of pizza on occasion. No sense in deprivation.

I think people need to ask themselves one question when they come across a diary they don't 'approve of,' especially that of a stranger, and that question is "Does this person's diet affect ME personally?" Nope.

If it's someone I know in real life, a relative or a friend, I may point out a potential problem if one exists. After all, I might be living with said person and if they have a crappy attitude because of their 'diet,' than yeah, it affects me personally.

If a stranger on the site is traveling a dangerous path, I would try to kindly suggest (privately) they be careful, but on the other hand, what they do is really none of my business. I would certainly not bully them on a public forum.

Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success.

That rubs me the wrong way. Most of those people who 'bully' (I dont think they do btw) Have been quite successful...

I would love to be friends with all of you. I was bullied a lot here too.

you do know why they bully right?

Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success.

That is just false. I have been accused of bullying simply for derailing threads.

Most of what I have seen called bullying is done by members who have lost a lot of weight, and are quite knowledgeable about fitness / nutrition. When the same myth, unhealthy product, fad diet is discussed multiple times per day the thoughtfulness put into responses is reduced.

Sure someone's success with HGC is going to be questioned. Not because we don't want that person to lose weight, rather because we don't want them to convince others to do harm to their body.


I have seen personal attacks / fights on this sight, and some times members will gang up on the OP. While I don't think this is helpful, or good behavior it still isn't bullying. The OP can simply choose to stop reading the thread and block the members that are causing them issues. Problem solved most of the time they chose to stick around, and engage in the discussion. they lose, and then cry bully.

Walk away, and put in a hard workout to vent your frustrations this way you always win

The butt hurt is strong with this thread