"Lost 100lbs & found out what the world thinks of fat ppl"

I LOVE this article. I have been trying to explain this phenomenon to my friends buy they don't understand. I too have started to experience men holding doors open for me and randomly greeting me. I get treated better. It makes me happy, sad and mad all at the same time.

This! I feel so connected to this article and the above is completely me. great feeling, sad feeling and utterly pissed off at times. Actually turned a guy down, because i know he saw me when i was bigger size 18/20 (or early stages of my weight lost) but now that i am smaller size 8, he decided to talk to me and i decided to joke and walk away.

No, you are not the same person. You are more strong and more confidence. I lost 90 pounds and i'm more active, more proactive, less lazy. I change. You became a example for your kids. Example of discipline, sacrifice, effort. Sex life ?

And what the people think. GO TO THE HELL !!!!

What's hard for us to accept is that how other people treat us really has nothing to do with us. It has to do with how they feel about themselves. What's even harder to accept is that, how we think other people are judging us has mostly to do with how we feel about OURSELVES.

Sometimes its can be as simple as something like: you're having a bad day and you're wearing a frown as you walk around. Other people, perhaps having a bad day themselves, interpret this as "She was rude/mean/stuffy/overbearing/whatever to me." Remember this the next time someone walks by and "frowns at you". He may not be frowning at you at all, most likely he is thinking about himself. Do you think about every person you walk by and adjust your facial features to what you think about him/her?

Are people deliberately rude or mean at times? Of course. Is it because of how they feel about how you look? Probably only if how you look triggers some internal feeling they have about themselves. My guess is that most people are worried that they themselves look fat, that they don't exercise enough, that they are living unhealthy lifestyles. It's not so much, "I don't like fat people" as "I think other people don't like fat people and I don't want them to think that way about me." Or it could be that they're having a bad time about something else all together.

People who are secure in how they feel about themselves aren't rude or mean because they are sure that they are likable and liked. People who are secure in how they feel about themselves can also slough off rudeness or meanness because they are sure that they are likable and liked. It always hurts, of course, but it doesn't hurt so much if you remember that you are likable and liked. If you aren't letting go of the hurt, then you need to work on remembering that because you are NEVER going to change other people.

The grass isn't greener on the other side. There have been countless MFP posts by people who have lost weight and find that they have lost friends and are receiving comments like: "You've lost too much weight", "You look too skinny", "You're not going to lose any more are you?" and, the hardest one of all: "You can eat this now - you're already skinny!" People say these things for the same reason that they are mean or rude to fat people. They feel guilty about their own size, eating and exercise habits. They're afraid that others are comparing them to the smaller-sized you and judging them to be the "fat one." You learn you're either going to lose friends or you're going to have to slough off these comments as well.

We are, each and every one of us, self-centered but also socially dependent creatures. If we consciously work at it, we can keep keep our fears of being shut out and disliked from influencing how we treat others. If we really work hard at it, we can let being liked and loved keep us secure from being hurt by those who don't. No matter what size we or they are.

bump for reading later - excellent post

bump

(Sorry for the bump, I know it's an old thread, but this kind of interests me a lot, this is long, so feel free to tl;dr if you wish)

I lost 100lbs last year after 10 months of dieting, and I can attest to the fact that people do treat you much differently from when you're fat and when you're thin.

When I was 17st (238lbs) I was rarely ever insulted to my face, but people treated like as if I was invisible. They would look right through me. On things like buses someone who would sit beside me because it was crowded would make it clear they don't want to sit there, and they would quickly move when another seat became vacant. When ordering from fast food joints or take-a-ways, the person working there would give me the look of "do you really need to eat this?" even if they were friendly, I don't know what it is, but it always made me feel really horrible. People would stand out of my way when they saw me coming in narrow spaces, which felt really awkward. Men would show me absolutely zero interest, I only got hit on one when I was that fat, and it was by a random man at the bus stop, sometimes I would try approaching men myself. They would be nice, but that was it, they'd give the impression they'd rather be somewhere else and I'd find myself being the one asking questions and them answering, one avoided giving me his number and even though he seemed really nice when we were speaking, he became really cold on facebook and deleted me 2 days after.

On a personal level, family would treat me different. My mum and dad would always give me looks of concern and sometimes straight up say what they were thinking. "Do you really need to be eating that?", "you'll never lose weight if you eat like that". Relatives such as my grandma and aunts/uncles would give me weird looks when they saw me, they wouldn't see it, but it was obvious what they were thinking ("woah you've put on loads of weight!"). I was a recluse so I didn't have many friends, there was two but I mainly spoke to them online (we met online via gaming). There was (well is) this one guy I was close to. He was pretty much my best friend, we spoke every second day and confided a lot in each other. Now unknown to him I actually had romantic feelings towards him, but he always considered me a sister/best friend, he would always be interested in actually dating other girls and then when they'd break up I'd always be there to help him pick up the pieces. It used to both hurt and grind my gears when he ranted about how there was no good/loyal girls around and how when he was in a relationship he'd make a much bigger effort to see them than me, even if they lived a lot further away, which always seemed to cut deep. I was obviously friendzoned by him, kind of like the female version of the "nice guy" stereotype. Then we both got busy and I kind of realised our friendship was unhealthy for me, I wouldn't say I was obsessed with him, but I felt too emotionally invested in him, so I decided to step back a bit for a while, I guess it helped he was in a relationship and was busy at university.

So over the course of 10 months I dieted and lost weight, for many reasons, my health as well as my looks. By the time I was about to meet my goal weight, I was astonished at how differently I was being treated. My parents were proud, I went to see my grandma who hugged me and congratulated, when I saw another aunt she did the same and actually admitted in a nice sounding way that when I was fat I wasn't really nice to look at. People in public treated me better, they would sit by on the bus, men would offer to help me, men at work would invite me for drinks, people became drawn to me and wanted to be my friend, I wouldn't feel guilty ordering junk food because the person serving wouldnt look at me oddly, I socialised a bit more, and my close male friend's relationship ended. During the months after we became as close as we were in past, speaking more, but even he took a bigger shine to me, and then he randomly admitted that he liked me, and told me how himself and I were inseparably close and so on, and asked me out. Now I'm not bitter or cynical, but it seems really obvious it was because of my weight which was why he never liked me more than a friend before. He just wasn't attracted to me when he was fat, and I'm not bitter over that either, funnily enough. Even though he'd always claim that looks don't matter, I think everyone values physical appearance in other people, especially romantic partners to a degree. He himself was a very fit guy (he was into sports), kind of muscular, and very tall, and I would be lying if his physical appearance wasn't one of the reasons I liked him. At this point I happened to be interested in someone else, so we didn't go out, but we're still close friends, though.

So yeah. That's just how life is I guess. It's easy to be resentful in a way, but I've just chosen to embrace being my new weight and the social benefits. We're all "shallow" and judgemental to a degree. I personally don't mistreat anyone based on their weight or any other ailment but some people just do and always will. Being fat isn't considered acceptable because slim people see obesity as a choice and something which is reversible with a "little exercise and eating properly". I used to always wish when I was fat that people would accept that food can be an addiction just as much as alcohol or drugs.

I honestly enjoyed this story. I can somewhat relate to what she is saying, I am sure most of us can. I sometimes feel like I am seperated from the "skinny" people. I want to be healthy and feel good in my own skin. I hope I do not forget where I come from and always be a part of Team F.A.T.

Congratulations first of all, but -- you're an incredible writer!!

bump

Really good story!