Losing Weight While Your Partner Doesn't

All I can do is share my experience thus far. I decided to start losing weight a little over 3 years ago by eating less, eating a little cleaner and exercising. My husband has been cool with the food changes, supoprtive of my activities, and even decided to quit drinking beer to lose some weight but has no interest in fitness. The only reason he'll go for walks is if it's deer hunting season.

Two things that have made it easier in my situation:
1) Whlle we're completely crazy about each other, we're very independent people. I'm my own person and if I decide to get healthier and fit, that's on me. He doesn't have to join me. That said, I do try to encourage him when the opportunity arrises.
2) I'm not on any specific eating plan. If I was trying to cut out gluten or carbs or whatever...that would make it tough. But I'm an IIFYM type of person for the most part so I can still eat pizza or chinese or spaghetti and meatballs and we're both happy.

Plus, when we first met, he fell in love with me at 240 pounds while he was maybe 170 soaking wet. How could I now dump him just because the tables have turned?

So yeah, there is no way I'd leave him just because he's got a potbelly and I don't...

I have been with my fiance for three years and we were both over weight when we met. Now that I am becoming way physical and extremely cautious on my food choices this has been a little bit of a struggle. But I have learned that you cant change people. If I push him he is just going to get mad and resist. He has to want it. The important thing is that he is trying to support me in every way I can. He tries to work out with me sometimes cooks healthy meals for me but will eat something else and the best part... I was afraid he would get jealous and think I was going to leave him if I lost weight but he is not. He is so excited for me, shows a ton of effection and is even buying me new clothes. I asked him if it was because I just looked better and he said no... Its because you are happy and that is what thrills me. He is my best friend and we will just have to figure out this journey but I know everyone is different.

I am in a similar situation. But I weigh a lot more than my husband currently. He promised me once I reach his weight he will diet with me. But ironically he has taken to adopting my lifestyle and the weight seems to melt off him. I believe it's different when the roles are reversed. My husband has never pressured me to lose weight never even mentioned my weight. In fact of it wasn't for my sudden interest in my health, I would have never thought I needed a life change. Here I am 3 months after making my life change 6 pants sizes 2 shirt sizes and 23 pounds down 127 pounds left to lose. All I can say is love is patient and kind. I feel the best I have ever felt. My husband has lost 15 pounds without trying.

Interesting! You can't force change on someone. When she is ready to lose weigh t then she will do it. Just because you made improvements does not mean they should follow. Lead by example and not pressure her into doing it, soon she will start asking questions on how to be better.

As for you leaving her seems a little selfish, since you made changes and she has not yet made that commitment your basically saying that you don't like her and you want to be around other females. How about if the roles where reverse and then what?!

More or less this. Some of the changes might make you feel more distant, but you said you "don't see her the same way physically." I am not with someone if I don't find them attractive. I think that sounds like you basically thought she was the best you could get at the time and now you think you can "do better."

No relationship is going to work if one partner is always looking for the better option, so I think you owe it to your gf to break up with her asap.

I'm in a similiar situation. My wife introduced me to this website. She had been doing it for a while, but she quit. I've been doing it, and don't see myself quitting. She gets pissed at me when I call myself encouraging her to come back, and start counting her calories, and watch what she eat. She tells me nobody likes a person who's always preaching weight loss, and that I'm going to just quit anyway. I happen to agree about the preaching, but its MY WIFE! I thought I could "preach" to her! So we'll see what happens as I continue to lose weight!

If preaching is objectionable, it's even worse to do it to your spouse. My husband doesn't watch what he eats, or log his food, but he does exercise, so we exercise together. I have a strict policy of positive reinforcement only - no nagging, no criticism.

Short answer: no.

My husband is actually struggling to GAIN weight as I am trying to lose weight. He has a chronic medical condition that makes it incredibly difficult for him to gain any at all and is quite thin.

Would I like it if he would come for a walk with me? Absolutely. Would I love it if he would stop buying all the junk he loves to eat that I just need to avoid for now? Yes I would.

I am the one that needs to change, not him.

Uh, no. Why would I? I obviously found them attractive before, why does changing my lifestyle now make any difference?

I lost 30+ pounds and my partner hasn't lost a thing. I don't love him any less, or pressure him into being healthier for my visual pleasure. There are more important things than looks. The extent of my pressuring for a new lifestyle is so he is healthier and can be here with me longer.

In short, it's about ME and when he is ready to make a lifestyle change he will. If he doesn't, that's okay too.

i'm much more focused than my wife. she doesn't work out as hard as me and she doesn't keep an eye on her nutrition as much as i do, nor is she as knowledgeable about these things as me, so i can't fault her. i'm more motivated and more willing, so of course i'm in better shape and healthier than she is. i'm happy with the fact that she's trying at all.

If my partner offered love, security, and support then I would not leave him - even if he were obese and I no longer had physical attraction. But if I was attracted to him in the first place why would I care if he stayed the same weight, even if it's higher or lower than an ideal?

I am currently dating a physical trainer though and I am having the opposite problem, though. He is extremely fit and when I asked for advice on losing the last 5 pounds, he gave me a ton of rules like "no carbs at night" and "cut out all chocolate." I'm majorly resenting a guy telling me what to eat, even though I asked for the information. I do love his fitness advice though, and am putting it to use.

Still, I feel like it won't ever be enough. I'm starting to feel fat, ashamed and worthless around him. This even though I eat mostly healthy and work out 5 days a week.

I suspect that's how fat partners feel when their significant others lose weight and try to improve them. I can only imagine that it would be much worse if you are really out of shape. At that point I wouldn't even try to shift a partner's size unless they asked or it affected their health.

Nope, wouldn't leave. They haven't changed, I have. I am in that position right now, but we're so much a like, that I understand he's not ready yet. He will when the time is right and if he doesn't, I'm not so superficial that I'd leave.