I want him, He doesnt want me :(.. Vent/Rant
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Desperate for what? I could see if i was chasing him or was making something out of nothing. We are basically in a relationship, just without the tittle... which is more of a manly thing imo, why act and obviously have feelings for someone but dont want them to basically say you cant hang out when you want to. you dont want to be committed so you dont have to officially "tied down". Thats bullsht. but because its only been 2 weeks i'll let it slide for a while lol
You mean you honestly don't think you're being desperate?? You actually are chasing him and making something out of nothing. And you aren't "basically in a relationship" with him. You just met this guy not even two weeks ago. You are acquaintances and that's it.
I'm going to be brutally honest with you because I think you need it: He's not into you. You're being clingy, desperate, and annoying and it's turning him off. He probably was a little interested in you when he first met you, but you've probably completely turned him off now because of how immature, clingy, desperate, pushy, and crazy you're acting. You and him probably aren't even a good match anyway (because he's really into drinking, smoking, and parties and you're not). He lost interest and you need to move on and stop bothering him.0 -
You want commitment after 2 weeks??? You're lucky he's not run away as fast as he can, that's just nuts imo.
What's wrong with 2 weeks? I was married to my husband a month after meeting him, married 17 years this year. What has a time frame got to do with anything IMO
Nothing is wrong with 2 weeks if you both want it. He clearly doesn't, and, as has been pointed out most vociferously, she is smothering him.
OP - good rant! I hope you felt better for getting it out!!0 -
Something about this screams HE'S MARRIED0
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My head hurts.0
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Desperate for what? I could see if i was chasing him or was making something out of nothing. We are basically in a relationship, just without the tittle... which is more of a manly thing imo, why act and obviously have feelings for someone, but dont want them to basically say you cant hang out when you want to. you dont want to be committed so you dont have to be officially "tied down". Thats bullsht. but because its only been 2 weeks i'll let it slide for a while lolI don't think I've met anyone in my entire 59 years who wants to make a commitment after two weeks. I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you sound a little desperate. Cool your jets.
It's really not BS though. He has told you he doesn't want to be "tied down" or "committed" but instead of listening to what he is saying, which is "I don't want to be with you", you are assuming in your mind that you two are basically together, which is not fair to him. He is telling you what he expects and wants and instead of respecting that, in your mind you are deciding y'all are together and he just doesn't know it.... I don't know if you're giving him the "cookie" or not....but if you are, do yourself a favor and stop being a booty call, because it kind of sounds like that what you are at this point. Listen to his words-- "I don't want to be in a relationship" then add the words "with you" at the end of that and then move on. Go find yourself someone that will love you and care for you the way you want to love and care about them....and guess what! If you leave and stop contacting him-- if he wants to be with you, HE WILL CALL.0 -
I'll admit I only skimmed through and read some of the responses, so I apologize if this is redundant, but I have to throw in there, that when I'm kind of flirting with/hanging out with a guy that I'm attracted to, but don't want to actually be with for some reason, my GO TO thing is "I make a terrible girlfriend" I even say the thing about not texting or calling for long periods of time!! Neither of those things are really true, those are just my way of kind of keeping the fun flirty part of the relationship going, without having to get serious, and when they DO get clingy and demanding of me, is when I will shut them out completely. So, like someone else has already said, he's just not that into you. Sorry hun.0
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Don't listen to the haters, girl.
I think you should just go ahead and propose.0 -
My head hurts.
if your head hurts, how do u think that dude feels? lol0 -
OP in all seriousness, do you feel any person would want to be with someone who requires CONSTANT attention?0
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or he has a vagina. im gonna go with vaginaSomething about this screams HE'S MARRIED0 -
Sounds like a great FRIEND you have there. Hint hint. Chill out, relax, let things develop NATURALLY. Don't force it, the harder you cling to him, esspecially this early, the faster he will move away from you and think you're nuts. If the roles were reversed and it was a guy doing the same thing to a woman, I'd tell her to keep her distance from him because the hyper-fast-relationship thing is a bit creepy.0
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I feel like i can fall deeply in love with this guy, we met not even two weeks ago...and we see each other almost everyday.
~~ This guy WILL grow tired of you real fast! get a hobbie.
but honestly if he wants to hang out later I feel like its a maybe
~~Don't be so available, men are hunters they chase that's what they do.
i feel like we are so compatible and could fall so deeply in love...BUT HE Doesnt want to make COMMITMENT
~~ Why waste your time then? Ps it's been less than 2 week!!!!!!
He likes to drink and smoke and hang out with his friend constantly, basically he likes his freedom.. I dont drink or smoke so it would be weird he thinks for me to hang out with him and his friends and he says he doenst want to corrupt me..,
~~ This is code for leave me alone or no you can't come. He doesn't want you around when he's hitting on other women.
He said that he'll be a horrible boyfriend because he might not call or text for a week, I said a week???
~~ Don't say he didn't warn you if he breaks you heart. This his him telling you what to expect and you can't expect mere because you know this and are still willing to settle for it. This is him testing to see what he'll be able to get away with in the future.
I DO WANT CONSTANT ATTENTION. ~~ I get it some girls are like this BUT no man's going to put up with this. He already told you he may not even call you at times, then you'll be at home all depressed crying feeling neglected.
In the last 10 mins, literally he got 20 phone calls 10+ people showing up at his house and it was 1 am I was like wtf..
~~ Were you at this mans house at 1am in the morning that you just met a week ago? That's a no-no!!!
If you weren't and you were just on the phone, that's still a no-no!!! STOP BEING SO AVAILABLE!
Let this man see you have a life outside of him.
a lot of people do want his attention and they all want to hang out with him.. but they ALL have girlfriends,
~~ All his friends have girlfriends but him? what does that tel you? All his friends are committed and he is still single and you are around and he is telling you he doesn't have time for a girl because you would "have to make time" he isnt ready to committ and he may no call or text you. Red Flags
i want him to make a commitment already.~~ After less than 14 days? He will either be running for the hills if he finds this out or use you because it's obvious you're more into him than he is into you.
Good luck and here's a tip It's way better to have a man be more into you than you are into him.0 -
It's infatuation. The passion will cool down eventually.0
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Don't listen to the haters, girl.
I think you should just go ahead and propose.
no no NO.
They need to live together first to see if they are compatible!0 -
Well, if his head doesn't hurt already, it will after she knocks him out cold to keep him from leaving the house. All in the name of love.My head hurts.
if your head hurts, how do u think that dude feels? lol0 -
Desperate for what? I could see if i was chasing him or was making something out of nothing. We are basically in a relationship, just without the tittle... which is more of a manly thing imo, why act and obviously have feelings for someone but dont want them to basically say you cant hang out when you want to. you dont want to be committed so you dont have to officially "tied down". Thats bullsht. but because its only been 2 weeks i'll let it slide for a while lol
I don't even give someone my phone number in two weeks. You're being desperate. If he doesn't think you're already clingy, being upset about this will convince him. RELAX THE CRAZY it'll get better. (I speak as a crazy chick myself. You gotta tamp that **** down.)0 -
1. He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out.
---> Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.
2. He's just not that into you if he's not calling you.
---> Men know how to use the phone.
3. He's just not that into you if he's not dating you.
---> "I don't want to be in a serious relationship" means "I don't want to be in a serious relationship with you." And c'mon... better than nothing is not good enough for you.
4. He's just not that into you if he's having sex with someone else.
---> There's NEVER going to be a good excuse for cheating.
5. He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk.
---> If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgement isn't impaired.
6. He's just not that into you if he doesn't want to marry you.
---> LOVE cures commitment-phobia. Greg says: "I'd marry my wife in every time zone if that's what she wanted."
7. He's just not that into you if he's breaking up with you.
---> "I don't want to go out with you" means just that. Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, HE is still the same person who just broke up with you.
8. He's just not that into you if he's disappeared on you.
---> Sometimes you have to get closure all by yourself. In the short term, it may feel good to call someone and yell at him. But in the long run, you will have wished you had not given him that much credit for ruining your life.
9. He's just not that into you if he's married (and other insane variations of being unavailable).
---> If you're not able to love him freely, it's not really love. Unless he's all yours, he's still hers.
10. He's just not that into you if he's a selfish jerk, a bully or a really big freak.
---> If you really love someone, you want to do things that make that person happy. If you date, you will meet your share of wierdos and jerks. The only thing in your control is how long you allow these "gentlemen" to take up space in your life.
Here are your instructions:
1. Go buy this book.
2. Go buy a pint of icecream
3. Stop being clingy. SERIOUSLY.
4. Move on. He clearly doesn't want you.
5. Grow the he** up.0 -
I'm not sure the OP is paying any attention to the posts that are warning her to be less clingy (only responding to the ones which said they got married after a few days or weeks of dating).
Imagine this post on MFP:
"Hey, 11 days ago I met this super girl, she is sweet and lovely and she is even a Christian which I really dig. The only thing is, she is talking about commitment and I feel like I hardly even know her. She rings all the time and since we met there hasn't even been 24 hours where I haven't heard from her. I think she expects me to give her constant attention. I'm 32, but I don't know if I'm ready for this kind of commitment yet, let alone know if she would be The One. I mean, I bought a car last year and it took me longer to decide on that! I also like to hang out with my friends and I don't think she approves of them and my drinking and smoking. I know it's only been 11 days but I'm starting to feel really smothered. She talks about having to 'wean herself' from me when I haven't even NOT heard from her in any 24 hour period since we met. What should I do?"
Sorry OP, I agree with the others. This guy needs some space. If he is into you, he'll be back.0 -
Here's my advice... Just be **** buddies, they're always the best
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lmao at it screams hes married because he doent want to make a commitment after two weeks.. im at his house everyday his wife must be invisible and has never stepped foot in his home lol...
He's not a dealer literally like 5 of his cousins came over, his friends from school, his friends from work, his brothers etc calling and coming over... it was uncomfortable for me to have to interact with these his random friends lol but literally I left because him and his friend wanted to:smokin: :drinker: that and it was almost 2 in the morning.
It was actually refreshing because it gave me a glimpse into what he was talking about, just an hour earlier he was saying how he needs to grow up and needs a woman in his life and its not about hanging out.. and i didnt really understand because hes with me not really hanging out... but i see how it gets and what hes use to...so i understand how he feels and why he thinks hes not ready.0 -
hahaha O.M.G no you did not!!!0 -
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Someone here said, "Break up," but... there's nothing to break up because they aren't in a relationship. *shrug* He doesn't want to commit so he doesn't owe you anything... he doesn't want to lie to you, that's a plus, but it kind of ends there.
If you're fine with him just having you around at his convenience, well then fine, but you shouldn't push something if he isn't interested in. You should want him to commit when he's ready and willing to commit.
I think you should be less available for him and focus on yourself and other things. When he starts to realize you aren't there every time he wants you, well then he'll be forced to make a decision... and that's when you'll know how serious he is about you.
Good luck!
TY I really enjoyed this post. I feel the same way which is why I wont hang out with him tonight if he calls, ive only said GM today thus far and haven't replied to his text.
He's super respectable literally the night before we just hugged all night and talked and last night we just hugged didnt really have a deep talk and he sang to me, hes a different race from me so he sang and tried to teach me some of his "native" language lol it was so cute.. just for hours.. part of me loves thats hes a christian and not a pervert.. hes constantly holding my hand and hugging me very truly affectionate without being pervy and slimy and hoping it will lead to something.
I'm not comfortable being around simply for his convenience, or mine, which i kind of feel it is right now more on my part.
but pervy and slimy is the best part!0 -
Youre not the only one, I think it sounds young and nuts too.. lol well at least in theory.I can't believe your 31, I thought this was an under 20 year old writing this.
You want commitment after 2 weeks??? You're lucky he's not run away as fast as he can, that's just nuts imo.
but it in reality when you see someone everyday obviously youre into them and your both not seeing anyone else.. your just kind of like umm what are we doing, where are we gong, why are we waiting to label..
Ummm...no, not true.
I saw my husband EVERY DAY for well over a month before we made a commitment just to date each other exclusively. And we are both Christians, if that matters.
Seriously, read the book "He's Just Not That Into You". It changed my life. I stopped chasing boys that weren't interested and found a man (A MAN, NOT A BOY) that wanted the things I wanted. We've been married nearly seven years.0 -
lmao at it screams hes married because he doent want to make a commitment after two weeks.. im at his house everyday his wife must be invisible and has never stepped foot in his home lol...
He's not a dealer literally like 5 of his cousins came over, his friends from school, his friends from work, his brothers etc calling and coming over... it was uncomfortable for me to have to interact with these his random friends lol but literally I left because him and his friend wanted to:smokin: :drinker: that and it was almost 2 in the morning.
It was actually refreshing because it gave me a glimpse into what he was talking about, just an hour earlier he was saying how he needs to grow up and needs a woman in his life and its not about hanging out.. and i didnt really understand because hes with me not really hanging out... but i see how it gets and what hes use to...so i understand how he feels and why he thinks hes not ready.
Less than 2 week and you're at his house everyday!!! even till 2am in the morning? Not saying you are doing anything but that's not a good move on your part if you want this man to commit
As others have said it doesn't seem like he's that into you if you like him and he knows and at the same time hes telling you "he needs to grow up and needs a woman in his life" Hello wouldn't that be you?
He would be trying to date you not tell you he needs a woman. He would also be trying to date you not just have you come over to hang out at his house all hours of the night.0 -
There are worse things than being single. Go find things you're interested in to do and set him free. If he's meant to be yours he'll be back. *HUGS*0
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Overly attached girlfriend is overly attached.
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coming from a woman, wow.....just wow. You need to chill a little. There is a reason you are not in a committed relationship and maybe its time for some self assessment. You are obviously not ready for this yet.0
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