How many dates should a guy pay for?

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  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    I always pay for myself unless it is my birthday or something. I had a boyfriend once who paid for everything all the time and I hated it. It made me feel like he'd bought me and I think he thought the same thing. I earn money, I can pay for myself.
  • BullDozier
    BullDozier Posts: 237 Member
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    Guys should pay for a first date. Just looks wrong - gives a bad first impression to the girl. Our minds wander off into stability and security land. You have to remember girl's are kind of "interviewing" on the first date. If you're asking us to pay, we are under the assumption that we will be handing out money all the time. No bueno.

    After the first date, I think you can take turns paying or pay separate.
    Just to play devils advocate, why doesn't that go both ways? I think guys are doing the same interview process. If a girl we're on a date on assumes we're paying for the first date, why wouldn't they be under the assumption the girl is just looking for a provider and they're going to be shelling out money for dates all the time?

    I don't speak from experience. I haven't "dated" for over a decade...
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
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    Obviously a lot of people have different philosophies, and, really, however you want to do it is fine by me. There isn't a universal answer here.

    But I have read more than a few woman say that they like to make a move for their wallet to test the guy to see if they will stop her. And I think that's an unfair test. As you can see, there are women who want to pay, there are women who want to split, and there are women who want the man to pay. How is he supposed to know it's a test and if he lets you pay, he will be downgraded and judged - when he may be trying to let you know he respects your wish to pay (even though you don't really wish to pay, you are just pretending like you wish to pay)?
  • cathyfowler662
    cathyfowler662 Posts: 120 Member
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    All of them.....

    Men open doors, the pull our chairs, they pay for dates

    Yep. And women make us sammiches and bring us beers. Works perfectly

    Yep, and I was already in bed when my husband got home from work last night....I got out of bed and warmed up his food....then went back to bed!
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    Obviously a lot of people have different philosophies, and, really, however you want to do it is fine by me. There isn't a universal answer here.

    But I have read more than a few woman say that they like to make a move for their wallet to test the guy to see if they will stop her. And I think that's an unfair test. As you can see, there are women who want to pay, there are women who want to split, and there are women who want the man to pay. How is he supposed to know it's a test and if he lets you pay, he will be downgraded and judged - when he may be trying to let you know he respects your wish to pay (even though you don't really wish to pay, you are just pretending like you wish to pay)?

    No, listen this isn't true, not all women are manipulative crazy freaks who are 'testing' men! There are always crazy women who give normal women a bad name.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
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    But I have read more than a few woman say that they like to make a move for their wallet to test the guy to see if they will stop her. And I think that's an unfair test. As you can see, there are women who want to pay, there are women who want to split, and there are women who want the man to pay. How is he supposed to know it's a test and if he lets you pay, he will be downgraded and judged - when he may be trying to let you know he respects your wish to pay (even though you don't really wish to pay, you are just pretending like you wish to pay)?

    Well, different women want different things. Some think paying for a date is a horrible offense, assaulting her independence, and lots of others think if you don't pay for the filet mingon you're a cheap loser.

    Whatever... anyone who gets *that* offended can go pound sand.

    As a strategy, if you don't know, then just do something simple, dirt cheap, and pay for it. If that's not good enough, then she is more into your money than you, and who wants someone so shallow?
  • DonttrythatwithME
    DonttrythatwithME Posts: 214 Member
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    depends on how much she eats......
  • MNA76
    MNA76 Posts: 1,541
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    I feel that it should fall more on the person doing the asking at first. Then once actually dating - taking turns.
  • cathyfowler662
    cathyfowler662 Posts: 120 Member
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    Al of them. And pay in cash, guys, so your wife doesn't find out when the Visa bill arrives.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • VorJoshigan
    VorJoshigan Posts: 1,106 Member
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    One. After that, I'm a kept man.

    "In the majority of U.S. metro areas, single women with no children in their 20s outearned their male peers..."

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/21/income-gap-women-make-more-men_n_1368328.html
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    Obviously a lot of people have different philosophies, and, really, however you want to do it is fine by me. There isn't a universal answer here.

    But I have read more than a few woman say that they like to make a move for their wallet to test the guy to see if they will stop her. And I think that's an unfair test. As you can see, there are women who want to pay, there are women who want to split, and there are women who want the man to pay. How is he supposed to know it's a test and if he lets you pay, he will be downgraded and judged - when he may be trying to let you know he respects your wish to pay (even though you don't really wish to pay, you are just pretending like you wish to pay)?

    I can see how this can be confusing. It's hard on this end too. Personally, I think it's nice for a guy to pick up the tab on a first date and I'd be impressed. On the other hand, I certainly would hate to give off the impression that I assume this is going to happen. So, I always offer to pay half. If he says no, great! If he accepts, that's ok but I'd be a little disappointed and I might question why he didn't pay (not outright to him, just to myself). If I know that there is no chance of a second date, I will insist on paying half.

    What really pisses me off though is if a guy starts ordering expensive things and a lot of drinks and then wants to split it. If you are ordering high priced items off the menu and you expect to go dutch, you owe it to the other person to check in on budget.
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
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    Whoever asks for the first date pays. The invitee should offer to pay half, just the once.

    It should average out over time, either taking turns or going 50/50, but, "Thanks, I'll pay next time" is the best possible indicator it was a great date :flowerforyou:
  • bmstee03
    bmstee03 Posts: 119 Member
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    I'm from the south. Men pay for dates. Men pay in any social situation where they are out with a woman even if it's only friends getting together.

    Most men I know get all huffy if you attempt to pay for anything. Even my husband. Even though it's our money since we put everything into a joint account. He still must physically pay the bill.

    I can honestly say I have never been out with anyone who let me pay for anything. It's just they way they were raised.
  • Increditim
    Increditim Posts: 159
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    He should pay until oral stops.


    Kidding (kinda). Guys should always pay or offer to pay. ALWAYS!
  • smtillman2
    smtillman2 Posts: 756 Member
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    depends on how much she eats......

    This made me giggle!
  • krissielynn87
    krissielynn87 Posts: 214 Member
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    I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he very rarely lets me pay for any of our dates. If I do get the chance to pay, it's no where near as much as what he pays
  • LindsayLL30
    LindsayLL30 Posts: 154 Member
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    No one likes a cheapskate pay for them all LOL
  • smtillman2
    smtillman2 Posts: 756 Member
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    I'm from the south. Men pay for dates. Men pay in any social situation where they are out with a woman even if it's only friends getting together.

    I never considered that it might be a southern thing. My male friends always paid when we went places as well. I just always thought is was normal.
  • dirtnap63
    dirtnap63 Posts: 1,387 Member
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    In my experience if you can't figure out what is appropriate for both of you there's probably no chance of it being a successful relationship anyways.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    I'm from the south. Men pay for dates. Men pay in any social situation where they are out with a woman even if it's only friends getting together.

    I never considered that it might be a southern thing. My male friends always paid when we went places as well. I just always thought is was normal.

    It is such a southern thing. Up north in NY/PA Metro it's a rare guy who pays (at least in my experience). Chivalry and romance is totally dead here.

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