How many dates should a guy pay for?

I'm from the south. Men pay for dates. Men pay in any social situation where they are out with a woman even if it's only friends getting together.

I never considered that it might be a southern thing. My male friends always paid when we went places as well. I just always thought is was normal.

Its offensive and sexist! Either women are equals or they are not. I think they are.

Generally speaking my friends and I will randomly offer to pay for meals.drinks etc. and it works out more or less evenly. Generally if we know someone in the group is less well off we make sure its their 'turn' when the smaller bills come round. Doesn't matter whether that's a girl or a guy.

That said - in a relationship (rather than a first date) at some point you start to think as a couple rather than two individuals - you both bring different things to the table and if one of your earns more generally they are going to pay for more. When I started dating my wife she was at university and I was working so naturally I picked up most of the bills.

A gentleman always pays for the majority of the dates and a lady never chooses the most expensive items on the menu. She tries to stay in the same price range as his order and does not order dessert unless he does.

Obviously a lot of people have different philosophies, and, really, however you want to do it is fine by me. There isn't a universal answer here.

But I have read more than a few woman say that they like to make a move for their wallet to test the guy to see if they will stop her. And I think that's an unfair test. As you can see, there are women who want to pay, there are women who want to split, and there are women who want the man to pay. How is he supposed to know it's a test and if he lets you pay, he will be downgraded and judged - when he may be trying to let you know he respects your wish to pay (even though you don't really wish to pay, you are just pretending like you wish to pay)?

I can see how this can be confusing. It's hard on this end too. Personally, I think it's nice for a guy to pick up the tab on a first date and I'd be impressed. On the other hand, I certainly would hate to give off the impression that I assume this is going to happen. So, I always offer to pay half. If he says no, great! If he accepts, that's ok but I'd be a little disappointed and I might question why he didn't pay (not outright to him, just to myself). If I know that there is no chance of a second date, I will insist on paying half.

What really pisses me off though is if a guy starts ordering expensive things and a lot of drinks and then wants to split it. If you are ordering high priced items off the menu and you expect to go dutch, you owe it to the other person to check in on budget.

Tell me if I have it now -

You offer to pay and he accepts and then he doesn't get a second date because he complied with what he thought you wanted, because you said you wanted to even though you didn't want to.

Like I said, a lot of people have different ways of doing things. I was just pointing out something that seems perplexing.

Obviously a lot of people have different philosophies, and, really, however you want to do it is fine by me. There isn't a universal answer here.

But I have read more than a few woman say that they like to make a move for their wallet to test the guy to see if they will stop her. And I think that's an unfair test. As you can see, there are women who want to pay, there are women who want to split, and there are women who want the man to pay. How is he supposed to know it's a test and if he lets you pay, he will be downgraded and judged - when he may be trying to let you know he respects your wish to pay (even though you don't really wish to pay, you are just pretending like you wish to pay)?

I can see how this can be confusing. It's hard on this end too. Personally, I think it's nice for a guy to pick up the tab on a first date and I'd be impressed. On the other hand, I certainly would hate to give off the impression that I assume this is going to happen. So, I always offer to pay half. If he says no, great! If he accepts, that's ok but I'd be a little disappointed and I might question why he didn't pay (not outright to him, just to myself). If I know that there is no chance of a second date, I will insist on paying half.

What really pisses me off though is if a guy starts ordering expensive things and a lot of drinks and then wants to split it. If you are ordering high priced items off the menu and you expect to go dutch, you owe it to the other person to check in on budget.

Tell me if I have it now -

You offer to pay and he accepts and then he doesn't get a second date because he complied with what he thought you wanted, because you said you wanted to even though you didn't want to.

Like I said, a lot of people have different ways of doing things. I was just pointing out something that seems perplexing.

I didn't say he wouldn't get a second date, I said that it would make me want to know what his thought process was on that. To be honest, I've pretty much supported all social activities in my last three relationships. I don't want to do it anymore. I want a partnership and a little bit of chivalry. This is just one way to assess what may happen down the road.

Honestly, if you really like a girl, why wouldn't you pay? That's a totally fair question.

Obviously a lot of people have different philosophies, and, really, however you want to do it is fine by me. There isn't a universal answer here.

But I have read more than a few woman say that they like to make a move for their wallet to test the guy to see if they will stop her. And I think that's an unfair test. As you can see, there are women who want to pay, there are women who want to split, and there are women who want the man to pay. How is he supposed to know it's a test and if he lets you pay, he will be downgraded and judged - when he may be trying to let you know he respects your wish to pay (even though you don't really wish to pay, you are just pretending like you wish to pay)?

I can see how this can be confusing. It's hard on this end too. Personally, I think it's nice for a guy to pick up the tab on a first date and I'd be impressed. On the other hand, I certainly would hate to give off the impression that I assume this is going to happen. So, I always offer to pay half. If he says no, great! If he accepts, that's ok but I'd be a little disappointed and I might question why he didn't pay (not outright to him, just to myself). If I know that there is no chance of a second date, I will insist on paying half.

What really pisses me off though is if a guy starts ordering expensive things and a lot of drinks and then wants to split it. If you are ordering high priced items off the menu and you expect to go dutch, you owe it to the other person to check in on budget.

Tell me if I have it now -

You offer to pay and he accepts and then he doesn't get a second date because he complied with what he thought you wanted, because you said you wanted to even though you didn't want to.

Like I said, a lot of people have different ways of doing things. I was just pointing out something that seems perplexing.

I didn't say he wouldn't get a second date, I said that it would make me want to know what his thought process was on that. To be honest, I've pretty much supported all social activities in my last three relationships. I don't want to do it anymore. I want a partnership and a little bit of chivalry. This is just one way to assess what may happen down the road.

Honestly, if you really like a girl, why wouldn't you pay? That's a totally fair question.

Honestly, if you really like a guy, why wouldn't you pay? That's also a totally fair question in our time.

Honestly, if you really like a guy, why wouldn't you pay? That's also a totally fair question in our time.

I would and I have. But, at the same time, I'd like to date a guy who is a little old fashioned and is happy to take his girl out for dinner because it's romantic. That's a trait I admire and it's a trait I'm looking for in a partner.

The guy pays if he asked you- if a girl asks the guy then its her turn. This is easy.

I apologize - you said you'd be disappointed, and wouldn't ask him about it directly -and I took that to mean that a second date was not forthcoming.

and for the record, I think I have paid for pretty much everything for all of the girls/women I have ever dated and ultimately married.

but to answer your question - if i like someone, i'd want to let her know that i respect her. and if i respect her, and respect her wish to pay then i would think that was a good thing. but in some cases, it's not. it's a test. a ruse. a shenannigan! (can there be only one shenannigan?)

No worries! I totally agree it's confusing. For me too. Some guys might get offended if I offer to pay. Some guys may appreciate it. Some guys may expect it. I'd just want to eventually know the thought process (it would come up) because I don't want to date a guy who would never pay based on principle/bitterness or because he doesn't see the value in treating a girl to a nice night out solely for the reason that it's a sweet, romantic thing to do.

But, yeah, it's a total minefield! And I'm not sure how to get around it. So, :drinker:

I'd always offer to pay for myself, or half the bill for whatever it was that we decided to do for the evening.

Cool.

The stuff I like to do on dates doesn't cost money.

A lot of girls ***** about unfair gender equality in all different situations, but free meals because you're a girl you expect?
And why does the guy need to prove more that he's worth of a partner? Shouldn't it be in both interest to do that?
If a guy needs to pay to prove he's worthy, do a girl need to blow him to show that she is?
It doesn't make any sense all all tbh

imo it's the right thing to do for the guy to pay for the first date if he have had a pleasant time. But the girl should not count on it and if she does not offer it on the first date its a must to offer it on the second date.

I was just telling my boyfriend this. Women don't want equality, not for real. As a woman, I damn sure don't want to be treated like a man.

Obviously a lot of people have different philosophies, and, really, however you want to do it is fine by me. There isn't a universal answer here.

But I have read more than a few woman say that they like to make a move for their wallet to test the guy to see if they will stop her. And I think that's an unfair test. As you can see, there are women who want to pay, there are women who want to split, and there are women who want the man to pay. How is he supposed to know it's a test and if he lets you pay, he will be downgraded and judged - when he may be trying to let you know he respects your wish to pay (even though you don't really wish to pay, you are just pretending like you wish to pay)?

I can see how this can be confusing. It's hard on this end too. Personally, I think it's nice for a guy to pick up the tab on a first date and I'd be impressed. On the other hand, I certainly would hate to give off the impression that I assume this is going to happen. So, I always offer to pay half. If he says no, great! If he accepts, that's ok but I'd be a little disappointed and I might question why he didn't pay (not outright to him, just to myself). If I know that there is no chance of a second date, I will insist on paying half.

What really pisses me off though is if a guy starts ordering expensive things and a lot of drinks and then wants to split it. If you are ordering high priced items off the menu and you expect to go dutch, you owe it to the other person to check in on budget.

Tell me if I have it now -

You offer to pay and he accepts and then he doesn't get a second date because he complied with what he thought you wanted, because you said you wanted to even though you didn't want to.

Like I said, a lot of people have different ways of doing things. I was just pointing out something that seems perplexing.

Like the girls that say "oh I don't like flowers", then get pissed when they don't get them

None, the woman should pay. It's the gentlewomanly thing to do...

it all depends, doesn't it?

if i'm uncomfortable with someone, i pick up the check on the first date. I insist. Otherwise, i offer to split it. They often insist on paying. I'll allow it if i feel comfortable with them. Actually, i prefer to meet for coffee for a first date. I show up early and pay for my own. It resolves a lot of issues.

once i'm in a relationship, i usually pay every other date. when i haven't had much money, this has meant coffee, a picnic in the park or on the beach, or a homecooked meal (i can cook). i use some imagination and make some effort. i don't just toss him a burger while we're watching tv.

if he's alot wealthier and wants to go on an expensive trip, i just explain that i can't afford it. if he wants to pick up a large chunk of the tab, i'll cover food or incidentals--something i can manage--or i just won't go.

Zero.

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