How many dates should a guy pay for?

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  • justicer68
    justicer68 Posts: 1,223
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    Depends on who asks who. I think the asker should pay but honestly it doesn't really matter to me either way. I always offer to pay my way. I don't think one person should always be responsible for the cost of a date.
  • chantelp89
    chantelp89 Posts: 590 Member
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    A lot of girls ***** about unfair gender equality in all different situations, but free meals because you're a girl you expect?
    And why does the guy need to prove more that he's worth of a partner? Shouldn't it be in both interest to do that?
    If a guy needs to pay to prove he's worthy, do a girl need to blow him to show that she is?
    It doesn't make any sense all all tbh

    imo it's the right thing to do for the guy to pay for the first date if he have had a pleasant time. But the girl should not count on it and if she does not offer it on the first date its a must to offer it on the second date.

    I was just telling my boyfriend this. Women don't want equality, not for real. As a woman, I damn sure don't want to be treated like a man.
  • sinistras
    sinistras Posts: 244 Member
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    All.
  • chantelp89
    chantelp89 Posts: 590 Member
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    Obviously a lot of people have different philosophies, and, really, however you want to do it is fine by me. There isn't a universal answer here.

    But I have read more than a few woman say that they like to make a move for their wallet to test the guy to see if they will stop her. And I think that's an unfair test. As you can see, there are women who want to pay, there are women who want to split, and there are women who want the man to pay. How is he supposed to know it's a test and if he lets you pay, he will be downgraded and judged - when he may be trying to let you know he respects your wish to pay (even though you don't really wish to pay, you are just pretending like you wish to pay)?

    I can see how this can be confusing. It's hard on this end too. Personally, I think it's nice for a guy to pick up the tab on a first date and I'd be impressed. On the other hand, I certainly would hate to give off the impression that I assume this is going to happen. So, I always offer to pay half. If he says no, great! If he accepts, that's ok but I'd be a little disappointed and I might question why he didn't pay (not outright to him, just to myself). If I know that there is no chance of a second date, I will insist on paying half.

    What really pisses me off though is if a guy starts ordering expensive things and a lot of drinks and then wants to split it. If you are ordering high priced items off the menu and you expect to go dutch, you owe it to the other person to check in on budget.

    Tell me if I have it now -

    You offer to pay and he accepts and then he doesn't get a second date because he complied with what he thought you wanted, because you said you wanted to even though you didn't want to.

    Like I said, a lot of people have different ways of doing things. I was just pointing out something that seems perplexing.

    Like the girls that say "oh I don't like flowers", then get pissed when they don't get them
  • EponaBlue
    EponaBlue Posts: 96 Member
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    A lot of bitter men on here lol!

    And also a lot of entitled ladies. I completely see the value in a man wanting to treat his girl and it is always appreciated, but to expect/demand it seems very spoiled. Asker pays first time, dutch after that unless someone really wants to treat. To be inflexible, to say I have never and will never pay, that is disrespectful.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
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    None, the woman should pay. It's the gentlewomanly thing to do...
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    Like the girls that say "oh I don't like flowers", then get pissed when they don't get them

    Yeah, I don't get this either. Just because a girl says she likes flowers, it doesn't mean she is demanding them. Weird.
  • WannaDizzolve
    WannaDizzolve Posts: 270 Member
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    it all depends, doesn't it?

    if i'm uncomfortable with someone, i pick up the check on the first date. I insist. Otherwise, i offer to split it. They often insist on paying. I'll allow it if i feel comfortable with them. Actually, i prefer to meet for coffee for a first date. I show up early and pay for my own. It resolves a lot of issues.

    once i'm in a relationship, i usually pay every other date. when i haven't had much money, this has meant coffee, a picnic in the park or on the beach, or a homecooked meal (i can cook). i use some imagination and make some effort. i don't just toss him a burger while we're watching tv.

    if he's alot wealthier and wants to go on an expensive trip, i just explain that i can't afford it. if he wants to pick up a large chunk of the tab, i'll cover food or incidentals--something i can manage--or i just won't go.
  • krissagirl0709
    krissagirl0709 Posts: 291 Member
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    I think it really depends on the person. I personally assume im paying for myself until someone else offers. But I have been the one who used to pay all the time for the entire date as well way to often so now I kinda think it just needs to be both ways. I dont think theres a certain number though
  • DirtyTrickster
    DirtyTrickster Posts: 202 Member
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    Zero.

    Next
  • woodwardtm
    woodwardtm Posts: 361 Member
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    Whoever invites pays? all depends on the gal.

    ^^^ This.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    After reading the conflicting responses from women, I'm starting to understand why men my age start to prefer dealing with prostitutes. You know from the start that you are getting a happy ending.

    I was raised to pay all the time which is fine if you got the same treatment from the lady, as in taking care of you. But like others echoed men are getting confused messages, you want equality on some things but not others, can't have your cake and eat it too. Women expecting you to pay 100% remind me of this story below.

    http://www.themarysue.com/woman-used-match-com-for-free-dinners/
  • mjnotellinu
    mjnotellinu Posts: 17
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    I like to use money as an indicator of how well the date went. (not that I have exactly "dated," but this is how I let guys know I'm not interested when they try to pay for me because of interest.)

    If the date goes well, or if I am interested in a guy who offers to pay for me, I would let him with out arguing. But if the date goes badly, or a guy I know is interested in me but I am not interested back, I make sure to pay for myself.

    I have gotten myself into trouble with letting guys pay for me without realising what their intention was, so now, if I am not interested, I make sure to pay for myself.

    Now, if I were interested in a guy, and we were dating, I would expect at least the first 3 dates be paid for by him. I figure after that point, it would probably be official (I dunno, I have never dated XD) so after that, it would be an equal relationship.
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
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    After reading the conflicting responses from women, I'm starting to understand why men my age start to prefer dealing with prostitutes. You know from the start that you are getting a happy ending.

    I was raised to pay all the time which is fine if you got the same treatment from the lady, as in taking care of you. But like others echoed men are getting confused messages, you want equality on some things but not others, can't have your cake and eat it too. Women expecting you to pay 100% remind me of this story below.

    http://www.themarysue.com/woman-used-match-com-for-free-dinners/

    If your only goal is to get laid then just stick to the pros and everyone's happy!
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,295 Member
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    I like to use money as an indicator of how well the date went. (not that I have exactly "dated," but this is how I let guys know I'm not interested when they try to pay for me because of interest.)

    If the date goes well, or if I am interested in a guy who offers to pay for me, I would let him with out arguing. But if the date goes badly, or a guy I know is interested in me but I am not interested back, I make sure to pay for myself.

    I have gotten myself into trouble with letting guys pay for me without realising what their intention was, so now, if I am not interested, I make sure to pay for myself.

    Now, if I were interested in a guy, and we were dating, I would expect at least the first 3 dates be paid for by him. I figure after that point, it would probably be official (I dunno, I have never dated XD) so after that, it would be an equal relationship.

    This makes a lot of sense.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
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    After reading the conflicting responses from women, I'm starting to understand why men my age start to prefer dealing with prostitutes. You know from the start that you are getting a happy ending.

    I was raised to pay all the time which is fine if you got the same treatment from the lady, as in taking care of you. But like others echoed men are getting confused messages, you want equality on some things but not others, can't have your cake and eat it too. Women expecting you to pay 100% remind me of this story below.

    http://www.themarysue.com/woman-used-match-com-for-free-dinners/

    I expect equality in the work force, being able to vote, and I'd also appreciate having a job after a maternity leave... those seem to be issues of equality. What we're talking about here seem to be an issue of romance. I would expect a man who asked me out to a.) pay for my meal and b.) maybe open a few doors for me. Do you think that because I want the right to vote I should forfeit my romantic desires?
  • upgetupgetup
    upgetupgetup Posts: 749 Member
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    After reading the conflicting responses from women, I'm starting to understand why men my age start to prefer dealing with prostitutes. You know from the start that you are getting a happy ending.

    Are you flipping kidding?? I don't even know where to start.. If you can't handle ambiguity and individual differences, you're going to need a heavy dose of luck in life, is all I can say. As for expecting sex - at ALL, or as a right, because you maybe paid for some freaking garlic bread?? - absolutely, please do us and the prostitute a favour and give her your business.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
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    After reading the conflicting responses from women, I'm starting to understand why men my age start to prefer dealing with prostitutes. You know from the start that you are getting a happy ending.

    Are you flipping kidding?? I don't even know where to start.. If you can't handle ambiguity and individual differences, you're going to need a heavy dose of luck in life, is all I can say. As for expecting sex - at ALL, or as a right, because you maybe paid for some freaking garlic bread?? - absolutely, please do us and the prostitute a favour and give her your business.

    +1 I'm not a prossy but if I were it would cost a hell of a lot more than dinner and a movie LOL
  • darleyschroeder
    darleyschroeder Posts: 322
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    After reading the conflicting responses from women, I'm starting to understand why men my age start to prefer dealing with prostitutes. You know from the start that you are getting a happy ending.

    I was raised to pay all the time which is fine if you got the same treatment from the lady, as in taking care of you. But like others echoed men are getting confused messages, you want equality on some things but not others, can't have your cake and eat it too. Women expecting you to pay 100% remind me of this story below.

    http://www.themarysue.com/woman-used-match-com-for-free-dinners/

    This is why I always preferred to take turns paying because I don't want some man thinking I need to "take care of them" because they bought me a meal. hahaha
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    For the first few dates, the guy should pay. Then once things get serious, he should keep paying, and the girl should "pay him back".. :wink:


    But if it's his birthday or something, then yeah, she should most definitely pay.

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