Cussing at/to Children

Plus, I'm English and I don't think what we consider swearwords is the same as some respondents in this thread. I guess there's a lot of cultural assumption going on.

Or that we might agree on one or two words, but Americans seem to consider a wider range of words as "cussing". Goddamn is one example that springs to mind. Almost no one in contemporary Britain would think you were swearing if you said that in public, but I'm sure there are people from across the pond who have earmarked that as taboo in this very thread ....

My mom has the biggest potty mouth out of anyone I know, and she always cursed around us. Not really to us, but if she was mad, she would say bull**** if we were lying. I don't really see it as verbal abuse, unless they were calling the child profanities.

I fear for the next generation who are shielded from all potential harm, all potentially negative experiences, any expectations..... I employ young people and am often amazed at the things they don't know/can't do/think are beneath them. There are exceptions, but a lot of the youth coming through seems to lack sand/grit. We made them this way, so we've got no one to blame but ourselves....

So, cussing at our kids will toughen them up and make them better employees in the future?

No, but this mamby-pamby, rolling-in-cotton-wool attitude is not doing the next generation any favours. I was broadening out the debate somewhat, since it seems to me that the impulse behind calling anything mildly-offensive "abuse" in modern life is part of a larger whole.

Toughening up kids is about learning to say NO, and setting boundaries, expectations and instill values and ethics they can transfer into an adult world. It is about allowing them to try, fail and learn from their mistakes. It is NOT about giving them a full range of colorful and offensive language to use when they can't effectively communicate.

I'm not sure what kind of parent you are (if you are one at all), but I can assure you that I have raised my children with solid boundaries, rules, discipline and expectations. They know life is not fair, it can be tough, and in order to get along and ahead in society, they will be required to perform a certain way, act a certain way and treat others a certain way. Cussing was never part of the "Hey kids, this is what I'm going to teach you today..." lesson.

I fear for the next generation who are shielded from all potential harm, all potentially negative experiences, any expectations..... I employ young people and am often amazed at the things they don't know/can't do/think are beneath them. There are exceptions, but a lot of the youth coming through seems to lack sand/grit. We made them this way, so we've got no one to blame but ourselves....

So, cussing at our kids will toughen them up and make them better employees in the future?

No, but this mamby-pamby, rolling-in-cotton-wool attitude is not doing the next generation any favours. I was broadening out the debate somewhat, since it seems to me that the impulse behind calling anything mildly-offensive "abuse" in modern life is part of a larger whole.

Toughening up kids is about learning to say NO, and setting boundaries, expectations and instill values and ethics they can transfer into an adult world. It is about allowing them to try, fail and learn from their mistakes. It is NOT about giving them a full range of colorful and offensive language to use when they can't effectively communicate.

I'm not sure what kind of parent you are (if you are one at all), but I can assure you that I have raised my children with solid boundaries, rules, discipline and expectations. They know life is not fair, it can be tough, and in order to get along and ahead in society, they will be required to perform a certain way, act a certain way and treat others a certain way. Cussing was never part of the "Hey kids, this is what I'm going to teach you today..." lesson.

I think the meaning behind his post is that nowadays parents tend to shield and/or coddle their children too much. (Not saying you do or don't - not judging so don't get mad. :flowerforyou: ) I think that a lot of people feel that trying to guard kids from hearing any "bad" words doesn't prepare them for the real world. There isn't going to be a censor walking around with them forever so that they can't hear the words so by not allowing them to hear them as [older] children, they will be more "shocked" by it in the real world.

Personally, I feel that everyone should raise their children the way they feel is best. I also feel that it's important to make a distinction of the age of children we're talking about. I wouldn't swear in front of a 3 year old because they are too young to understand what it means and make their own decisions so they will just end up parroting it in inappropriate situations. However, I don't have a problem swearing in front of a teenager; I can guarantee they've heard it (or worse) before. If I'm not swearing at them and being demeaning, I don't think I should have to change who I am and censor myself. With that said, I wouldn't swear at a child of any age and try to control my anger enough to not do it [/b]at[/b] anyone. As others have pointed out, swearing at someone and swearing in their presence is different.


Also, somewhat relevant:

I was at the park over the weekend, and heard a mother telling her children what to do if a stranger grabbed them. (The children were walking in front of the Mom, and she was yelling at them to "instruct" them- it was impossible to not hear what she said.)

If someone were to grab them, the kids (3 children less than 10 years old) were told to yell out as loud as they could "Mother******- I don't know you!"

Although I laughed at the absurdity of it- I was taken back at the way the Mom spoke around the kids. In that case- no I don't think it's verbal abuse. But- I also do not believe that is a healthy way to talk to young children, either.

You do have to admit that if you heard a kid say that it would certainly get your attention. And if someone grabs a kid, they need to get the attention of every adult around. It's a little strange to be giving them this advice in a public setting, but if it helps one kid, I'm all for it.

My aunt's in-laws are very religious and very protective. Their daughter was home-schooled through high school and then went to a tiny, religious college. She was not allowed to watch anything that wasn't G-Rated. Now, as a young adult, she is offended and hurt if someone says "darn." Seriously. Her parents didn't prepare her for life in the real world. I'm not saying that parents should swear in front of their kids but there is such a thing as "too sheltered."

Yes, kids are going to hear those words at school and out in the word. There's nothing we can do to stop that. That does not make it okay to do it at home.

I hate this argument for lots of things people say kids will do anyway. So, might as well let them do it at home? Um, no.

That's not what her argument said. It was saying that it's NOT okay to do at home just because they hear it other places.


I also want to clarify my previous statement because it could come off as "They hear it other places, let's just swear like sailors." That's not what I was trying to say. What I meant was that we shouldn't be overprotective, and if I occasionally swear in front of a teen, I shouldn't be forced to change myself just because someone else doesn't like it.

i actually taught religion at one point, to 5th graders. they were public school kids that came for wednesday afternoon classes.

i was 17, and i had to drop the f-bomb a couple of times to strike the fear of Me into them.

That's not what her argument said. It was saying that it's NOT okay to do at home just because they hear it other places.

I know. I was agreeing with her!

Oh, ok. Sorry. It seemed like you misunderstood it, but apparently I misunderstood you. :laugh: :flowerforyou:

I think it's a load of crap it's verbal abuse. Are you kidding me? My husband and I swear like sailors in front of the kids, not so much AT them. I tell them to cut the crap/**** and stop being an *kitten*. The thing here, TEACH your kids what's right and appropriate for kids to say. They know the difference between anger and just talking.

People have issues when they're the ones doing the crappy parenting and not properly teaching their children right from wrong IMO.

You say "stop being an *kitten*" to your child and think that is ok?! I think swearing around them is NOT abuse, but calling them a name (an *kitten*) IS definately verbal abuse! What the hell is wrong with people?! "Hey *child of mine*, stop being an *kitten*!!" Nice. Might as well say "*kitten*" or "*****", 'bout the same thing.

Swearing at a child and swearing around a child are totally different. I don't think it's appropriate to yell at a child in order to belittle or humiliate in any way, whether swearing or not. Discpline can happen from effective communication. Dropping an occasional cuss word happens, for some people. I have a foul mouth, but I watch what I say around impressionable youth :]

Kids do hear it everywhere, but I also think it's important to set a n example by NOT frequently using curse words in the home/school environment.

However, sometimes I think it's ok to swear to get your point across, if it's not excessive, or completely directed at your kid to put him or her down. Example: my brother and I used to fight all the time. We just couldn't get along. My little sweet grandmother never swore or raised her voice at us. But one day while watching us, she couldn't take the fighting anymore. She got between us, and at the top of her voice said, "D*** it, I am tired of the two of you fighting!" We KNEW she meant business, because she NEVER spoke that way. I can't say whether it solved the problem entirely, but I can say we behaved whenever we were at her house from then on!

i grew up around cursing and realized how ignorant i sounded as i got older doing it. (personal opinion) i began to realize that it's totally pointless in conversation, i would drop the F bomb for no reason and after a while ppl who are trying to carry a conversation would lose interest. Some do it to express themselves, some do because they want to, some do it because of environment they were molded in, it really doesnt serve a purpose, but there are alot of things we do that do not serve a purpose yet society has excepted them as normal. Since cursing carries a heavy negative impression i would never curse at my children, i do consider it a form of abuse and disservice, it in my opinion is a lack of respect when directly talking to someone. I will ask you not to curse while talking to me or we'll end the conversation. However if you do curse at your children you cannot get upset when they start doing it :grumble:

they're words. you can be supportive and fun whilst swearing like a trooper, and you can be abusive and oppressive without ever using a rude word.

as long as kids know what is and isn't appropriate language in a given social setting, i really don't care who swears.