Absence Before Marriage

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  • lanajaymurphy
    lanajaymurphy Posts: 129
    I'm not religious in any way, shape or form. I believe in being a good person and helping others. This subject(s?) are completely each to their own. EVERYONE has the right do/believe what they want. When the day comes that I have children I dearly hope that they would come to me and talk about sex. the way I see it there are some things you don't want to ask at school infront your peers. call it what you want but I think thats an open loving relationship with your children but thats just my personal view.
    GOOD DAY SIR.
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
    I didn't wait but sometimes I wish I did. Or at least waited until I knew I was ready. I wasn't emotionally prepared for it or the aftermath. I think many girls can relate to that. It's not so much that I experience guilt for not following what the bible says as much as allowed it to lose meaning. To alter what it means even. I'm not saying that waiting would have changed that but at least then I would have been with someone who loves me and whom I love to help guide us through that experience.

    It's different for everyone but I don't believe that virginity should be taken as lightly as it is now-a-days. I think everyone should just really take the time to make that decision and not allow their libidos or the other person to make that choice for them.

    That's just my experiences forming my opinion right there.

    Edited to add: When I have kids I'm not going to necessarily encourage abstinence but I am going to emphasize how important it is to wait for the right person and the right time in their life. It's not to be taken lightly and given thoughtlessly and that I will love them no matter what they decide and then encourage them to talk to me about it when they feel they are ready so that we can make sure she is prepared emotionally and with birth control. I don't want my daughter feeling shame for sex nor do I want her devaluing her virginity.

    I like how you said it. :flowerforyou:
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
    . At least my kids will know about birth control and condoms and come to me when they need me without worrying about my judgement or disapproval.

    My three grown sons all knew about birth control, condoms, and STD's. They didn't have to hear about those things from me. I don't want any of my children coming to me for contraception. You can teach your children the value of abstinence without making them think you'll hate them and they're going to hell if they do have sex outside of marriage. You can teach morals and values of all kinds without your children being afraid to tell you when they've done something of which you wouldn't approve.
  • peachfigs
    peachfigs Posts: 831 Member
    Sex looks ( and seems ) boring as hell to me.
    I'd rather sleep.
    What people do, people do. But I personally don't think sex / dating is just a game (meaning, I'd rather wait than fool around like every other teenager). If I'm going to bring someone into my life, then I'm going to be 150% positive that they aren't leaving.
    Talking like this is how i ended up with 4 cats and 4 dogs. fml.

    LOL. This made me giggle.
  • Cajoke123
    Cajoke123 Posts: 54
    I don't like atheists. And they don't like me. Leave it at that.

    So yeah.. I shouldn't have compared it to stealing. Stealing is less of a sin, IMHO.

    Thank god you aren't your God, then. He doesn't have grades of sins,

    There is actually a debate about this. True the Christian God's punishment for all sin was death, no matter how small it is, but I do think that there are different levels. For example I think that mass-murdering millions of people is a worse sin then speeding. They originally had the same punishment, but I don't think they are on the same level. There are a couple verses to this effect in the Bible in Matthew.

    Is that right? So, how would we go about equating shagging next-door's younger son against, say, nicking some Mentos when
    I picked up Dad's newspaper?

    I think that only God knows, since he's the one who made the laws. That is, if you are a Christian.

    Damn, I thought you were going to provide insight.

    So, to the followers of the Christian god, pre marital sex is the same as cheating on your taxes.

    I don't know the mind of God, so I can't say, and many followers of God do have differing opinions on this, but I do think that it's disobeying the laws of God. So yes, in a way I do think cheating on your taxes and pre-marital sex are very similar. But, of course, both can be forgiven.
  • Sqeekyjojo
    Sqeekyjojo Posts: 704 Member
    Everyone. Okay so when you have kids encourage them to have sex before marriage. Good for you. at least youre "cool". Go away.


    You do know that it isn't compulsory, don't you?
  • MaydayParadeGirl
    MaydayParadeGirl Posts: 190 Member
    . At least my kids will know about birth control and condoms and come to me when they need me without worrying about my judgement or disapproval.

    My three grown sons all knew about birth control, condoms, and STD's. They didn't have to hear about those things from me. I don't want any of my children coming to me for contraception. You can teach your children the value of abstinence without making them think you'll hate them and they're going to hell if they do have sex outside of marriage. You can teach morals and values of all kinds without your children being afraid to tell you when they've done something of which you wouldn't approve.

    Right but you got lucky because I know MY school system didn't teach much about sex at all. I mean they taught us girls about our periods in a way that had me ashamed and embarrassed to be a girl, pretty much until this day. I still hide the fact that I'm having my period because my school made it seem like it was something dirty and needed to be hidden, especially from males and the boys? They gave the boys condoms, they taught them how to put them on and they pretty much gave them the idea that it was their right as a man to have sex. It's really great that your boys all got to grow up knowing those things, but I think that looking at the big picture sometimes it really is a good idea for the parents to step in
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    it is always fun to read the first page of posts like this, then skip to the last page to see how quickly it jumped the rails. People are SO intolerant and offended by other people that don't think the same way as them. it is so SCARY!!!!
  • bio01979
    bio01979 Posts: 313
    I'm not religious in any way, shape or form. I believe in being a good person and helping others. This subject(s?) are completely each to their own. EVERYONE has the right do/believe what they want. When the day comes that I have children I dearly hope that they would come to me and talk about sex. the way I see it there are some things you don't want to ask at school infront your peers. call it what you want but I think thats an open loving relationship with your children but thats just my personal view.
    GOOD DAY SIR.

    I could not agree more :)
  • Mommylicous
    Mommylicous Posts: 121 Member
    My daughter was 6 months old before her father and I got married. :P Pretty clear on the topic.

    I think in this day and age it's a little old fashioned. I have a high respect for people who CAN and DO wait until marriage.. But it just wasn't for me.

    However, I will teach my children that it's a good thing to wait until you know for sure you love someone, that it's a very special thing, and that if you treat it like it's anything else, it'll lose everything that makes it so special between two people.. And that it's so much better when it's with someone that you love. But if they do decide to participate in such activities, to wait until they know it's right, and to be smart about it/use protection. If a teenager wants to do it, they're going to do it. But I just want them to trust me enough to come to me when they are considering it so we can get them the proper knowledge/protection. My mom and dad never talked about it, and I feel like learning it from my peers made it so much more appealing.

    Edited to add: The only "sex talk" my mom gave me was the threat that if I got pregnant at 16, we were a Christian family. That I would not have an abortion, and I would NOT give the baby up for adoption. That I would carry the burden of raising the child myself. .. In those exact words.
  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
    . At least my kids will know about birth control and condoms and come to me when they need me without worrying about my judgement or disapproval.

    My three grown sons all knew about birth control, condoms, and STD's. They didn't have to hear about those things from me. I don't want any of my children coming to me for contraception. You can teach your children the value of abstinence without making them think you'll hate them and they're going to hell if they do have sex outside of marriage. You can teach morals and values of all kinds without your children being afraid to tell you when they've done something of which you wouldn't approve.

    My daughter and sons learnt everything about the human reproductive system, contraception and how to prevent STIs from me, well before these subjects were broached in the public education system. I wanted them to learn that stuff from me, in detail, in an environment where they would not be embarrassed to ask questions. They were and are taught the value of their own choices about their own bodies. I could not bear them the idea of them half-learning this stuff from their peers or the internet.
  • lanajaymurphy
    lanajaymurphy Posts: 129
    I'm not religious in any way, shape or form. I believe in being a good person and helping others. This subject(s?) are completely each to their own. EVERYONE has the right do/believe what they want. When the day comes that I have children I dearly hope that they would come to me and talk about sex. the way I see it there are some things you don't want to ask at school infront your peers. call it what you want but I think thats an open loving relationship with your children but thats just my personal view.
    GOOD DAY SIR.

    I could not agree more :)

    great minds ;)
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
    it is always fun to read the first page of posts like this, then skip to the last page to see how quickly it jumped the rails. People are SO intolerant and offended by other people that don't think the same way as them. it is so SCARY!!!!

    Really? I'm actually finding this discussion pretty civil.
  • GnomeLove
    GnomeLove Posts: 379
    Everyone. Okay so when you have kids encourage them to have sex before marriage. Good for you. at least youre "cool". Go away.

    :huh: Yeah. I have twin 7 year old sons...I will encourage my kids to do what they feel is right for them. I would of course educate them about safe, responsible sex, and the consequences of failed birth control/protection, all the while making sure they are not ashamed of their bodies or any urges they may feel. It sounds like your parents may have botched the latter portion of that?
  • GnomeLove
    GnomeLove Posts: 379
    . At least my kids will know about birth control and condoms and come to me when they need me without worrying about my judgement or disapproval.

    My three grown sons all knew about birth control, condoms, and STD's. They didn't have to hear about those things from me. I don't want any of my children coming to me for contraception. You can teach your children the value of abstinence without making them think you'll hate them and they're going to hell if they do have sex outside of marriage. You can teach morals and values of all kinds without your children being afraid to tell you when they've done something of which you wouldn't approve.

    My daughter and sons learnt everything about the human reproductive system, contraception and how to prevent STIs from me, well before these subjects were broached in the public education system. I wanted them to learn that stuff from me, in detail, in an environment where they would not be embarrassed to ask questions. They were and are taught the value of their own choices about their own bodies. I could not bear them the idea of them half-learning this stuff from their peers or the internet.

    ^ Exactly.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    . At least my kids will know about birth control and condoms and come to me when they need me without worrying about my judgement or disapproval.

    My three grown sons all knew about birth control, condoms, and STD's. They didn't have to hear about those things from me. I don't want any of my children coming to me for contraception. You can teach your children the value of abstinence without making them think you'll hate them and they're going to hell if they do have sex outside of marriage. You can teach morals and values of all kinds without your children being afraid to tell you when they've done something of which you wouldn't approve.

    Yeah, I want my daughter coming to me if she needs birth control and not relying on a public school system that has no standard as to its teachings.
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
    My daughter and sons learnt everything about the human reproductive system, contraception and how to prevent STIs from me, well before these subjects were broached in the public education system. I wanted them to learn that stuff from me, in detail, in an environment where they would not be embarrassed to ask questions. They were and are taught the value of their own choices about their own bodies. I could not bear them the idea of them half-learning this stuff from their peers or the internet.

    We all parent in different ways. I was only expressing how it works in our home. I also wanted the younger, non parents on here to know that you can let your children know you don't approve of something while still showing them you love them. I cannot, in good conscience, provide my children with contraception. They, out of respect for me, would never ask me to. Obviously our homes are different because we are Catholic and you are not. My way doesn't make me any better a parent than your way. My belief in God doesn't make me a better parent either.
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
    I am all for waiting. My husband and I are each others only lover. We feel its a very special gift to each other and have never regretted it.

    If someone won't wait for you then they are in the relationship for the wrong reason.

    Good luck to you dear. This is a tough time to hold true to your values but you can do it! God bless you.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    I can't believe I posted that under deeluvly's post.

    Pre marital sex is not a sin, except in the mind of religious nutters.

    Delete her posts first, please.

    I love the delicious irony!
  • Lovdiamnd
    Lovdiamnd Posts: 624 Member
    I don't like atheists. And they don't like me. Leave it at that.

    So yeah.. I shouldn't have compared it to stealing. Stealing is less of a sin, IMHO.

    Thank god you aren't your God, then. He doesn't have grades of sins,

    There is actually a debate about this. True the Christian God's punishment for all sin was death, no matter how small it is, but I do think that there are different levels. For example I think that mass-murdering millions of people is a worse sin then speeding. They originally had the same punishment, but I don't think they are on the same level. There are a couple verses to this effect in the Bible in Matthew.

    Is that right? So, how would we go about equating shagging next-door's younger son against, say, nicking some Mentos when
    I picked up Dad's newspaper?

    I think that only God knows, since he's the one who made the laws. That is, if you are a Christian.

    I believe that sin is sin. He hates it all. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". So do levels really matter? They are forgiven if you ask and believe that Jesus died for them.
  • bio01979
    bio01979 Posts: 313
    I am all for waiting. My husband and I are each others only lover. We feel its a very special gift to each other and have never regretted it.

    If someone won't wait for you then they are in the relationship for the wrong reason.

    Good luck to you dear. This is a tough time to hold true to your values but you can do it! God bless you.

    I actually disagree with the last sentence. I don't think it is a tough time to hold to your values (whatever they may be - I have many values but waiting for marriage is not one of them). Certainly not any tougher than it was before :)

    If they are your values (again whatever they may be) and are important to you, you will hold to them.

    I don't think the opposite sex (or same sex as the case may be :) ) puts much more pressure on you today than they did previously. In fact no boyftriend in highschool ever pressured me for sex. They never tried to go farther than I was willing to go and never pressured or made me feel bad about stopping when we did stop :) And I think this is true in most cases.

    I didn't wait for marriage but I did wait until I was ready :)
  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
    My daughter and sons learnt everything about the human reproductive system, contraception and how to prevent STIs from me, well before these subjects were broached in the public education system. I wanted them to learn that stuff from me, in detail, in an environment where they would not be embarrassed to ask questions. They were and are taught the value of their own choices about their own bodies. I could not bear them the idea of them half-learning this stuff from their peers or the internet.

    We all parent in different ways. I was only expressing how it works in our home. I also wanted the younger, non parents on here to know that you can let your children know you don't approve of something while still showing them you love them. I cannot, in good conscience, provide my children with contraception. They, out of respect for me, would never ask me to. Obviously our homes are different because we are Catholic and you are not. My way doesn't make me any better a parent than your way. My belief in God doesn't make me a better parent either.

    I did not broach the subject of contraception.

    If my children asked me to help them access contraception as minors, I would do so instantly.

    I would still have the conversation you can imagine, but I would not deny them birth control.

    I do think this makes me a better parent than you. To subject my children to the burden of an unwanted pregnancy for the sake of a religious belief would be despicable. Sorry.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    I don't like atheists. And they don't like me. Leave it at that.

    So yeah.. I shouldn't have compared it to stealing. Stealing is less of a sin, IMHO.

    Thank god you aren't your God, then. He doesn't have grades of sins,

    There is actually a debate about this. True the Christian God's punishment for all sin was death, no matter how small it is, but I do think that there are different levels. For example I think that mass-murdering millions of people is a worse sin then speeding. They originally had the same punishment, but I don't think they are on the same level. There are a couple verses to this effect in the Bible in Matthew.

    Is that right? So, how would we go about equating shagging next-door's younger son against, say, nicking some Mentos when
    I picked up Dad's newspaper?

    I think that only God knows, since he's the one who made the laws. That is, if you are a Christian.

    I believe that sin is sin. He hates it all. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". So do levels really matter? They are forgiven if you ask and believe that Jesus died for them.

    So Hitler and the girl who is shoplifting makeup are on the same level?
  • MaydayParadeGirl
    MaydayParadeGirl Posts: 190 Member
    I am all for waiting. My husband and I are each others only lover. We feel its a very special gift to each other and have never regretted it.

    If someone won't wait for you then they are in the relationship for the wrong reason.

    Good luck to you dear. This is a tough time to hold true to your values but you can do it! God bless you.

    I actually disagree with the last sentence. I don't think it is a tough time to hold to your values (whatever they may be - I have many values but waiting for marriage is not one of them). Certainly not any tougher than it was before :)

    If they are your values (again whatever they may be) and are important to you, you will hold to them.

    I don't think the opposite sex (or same sex as the case may be :) ) puts much more pressure on you today than they did previously. In fact no boyftriend in highschool ever pressured me for sex. They never tried to go farther than I was willing to go and never pressured or made me feel bad about stopping when we did stop :) And I think this is true in most cases.

    I didn't wait for marriage but I did wait until I was ready :)

    I have to disagree. In high school, and in my time in the military I was constantly getting harrassed and pushed towards guys and being told to stop being a prude.
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
    I do think this makes me a better parent than you. To subject my children to the burden of an unwanted pregnancy for the sake of a religious belief would be despicable. Sorry.
    You are far more closed minded than many of the Christians I know! Your problem is that you cannot understand how to parent a child with morals and values based on God while not "burdening" them or making them feel judged, condemned, and unloved. You do realize that many unwanted pregnancies happen to those who are educated on sex and contraception, right?

    How you can believe yourself a better parent than I without knowing me or my children is mind boggling. You are far more judgy than those you've been calling out here.
  • FeatherBoBeather
    FeatherBoBeather Posts: 255 Member
    Definitely a personal choice!! You do what makes you happy and what you are okay with.
    To each his own. ;)

    Although personally, I took the advice my aunt gave me (LOL) 'Try it before you buy it'. Haha.. And I was very happy I did.

    I've been with my man for going on 9 years and we are engaged to be married in 2014. We've lived together for six years of that and became home owners two years ago. :-) All of this has given us the chance to work out any bumps/issues that arise. In my opinion, it's the only way to do it.. If you don't give yourself a chance to really learn who your other half is, who you are, and how you work together, it's no wonder divorce rates are so high.

    Unfortunately, it may not be to some- but I believe marriage is special. Personally, I see it as a once in a lifetime occasion- so we've been patient to make sure it's a rewarding experience.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    I am surprised this thread hasn't been locked yet.
  • Emisole
    Emisole Posts: 65
    If you want to do that, that's fine. But it's my opinion that I wouldn't be comfortable already moving in and being with someone for the rest of my life if I didn't already know them intimately. I am so, so happy I did.

    I also think it's a little weird to chalk up the idea that you're not worth something if you don't "have your virginity" to "give" to someone. C'mon. It's all well and good if you want to wait, but don't make other people feel bad about not doing that.
  • MaydayParadeGirl
    MaydayParadeGirl Posts: 190 Member
    I don't like atheists. And they don't like me. Leave it at that.

    So yeah.. I shouldn't have compared it to stealing. Stealing is less of a sin, IMHO.

    Thank god you aren't your God, then. He doesn't have grades of sins,

    There is actually a debate about this. True the Christian God's punishment for all sin was death, no matter how small it is, but I do think that there are different levels. For example I think that mass-murdering millions of people is a worse sin then speeding. They originally had the same punishment, but I don't think they are on the same level. There are a couple verses to this effect in the Bible in Matthew.

    Is that right? So, how would we go about equating shagging next-door's younger son against, say, nicking some Mentos when
    I picked up Dad's newspaper?

    I think that only God knows, since he's the one who made the laws. That is, if you are a Christian.

    I believe that sin is sin. He hates it all. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". So do levels really matter? They are forgiven if you ask and believe that Jesus died for them.

    My church taught me that God doesn't hate, that He can't hate so I pretty much just blacked out the rest of what you said.
  • EmilyOfTheSun
    EmilyOfTheSun Posts: 1,548 Member
    IF I ever get married, I will screw and live with my partner for a LONG time before marriage happens. But I think like a month before the wedding, it'd be fun to not live together and abstain from sex until the wedding day.

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