Absence Before Marriage

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  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
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    I can't remember what page it was on (it was lost in the madness), but I'm really not digging the implication that I'm not "pure" because I've had sex outside of marriage. While I know and respect women who choose to wait (even if I don't understand it), I really have to wonder about people who define purity of self in this way.

    Some of these definitions of purity seem to be wrapped in religious workings. That's great for you, but I'm going to continue to be a godless heathen.

    Also, this thread is really making me appreciate my hippie mother who helped me get birth control. It was initially for reasons other than controlling birth, but she didn't turn all judgmental when I started having sex.

    There are a lot of women in the west who are thankful for their hippie mothers. Mine was an ahippie and quite uncomfortable single father, but I am thankful for him, too.
  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
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    Tbh would be ideal if she's a heavenly blessed beauty

    That feel knowing ur wife isn't a sloot
    You can always teach her the physical stuff nomsayin ;)

    No, I have no idea what you are saying. Could you please explain further?

    Chicken
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
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    If you know your child is having unprotected sex and you refuse to provide contraceptives because of your own personal religious belief, then yes it kind of does make you the worse parent. You don't have to like or approve of it -- but if your minor child is engaging in irresponsible behavior and you do nothing about it... yeah. Not good.

    You're assuming that I am doing nothing but telling them to pray. I can tell them where and how they can get their own contraceptives without handing it to them. I can explain that I can't in good conscience provide it for them. Hopefully by the time this is even an issue, they've come to respect me for my beliefs and know it's because I love them and believe it's my job to raise them in a way I believe is pleasing to God.

    You may think less of me as a parent, but my ultimate goal in life is to lead it the way I believe God would want me to. I get that not everyone is a Christian and feels this way, but this doesn't make me a "worse parent".
  • Lovdiamnd
    Lovdiamnd Posts: 624 Member
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    I don't like atheists. And they don't like me. Leave it at that.

    So yeah.. I shouldn't have compared it to stealing. Stealing is less of a sin, IMHO.

    Thank god you aren't your God, then. He doesn't have grades of sins,

    There is actually a debate about this. True the Christian God's punishment for all sin was death, no matter how small it is, but I do think that there are different levels. For example I think that mass-murdering millions of people is a worse sin then speeding. They originally had the same punishment, but I don't think they are on the same level. There are a couple verses to this effect in the Bible in Matthew.

    Is that right? So, how would we go about equating shagging next-door's younger son against, say, nicking some Mentos when
    I picked up Dad's newspaper?

    I think that only God knows, since he's the one who made the laws. That is, if you are a Christian.

    I believe that sin is sin. He hates it all. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". So do levels really matter? They are forgiven if you ask and believe that Jesus died for them.

    So Hitler and the girl who is shoplifting makeup are on the same level?

    No, I don't think so, but both sinned, and both need to be forgiven.

    So how many Hail Marys does Hitler say versus the shoplifting girl?

    That's Catholics hun.
  • sbbhbm
    sbbhbm Posts: 1,312 Member
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    My current and soon-to-be-ex husband and I were abstinent for two years prior to our marriage- though neither of us were virgins. One thing we learned on our wedding night unfortunately, is that we are completely incompatible sexually. We hate having sex with each other. Turns out we really would've been better off just being friends- because a marriage with no passion is miserable. And so we are in the process of getting a divorce. Don't get me wrong- there were many many other problems, like the fact that he was emotionally and verbally abusive, but if I would've known that the sex was going to be horrible (and yes, we tried communicating what we both liked and wanted... it just never clicked) I wouldn't have married him in the first place.
  • Sarahonly
    Sarahonly Posts: 36 Member
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    While I wouldn't mind scouring my brain with an SOS pad to rid myself of the memories of my ex-boyfriend in bed, I like to think every time my new boyfriend (future husband) and I have sex it's a special moment. Way more so than the write-offs of my past, hahaha.

    And for the record, I don't think waiting would have worked. What if I married boyfriend #1- then I'd have slept with him and have him as an ex-husband too, which wouldn't be pleasant... you can't undo the past. You live and learn from it, so try not to let past sexual experiences haunt you in a negative manner.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    I'm finding a lot of disrespectful comments to people's beliefs on this thread. All of you who are engaged in attacking should be ashamed. Your beliefs no one has the right to make you defend them. I would refrain from commenting further.
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
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    ^^^agree 1000000% kids are gonna do what they want to do regardless (doesnt mean you justify it) so why not at least help them be protected?? My mother put me on BC when I was 17 not because she was giving me permission to have sex but she knew that i was gonna do what i wanted anyway & she knew she didnt want to be a grandmother in her early 40's....

    I don't buy in to this mentality. I know my children will probably drink before they're 21, but I"m not going to provide them alcohol in my home just to keep them safe and off the road. Just because we think kids are going to do something anyway, does not mean we should assist in helping them.
  • alecialudwickjones
    alecialudwickjones Posts: 64
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    I wouldn't marry someone w/o a 'test drive'...as for the religious aspect I guess I'm off the hook, being Pagan.
  • stetienne
    stetienne Posts: 560 Member
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    I feel like someone setting the rules before marriage is gonna do the same after marriage. While the decision to sleep together should obviously be mutual, to arbitrarily decide what you as a couple will and won't do seems selfish.
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
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    ^^^agree 1000000% kids are gonna do what they want to do regardless (doesnt mean you justify it) so why not at least help them be protected?? My mother put me on BC when I was 17 not because she was giving me permission to have sex but she knew that i was gonna do what i wanted anyway & she knew she didnt want to be a grandmother in her early 40's....

    I don't buy in to this mentality. I know my children will probably drink before they're 21, but I"m not going to provide them alcohol in my home just to keep them safe and off the road. Just because we think kids are going to do something anyway, does not mean we should assist in helping them.

    it is called harm reduction.

    Your analogy is void!

    You wouldn't be giving them alcohol, but you would let them drink in your home to prevent them from crashing their car, from making stupid decisions that could get them or someone else killed.

    Just like you wouldn't be giving them sex, but giving them the appropriate tools to make their own decisions and to keep them safe.
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
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    I'm finding a lot of disrespectful comments to people's beliefs on this thread. All of you who are engaged in attacking should be ashamed. Your beliefs no one has the right to make you defend them. I would refrain from commenting further.

    I was about to attack, and then chose not to. There is just something about religion that is hateful...and easy to give people the jitters.
  • Roll_Tide_Meg
    Roll_Tide_Meg Posts: 255 Member
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    I believe it is admirable to be " pure" going into marriage ....today's world puts a lot of pressure on people to be sexy and condone multiple partners prior to marriage . Honeslty it is a bit awkward to share partners with your soon to be hubby ....so even to save a little face , its beneficial ! It is all your choice , in my opinion it is something to be PROUD of , something you will look back on and most likely NOT regret :) I preach this to my teen daughters all the time !! Your body is a temple , treat it as one , people who want to pass you up because your not open to the public ...so be it, your temple is open to VIP ONLY :) I say kudos to those who have the will to wait !!! I totally RESPECT that in a person ...love yourself enough to not have to put yourself aside for another's benefit , love is never one sided ....it is a PARTNERSHIP , always give one what they give you ....in simple terms ....you offering a purity, to someone who can only offer sex, is like diamonds and Cubi zirconia , they are both really nice but one is WAAAAAY more valuable !!


    This! I love this...it's exactly how I feel. I am 25 and have been married for 5 years in September. I was with only one man, my husband...I did not wait...and I'm not telling the OP to wait until they are married. My faith does say you should wait but we are all human and when I had sex with him for the first time I knew we were in love and we were going to be together for a long time...turns out I was right...just make sure it is with someone you love and who loves you in return. :)
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
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    it is called harm reduction.
    And isn't abstinence the best form of safety?
    You wouldn't be giving them alcohol, but you would let them drink in your home to prevent them from crashing.
    False. I wouldn't allow either.
    Just like you wouldn't be giving them sex, but giving them the appropriate tools to make their own decisions and to keep them safe.
    Just like I wouldn't do this.
  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
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    If you know your child is having unprotected sex and you refuse to provide contraceptives because of your own personal religious belief, then yes it kind of does make you the worse parent. You don't have to like or approve of it -- but if your minor child is engaging in irresponsible behavior and you do nothing about it... yeah. Not good.

    You're assuming that I am doing nothing but telling them to pray. I can tell them where and how they can get their own contraceptives without handing it to them. I can explain that I can't in good conscience provide it for them. Hopefully by the time this is even an issue, they've come to respect me for my beliefs and know it's because I love them and believe it's my job to raise them in a way I believe is pleasing to God.

    You may think less of me as a parent, but my ultimate goal in life is to lead it the way I believe God would want me to. I get that not everyone is a Christian and feels this way, but this doesn't make me a "worse parent".

    It does. What is most important to you, your child's well-being or sinning. Would you rather see your daughter, I don't know, give up college, be a burden to your family, raise a child while struggling to educate herself/hold down a job, or, I don't know, buy her a pack of condoms? I am trying to paint the bleakest picture I can.

    What is most important to you? Would you deny your kid if they came to you?
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
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    I was about to attack, and then chose not to. There is just something about religion that is hateful...and easy to give people the jitters.
    YOU see something about religion that gives you jitters and makes you see hate. Do you not see the "hateful" comments in this thread by non-religious people? The thought of handing my 13 year old son a condom gives me the jitters.
  • LibertyBelle89
    LibertyBelle89 Posts: 275
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    ^^^agree 1000000% kids are gonna do what they want to do regardless (doesnt mean you justify it) so why not at least help them be protected?? My mother put me on BC when I was 17 not because she was giving me permission to have sex but she knew that i was gonna do what i wanted anyway & she knew she didnt want to be a grandmother in her early 40's....

    I don't buy in to this mentality. I know my children will probably drink before they're 21, but I"m not going to provide them alcohol in my home just to keep them safe and off the road. Just because we think kids are going to do something anyway, does not mean we should assist in helping them.

    so dont help them...just let them get pregnant right???
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
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    it is called harm reduction.
    And isn't abstinence the best form of safety?

    By this logic people should abstain from everything. There are all sorts of crazies on the subway....I should just stop taking it. I shouldn't run cause I MIGHT get arthritis in my knees. I should never say what I feel so that I never engage in diagreement. I should never even get into a relationship because I MIGHT get my heart broken.

    38716033.jpg
  • MaydayParadeGirl
    MaydayParadeGirl Posts: 190 Member
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    ^^^agree 1000000% kids are gonna do what they want to do regardless (doesnt mean you justify it) so why not at least help them be protected?? My mother put me on BC when I was 17 not because she was giving me permission to have sex but she knew that i was gonna do what i wanted anyway & she knew she didnt want to be a grandmother in her early 40's....

    I don't buy in to this mentality. I know my children will probably drink before they're 21, but I"m not going to provide them alcohol in my home just to keep them safe and off the road. Just because we think kids are going to do something anyway, does not mean we should assist in helping them.

    so dont help them...just let them get pregnant right???

    I'm not saying either is right or wrong but there are other ways to get condoms. Planned parenthood in my state gives them out like their candy. Not saying it's right or wrong here, I'm not a parent and until I'm in those shoes I won't know what I'll do...I have a good idea but I won't know

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