I DO NOT WANT my cake and I DO NOT WANT to eat it too...
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What if she was recently diagnosed as diabetic? Does she need to scrape off the frosting and eat the cake then too or be considered rude?
Anyway, the OP sounded to me like her mind was already made up that she was not going to eat cake, and wasn't looking to us to decide for her whether or not she was going to eat cake. She sounded to me like she wanted brainstorming for what to say to prevent hurting anyone's feelings. Personally, I'm working hard to let other people's hurt feelings be their problem if I am not doing anything to hurt them, but I think it's reasonable that the OP would be looking for that kind of information from us rather than questioning her decision.
I suppose I should have just reassured her with a story about a close family member of mine. For a long while, he didn't like cake at his birthday, so we did a pie for him instead. Now he doesn't eat sugar/desserts at all, so there's been no pie for many a year now. Nobody gets on their ear about it. We just take him out for a steak, which he does enjoy immensely. And I order a very decadent dessert for myself because I want it, and I enjoy it. Nobody gets butt-hurt about that either.
Personally, I'm sitting here thinking that if somebody wanted to make me a birthday treat and sweets did not exist, I'm thinking birthday nachos are in order...0 -
Am I the only one who sees how ridiculous it is to mention "sugar addiction" and then suggest as an alternative to sugary cake, using some sugary fruit concoction?0
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Nope.Am I the only one who sees how ridiculous it is to mention "sugar addiction" and then suggest as an alternative to sugary cake, using some sugary fruit concoction?0 -
What if she was recently diagnosed as diabetic? Does she need to scrape off the frosting and eat the cake then too or be considered rude?
Anyway, the OP sounded to me like her mind was already made up that she was not going to eat cake, and wasn't looking to us to decide for her whether or not she was going to eat cake. She sounded to me like she wanted brainstorming for what to say to prevent hurting anyone's feelings. Personally, I'm working hard to let other people's hurt feelings be their problem if I am not doing anything to hurt them, but I think it's reasonable that the OP would be looking for that kind of information from us rather than questioning her decision.
I suppose I should have just reassured her with a story about a close family member of mine. For a long while, he didn't like cake at his birthday, so we did a pie for him instead. Now he doesn't eat sugar/desserts at all, so there's been no pie for many a year now. Nobody gets on their ear about it. We just take him out for a steak, which he does enjoy immensely. And I order a very decadent dessert for myself because I want it, and I enjoy it. Nobody gets butt-hurt about that either.
Personally, I'm sitting here thinking that if somebody wanted to make me a birthday treat and sweets did not exist, I'm thinking birthday nachos are in order...
If I were diabetic, and my brother were handing me a slice of birthday cake, I'd kick him in the nuts. That seems.... unlikely.0 -
lol this is one of my favorite threads of the day.
also, birthday tacos should NOT be left off the list of cake alternatives.
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Is the issue that it store bought cake or that it's cake in general. I for one am upset if someone buys me a store bought cake because I can taste the fakeness in it. I make them from scratch. If it's just because you don't want to eat cake at all take a piece and walk around and leave it somewhere no one will know. Or you could talk to your sister or sister in law (whomever) and let them know you don't like cake but I do like ... that will solve the issue.0
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So we only have self-ownership sufficient to refuse something that *everybody* acknowledges will harm us, but not to refuse just because we don't want something? Because if we strip away all the bull puckey, what we're left with is a matter of self-ownership. Ownership implies the ability to exclude something based on sheer whimsy.
I don't dance. Many people over many decades have wheedled, ridiculed and cajoled me, but the fact remains that it is my decision to make, for whatever reason or no freakin' reason at all, and frankly, anyone who doesn't eventually get over it and stop hassling me about it is ridiculous to me.
Choosing not to eat cake, for whatever reason or for no reason at all, will not cause harm to anyone. Not even herself, which it's arguable that she has the right to do, but never mind that. So if the OP's family doesn't eventually settle down and stop hassling her about it, I'd say the problem is with their behavior, not hers.0 -
So we only have self-ownership sufficient to refuse something that *everybody* acknowledges will harm us, but not to refuse just because we don't want something? Because if we strip away all the bull puckey, what we're left with is a matter of self-ownership. Ownership implies the ability to exclude something based on sheer whimsy.
I don't dance. Many people over many decades have wheedled, ridiculed and cajoled me, but the fact remains that it is my decision to make, for whatever reason or no freakin' reason at all, and frankly, anyone who doesn't eventually get over it and stop hassling me about it is ridiculous to me.
Choosing not to eat cake, for whatever reason or for no reason at all, will not cause harm to anyone. Not even herself, which it's arguable that she has the right to do, but never mind that. So if the OP's family doesn't eventually settle down and stop hassling her about it, I'd say the problem is with their behavior, not hers.
Or she could just eat the cake and avoid all the hassle...0 -
Are you currently getting treated for an eating disorder? ( as per previous posts) if so I would discuss this with your therapist. IMO it would be good for you to have a slice of cake. No foods are unhealthy in moderation and you need fats and sugar as part of a balanced diet.
Are you people KIDDING me!!!?! This person is wondering how to politely decline cake, and all of a sudden she has a disorder? Come on people.... :noway:
She doesn't have a disorder because she's trying to decline cake. She has issues because she wants to decline cake because she's demonized sugar, etc.0 -
Are you currently getting treated for an eating disorder? ( as per previous posts) if so I would discuss this with your therapist. IMO it would be good for you to have a slice of cake. No foods are unhealthy in moderation and you need fats and sugar as part of a balanced diet.
Are you people KIDDING me!!!?! This person is wondering how to politely decline cake, and all of a sudden she has a disorder? Come on people.... :noway:
She doesn't have a disorder because she's trying to decline cake. She has issues because she wants to decline cake because she's demonized sugar, etc.
Yes, this. It seems like some kind of disordered eating to me. Creating awkward social situations for yourself over genuinely trivial and infrequent food consumption is not a healthy relationship with food.0 -
Are you currently getting treated for an eating disorder? ( as per previous posts) if so I would discuss this with your therapist. IMO it would be good for you to have a slice of cake. No foods are unhealthy in moderation and you need fats and sugar as part of a balanced diet.
Are you people KIDDING me!!!?! This person is wondering how to politely decline cake, and all of a sudden she has a disorder? Come on people.... :noway:
Hmmmm, SHE has said in HER previous posts that she is being treated for an ED.
I did not say it was due to not wanting the cake. Please learn to read posts before jumping to conclusions. :noway:0 -
Honestly, you could cut a watermelon to look like a cake, and use fresh berries to make a sauce, using their own natural sugars over the watermelon. You could do whatever you like or make these suggestions.
If I went to a birthday party and they served this concoction as the "birthday cake" I'd be rather disappointed. I have zero doubt that it would be the subject of conversation and laughter for years.
It's a cake. For normal people, the matter of what it was made out of and who ate how much of it will be forgotten in a matter of hours, if noted at all.
If I were in a social circle with someone who harped on a freaking CAKE for years, the subject of laughter would be them.0 -
So what happens if we replace "eat the cake" with "put out because he bought her dinner" or perhaps less controversially "wear a kilt in Scotland"? What I'm trying to say is, it's wrong to hassle somebody because they've made a decision that is a personal preference that bucks the norm but doesn't hurt anyone. MYOFB, in other words.Or she could just eat the cake and avoid all the hassle...
I'm setting aside the whole issue of demonizing sugar as an eating disorder. I think it's a worthy question; it just doesn't inform the question of whether or not somebody has the right to refuse something.0 -
This! What kind of off-the-deep-end people would obsess about what somebody else *didn't* eat that one time?! Weird.It's a cake. For normal people, the matter of what it was made out of and who ate how much of it will be forgotten in a matter of hours, if noted at all.
If I were in a social circle with someone who harped on a freaking CAKE for years, the subject of laughter would be them.0 -
<PERK> Did someone say cake?!0
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Honestly, you could cut a watermelon to look like a cake, and use fresh berries to make a sauce, using their own natural sugars over the watermelon. You could do whatever you like or make these suggestions.
If I went to a birthday party and they served this concoction as the "birthday cake" I'd be rather disappointed. I have zero doubt that it would be the subject of conversation and laughter for years.
It's a cake. For normal people, the matter of what it was made out of and who ate how much of it will be forgotten in a matter of hours, if noted at all.
If I were in a social circle with someone who harped on a freaking CAKE for years, the subject of laughter would be them.
We clearly run in different circles.
For which I am grateful. I don't wanna be friends with people who give me watermelon/fruit in place of cakes at parties because I'm bad at not looking like I'd rather be somewhere else.0 -
Can I has your cake? I was under on fats and carbs last night.
LOL :laugh:0 -
Everybody loves cakes!! </Donkey> :bigsmile:<PERK> Did someone say cake?!0 -
Without sugar your brain wouldn't be able to function, you would be dead.'unhealthy'(sugar, fat and other 'questionable' food-like products)items.
Without fat you would not be able to absorb all your fat soluble nutrients, you would be dead.
You may want to unskew your idea of what healthy is.
As for the cake, if you don't want it, you don't have to eat it. But I advise telling everyone before hand so they know. Don't be rude about it, that's all. I have eaten food I do not want to be polite. It hasn't killed me yet, I've managed to lose weight as planned, and it's put smiles to peoples faces, including my own when it's yummy. I'm not trying to convince you to eat things you don't want. But I don't like it when people skew their vision and start thinking particular foods grew evil and will do bad things to you. Health is a balance. It's better to have cake and eat it to then to be hungry. It's better to be happy then to deprive yourself of things you like. But it's good that you are trying to put your health first. But you can get in all your healthy stuff and if you'd like, you can still enjoy your cake.0 -
I would just have a small slice and eat a tiny bit of it0
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This! What kind of off-the-deep-end people would obsess about what somebody else *didn't* eat that one time?! Weird.It's a cake. For normal people, the matter of what it was made out of and who ate how much of it will be forgotten in a matter of hours, if noted at all.
If I were in a social circle with someone who harped on a freaking CAKE for years, the subject of laughter would be them.
The comment wasn't about what the OP ate. The comment was about the person's reaction if watermelon was disguised as cake and served at a party.0 -
I get what you're referring to, but other posters on this thread have indeed also said that if the OP did not eat cake it would be gossiped about and they would be laughed at for years. And I was maintaining that it would be weird to bring up year after year that dear old Aunt Mildred didn't eat any mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving. That's all.The comment wasn't about what the OP ate. The comment was about the person's reaction if watermelon was disguised as cake and served at a party.0 -
Tell her ahead of time and if she still buys the cake don't eat it. People need to grow up and realize that their feelings might get hurt sometimes and you might have to hurt someones feelings. You need to look out for yourself. She's not really celebrating your birthday if she willfully will not accomidate your journey to lose the weight.0
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The poster talked about store bought cake. I find that they taste bad and are full of artificial flavorings and colors. I think she just wants to have a cake that tastes good and that her body can process easily.0
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Is it rude to refuse a piece of my own birthday cake?
My sister-in-law always purchases a store bought cake
for my birthday. I do not eat dessert/packaged or, in my view,
'unhealthy'(sugar, fat and other 'questionable' food-like products)items.
Will it be rude to refuse a piece? What can I say to her when I'm offered a
piece?
Thanks!!
i'd think it to be the very height of bad manners.
it's one thing to embrace the healthy lifestyle etc,etc,etc...a slice of shop made cake won't kill you unless you eat 3 of those cakes a day every day.
I'm surprised you didn't see/consider it from your sister in law's perspective before seeking counsel from random strangers.0 -
Since its your sis in law, maybe ask your husband to mention your diet to her? Or even ask for an angel food cake or something in its place? It's my birthday Thursday and I did ask my husband not to get me a cake, but to make me breakfast instead
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She buys you one every year? So this would be breaking tradition.
You have the choice to either talk to her or eat the cake. Last resort take a trip to Hawaii for your B-Day and not invite her.0 -
Hahaha, that seems a little extreme when all she needs to do is be a little assertive about her own needs. :laugh:She buys you one every year? So this would be breaking tradition.
You have the choice to either talk to her or eat the cake. Last resort take a trip to Hawaii for your B-Day and not invite her.0 -
I get what you're referring to, but other posters on this thread have indeed also said that if the OP did not eat cake it would be gossiped about and they would be laughed at for years. And I was maintaining that it would be weird to bring up year after year that dear old Aunt Mildred didn't eat any mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving. That's all.The comment wasn't about what the OP ate. The comment was about the person's reaction if watermelon was disguised as cake and served at a party.
Seriously. If my friends, family and coworkers have nothing better to talk about than my "weird" diet, I'm glad I'm making their life more interesting.
When we have cake in the office, it IS what we talk about. Every single time. You're really not going to have any? You never eat cake? Why? Aren't you depressed? I'd kill myself before I said no to cake! Just have a piece. (Not exaggerating either with these quotes - and they think I'm the weird one...) They have a party with cake every few weeks and people bring in homemade cakes and pies and whatnot all the time. It would never end.
If I gave in every time I was around someone who said "just have a small piece" of cake, just one cookie, just one piece of bread at the restaurant, just one of whatever, I'd be eating piles and piles of crap. You know how I lost weight? I started saying no thank you and meaning it.
And I get it - people's feelings DO get hurt. I said no thank you and now they feel guilty for eating crap if not everyone is doing it too. It makes them feel better if I eat it too, so they push and push and push. But that's THEIR ISSUE, not mine. I don't feel deprived without cake, I actually feel better physically and mentally without it. I'm not about to be talked into eating things that do not make me feel good because of peer pressure.
I said it earlier but just talk to your relatives about it. If they want to have cake for everyone else, let everyone else eat cake, unless you're catering your own party. Eat whatever you want to celebrate and if they want to talk about it, let them talk. Seriously - if that's the worst thing that you can come up with to say about me - I'm totally fine with being known as the crazy person who won't eat sugar/junk food/store bought cake/whatever. It's all true, so I'm happy to own up to it.0 -
My family and friends has a lot of potluck style parties. Aside from the few times someone has a ridiculous hissyfit over carbs or something*, no one gives a damn what anyone else eats or doesn't eat.
While I can't personally understand saying no to birthday cake, I would never be offended if someone didn't eat some of whatever yummy I brought to a party.
*Saying "no thank you" is fine. Preaching about the evils of the food every else is eating and enjoying is rude.0
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