Minor rant

RoadsterGirlie
RoadsterGirlie Posts: 1,195 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I relocated out of state for a job about a year and a half ago. Nobody in this office has ever known me to be overweight, although I have shared with a few people my weight loss journey.

One woman who I normally get a long great with asked to see a picture of the overweight me. I really don't like showing those to people, and told her so, but pulled one out anyways off my phone.

She said, "Wow you look beautiful there. You actually look better with a little weight on you than you do now."

Ouch.

Hello - I was over 200 lbs in that picture. I did not feel beautiful, was not healthy, and was eating like crap. I personally don't think ANYBODY looks good with excess fat on them, and I am not an exception.

She then started asking others to see if they shared the same opinion - nobody would touch that one with a 10 foot pole, especially the men.


She herself is a very fit person, eats right and exercises, so I know this didn't stem from jealosy - I think she was just being honest. Maybe she was trying to make me feel better about showing her that picture, but in my head all it did was confuse the hell out of me.

I know other people's opinions shouldn't matter, but I would be lying if it didn't hurt my feelings. The message I got from that was that even though I'm now healthy, have more energy and can perform physical feats that I couldn't before, I look better when I'm pudgy, squishy, can't do a push up to save my life because I'm too heavy, and can't fit into normal sized clothes.

Thanks for listening to me vent.
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Replies

  • TheGymGypsy
    TheGymGypsy Posts: 1,023 Member
    Maybe she doesn't like having attractive competition in the office? :P
  • QuilterInVA
    QuilterInVA Posts: 672 Member
    Checked your profitle and you are underweight for 5'9". Maybe she has a point.
  • MackLuster77
    MackLuster77 Posts: 24 Member
    Sounds like she put your co-workers in an awkward position. I saw one of your older pictures. Nothing wrong with it, but you look better now. Try not to let people's odd opinions affect you too much.
  • Amy106Days
    Amy106Days Posts: 172 Member
    You must have been a stone fox in that picture because you are gorgeous now.
  • RoadsterGirlie
    RoadsterGirlie Posts: 1,195 Member
    I have a fine build and eat 2200 calories a day.

    I am not underweight - I am fit.
  • kerricolby
    kerricolby Posts: 232 Member
    This is jealousy, pure and simple. She's trying to make you feel insecure and make herself feel better. She also might have some boundary issues. Asking to see a heavier pic of you after you said you didn't like to show people old pics is crossing the line.
  • Danette73
    Danette73 Posts: 76
    I would hope that she was just trying to say that you were beautiful then and now and that weight didn't matter. Maybe it came out wrong and she didn't know how to fix what she said so that is why she asked the other people. You have done great and are an inspiration so try not to let it bother you too much.

    I will say this.... I am over 200 now and have a long way to go but I have lost a lot of weight before and it was hard for ME to see myself smaller because I was so used to being overweight all my life and the compliments actually scared me I guess. That's something I will have to work on.

    But you look totally awesome and have done great!!!!!!
  • thatonegirlinohio
    thatonegirlinohio Posts: 50 Member
    Some people are jealous when other people have attention or accomplish something awesome. To make herself feel better, she put an accomplishment of yours in a negative light.

    Brush it off and show her it doesn't bother you even if it does.

    You look great, btw. :) Good job.
  • Tiffa0909
    Tiffa0909 Posts: 191 Member
    Maybe she has a different perception of beauty , what matter is that you are happy with the way you look. Take it as a compliment and don't think about it.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Well, one photo, seen on the display of your phone, hardly tells the whole story does it? Pay no attention. As long as you are happy with yourself then it doesn't matter.
  • RoadsterGirlie
    RoadsterGirlie Posts: 1,195 Member
    Thanks everybody for the reassurance. You all are the best. She doesn't strike me as the jealous or catty type at all, which is why it hurt my feelings as much as it did, and caught me by surprise.
  • horrorstory
    horrorstory Posts: 125 Member
    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
    Before and after weight loss.
  • itsscottwilder
    itsscottwilder Posts: 317
    You look great. Don't let anyone steal your joy.
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
    Some people, when they are successful losing weight, sometimes go a little too far and end up losing too much weight. It has a lot to do with self image and still seeing yourself fat as opposed to the reality of what you really look like and what other people see.

    You said, " I personally don't think ANYBODY looks good with excess fat on them, and I am not an exception. "...well, I personally think you're wrong. I like women with a little "meat on the bones" as much, and sometimes better than someone who is labelled fit. It's all personal opinion and choice.

    I have a friend, who at one time, dropped 100 lbs and ended up weighing in around 150 lbs...in my opinion he looked like he was on crack and was just too thin and looked awful. He finally realized that it was time to quit losing and it would be good if he gained some weight and got back up to 175 where he said he felt he not only looked his best, but felt his best.

    To me, you have a very narrow image of what's "normal".

    Don't get me wrong, you should be proud of your accomplishments, but just because you feel you need to look a certain way or think you look better at a certain size, doesn't mean others aren't able to have their own opinions as well. Looking over your pictures, the one with your ribcage sticking out seems as though you're too thin in my opinion. But that's just me.
  • wannabpiper
    wannabpiper Posts: 402 Member
    Maybe she doesn't like having attractive competition in the office? :P

    That!
  • TheCaren
    TheCaren Posts: 894 Member
    I can't say what your co-worker was thinking with that comment, because even if it was factual, it was a dumb, thoughtless thing to say.

    I will say that I have been amazed at how old I look now even with only 45 pound weight loss. So maybe she was referencing something like that.

    Or sadly, she might have been trying to say you were beautiful regardless of your size and she said it in a dumb, hurtful way. I'm finding that most of the time my feelings are hurt by the comments of others, they have no malice intended in their comments. Makes it a little easier to take when they say something dumb.
  • YaGigi
    YaGigi Posts: 817 Member
    Even though it was mean of her to talk like this and involve others, I see her point.

    Some people lose weight and their faces get older. When fat is gone you can see all the wrinkles. Face also loses that baby face features most overweight people have.

    You look great and you've successed amazingly! Your belly is so flat and no excess skin! Please share your tips :)
  • MSam1205
    MSam1205 Posts: 439 Member
    Love the new you! I would kill to be the old you, but we all have our comfort zones and you need to maybe just get a bit more comfortable with where you are now and then walk like a duck and let her comments roll off your back :laugh:
  • msjames1999
    msjames1999 Posts: 528 Member
    This is jealousy, pure and simple. She's trying to make you feel insecure and make herself feel better. She also might have some boundary issues. Asking to see a heavier pic of you after you said you didn't like to show people old pics is crossing the line.

    I totally agee!
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
    This makes me glad that I don't have any before photos. I know I was fat, I don't need the photos to prove it. I happily deleted any photos when I was at my highest weight that were not a head shot.

    Shrug it off and move on. Her opinion is just that, an opinion. You don't share that opinion with her, and that's ok. Agree to disagree.
  • holly3585
    holly3585 Posts: 282 Member
    My first thought isn't jealousy- it's honesty. I know everyone has a different take on things, and everyone has a perfect potion for body fat/height/fitness level maybe she was trying to nicely mention that you look a little thin and maybe she is worried that you might not be in the best mind frame......... some people get obsessed about loss, and you do seem to post pics that show ribs, and teeny tiny legs..... don't be so skeptical about people. She probably did not anticipate you over thinking what she did either.
  • blondageh
    blondageh Posts: 923 Member
    Without seeing the pictures, it's hard to tell? I did click on your profile and 5'9 and 125 is very thin! Maybe she just thinks you are too thin? Whatever you feel comfortable at is what is important. Try not to take it personally. Maybe that was just her way to let you know you can be beautiful either way?
  • DashDeV
    DashDeV Posts: 545 Member
    It's probably true. I find when some people lose weight their face changes, and not for the good. I liked my face a little better with the cheek chub.
  • jewel22887
    jewel22887 Posts: 72
    Some people like people with excess fat on them. I have a wide range of girls at work and some of our guys some can't stand the fit size zeros and chase the "excess fat" 180s may just be her opinion. Not an insult.
  • miqisha
    miqisha Posts: 1,534 Member
    As long as you are happy and healthy that is all that matters. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and she probably just felt you were close enough for her to express that she felt you looked nicer with a little more meat on you, I don't think it meant she was jealous or being catty. That being said, that photo with your rib cage sticking out, does not look healthy or attractive. Stay safe and healthy

    Good luck
  • RoadsterGirlie
    RoadsterGirlie Posts: 1,195 Member
    I'll be honest, I do like my face better with a little more weight, but I like my body with a little less weight - I have a lot more definition and can see the muscle I've worked so hard to build. Right now I've been holding steady for almost 2 years around the 125 mark. I definitely am not starving on 2200 calories a day.

    It's not just about looks. Body calistentics are much easier for me at a lighter weight, and it allows me to move more and do more. I can do 10 chin ups in a row, and indefinite one legged push ups. Most of this isn't jsut because I'm strong, but also because I don't weigh very much. Sorry, but I'm not willing to give that up to appease certain people.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    This is jealousy, pure and simple. She's trying to make you feel insecure and make herself feel better. She also might have some boundary issues. Asking to see a heavier pic of you after you said you didn't like to show people old pics is crossing the line.

    I actually read this the other way....

    I read it like this:

    Girl: Can I see an old picture of you?

    OP: I hate old pictures of me, I look awful.

    Girl: Oh wow, you look beautiful, maybe even more beautiful than now.

    OP: Ouch that hurt...

    I guess what I'm saying is, maybe she saw something in you that you don't see, maybe she saw something that to her didn't justify you being so hard on the old you....that being said she probably worded it badly to make it sound like you are prettier than...you are very pretty now.

    I would just say "Thank you, I appreciate the compliment. I love how fit and attractive I am now. But I do appreciate you saying that."

    that's all...compliments that we give always have a bit of us in them....maybe she wonders or feels that she looked better with a few more pounds on her....who knows..
  • Sonj1973
    Sonj1973 Posts: 188 Member
    Some people, when they are successful losing weight, sometimes go a little too far and end up losing too much weight. It has a lot to do with self image and still seeing yourself fat as opposed to the reality of what you really look like and what other people see.

    You said, " I personally don't think ANYBODY looks good with excess fat on them, and I am not an exception. "...well, I personally think you're wrong. I like women with a little "meat on the bones" as much, and sometimes better than someone who is labelled fit. It's all personal opinion and choice.

    I have a friend, who at one time, dropped 100 lbs and ended up weighing in around 150 lbs...in my opinion he looked like he was on crack and was just too thin and looked awful. He finally realized that it was time to quit losing and it would be good if he gained some weight and got back up to 175 where he said he felt he not only looked his best, but felt his best.

    To me, you have a very narrow image of what's "normal".

    Don't get me wrong, you should be proud of your accomplishments, but just because you feel you need to look a certain way or think you look better at a certain size, doesn't mean others aren't able to have their own opinions as well. Looking over your pictures, the one with your ribcage sticking out seems as though you're too thin in my opinion. But that's just me.

    I kind of get what's been said here....I to think you've done extremely well and if your happy in your own skin then that's great....But looking through your pics the one with your rib cage made me think the same....I also appreciate that losing the weight can become an obsession as much as it is a goal.

    You said you were 5ft 9 and weighing only 125.....I'm 5ft 5 and would be comfortable at 140, that's my thin, but you may consider me fat! again only an opinion and not meant to offend x
  • lilawolf
    lilawolf Posts: 1,690 Member
    My first thought isn't jealousy- it's honesty. I know everyone has a different take on things, and everyone has a perfect potion for body fat/height/fitness level maybe she was trying to nicely mention that you look a little thin and maybe she is worried that you might not be in the best mind frame......... some people get obsessed about loss, and you do seem to post pics that show ribs, and teeny tiny legs..... don't be so skeptical about people. She probably did not anticipate you over thinking what she did either.

    This I think. I don't think she was saying that you truly looked better at over 200lbs, but that she thinks you are too thin now. She just didn't want to say that you look like you may have disordered eating with the way your ribs are sticking out. She is probably concerned about your health and not sure how to broach the subject.

    ETA: Unless you are doing a lot of cardio, 2200 cals is not disordered. I am not saying that you are, just that she may have thought that. If you are happy (and strong!) that is all that matters, but people will judge you just as they would if they believe that someone is too big.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    ETA: should have read the OP a bit better....
This discussion has been closed.

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