Child support- what do you think?
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There are a lot of bad things that happen in this world at the hands of humans. There are a lot of bad people in this world. There are a lot of skewed, biased, bad, and wrong decisions made in court. And it goes both ways. It doesn't only, always, go in one bad direction. There are many bad directions both inside and outside of court. That is actually my only point. But, as far as this particular situation goes, it is it's own situation to be handled by the factors involved in it, other people's completely different, bad experiences have no relation to the specific circumstances of this situation. And I realize I did not make that clear.
If she wants child support, she should file. I personally would not, only because I would just cut my losses and not want the guy in my life. If he would lie about having a family, I consider that to be a bit of a risky individual.
I agree completely that this guy probably isn't someone she would want in her child's life, and if she can go to court and ask for support, he can ask for visitation (maybe he will, maybe he won't, but it's a possibility), and honestly, I wouldn't want to have to deal with THAT situation.
The whole thing is mess all around, you know? And there probably is no one right answer. I think every one of us would do what we thought was right for our own lives and families, and that doesn't make any one of us more or less horrible than the other. We're all just trying to live the best lives we can. I feel very sorry for everyone involved in this situation, because it's not easy for fun for any party.0 -
This is a topic I have thought about alot and I am still not sure I have made my mind up completely.
But for now, I do not think the father owes any child support if he said from the beginning of the pregnancy that he did not want the child. I don't think it's fair that women can choose to have an abortion or not and the father has no say so in the matter.
Wow! Abortion is NOT a form of birth control. So you are suggesting that because she opted not to end the life of the child he helped her create, then he is completely absolved from responsibility?
So if I you let me borrow your car, but I had a crappy driving record, and informed you of it ahead of time, and then totalled your car, you would absolve me of the responsibility of paying for your car??
I don't want to get in a debate about abortion......I should have known better when I posted this!
Yeh, probably should have known better since it's such a hot topic.
Abortion is murder. Not a contraceptive.
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The fact that she makes very little and he makes a lot doesn't change it. No, the kid shouldn't "have the same treatment as the others" unless he chooses to make it so. The only things he should ever be on the hook for is 1/2 the cost of raising the kid. She should have been more careful about having a kid if she wasn't ready for the responsibility. If he chooses to do more than the minimum, that's on him.
I agree with this. If she wasn't ready to be a parent and got pregnant, there is another option - adoption.
It amazes me how people keep saying abortion or adoption. she knew she was going to be a single mother when he walked out of the door. she knew she wasnt rich. she chose to keep her child and work hard b/c she loved what was growing inside of her. she decided to go back to school, she will graduate in more than a year with her nursing degree so she will be able to provide fully for her child. she can provide fully for him now except she's broke. she's not complaining at all about being broke- she just decided to deal with it and enjoy being a mother to her amazing child. does it ever cross your mind that some people can't give up or abort their child because they just can't? wow!0 -
If he told her from the beginning that he didn't want the child, I don't believe he should be responsible to pay to raise that child if the mother has decided she wanted to keep it. It would be one thing if the child was born, the mother thought they would raise the child together, and he winds up running off, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
he ran out of the door when she refused to get an abortion. legally he could have signed over his rights before the child was born, he did not which leaves him partly responsible.0 -
If the child was genuinely an accident and your friend knew from the beginning that this guy didn't want kids, then no, he shouldn't hve to pay her child support. If she wanted the kid and he didn't . . . well, I honestly don't feel he's obligated to be part of her life or the kid's life, period. I mean, he's obviously a skeeze as he was running around on his wife and whatever, but still. If he encouraged her to not keep the baby I'm guessing that means she knew up front he wasn't going to be around and chose to keep it anyway. Which was her choice to make; she knew she'd be a single mom so . . . I don't know, make your bed and lie in it kinda thing.
If, on the other hand, he said he'd support her and be there for her or offered to leave his wife for her and then backed out of that deal, then yeah, she definitely needs to file for support.0 -
A crude comparison but the point is legit. This is why I maintain that not filing s as wrong as not paying and either are a form of child neglect.This is a topic I have thought about alot and I am still not sure I have made my mind up completely.
But for now, I do not think the father owes any child support if he said from the beginning of the pregnancy that he did not want the child. I don't think it's fair that women can choose to have an abortion or not and the father has no say so in the matter.
Wow! Abortion is NOT a form of birth control. So you are suggesting that because she opted not to end the life of the child he helped her create, then he is completely absolved from responsibility?
So if I you let me borrow your car, but I had a crappy driving record, and informed you of it ahead of time, and then totalled your car, you would absolve me of the responsibility of paying for your car??
I don't want to get in a debate about abortion......I should have known better when I posted this!
I have no interest in a debate about abortion. Focus on the responsibility. The comparison I made was legitimate. Now answer the question.
If you allow someone to do something to your property or person, and they inform you that they don't want to deal with the consequences of those actions, are you really going to absolve them of the responsibility?
Yeah, I really can't answer that.... I can't compare getting pregant to borrowing a car.0 -
If he told her from the beginning that he didn't want the child, I don't believe he should be responsible to pay to raise that child if the mother has decided she wanted to keep it. It would be one thing if the child was born, the mother thought they would raise the child together, and he winds up running off, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
Same question to you:
If you allow someone to do something to your property or person, and they inform you that they don't want to deal with the consequences of those actions, are you really going to absolve them of the responsibility?0 -
There are a lot of bad things that happen in this world at the hands of humans. There are a lot of bad people in this world. There are a lot of skewed, biased, bad, and wrong decisions made in court. And it goes both ways. It doesn't only, always, go in one bad direction. There are many bad directions both inside and outside of court. That is actually my only point. But, as far as this particular situation goes, it is it's own situation to be handled by the factors involved in it, other people's completely different, bad experiences have no relation to the specific circumstances of this situation. And I realize I did not make that clear.
If she wants child support, she should file. I personally would not, only because I would just cut my losses and not want the guy in my life. If he would lie about having a family, I consider that to be a bit of a risky individual.
I agree completely that this guy probably isn't someone she would want in her child's life, and if she can go to court and ask for support, he can ask for visitation (maybe he will, maybe he won't, but it's a possibility), and honestly, I wouldn't want to have to deal with THAT situation.
The whole thing is mess all around, you know? And there probably is no one right answer. I think every one of us would do what we thought was right for our own lives and families, and that doesn't make any one of us more or less horrible than the other. We're all just trying to live the best lives we can. I feel very sorry for everyone involved in this situation, because it's not easy for fun for any party.
Yeah, I agree!0 -
He can't just sign over rights and get out of paying support. The mother has to agree to that.what I've always found interesting is a woman can get an abortion with out the Dad's consent if she doesn't want it. She doesn't even have to tell him. She has all the control. So if a guy does not want a kid, gives up his rights, asks her to terminate, why should he have to pay up the rest of his life? It does indeed take two to tango, and if a woman puts herself in a position to get knocked up by a man she doesn't know too well and is not married to....well then....it's the bed you made.
He's free to sign over his rights
she's offered it to him already. it's still an option that he has refused to take and just do nothing about. so that is why i feel he can help take care of the child.
If she is struggling WHY would she offer for him to sign over his parental rights? Then he has no legal claim to the child and would not ever have to pay support.
She needs to do what is best for the child and GO FILE WITH THE STATE FOR SUPPORT. It's not about her and the father; it's about what is in the best interest of the child.
Legally, the state will not allow him to sign over her rights unless she is married to someone who wants to adopt the child.
Wow you know the child support laws of every state? Wish I did. AND I was merely pointing out that the fact that she even OFFERED for him to give up rights is absolutely selfish and ridiculous
No I don't know the laws of every state. I'm not sure why you were taking that as a personal attack. It was a one sentence statement about the legality of the comment you responded to. My statement was meant to reassure that the state will protect children from a mother's stupid, selfish, foolish actions like this. At least, my state does.
Right... exactly like I stated in the first place. I was just clarifying, and certainly did not think it was a person attack.0 -
This is a topic I have thought about alot and I am still not sure I have made my mind up completely.
But for now, I do not think the father owes any child support if he said from the beginning of the pregnancy that he did not want the child. I don't think it's fair that women can choose to have an abortion or not and the father has no say so in the matter.
Wow! Abortion is NOT a form of birth control. So you are suggesting that because she opted not to end the life of the child he helped her create, then he is completely absolved from responsibility?
So if I you let me borrow your car, but I had a crappy driving record, and informed you of it ahead of time, and then totalled your car, you would absolve me of the responsibility of paying for your car??
I don't want to get in a debate about abortion......I should have known better when I posted this!
Yeh, probably should have known better since it's such a hot topic.
Abortion is murder. Not a contraceptive.
So much for being adults.
Murder is murder. Abortion is just that, abortion.0 -
If he told her from the beginning that he didn't want the child, I don't believe he should be responsible to pay to raise that child if the mother has decided she wanted to keep it. It would be one thing if the child was born, the mother thought they would raise the child together, and he winds up running off, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
He had sex with her. EVERYONE past a certain age knows that, no matter what, if you have sex with the opposite sex, there is a possibility of a child. Knowing that and going ahead with it, should be considered signing on the bottom line.
I know a couple where the woman kept taking the pill even after they married. Neither of them wanted children. He didn't even know she was on the pill, but when he found out he let her know that it wasn't necessary as he had had a vasectomy 20 years before. The next year, she thought she had a tumor because she kept gaining weight in the stomach area. Nope...they were having a baby. Neither one of them ran out on that child. If you have sex, pregnancy is a risk. Period.0 -
Sad thing is, it's always the child who suffers.0
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If the child was genuinely an accident and your friend knew from the beginning that this guy didn't want kids, then no, he shouldn't hve to pay her child support. If she wanted the kid and he didn't . . . well, I honestly don't feel he's obligated to be part of her life or the kid's life, period. I mean, he's obviously a skeeze as he was running around on his wife and whatever, but still. If he encouraged her to not keep the baby I'm guessing that means she knew up front he wasn't going to be around and chose to keep it anyway. Which was her choice to make; she knew she'd be a single mom so . . . I don't know, make your bed and lie in it kinda thing.
If, on the other hand, he said he'd support her and be there for her or offered to leave his wife for her and then backed out of that deal, then yeah, she definitely needs to file for support.
And yet another one. So, you honestly believe that this child is not due anything from his/her father simply because dad didn't want him/her?0 -
If the child was genuinely an accident and your friend knew from the beginning that this guy didn't want kids, then no, he shouldn't hve to pay her child support. If she wanted the kid and he didn't . . . well, I honestly don't feel he's obligated to be part of her life or the kid's life, period. I mean, he's obviously a skeeze as he was running around on his wife and whatever, but still. If he encouraged her to not keep the baby I'm guessing that means she knew up front he wasn't going to be around and chose to keep it anyway. Which was her choice to make; she knew she'd be a single mom so . . . I don't know, make your bed and lie in it kinda thing.
If, on the other hand, he said he'd support her and be there for her or offered to leave his wife for her and then backed out of that deal, then yeah, she definitely needs to file for support.
Wow... just wow! The first paragraph of your post has got to be a joke. If not, consider what the child rights are. Because he didn't want a baby then that said baby has no right to it's support from it's father?0 -
Sad thing is, it's always the child who suffers.
Yes!0 -
Sad thing is, it's always the child who suffers.
QFT 100x over. I am truly shocked at the number of people that think it is okay for dad to not take care of his child... EVER!0 -
If he told her from the beginning that he didn't want the child, I don't believe he should be responsible to pay to raise that child if the mother has decided she wanted to keep it. It would be one thing if the child was born, the mother thought they would raise the child together, and he winds up running off, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
I wonder what the child would think of this. It's like saying... sorry, your daddy didn't want you, so you get to suffer through your childhood and not receive the support you are entitled to. Fantastic.0 -
This is a topic I have thought about alot and I am still not sure I have made my mind up completely.
But for now, I do not think the father owes any child support if he said from the beginning of the pregnancy that he did not want the child. I don't think it's fair that women can choose to have an abortion or not and the father has no say so in the matter.
Wow! Abortion is NOT a form of birth control. So you are suggesting that because she opted not to end the life of the child he helped her create, then he is completely absolved from responsibility?
So if I you let me borrow your car, but I had a crappy driving record, and informed you of it ahead of time, and then totalled your car, you would absolve me of the responsibility of paying for your car??
I don't want to get in a debate about abortion......I should have known better when I posted this!
Yeh, probably should have known better since it's such a hot topic.
Abortion is murder. Not a contraceptive.
So much for being adults.
Murder is murder. Abortion is just that, abortion.
Has nothing to do with being adults. It's a difference of opinion.
Let me ask you this...you're pregnant and I, being a horrible individual, kick you in the stomach and kill your child. Am I going to prison for murder? Damn straight I am.
So, how does the fact that the child is your own make it any different?0 -
If he told her from the beginning that he didn't want the child, I don't believe he should be responsible to pay to raise that child if the mother has decided she wanted to keep it. It would be one thing if the child was born, the mother thought they would raise the child together, and he winds up running off, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
He had sex with her. EVERYONE past a certain age knows that, no matter what, if you have sex with the opposite sex, there is a possibility of a child. Knowing that and going ahead with it, should be considered signing on the bottom line.
I know a couple where the woman kept taking the pill even after they married. Neither of them wanted children. He didn't even know she was on the pill, but when he found out he let her know that it wasn't necessary as he had had a vasectomy 20 years before. The next year, she thought she had a tumor because she kept gaining weight in the stomach area. Nope...they were having a baby. Neither one of them ran out on that child. If you have sex, pregnancy is a risk. Period.
^^^EXACTLY THIS^^^
Having sex = possible babies. That means both are responsible. No one can be forced to be physically involve, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be forced to help support that child financially.0 -
This is a topic I have thought about alot and I am still not sure I have made my mind up completely.
But for now, I do not think the father owes any child support if he said from the beginning of the pregnancy that he did not want the child. I don't think it's fair that women can choose to have an abortion or not and the father has no say so in the matter.
Wow! Abortion is NOT a form of birth control. So you are suggesting that because she opted not to end the life of the child he helped her create, then he is completely absolved from responsibility?
So if I you let me borrow your car, but I had a crappy driving record, and informed you of it ahead of time, and then totalled your car, you would absolve me of the responsibility of paying for your car??
I don't want to get in a debate about abortion......I should have known better when I posted this!
I have no interest in a debate about abortion. Focus on the responsibility. The comparison I made was legitimate. Now answer the question.
If you allow someone to do something to your property or person, and they inform you that they don't want to deal with the consequences of those actions, are you really going to absolve them of the responsibility?
Yeah, I really can't answer that.... I can't compare getting pregant to borrowing a car.
Then just answer the generic question that specified nothing in particular except legal liability:
If you allow someone to do something to your property or person, and they inform you that they don't want to deal with the consequences of those actions, are you really going to absolve them of the responsibility?
Okay I will play along. Leaving all comparions out of the picture.
If I let someone borrow my car and they crash it. First I would ask if they could pay for it or help pay, yes. But if they said no, I would not take them to court or try to sue them. I let them borrow my car and accidents happen and that is a risk I took. I have insurance so I would only have to pay the deductible. I would probably never let you borrow my car again and would probably not talk to you ever again.......0
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