Child support- what do you think?

If he told her from the beginning that he didn't want the child, I don't believe he should be responsible to pay to raise that child if the mother has decided she wanted to keep it. It would be one thing if the child was born, the mother thought they would raise the child together, and he winds up running off, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

If the child was genuinely an accident and your friend knew from the beginning that this guy didn't want kids, then no, he shouldn't hve to pay her child support. If she wanted the kid and he didn't . . . well, I honestly don't feel he's obligated to be part of her life or the kid's life, period. I mean, he's obviously a skeeze as he was running around on his wife and whatever, but still. If he encouraged her to not keep the baby I'm guessing that means she knew up front he wasn't going to be around and chose to keep it anyway. Which was her choice to make; she knew she'd be a single mom so . . . I don't know, make your bed and lie in it kinda thing.

If, on the other hand, he said he'd support her and be there for her or offered to leave his wife for her and then backed out of that deal, then yeah, she definitely needs to file for support.

Sad thing is, it's always the child who suffers.

If he told her from the beginning that he didn't want the child, I don't believe he should be responsible to pay to raise that child if the mother has decided she wanted to keep it. It would be one thing if the child was born, the mother thought they would raise the child together, and he winds up running off, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

If he told her from the beginning that he didn't want the child, I don't believe he should be responsible to pay to raise that child if the mother has decided she wanted to keep it. It would be one thing if the child was born, the mother thought they would raise the child together, and he winds up running off, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

He had sex with her. EVERYONE past a certain age knows that, no matter what, if you have sex with the opposite sex, there is a possibility of a child. Knowing that and going ahead with it, should be considered signing on the bottom line.

I know a couple where the woman kept taking the pill even after they married. Neither of them wanted children. He didn't even know she was on the pill, but when he found out he let her know that it wasn't necessary as he had had a vasectomy 20 years before. The next year, she thought she had a tumor because she kept gaining weight in the stomach area. Nope...they were having a baby. Neither one of them ran out on that child. If you have sex, pregnancy is a risk. Period.

Sad thing is, it's always the child who suffers.

QFT 100x over. I am truly shocked at the number of people that think it is okay for dad to not take of his child... EVER!

This is a topic I have thought about alot and I am still not sure I have made my mind up completely.

But for now, I do not think the father owes any child support if he said from the beginning of the pregnancy that he did not want the child. I don't think it's fair that women can choose to have an abortion or not and the father has no say so in the matter.

Wow! Abortion is NOT a form of birth control. So you are suggesting that because she opted not to end the life of the child he helped her create, then he is completely absolved from responsibility?

So if I you let me borrow your car, but I had a crappy driving record, and informed you of it ahead of time, and then totalled your car, you would absolve me of the responsibility of paying for your car??

I don't want to get in a debate about abortion......I should have known better when I posted this!

Yeh, probably should have known better since it's such a hot topic.

Abortion is murder. Not a contraceptive.

To throw fuel on the fire:

If a woman claims to be on the pill and a man doesn't use a condom, shouldn't he reasonably be able to assume pregnancy will not occur? There are risks to everything. We assume another driver is carrying insurance and won't get into a wreck.

Sad thing is, it's always the child who suffers.

To throw fuel on the fire:

If a woman claims to be on the pill and a man doesn't use a condom, shouldn't he reasonably be able to assume pregnancy will not occur? There are risks to everything. We assume another driver is carrying insurance and won't get into a wreck.

I agree that deception is wrong and plays a factor in all of this. In this particular situation there was extreme deception. And what you described is also extreme deception. Personally, if I were guy, I would use a condom even if she said she was on the pill.

To throw fuel on the fire:

If a woman claims to be on the pill and a man doesn't use a condom, shouldn't he reasonably be able to assume pregnancy will not occur? There are risks to everything. We assume another driver is carrying insurance and won't get into a wreck.

This is a topic I have thought about alot and I am still not sure I have made my mind up completely.

But for now, I do not think the father owes any child support if he said from the beginning of the pregnancy that he did not want the child. I don't think it's fair that women can choose to have an abortion or not and the father has no say so in the matter.

Wow! Abortion is NOT a form of birth control. So you are suggesting that because she opted not to end the life of the child he helped her create, then he is completely absolved from responsibility?

So if I you let me borrow your car, but I had a crappy driving record, and informed you of it ahead of time, and then totalled your car, you would absolve me of the responsibility of paying for your car??

I don't want to get in a debate about abortion......I should have known better when I posted this!

Yeh, probably should have known better since it's such a hot topic.

Abortion is murder. Not a contraceptive.

So much for being adults.

Murder is murder. Abortion is just that, abortion.

Has nothing to do with being adults. It's a difference of opinion.

Let me ask you this...you're pregnant and I, being a horrible individual, kick you in the stomach and kill your child. Am I going to prison for murder? Damn straight I am.

So, how does the fact that the child is your own make it any different?

Personal bias admittance: I am a single dad. However, I am not paying child support. I am raising my children. They visit their mom, and I have never sought child support from her.

The whole child support system is skewed. I know how much money I would have to pay if I did not have custody of my kids, and the amount that actually cost is a small fraction of that. What child support then equates to is ex wife/ex gf/ex mistress/ex whatever support. Because it is way above and beyond what is actually needed to help raise kids, assuming the dad has a decent job.

I am of the firm belief that if child support were more in line with 1/2 the actual cost of raising kids (two parents, each should pay 1/2 the cost), you would see more people willingly stepping up to take care of it. There is no reason that child support should be based on salary, because the cost of raising the child is not changed by how much dad earns. No guy wants to be saddled paying a ton of money, of which only a fraction is actually needed to raise the kids. The end result is they are supporting a child AND the childs mother. It is immoral to expect a man to financially support a woman for 18+ years because he had a child with her. The child, yes. The woman, no.

There should be a baseline cost for raising kids, with locality adjustments. When child support is to be paid, the paying parent pays 1/2 that amount. It doesn't matter how much you make, you are equally responsible to support the child. And it should be adjusted to account for visitation. If the dad has the kids 30% of the time, his payment should be reduced to reflect that he is feeding, clothing, and sheltering the child 30% of the time.

There is a baseline with locality adjustments (every state differs) and speaking from personal experience and the experiences of several other people I know well, the amount we receive in child support doesn't cover half of what I spend supporting my child. Support includes: housing, food, a car, school clothes (several times a year because they grow so fast!), shoes, school supplies, doctor visits and insurance premiums, extra curriculars and I'm sure there is more I'm missing... But if I averaged out all those things that I spend throughout the year, I guarantee it is more than the $561/mo I am getting in support each month.

All that said, I do understand the frustrations of single dads, I know a few who are in your situation. Don't generalize the support issues. This woman needs to look beyond her pride and start thinking of her child. That male should be paying whatever fair share their state dictates.