Not interested in my husband anymore

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  • gmthisfeller
    gmthisfeller Posts: 779 Member
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    While I hate to say it, the only thing I can think of is his weight. My husband was overweight (by about 50 lbs) when we got married. While I didn't love it, it didn't bother me excessively; I was more excited to be this awesome guy's wife more than I cared about anything else. But now it's starting to bother me a little more. And I know it's not fair to him. He IS losing weight, just very, very slowly. It's the only reason I can think of... but WHY am I caring NOW, all the sudden? I never did before?

    Has anyone in a committed relationship experienced this before? What is wrong with me? Can I hope for it to go away eventually? What can I do?

    You are not alone. However, it seems to me like it is time to get your hubby on track with weightloss. Some people just need the physical attraction to move to intimacy. That isn't abnormal. Time to get him to shed his pounds.

    Time to start dating your hubby again, too. Couples who do not plan for time out on a regular basis can miss something in their relationship. How did you date before you were married? Keeping a marriage together is hard work, and as you may now have discovered requires creativity in unexpected areas.
  • Follow_me
    Follow_me Posts: 6,120 Member
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    You MUST discuss this with him if you want your marriage to work!
  • MTBrob
    MTBrob Posts: 513 Member
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    I obviously don't know you .. I don't .. But I am gonna give you the advice you are asking for based on what you have said..

    You probably spend to much time flirting with other men here on MFP...Which I bet some you may have gotten emotionally attached to in some form or fashion .. You are using up energy which should be for your Husband, on relationships here..

    You say he is all great yadda yadda.. But what this boils down to, to me is that you just aren't attracted to him any more. Doesn't mean you don't love him etc etc.. You just lost attraction..

    Some times us guys are blind to this.. and some times we aren't we are actually scared to death but do not know how to fix it..

    I would 100% like to remind you .. You MADE a vowel to love this man through thick and thin... Instead of whining on here you need to figure out how you can save your marriage especially if he is all the great things you say he is..

    I would honestly say you two need help... But if therapy is to expensive for you and him at the moment. Perhaps you should try this book .. Check out the site marriedmansexlife.com Buy the married man sex life primer book ( its 10 bucks from amazon ) Have you and YOUR hubby read it..

    Maybe you can put down your stupid fantasies of how green the grass may be on the other side and actually put the work back into your relationship and your family.

    You're an adult marriage has ups and downs but on the downs that doesn't mean you cut tail and run .You need to be the wife he fell in love with again but a better version .. I am sure its hard but fake it until you make it..
  • mlrd2010
    mlrd2010 Posts: 33
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    If only you could've shown your husband the respect of discussing this with him privately rather than telling everyone on the Internet how you still get turned on, just not for him, and that you have to resort to fantasizing about other men in order to have sex with him ... I would've said maybe a good old-fashioned adult conversation could help. But you clearly don't respect your husband and are very clearly not in love with him anymore, so yeah, I've got nothing.

    Don't assume I don't have respect for my husband because i am not going about a problem the same way you would, please. It's not fair. You yourself are not married, so how would you know you wouldn't respond the same way? Mile in someone else's shoes, you know?

    Also, my OP clearly states I am still in love with him emotionally. Learn to read good-er.
  • DeltaZero
    DeltaZero Posts: 1,197 Member
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    Maybe talk to him about spicing things up with some toys, or maybe even experimenting with other people? It's not uncommon for people to get bored in bed. Instead of calling him out, just suggest you guys try some new things to broaden your sexual horizons. It doesn't have to be permanent, just tell him you are interested in exploring other paths. It happens!

    its-just-lunch-singles-mix-mingle-ay-chiwowa-67.jpeg

    Never know what you can find when you go exploring other paths for lunch.
  • miss_jessiejane
    miss_jessiejane Posts: 2,820 Member
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    It's been said before, but bears repeating, intimacy is more than physical attraction. If you have no interest in him physically, I'm willing to bet there's other issues. And since he's been that weight since the beginning, you can't honestly blame it on that. I'd suggest you figure out what's actually bothering you, and work on that.
  • jenifr818
    jenifr818 Posts: 805 Member
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    This has all the potential to turn into a classic!

    Dis_gon_b_gud.gif

    Maybe we'll get the bonus of her husband finding out about this (say, she forgets to log off or something) and he comes on here and blasts her out. Crazier things have happened :laugh: :laugh:

    Thing is, lets say roles were reversed and HE made this initial thread. Can we say 'divorce lawyer' in less than 30 seconds? Yep.
  • patrickblo13
    patrickblo13 Posts: 831 Member
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    You probably spend to much time flirting with other men here on MFP...Which I bet some you may have gotten emotionally attached to in some form or fashion .. You are using up energy which should be for your Husband, on relationships here..

    I would bet there is a lot of truth to this!
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
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    I would 100% like to remind you .. You MADE a vowel to love this man through thick and thin...

    When I buy a vowel I make sure it's 100% worth it too.
  • mlrd2010
    mlrd2010 Posts: 33
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    I obviously don't know you .. I don't .. But I am gonna give you the advice you are asking for based on what you have said..

    You probably spend to much time flirting with other men here on MFP...Which I bet some you may have gotten emotionally attached to in some form or fashion .. You are using up energy which should be for your Husband, on relationships here..

    You say he is all great yadda yadda.. But what this boils down to, to me is that you just aren't attracted to him any more. Doesn't mean you don't love him etc etc.. You just lost attraction..

    Some times us guys are blind to this.. and some times we aren't we are actually scared to death but do not know how to fix it..

    I would 100% like to remind you .. You MADE a vowel to love this man through thick and thin... Instead of whining on here you need to figure out how you can save your marriage especially if he is all the great things you say he is..

    I would honestly say you two need help... But if therapy is to expensive for you and him at the moment. Perhaps you should try this book .. Check out the site marriedmansexlife.com Buy the married man sex life primer book ( its 10 bucks from amazon ) Have you and YOUR hubby read it..

    Maybe you can put down your stupid fantasies of how green the grass may be on the other side and actually put the work back into your relationship and your family.

    You're an adult marriage has ups and downs but on the downs that doesn't mean you cut tail and run .You need to be the wife he fell in love with again but a better version .. I am sure its hard but fake it until you make it..

    Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I will check out that book.

    I appreciate your tough love, and I really am listening.
  • MsJulielicious
    MsJulielicious Posts: 708 Member
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    849330.gif

    That's all I got
  • ToFatT0B3S1ck
    ToFatT0B3S1ck Posts: 194 Member
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    In.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    If only you could've shown your husband the respect of discussing this with him privately rather than telling everyone on the Internet how you still get turned on, just not for him, and that you have to resort to fantasizing about other men in order to have sex with him ... I would've said maybe a good old-fashioned adult conversation could help. But you clearly don't respect your husband and are very clearly not in love with him anymore, so yeah, I've got nothing.

    Don't assume I don't have respect for my husband because i am not going about a problem the same way you would, please. It's not fair. You yourself are not married, so how would you know you wouldn't respond the same way? Mile in someone else's shoes, you know?

    Also, my OP clearly states I am still in love with him emotionally. Learn to read good-er.

    But are you really? Besides sex, do you look forward to spending time with him? Do you laugh with him, flirt with him, have date-nights? You really do have to work to keep romance and passion in a marriage, especially after you have children. Maybe if you work on bringing the romance back the passion will follow. You can even incorporate fitness and health into dates, go hiking, biking, cook together, etc. And I agree that you should have sex anyway, even if you have to fantasize, but NOT because he'll find it elsewhere (WTF?) but because hopefully, it'll build interest in him. Watch sexy movies together, use toys, lingerie, etc.
  • ksy1969
    ksy1969 Posts: 700 Member
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    You need to talk about it and work through it. My DW and I have been married for 19 years now and if we didn't communicate these kinds of issues we wouldn't have made it. There were some pretty scary times in our marriage but we worked through them with communication.
  • mlrd2010
    mlrd2010 Posts: 33
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    It's been said before, but bears repeating, intimacy is more than physical attraction. If you have no interest in him physically, I'm willing to bet there's other issues. And since he's been that weight since the beginning, you can't honestly blame it on that. I'd suggest you figure out what's actually bothering you, and work on that.

    There really AREN'T any other issues, at all. That's what's frustrating me so much about it. If there was a reason I could pin this down to, I'd really feel so much better, because then I'd know where to start to fix it.
  • MTBrob
    MTBrob Posts: 513 Member
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    I would 100% like to remind you .. You MADE a vowel to love this man through thick and thin...

    When I buy a vowel I make sure it's 100% worth it too.

    Blah blah vow.. Sue m e.. On another note..

    Your Eyes...... They scare the **** out of me
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,065 Member
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    You MUST discuss this with him if you want your marriage to work!


    ^ This!!
  • Amadbro
    Amadbro Posts: 750 Member
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    How old are you 15? Be a WOMAN and go talk to your husband.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    It is okay, a lot of people nowadays don't mean "till death do us part". Why did you marry him? or were you young and just settled cause that was the next logical step?

    I would say just divorce but that would kinda suck for the kid.

    Depending on what type of guy he might be open to other things. I know this lady who gets railed by other guys while her man watches, they seem very happy. Or open the relationship up and let him get it else where.

    Did this start once you got in fitness? also is there someone else you are emotionally are invested in (talk a lot too about your personal life), your body could be telling you they want that person now because they are stimulating you in better ways.
  • mlrd2010
    mlrd2010 Posts: 33
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    You probably spend to much time flirting with other men here on MFP...Which I bet some you may have gotten emotionally attached to in some form or fashion .. You are using up energy which should be for your Husband, on relationships here..

    I would bet there is a lot of truth to this!

    No, there's not, but he is totally right in that I am putting too much emotion into other things, like school, and working out. So he is right, just not on the subject of other guys. There is no one else. No flirting/.
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