Not interested in my husband anymore

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  • CookNLift
    CookNLift Posts: 3,660 Member
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    Speaking as a woman who has been married for several years - he is my King, I appreciate everything he does for me ... from taking out the trash, to cheering me up when I'm down, I never fantasize about other men, and I crave sex on a daily basis. I find your initial post pathetic, selfish, and reeking of insecurity. If your husband is as as great as he seems, and you still can't truly connect with him on an emotional or physical level, you need to seek professional help. Seriously, something is damaged within yourself.

    I realize I'm not the "norm", and before someone accuses me of any chauvinist way of thinking, I want to totally squash that. I'd definitely consider myself a feminist, and I'm an awesome wife/lover because I WANT to be. It's a choice I make every day. And mlrd, you are fully capable of making that same decision, you simply don't want to.

    I will tell you straight up girl ... you may not have to worry about this for too much longer, because chances are your husband is so unhappy he has already considered leaving you.

    P.S. - Your husband ceases to be your "BFF" when you go behind his back and post personal **** on the internet about your marriage.

    I also ponder if you have male friends on here that you're sharing more with than your husband?

    she probably sends junk pics on KiK
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
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    your man wants you.

    dont take that for granted.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    From prior experiance you just have to be brutally honest. rather hurt his feeling a little now, than loose complete interest and break his heart if you end up cheating on him or break up with him. I can totally relate. feel free to friend me! There is nothing wrong with you!!

    Thanks a lot. I'm not sure how to break it to him, but I will soon. It can't get better til it's out, I guess. :/

    You don't have to say "I still want sex, just not with you". Tell him you have little interest in having sex with him, don't blame him, blame yourself, but ask him for help. If he's really your friend and partner he'll want to help. Read books, go to counseling, whatever, but yeah, you can't just bury the issue any longer.
  • aStrongerSteph
    aStrongerSteph Posts: 161 Member
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    I think that you have a legitimate problem. I'm relieved to hear you acknowledging that you love your husband and have no desire to end the relationship. So many people would be super quick to just yell DIVORCE or AFFAIR.

    You're in a tough spot and I've been there before, not in my current marriage but, the last one ended for VERY different reasons. It's awful feeling like you have no physical attraction to the man you love. Maybe counseling is in order for you. Not necessarily couples counseling as this seems to be your problem. I agree telling your husband your feelings would be really devastating to him. It's nothing he's done according to your post. So work through the mental block with a counselor if you can.

    I pray that this works out for you guys. I really do feel for the situation you are both in.

    Best wishes.
  • skinnybunny_x
    skinnybunny_x Posts: 449
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    your man wants you.

    dont take that for granted.

    But so many women do. And then they wonder why their husbands cheat on them.

    It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, ladies.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    If only you could've shown your husband the respect of discussing this with him privately rather than telling everyone on the Internet how you still get turned on, just not for him, and that you have to resort to fantasizing about other men in order to have sex with him ... I would've said maybe a good old-fashioned adult conversation could help. But you clearly don't respect your husband and are very clearly not in love with him anymore, so yeah, I've got nothing.

    Don't assume I don't have respect for my husband because i am not going about a problem the same way you would, please. It's not fair. You yourself are not married, so how would you know you wouldn't respond the same way? Mile in someone else's shoes, you know?

    Also, my OP clearly states I am still in love with him emotionally. Learn to read good-er.

    How do I know I wouldn't betray my husband's trust by discussing our sex life with random strangers on the Internet? Because I'm not a liar. Because I would never stand before God and everyone who ever mattered to me and promise to LOVE, HONOR, AND CHERISH a man and then share very private, intimate details about our life with ANYONE, let alone strangers. That's how I know I wouldn't do what you did.

    And there is no such thing as being in love with someone "emotionally" but not physically. Being IN love is an all-encompassing thing. It's like being pregnant. You either are or you aren't.

    Come back after having been married for several years (not that anyone would want you, with a nasty attitude like that) and see if you'd feel the same way.

    No bearing or experience in the subject? Didn't think so. So shut up and take your judgments elsewhere. Idgaf what you think of me.

    I'm married, and I think she's spot on.
  • mlrd2010
    mlrd2010 Posts: 33
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    go buy a magic 8 ball. at least that way you won't be coming into online forums to discuss your personal life with strangers.

    I just ordered the jerry springer channel. I await your appearance greatly

    Whatever, dude, you love it. All the ppl here that are judging me and saying how horrible I am would DIE if we actually stopped. You sir, are a vulture and you feed off the drama. I don't mind though, since no one knows who I really am here on MFP. (guaranteed you've seen me on the forums)
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    Did this start once you got in fitness?

    yes
    also is there someone else you are emotionally are invested in (talk a lot too about your personal life),

    no

    Oh man, I know exactly what you are going through then. I use to be very happy go lucky in my fat days loved everyone unconditionally. But ever since I got into fitness I noticed I became very nit-picky about the most trivial stuff with regards to others fitness levels, and when I catch myself doing it I get very upset about myself for being judgy.

    Nothing changes around us most of the time but rather the way we view the world changes. I think you need to come to terms just because you are aiming high in the fitness department it is not fair to expect everyone around you to do it. I'm not saying don't encourage them to but don't make it the only way you judge them. Remember you aren't (none of us are) perfect either but others out there put up with our shlt. You have to retrain your mind to focus on the whole package again rather than zero in to the physical element.

    Remember just cause you see all these people with amazing bodies it doesn't mean they have the rest of it figured out. It sounds to me that you have a good life going on and not worth ruining for a mental image you have based on your new found point of view.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    Speaking as a woman who has been married for several years - he is my King, I appreciate everything he does for me ... from taking out the trash, to cheering me up when I'm down, I never fantasize about other men, and I crave sex on a daily basis. I find your initial post pathetic, selfish, and reeking of insecurity. If your husband is as as great as he seems, and you still can't truly connect with him on an emotional or physical level, you need to seek professional help. Seriously, something is damaged within yourself.

    I realize I'm not the "norm", and before someone accuses me of any chauvinist way of thinking, I want to totally squash that. I'd definitely consider myself a feminist, and I'm an awesome wife/lover because I WANT to be. It's a choice I make every day. And mlrd, you are fully capable of making that same decision, you simply don't want to.

    I will tell you straight up girl ... you may not have to worry about this for too much longer, because chances are your husband is so unhappy he has already considered leaving you.

    P.S. - Your husband ceases to be your "BFF" when you go behind his back and post personal **** on the internet about your marriage.

    I also ponder if you have male friends on here that you're sharing more with than your husband?

    This. You are not being a good friend to him right now.
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
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    So you don't want to bang your husband, you don't want to cheat, you don't want to leave him, and you don't want to discuss this with him.

    Way to be an adult. I guess the only way out is suicide then.
    totally uneccessary
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Speaking as a woman who has been married for several years - he is my King, I appreciate everything he does for me ... from taking out the trash, to cheering me up when I'm down, I never fantasize about other men, and I crave sex on a daily basis. I find your initial post pathetic, selfish, and reeking of insecurity. If your husband is as as great as he seems, and you still can't truly connect with him on an emotional or physical level, you need to seek professional help. Seriously, something is damaged within yourself.

    I realize I'm not the "norm", and before someone accuses me of any chauvinist way of thinking, I want to totally squash that. I'd definitely consider myself a feminist, and I'm an awesome wife/lover because I WANT to be. It's a choice I make every day. And mlrd, you are fully capable of making that same decision, you simply don't want to.

    I will tell you straight up girl ... you may not have to worry about this for too much longer, because chances are your husband is so unhappy he has already considered leaving you.

    P.S. - Your husband ceases to be your "BFF" when you go behind his back and post personal **** on the internet about your marriage.

    I also ponder if you have male friends on here that you're sharing more with than your husband?

    You're 23......
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    go buy a magic 8 ball. at least that way you won't be coming into online forums to discuss your personal life with strangers.

    I just ordered the jerry springer channel. I await your appearance greatly

    Whatever, dude, you love it. All the ppl here that are judging me and saying how horrible I am would DIE if we actually stopped. You sir, are a vulture and you feed off the drama. I don't mind though, since no one knows who I really am here on MFP. (guaranteed you've seen me on the forums)

    Oh the intrigue.
  • CookNLift
    CookNLift Posts: 3,660 Member
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    go buy a magic 8 ball. at least that way you won't be coming into online forums to discuss your personal life with strangers.

    I just ordered the jerry springer channel. I await your appearance greatly

    Whatever, dude, you love it. All the ppl here that are judging me and saying how horrible I am would DIE if we actually stopped. You sir, are a vulture and you feed off the drama. I don't mind though, since no one knows who I really am here on MFP. (guaranteed you've seen me on the forums)

    on a real note.

    I've probably seen you...that's not the point. what the point is, is that you need to stop posting it here and go do something about it. Or go seek marriage counseling strangers don't know you. Only your friends do. and Asking strangers on their advice is irrelevant since everyone is different.

    want an honest opinion....there it is.
  • CeleryStalker
    CeleryStalker Posts: 665 Member
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    Wow man, a lot of these posts are downright cruel. If posting your dirty laundry anonymously isn't something YOU'D do, then don't do it. Dragging this poor woman over the coals for TRYING TO SALVAGE her marriage/sex drive is what's truly pathetic.

    OP, please don't let these people get you down. Take the positive, useful information you're getting from this thread, and try not to let these rotten, judgmental posts derail you. You came here for advice, not to be persecuted. MFP is not showing its best colors today.
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
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    LOL at everyone bashing her for discussing this here.

    she is doing it anonymously. Why do you care?
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
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    Wow man, a lot of these posts are downright cruel. If posting your dirty laundry anonymously isn't something YOU'D do, then don't do it. Dragging this poor woman over the coals for TRYING TO SALVAGE her marriage/sex drive is what's truly pathetic.

    OP, please don't let these people get you down. Take the positive, useful information you're getting from this thread, and try not to let these rotten, judgmental posts derail you. You came here for advice, not to be persecuted. MFP is not showing its best colors today.
    jinx:flowerforyou:
  • GothyFaery
    GothyFaery Posts: 762 Member
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    This is a really hard place to be in. I've not been in your shoes so take my advice with a grain of salt. For the sake of your marriage, you need to find a way around this. If you are having a hard time with his physical appearance, maybe try to spice things up with a new position, one where you are not facing him. This way you can fantasize more freely without having him right in front of you. You might also try a blindfold. I disagree with some of the other poster about opening your relationship to other people. If you guys didn't start out with an open marriage, it's not going to work and someone will get hurt. I know you don't want to confront your husband but you might also want to consider seeing an sexual therapist. You wouldn't have to directly tell your husband it's because you're not attracted to him. You could tell him you haven't been in the mood and you want to be and that's why you want to go. During your private time with the therapist you can discuss your true problems and maybe they can help you work it out. I hope you and him get back on track.
  • Hauntinglyfit
    Hauntinglyfit Posts: 5,537 Member
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    Sex?
    I don't understand, you guys already have a kid...
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    If only you could've shown your husband the respect of discussing this with him privately rather than telling everyone on the Internet how you still get turned on, just not for him, and that you have to resort to fantasizing about other men in order to have sex with him ... I would've said maybe a good old-fashioned adult conversation could help. But you clearly don't respect your husband and are very clearly not in love with him anymore, so yeah, I've got nothing.

    Don't assume I don't have respect for my husband because i am not going about a problem the same way you would, please. It's not fair. You yourself are not married, so how would you know you wouldn't respond the same way? Mile in someone else's shoes, you know?

    Also, my OP clearly states I am still in love with him emotionally. Learn to read good-er.

    How do I know I wouldn't betray my husband's trust by discussing our sex life with random strangers on the Internet? Because I'm not a liar. Because I would never stand before God and everyone who ever mattered to me and promise to LOVE, HONOR, AND CHERISH a man and then share very private, intimate details about our life with ANYONE, let alone strangers. That's how I know I wouldn't do what you did.

    And there is no such thing as being in love with someone "emotionally" but not physically. Being IN love is an all-encompassing thing. It's like being pregnant. You either are or you aren't.

    You must be a pleasant person to have around parties.
  • chelstakencharge
    chelstakencharge Posts: 1,021 Member
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    I've been in this situation. I'm sorry to tell you that we are no longer married.

    I have been right where you are....I hate to inform you but we are in the middle of a divorce. That is NOT the only reason but it was a factor.
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